Surreal

The only word I have been able to mumble when asked the questions "are you ready? are you excited? or how are you feeling?"

Surreal.

Sur·re·al. Marked by the intense irrational reality of a dream.

I think that pretty accurately sums it up. Intense. Irrational. Dream.

Sur·re·al synonyms include: strange, weird, odd, unreal, dreamlike, fantastic, extraordinary, and bizarre.

All of those words dance through the recesses of my brain on a nearly hourly basis as well. This strange event. How unreal. Is this a dream? Bizarre.

Antonyms for sur·re·al include: ordinary, normal, commonplace, usual, regular, common, everyday, average, mundane.

I am not sure if there is anything commonplace about what we are about to do. After fourteen years together as a couple and nearing ten years of marriage . . . after five years of infertility treatments including ultrasounds, blood draws, shots, medications, appointments, and procedures beyond count . . . after five phone calls indicating that artificial insemination was not the answer and four more telling us that our "ace up the sleeve" invitro fertilization wasn't either . . . after deciding domestic adoption wasn't for us and deciding on China . . . a son. Any day. Soon.

After all that, we are preparing to get a call of a different color. A call to tell us it is time to go pick up a little baby boy. A little baby boy being birthed by a girl that JB and I both watched grow up. The little girl that walked down the aisle with JB's little brother Robbie as our junior bridesmaid back in 1998.

Not exactly ordinary or normal.

Thus my reason for mumbling "surreal" any time someone asks me what I think about what is happening.

Surreal is the only word I know right now. Everything is surreal to me. Nothing seems believable. I know that in all actuality, he will come to our house sometime in the next days or weeks because that is what the order of events is indicating. But truthfully, I cannot convince my brain that it is actually going to happen. I'm not sure when it won't feel surreal anymore. I don't know the point that it will actually feel real. I'll make sure to post that moment. The moment I feel like a parent.

What I do know that no event in my life except for maybe the anticipation for my wedding equals the emotions of this event.

It's just surreal. When I have better words to describe things or at least more numerous words, I'll be sure to let you all know. But for now, that's all I know. Next appointment on Monday. Until then . . . we continue to exist in this dreamlike fantasy being told this is happening but not sure how to believe it.