So true!!!

Join me ...

... in prayer for our friends John & Becky who received some difficult adoption news this past wek. You can read her post explaining everything by clicking here. They thought they'd have their second son home already and know there are glitches being put in place that could delay and even prevent his homecoming.

Our God performs miracles. He performed a miracle once already cancelling John's deploymnent which was scheduled to fall at a very difficult time. I know He can take care of getting their little boy Jonah home.

Please join me in praying for this family. I can't wait to see the miracles God can do.

Progesterone and Estrace End

Last night I took my last oral dose of Estrace -- 2 tiny pills that I have taken three times a day since my transfer back on December 21.

Last night I also completed my progesterone protocol. Two suppositories ... three times a day that I have taken since my transfer back on December 21.

Done.

This means a few things.It means that I am leaving the first trimester. It means that the baby no longer needs the "fake form" of hormones required of women who do IVF (hormones that women who get pregnant produce on their own.) Instead, he/she is being fed fully by the placenta!

Praying that this little one continues to thrive and that the decrease in hormones and end of the first trimester brings an end to the morning sickness.

Dear Child,

You were conceived outside of my body
Eight years ago.
You had many brothers and sisters who were conceived with you
In a cold lab in Minnesota.
Eleven times one of those children were dropped into my womb.
Ten times we were told that the child did not live.

And then there was you.

You are the one shooting star who has stayed with us.
When you arrive, sometime in September,
You will have two big brothers, a big sister
And a big dog.
All of whom were conceived after you
But who will be older than you.

Right now dear child, I am very sick
And some days I forget that the reason why
Is that you are growing --
My body is working hard to help you grow.

But I know the joy that you will bring to our lives.
The joy that we will feel
When we get to meet you.
Our only baby via IVF.
I pray for that joy and peace to arrive soon
But no matter when, I will pray for you
And dream of you
And thank the Lord for the one child out of eleven
Who will join us on this Earth.

Thank you God for this blessing.
Everything is from you --
Our spotted miracle
Our adopted miracle
Our surprise son
Our surprise daughter
And now, our little IVF miracle.

Thanks Tante Jan for sending me this quote!

"You have the exact qualities God knew your kids would need in a mother. So, each day, hold up your willingness and ask God to make you the best version of you that you can possibly be." ~ Lysa TerKeurst

Encourage

Are you an encouragement to others? How long does it take to take a moment and encourage those you love during seasons in their life that feel hard?

My sister-in-law AD is amazing. My only sibling, Keith. His wife. I love her. She has two daughters. She works more than part-time from home. She runs her local MOPs group. She's busy. Super busy. My brother is an athletic director. During basketball season is the worst!

Yet she took the time yesterday to write me an email that really ministered to me.

Wendi,

I read your blog yesterday about blips. The thing that occurred to me and maybe it did to you and I missed it, is that this yucky time is a blip not only to you, but to your kids, hubby, and family too.

Your kids have had awesome, engaged, super-fun mom for 200+ weeks (depending on the kid), and so if you have 10 weeks of bad and 10 weeks of kind of bad and then 10 weeks of a little bad. Those 20+ weeks with some "bad" will be a blip for them too. They won't even remember, God will cover you too.

Just like your family and John, day to day, I am sure it is REALLY hard, but in comparison to years of knowing you, this is a blip.

In work terms, its like an employee who has been awesome, reliable, team player, etc for 10 years and then has a rough spell due to life circumstances and becomes less reliable and withdrawn for a season. No employer is going to fire that awesome employee for a season of sub-par performance when there has been 10 years of excellent performance. It's not an exact metaphor, but hopefully you get what I mean. :)

XOXOXO AD

Thank you AD. Your perspective was fantastic. I have been so encouraged by so many people to not worry about my kids. My friend Rachel is dealing with nine-month sickness for her third pregnancy. Her mother was also sick during all three of her pregnancies. Rachel was five when her brother was born, and she tells me that she doesn't remember her mother being sick at all! The first thing she told me in the first email she wrote was, "Don't worry. Your kids won't remember this! They'll remember their non-sick mom."

Encouragement.

Take the time today, even if you are the one who needs it, to offer it to someone else.

Hillsong ... God is able

God is Able
He will never fail
He is almighty God

Greater than all we seek
Greater than all we ask
He has done great things

Lifted up,
He defeated the grave
raised to life, our God is able
In His name, we overcome
For the Lord, our God is able

God is with us
God is on our side
He will make a way

Far above all we know
Far above all we hope
He has done great things

Lifted up,
He defeated the grave
Raised to life, our God is able
In His name, we overcome

For the Lord, our God is able
God is with us
He will go before
He will never leave us
He will never leave us

God is for us
He has open arms
He will never fail us
He will never fail us

Lifted up,
He defeated the grave
raised to life, our God is able
In His name, we overcome
For the Lord, our God is able

Lifted up,
He defeated the grave
raised to life, our God is able
In His name, we overcome
For the Lord, our God is able

For the Lord, our God is able
For the Lord, our God is able

Read more: HILLSONG UNITED - GOD IS ABLE LYRICS 

Church

This morning I was able to go to church!!!

This may sound like a little thing but it was a huge thing for me. To feel well enough to go. And not only was I well enough to go but, JB, who was feeling a little worn out from a heavy work week (that spilled into the weekend) decided to stay home and I took all three myself!

Praising the Lord for this.

A radar "blip"

Another great post online from a blog I love: When you feel a little weary. Holley Gerth's words encouraged me. Hit me in a moment that I needed what she had to say so much. Made me feel like she had written it just for me.

I am nearing the twelve week mark in this pregnancy. Nearly as exciting is that in a few days, (March 1),  I will be able to stop taking the two hormones (progesterone and estrogen) that I have been taking daily since our IVF transfer near the end of December. I am hopeful that with the increase in weeks and decrease in medication, I may see an alleviation in how sick I have been.

I originally tried to avoid talking about not feeling good on this blog. Mainly because, years from now, I want to look back and remember the highs in my life. Mainly because, I don't want anyone to mistranslate my sharing how I am feeling with not recognizing the miracle of life.

I really don't want to remember how this feels years from now. I just want to remember the happiness of another baby. Not the cloud of sickness that feels so dark some days.

I know I have had other times in my life when I have felt lousy. My recovery after Elijah. PPD after two of the kids. I had a dry socket. I had my appendix out. They all seem like they were just a blip on the radar. I know this will too. But when you are in it, the blip feels so blippppppppppppyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

I have felt the Lord tugging at my heart a bit. Encouraging me to allow His gentle nudge influence what I share instead of just "not saying anything." I realized that during the last seven weeks that I have been sick, I have found great comfort in the words of others.

Blogs. Websites. Emails. Songs.

Words. All words.

I realized that sharing about this time in my life is not just about me.

It's about Him.

And if I can encourage one other person, than I am right to share. If anyone misinterprets my intention, then I don't believe they are seeing the core of me and my heart.

So I will share a bit. I share to help anyone reading this today, tomorrow, weeks, months, years from now, to find encouragement. To hear someone say, "I felt that way too." Many of the blog posts I have read are from women who just felt lousy. Posts like this one.  At some point I'd like to compile some of the words I have found or people have sent me so that others can stumble on my blog and not feel alone.

This blogger wrote: "I've talked about how Morning, Noon, and Night sickness can feel like a never-ending tunnel. Many women suffering from it find themselves depressed and despondent. If people think it's rough having a 2-day stomach flu, you can imagine how much harder it is to cope emotionally when it's a 60 or 200-day bout of nausea during pregnancy."

Just hearing someone say, "Yeah, I felt that way." Wow. So helpful. Especially the part about "depressed" or "despondent." On a bad day, I feel sort of depressed. I just feel so down. I start missing America. Missing family. Missing the old Wendi.

Where is she?

I have heard people talk about morning sickness. I thought I had it in my previous two pregnancies. But this time is quite different. While I don't throw up, I am nauseous so much. Some days are good days. Some half days are good days. And some days the nausea seems relentless. I have been taking medication for the nausea. On a bad day, it will stop the dry heaving but not stop the feeling that I have to throw up. I have tried every other morning sickness piece of advice I can to stop the nausea. Somedays, crackers seem to work. The next day they don't. One day some sprite helps. The next day, not so much. Nothing has seemed to consistently relieve the daily feeling that I have to throw up.

I can't explain this feeling. When I write about it I can't help think myself. That's not so bad. If you aren't throwing up, then you are okay. But it doesn't feel that way at all. JB got sick the other day. He didn't throw up but felt terrible nausea. He came downstairs and gave me a big hug and just encouraged me. He told me it was a reminder of what I feel like so many days.

I often wish I can throw up. I feel like if I did, I would have some relief for a few minutes.

I wish I could say I am dealing with this "gracefully" but I don't think I am. Connie and John have seen me. I get so weary and feel so overwhelmed that I sometimes lose it. I have long periods of feeling emotionally worried, down, and I can get very irritable, especially with the kids. Prior to this illness, I never really feel, truly, that I lost my cool very much. It just isn't my style. But when I feel really sick, before I even realize it, I'm losing my cool. I'm speaking in ways that I don't like to speak.

I am managing to keep our routine nearly completely. While I had had to stop things for a few weeks upon our return to America, we are doing all the things we used. The boys got to Awanas on Tuesday evening. We go to storytime at the library on Wednesdays. On Thursdays, our MOPs group has some sort of activity. On Friday this week I had some friends over to the house.

My Aunt Connie helps me around 30 hours during the week. She's been trying to be with me more Monday thru Friday. She goes with me to the activities and helps around the house and provides another set of eyes for the kids. JB is with me on Saturday and Sunday. This allows me to usually have a teammate I can tag out to if I need to.

But I don't want to tag out. I want to be their mom. I miss them. I miss being the mom I feel like I usually am. Instead I feel like I am just going through the motions sometimes.

I know I will. I know this will be a blip on my radar so soon. In the meantime, thank you to my friends who have written me. One wrote, "Some days, it was all I could do to throw my kids a granola bar."

That made me feel better. She has six kids now.

Blip. blip. blip. blip. blip. blip.

P.S. I would LOVE to hear from some of you all with times in your life that you have felt the blip was really feeling long and how you got through it! Or maybe you have some encouragement for me or others reading this. Remember, I hope years from now, women see this post and feel encouraged.

Friday Funnies

Me: "Sidge, when I tell Isaac something and you do just what I say not to, you are not obeying. What I say to Isaac goes for you too."
Sidge: "What does goes for you mean?"
Me: "It means it applies to you as well."
Sidge: "Okay. What does applies to you mean?"
*****
While singing the Veggie Tales song to Aunt Connie, we realized Sidge was singing, "It's got to pee instead of it's got to be."
*****
Sidge: "What does rush mean?"
Me: "It means like hurry over."
Sidge: "So if someone in our family was hurt, we would rush over. Right?"

A bummer

I got word late last night that our friends from Eglin, Josh & Rebekah, who we thought were nearly most definitely coming to Lajes this summer to replace Nick, the departing physician (there are only two of them here on Base), are not coming after all. The military has decided to send them to Turkey instead.

This is the nature of the military. Nothing is for sure until it is for sure. But all the people were saying the right things and telling us it was happening. You try not to get excited, but then you do, and then you get a bit sad when you find out it is not true. They were actually hopign to move into Nick & Kristy's house when they moved out. Bummer!

I know Rebekah is reeling even more than I am. You can't help but all but move yourself somewhere before you go, especially when the "powers that be" have indicated that is in fact where you are going.

Anyways, just a little sad about this. But sad is okay. God is present. He'll guide them. He'll guide us. But, geeezie. Bummer!

Adam and Eve -- Kit. Style

Time for breakfast. The boys scurried down the marble staircase ahead of me while I scooped Abigail out of her crib and followed only about thirty seconds behind.

Immediately, I noticed, upon entrance to the kitchen, something awry.

Both boys were sort of hiding, their mouths jam-packed with something. They were obviously trying to hide their guilt but, obviously, had no earthly idea how to do that.

At the every end I got to the bottom of it.

Me: "Isaac, where did you get that chocolate? Did you take it off the counter?"

Isaac: "I did not."

Me: "Then how did you get it?"

Isaac: "Sidge climbed up on the counter and got two down, and he gave one to me."

Me: "But you took it from Sidge?"

Isaac: "He told me to."

Me: "What do you think your punishment be?"

Isaac: "I think you should just let me play."

Me: "Sidge, is this true? Did you climb up on the counter?"

Sidge: "Yep."

Me: "Are you supposed to do that?"

Sidge: "Nope."

Me: "Why did you do it?"

Sidge: "To get chocolate."

Me: "So what should your punishment be?"

Sidge: "Just to go play. Next time I can get a punishment."

Think she has brothers?

We don't use the bidet in each of our bathrooms for bidet-like purposes. Sometimes one of the boys will use it for a urinal though. Obviously Abigail has observed this one too many times. While her big brother is using the toilet next to her, she will often walk up to the bidet and lift her shirt to prepare to "go to the bathroom like the boys."

Today I finally decided to record it.

Wee-wind Wednesday

Where were we three years ago?

February 20, 2010.

We were in Eglin, parenting two little boys.

Sidge just walked into the room as I wrote this and said, "Look. There's baby Isaac. And there's Baby Sidge. What's on my face? Is that Baby Isaac below me? Mom, what are you spelling?"

Here's the link to the post for more pics of our boys three years ago today.

From the mouth of babes

Today, Sidge asked me to read him another book. I told him I just couldn't read to him right then. When he asked me why I couldn't I said, "Mommy just doesn't feel good, Sidge. I can't read right now."

"Can Jesus make you better?" he asked me.

"Yes," I replied.

"Okay. I'm gonna pray for you right now."

With that he stopped what he was doing, sat down in front of me of the couch, folded his hands and said, "Dear Jesus, will you please help my Mommy feel better?"

To say I teared up while he was praying would be an understatement.

When he was done, he asked me if I felt better. While my body didn't, my heart did.

Thank you to those of you, who, with childlike faith, are also praying for me. I so appreciate all the encouragement, prayers, and love I have received from so many of you. I have gotten so many emails from people who have battled morning sickness.  I am earnestly seeking the Lord during this time. I am also gaining perspective. I am dealing with a temporary "illness" due to a happy reason.

There are so many people battling illnesses that are no temporary and are not for happy reasons. These people are so strong! I have so much respect for the battles they are waging. If you know someone facing a battle today, send them a note of encouragement. Don't try to fix it. Just tell them that you are proud of them. Tell them that they are doing a good job. Tell them that they are strong and that their faith is inspiring.

Love you all!

Weathered

This June we will celebrate 15 years of marriage.

We have weathered some storms together. Weathered infertility. Weathered moving (too many times!). Weathered sickness and health. Mostly we have had good weather!

I have not been the easiest woman to live with recently. And my sweet husband is amazing. He comes home from work and jumps right into a kitchen and fatherhood. He is my best friend, my husband, my doctor, my children's father.

And he loves me despite the fact that I am often nauseous and just not the Wendi I "usually" am.

I love you JB. Thank you for the flowers on Valentine's Day and encouraging me every single day.

I feel you Lord

Today, I have not felt so hot.

And it has rained the entire day.

JB started a fire for me in the fireplace, as we have no heat in the house, and I couldn't manage to keep it going. It went out. I had to start it again.

[To which Isaac always says, "Are you going to start a little fire, Mommy? Only Daddy can make the big fires."]

So true.

In addition, I had nothing on my calendar today. Connie had an organizing job. Carla, who I often get together with, was penned up inside her own house in the rain, neither of us wanting to brave the fierce winds to try to meet up.

And yet, despite the rain and the nausea, the Lord was so present in my home today. I have struggled to feel Him in recent days. I've been praying. Asking Him to reveal himself.

And today He did. Not on a day that was full of sunshine or warmth or friends or family as I might have thought. But on a day that you would think would fill me with gray clouds.

I could feel Him.

My housekeeper, Hita, works on Mondays and Fridays at my friend Kristy's house. Kristy is in the states having her baby. Hita, when she finishes working, came over to my house again today. Just to sit in my living room and wait for her son to pick her up.

She speaks very little English. My Portuguese is poor. And yet she wanted to be in my home. She came her by choice just to be with our family. Even though I am sick and in my pajamas and the kids are far from peaceful, she joined us.

With her arrival I felt the Lord whisper, "She can feel me too."

Thank you Lord for revealing yourself to me when I needed you most. Today. Thank you for whispering in my ear that you are with me on this island, in the Atlantic, in my under-the-weather state.

Thank you for a 10 week appointment yesterday at which we were able to hear baby's heartbeat.

You ... are ... here.

And He is with you too. Even if you don't feel him at this moment, HANG ON. He will make himself felt.

Of that I am proof.

Happy Valentine's Day

The boys picked out a superhero "snack" for the Valentine's Day present. Isaac (aka "superman") was wearing his superman costume (thanks Aunt AD) when he got it this morning. And Sidge (aka "batman") was wearing his borrowed costume from his friends Jackson and Max. My attempt at a picture of both of them looking at the camera, however, was a failure.

Friday Funnies

Sidge got hurt one day and started crying hard.
Me: "Come here. Let me hold you."
Sidge: "I want Isaac to hold me."
Isaac: (looks up from his toys, shocked.)
Me: "You want Isaac to hold you?"
Sidge: "Yes."
Isaac: "I'm not sure I can Sidge. But if you sit down on the couch, I can try."
*****
Sidge: "Someone at MOPs told me, Happy Valentines Day, and I didn't know what to say so I just said  thank you."
*****
Isaac: "First I had a belly ache. But then I huffed and I puffed and I pushed that poop out."

A Toddler's Rules of Possession