Duck Lake (Part I)

On Saturday, we decided to take advantage of forecasted good weather up to the Duck Pond with JB's mom and the kiddos. I wore Hannah in the Ergo (which I LOVE) and took these photos. First up? The ducks, eagerly greeting us as we pulled into the parking lot across the street!



JB is so smart! I had purchased about a dozen boxes of "Toasted O's" cereal (generic cheerios) at a case lot sale on Base. They were like, a dollar for 12 boxes. But they don't taste that great, and we still have about six boxes. So he brought these with to feed the ducks. Easy to grab, easy to throw, yummy for the ducks, and cheap for us.

I wish you could hear Abigail in this photo. JB is saying: "Who wants to feed the ducks?" And Abigail is running in, hand raised, shouting, "Baby. Baby. Baby." (She still calls herself baby. The new baby is also "baby". This gets confusing sometimes.)

My boys love so many of the same things (Superheroes and ice cream to name a few.) But they are so very different in so many ways too. Sidge insisted on wearing his rain jacket. (It was quite chilly when we started out.) But Isaac wanted no part of it. (He'll avoid a jacket until he has no choice but to put one on.) I inherited these jackets from Carla's boys when they left the island. I love them because they are lined rain coats. Not very many places where heavy rain coats are needed -- but this island is one of the few!

Baby wants some of those Toasted O's please.

I'll get those ducks yet!

When Sidge sat down at the top of this slide, he said, "I wonder if these are fast or slow pants." Halfway down the slide he remarked, "Slow pants." And boy, were they ever! 

Isaac is learning how to pump! It's a nice day when your kids no longer need a push on the swing. But a bit sad too.

While we were playing on the swings, some cows were being moved from field to field. (A common occurrence in the Azores.) You can see the tractor at the very back inching them along.)

JB was hoping to find some edible mushrooms. But alas, only non-edible were to be found. I love that the kids know they can only eat things when Daddy gives them permission.

Abigail showing off one of the mushrooms Daddy found them.

Sidge smelling the new found mushrooms.

Here they are up close.

We decided to walk up a long staircase that lead to a Chapel at the top of a hill. This picture cracks me up. This is me saying to Abigail as I trotted behind her, "I'm gonna pinch your buns." She would yell "NO!" do this, and march faster.

Check out the shoes Carla! (A hand-me-down from Max.)

A sweet picture of my little girl. She is most at peace outside with her Daddy.

The Chapel at the top of the hill. 

Stay tuned for Part II: Blackberries!

PPD? Not me?

To say I was afraid of post-partum depression would be a gross understatement.

Terrified?

Easily.

Even though I could reflect on making it through PPD two times previously, I could easily recall how horribly the "getting through" part was -- especially during my pregnancy with Abigail. 

One thing I knew for certain.

I did not want to feel that way again.

Ever again.

I also did not want to stop having to breastfeed because of a medication I had to take to combat a vicious emotional attacker.*

JB and I discussed PPD often during my pregnancy. We knew that the fact that I had faced it previously increased my risks. We also knew that the fact that I was battling depression during my pregnancy did not help my case either.

I prayed hard.

I asked others to pray.

We also brainstormed ways to help prevent a repeat of pregnancy number two. We decided that to give myself the best chance of keeping that darkness way, I would:

• Get as much rest as possible 
• Surround myself with as must support as possible
• Not stress about breast feeding
• Not over extend myself

It was very important to us that JB was present post-partum as much as possible. It was for that reason we chose to have me fly to the USA solo. We wanted to save as much of JB's leave time as we possibly could for after delivery.

We also planned to have his mother come back to Portugal with us. We couldn't be positive, until the twelfth hour, that this would occur, but we were hopeful that it would. And it did.

My mother, saved a week of her vacation to use while I was home. But while I so wanted her to use that time during the end of my pregnancy, I held back my requests as much as possible so that she could use those days after I had the baby -- a key time in my healing time.

And so far, so good. I am now five weeks post-partum and feeling amazing. 

JB asked me today: "Do you even feel slightly depressed?" I do not!

I really haven't had any moments. Not a single one. 

Oh praise the Lord!

He asked me: "Do you feel like you are just getting trough each day?" I do not!

I feel like I am thriving. I am enjoying my days. I am enjoying my children. I am in love with life. There are a lot of adjustments. There are four children under five in my home. That's a lot. But we are doing as well as we possibly can.

It is amazing to be able to say that. Depression is a dark, terrible place. Mental illness is not something I would wish on my worst enemy. I'd rather be physically ill than mentally ill without question. 

I continue to pray that PPD stays at bay! Each day that I am healthy is an amazing blessing from the Lord.

*Many women choose to breastfeed on antidepressants. This was a personal decision my husband and I made regarding medications and breastfeeding. 

Friday Funnies (a day late)

I told Isaac I had an upset stomach. "How can a stomach be upset?" he asked. "Doesn't upset mean crying?"
*****
Isaac: "Mommy how do you feed Hannah?"
Me: "What do you mean?"
Isaac: "How do you feed her just by holding her?"
Me: "Well I give her milk."
Isaac: "By holding her?"
Me: "Ummmm .... let me go get Daddy. This is a good question for him." (This I do.)
Isaac: "Daddy how does Mommy feed Hannah?"
JB: "She gives her milk."
Isaac: "How?"
JB: "Well, remember we went to the farm and we milked the cow?"
Isaac: "Yeah."
JB: "Mommies can do that too. They can give milk."
Isaac: "From by their belly button?"
JB: "Well no. From their nipples."
Isaac: "What is a nipple?"
JB: "You have them. See. They are right there." (Lifts Isaac's shirt to show him.) Mommies have those and they can feed milk."
Isaac: "Hmmm."
JB: "Is that silly?'
Isaac: "Hey Daddy?"
JB: "Yes?"
Isaac: "Can we go to the Red Café for ice cream tomorrow?"
*****
Grama taught the boys all about the Mayflower. When I asked the boys to tell me the name of the ship, Sidge remembered that it was May something so he said, "It was the May seven."

I reminded him that May seven was Isaac's birthday not the name of the ship.

Girls going to school

I'm not sure how you say it in Portuguese, but the English translation of these pink flowers is "Girls Going to School." They are given this name because they come out at this time of year, when kids would go to school. They literally pop up overnight. I'm not kidding. One day there are two of them, and the next day there are seemingly hundreds! This is something I want to remember years from now when this is no longer the look out from my balcony.

Painting

Activities for kids do not have to be hard. I picked up some paintbrushes and paint (washable!) at the BX. We ripped pages out of our coloring books and away we went!

Super-siblings

Me: "Sidge, do you think I could take a picture of you in your superhero costume?"

Sidge: "Yes, but let me get in my statue pose."

Abigail then decided she wanted to try it too!

Crazy faces

It has begun. My children now know how to do things on the computer that I do not. I found these pictures on the IPAD. Apparently, while they were doing their homeschool "learning games", they decided to take a brief break for some pictures. (Notice JB catching Isaac in picture one.) There were probably close to 100 photos. I deleted most of them but kept some of my favorites to remember the innocence of youth!

The scratch on his face? Brother Sidge threw a sword across the room. Yikes.

For every woman

I saw this video on Facebook. Normally, I'm not really into this kind of stuff, but I found this to be an incredibly encouraging piece. I think that now that I have daughters, I am more impacted by how important it is that women feel as wonderful as they are!

Food in Turkey

Our friend Jake recently shared a link with me. It's a short video depicting "food" in Turkey. The caption reads: In travel or in our daily lives, at restaurants or at markets, we pass by others, forgetting that all the people we interact with are just like us… human: full of happiness and pain and hope. In Turkey, we tried to take an extra moment to “see” the people that make up this wonderful country.



I had attempted a post last year -- aimed at "summarizing" the style of food found in Turkey. You can read that post here. 

Big and little sister

I'm continuing to be behind on posts and trying to catch up. These were some pics that our friend Nancy took when she came to visit us at my parents' house. Hannah was just a few days old. Abigail continues to LOVE her little sister. She is constantly wanting to put a blanket on her, kiss her toes or her face, bring her toys, her pacifier, etc. 

Our story beefed up

I found this story online.  It's a couple who did what we did. They adopted. Then they got pregnant.

(Remember, this is not what "always happens.")

While we adopted one child and got pregnant with one child ...

This couple adopted triplets and got pregnant with twins.

Five babies under a year old.

Yikes!

Hannah: One Month Appt.

Yesterday Hannah had her one month appt. Everything looked great! Here are her stats:

• Weight: 10 pounds, 14 ounces (91st percentile)
• Length: 22.0 inches (96th percentile) -- her height recorded at birth was 22.5 but we believe this was actually 21.5 as the doctor re-measured her at 4 days old.
• Head size: 15.25 inches (85th percentile)

We were especially happy to see her weight doing so well -- this means that we are feeding her well. While Isaac (who is adopted and therefore bottle-fed) did well, both my biological children had major weight-gaining issues. To see Hannah gaining so well is music to my tired soul!

I am quite tired and JB is quite tired, but overall, this chick is doing really well. Generally, she is in bed by 9pm. She wakes again at 1am and on a perfect night, wakes again at 5 or 6am. This is basically one wake-up a night. Not too shabby for one month old. The only issue is that sometimes, after that 1am feed, she wants to eat again at 3 or so. Nights like this are tough on me since her feeds take so long as it is.

She is very alert and generally content. She is actually starting to smile in response to our voices a bit. She handles the abundance of kisses from Abigail with incredible grace and doesn't seem to mind when Sidge comes over and asks, "Can I pet her?" I'm also having to give her more baths then the normal newborn basically because the kid has so much hair! After a day off of bathing, it is greasy! She really likes her baths though. If she is crying, she stops as soon as gets in the water.

Adjusting to a newborn is always challenging sleep-wise, but I continue to remind myself that this is a stage that will-all-too-soon be behind me, and I know I will miss having a baby in the house.

Hannah: One Month Old

I decided to do our monthly photos a little differently this time. We are going to do them sibling-style so as to see how Hannah grows in comparison to her siblings. (Thank you, by the way, to my buddy Stebbins, for bringing me over to the "sticker side" of month-by-month pics.) That being the case, we have to choose our official photo via percentages. Which photo has a percentage of most successful children's faces. Via percentage, this is the winner:

However, since these photos are sort of about Hannah, the photo below was the most successful one featuring the one-month old star. (You can see Abigail sportin' her 'tude in this photo. She's obviously mad at Sidge about something.)

And here's the blow-up of the successful photo. She looks a bit grumpy but she (a) is not crying and (b)  has her eyes open and (c) you can see the one month sticker. So that makes it a good photo.

Sometimes you et a photo that you love of one kid. In this photo below, I absolutely love Abigail. But I couldn't choose it since the other three kids weren't even close to winning.

 And then you get a photo that just makes you laugh. Hannah, is obviously falling over in this picture. And Sidge is just being difficult.

I mean, seriously, what a cute photo (if the rest of her siblings could have conformed.)

And sometimes, not choosing a photo is relatively simple. This one loses because of a variety of factors, including the fact that Scrubs, who we were going to try to get in the photo, decided to get up and walk out halfway through. Sidge needs to fix Hannah's sticker. Isaac is close to dropping her. And Abigail has decided to poke her in the face.

So there you have it. One month old photos (with four children.)

Care packages

People are always asking what they can send us in a care package. These two items are very much appreciated! We cannot get these here. In fact, we can't get healthy snacks really ... at all. So sending these our way would be awesome!!!

We love all flavors!

Any kinds or flavors are appreciated!

Playdough mats

These weren't as huge of a hit as I hoped, but the boys still did enjoy them. I slid the paper into page protectors so as to keep the paper in decent shape for future activities. Click here to download your own.

AT books

 

I found these little letter packets online. The first book: AT is FREE! (Click here to download a copy of your own.) Of course, they "get you" in that, if you like the packets, subsequent packets cost $1.50 each, but I definitely think I am going to buy them. They are great. All kinds of workback activities with this letter combo. So easy to print out and so easy for the kids to work through. Sticking with my "no preparation and no planning" year of preschool for the boys.

Free prints today only!

Woohoo!

Through October 4, 2013, get 25 free 4×6 photo prints from Walgreens when you order online use coupon code 25FREEPRINTS at checkout.

Choose in-store pickup and shipping is free, too!

To nap ... Or not to nap

Without fail.

How does any fix-it man know that all four children and dog and mom are napping?

How does he pick that exact moment to drive up and start hammering?

Which sends dog barking.

Any other time of day would be fine.

Why then?

Oh.

And fish selling guy.

If you come to house and ask to borrow five euro for gas for your bike ...

Don't come between 130pm and 430pm.

And if you come earlier, don't tell me my daughter shouldn't be outside without shoes.

She is outside without shoes because you showed up and I am distracted and kids are running everywhere because I am looking for five euro.

Also, Americans do not believe that bare feet cause things like the plague.

That's all.

New friends

The Kitsteiner and Storey children enjoying lunch outside.

 

It's odd that the house that used to belong to our friends Nick and Kristy and their three boys, is a house we still frequent. But instead of Noah, Jonah, and Liam to play with ... we now have Elijah, Judah, and Joel to play with. I'm so blessed to have Josh & Rebekah so close to us! Having an American nearby is such a comforting feeling! 

Gramaand girls

So blessed to have her here with us! Looking forward to Dad's arrival later this month!

What is a tom boy mama to do?

Daddy and his new girl

 

So there is a fourth child in the house to divide time amongst. How does that effect the other kids?

 

Isaac: Our eldest little boy is still stuttering a bit -- most likely a result of the stress that our family has been under during the last six months. However, outside of that, Isaac is a very patient big brother. He is usually very kind and loving and helpful and understanding with each of his siblings, especially his sisters. "Blue Bear" and "Small Doggie" -- his two favorite stuffed animals -- continue to be very important to him. If he gets hurt or sad, he asks for them instantly. His behavior has been overall, very good. When Isaac's behavior is bad, it is traditionally bad for an extended period of time (a whole day or a segment of the day) and then the next day, he'll be back to behaving correctly. Our biggest struggle with him continues to be his back-talking. Always something we are keeping any eye on very closely. Isaac has also enjoyed playing with his new friends in the Storey family who moved in around the corner. I really thought that losing Jackson & Max would be debilitating for Isaac, but he seems to understand that they have moved and aren't present anymore. He continues to be a homebody who enjoys activities around the house and can play by himself for extended periods of times.

 

Sidge: Our second boy has seemed to handle the changes with the least problems. We haven't noticed any major behavioral issues or any big changes in his life by adding a member to the family. We have noticed that Sidge has been more affectionate both physically and verbally in  recent months. He is always telling us (and Grama K.) that he loves us. He is giving hugs, sitting on laps, and looking for affection at all times. His biggest behavioral issue continues to be his passion -- when he gets emotional, he has difficulty calming himself down. We usually send him to his room, and he can come out whenever he is ready to be calm. This usually only takes him a few minutes. He has been playing more and more with Abigail. This usually includes him doing all the talking and Abigail simply saying things like, "Ohhhh" or "Yaaaa" or "Hmmmm". His vocabulary continues to grow, and he is always saying funny things like, "That's wonderful" or "What a great idea" or "You betcha!" He talks nearly non-stop and loves to learn new things and ask questions about everything.

 

Abigail: Our little lady has latched onto her Daddy something fierce since he joined us in America a few days before Hannah's birth. If Daddy is not there, she willingly allows me to comfort her, but if Daddy is anywhere around, she wants him over me every ... single ... time. I have to say I miss her needing me, but I am sure this is her way of handling the fact that I am often feeding a baby. She likes to hold Hannah and give her kisses and love on her, and definitely seems to like having a little sister. She has transitioned well to her big-girl-bed, and while she will sit on her potty, it appears she may dig her feet in on the potty training bit. She has just started dressing up more, especially in princess costumes. She continues to be incredibly strong-willed with a mind of her own!

How to help your friend through infertility

I often get emails from blog readers asking me questions. The question I get the most, a prevailing question if you will, is how can they help a friend who is struggling with infertility.

One of my more popular posts is this one: What not to say to your infertile friend. It details what types of things are helpful or hurtful as you help your friend navigate this difficult journey.

Another popular post I wrote was a letter to a grieving friend. I titled it: To My Grieving Friend.

There is always a person (or more) that I am "currently" supporting in infertility. As a friend has their journey end (either because of a successful treatment or because they decided to stop treatments), another one "pops up" that I start corresponding with -- either in person or via technology.

I will tell you that standing alongside these women, even for me, someone who knows the journey firsthand, is never easy. It is painful for me. It hurts me to see them hurting. It stresses me out to wait for results with them. It angers me when results are negative. (But it really excites me when the results are awesome!)

It also helps me see how wonderful and strong people who stood alongside me were. Wow! It takes a lot of courage to support someone who is in deep pain.

I recently read an article detailing how a couple can survive the pain of repeat miscarriages. While written for couples and miscarriage, I really thought the suggestions were incredibly applicable to anyone standing alongside someone in grief. Some of the tips included:

• Hug. A lot. A full embrace with the your favorite person in the world can help heal in incredible ways. Don’t avoid intimacy, pursue it. Sit close. Sleep closer. Don’t be away from each other for extended periods of time.
• Talk. We talk about our pain, our anger, and our frustrations. We invite our close friends into our conversations and they patiently listen without unloading their suggestions. We also talk about the weather, the Red Sox, and what’s for dinner. Be sure to continue life in increments you can handle.
• Cry. Together. Missy has an amazing way of comforting me by crying with me. She’s silent and she’s present. Our moments of weakness are often perfectly matched in strength by the other, enabling us to carry each other through.
• Pray. It can be silent. It can be quiet. It can be screamed at the top of your lungs. Talk with the God who understands the loss of a child. Ask that He grant you the peace that surpasses all understanding.

The author of this article said something else that was incredibly powerful. He wrote: "I know it’s impossible for a marriage which has suffered loss to pass through unchanged. And I’ve been told the couple has a choice: they can let the trial of fire either define them or refine them."

 

I so agree. Both for a person and a couple, one must decide how this experience will define their life.

 

In 2007, during the early days of our intended adoption from China, I wrote a post entitled: Not bitter ... Not broken. I wrote:

 

The subject of "bitterness" has come up in recent weeks in numerous conversations I have had regarding infertility and grief. Even today, bitterness is my constant enemy. I am very careful not to allow myself to make calloused comments or hateful statements. Phrases like, "I'll never get pregnant. What am I doing wrong? Why can't it be my turn? That's so unfair etc. etc." These phrases just have to be eliminated from my vocabulary. John helps me in this. Early on in my infertility journey I had an image of myself at my own funeral. I realized that the eulogy could go two ways. Either everyone would say, "You know, from the moment she found out she was barren, that woman became the most bitter, biting old hag I ever met ..." Or, people could say, "You know, even though she fought that infertility crud, she never let it get the best of her." I wanted the latter! I wanted to be happy.

 

As a supportive friend, you are going to see your friend reach a crossroads. They must decide, at some point, that they will either (a) let this experience break them and bitter them OR (b) let this experience make them stronger and better both as a person and a couple.

 

I chose BETTER over BROKEN. I chose BIGGER over BITTER.

 

Encourage your friend to use this experience for good. Explain to them how you, watching from the outside, have been changed by their pain, and how it is helping you in your own life. The truth is: you can't make this better for them.  Love them. Let them grieve. And grieve with them.

Reader Question on Adoption

I am currently in my 3rd IVF attempt, and thank God I'm feeling at peace. If this round doesn't work, (even though, we have another IVF cycle that we can do) we are going to start the adoption process. I guess my question for you, is where to start with the adoption process. With so many agencies out there, it gets pretty overwhelming. Any agencies you can recommend? I appreciate your help!

I did a post entitled: Beginner's Adoption Guide a few years ago that I think answers this question for this reader, providing the basics of adoption and where to get started. In specifically addressing her agency question, I always think that word-of-mouth is the best way to go.

I had friends research agencies to oblivion. In my case, I quickly "fell in love" with Bethany Christian Services for domestic or international adoptions. We also were using America World Adoption for our China adoption.

If anyone has any other adoption questions that I do not address in my Beginner's Adoption Guide, I'd be happy to answer them!

Nancy

 

I'm still way back-logged on posts from South Florida. (You'd think I was busy having a baby or something.) Here is a picture of our long-time friend Nancy Gritter holding little Hannah! Nancy's daughter Kelly and I have been friends since we were born. She's a mother of five now living in Indiana. Nancy and her husband Tom still live in the same house in South Florida that I knew when I was a tiny girl. It is always great to connect with Nancy! Love that family!

Some money fun!

I found a great link online for activities corresponding to money. Specifically, I enjoyed using the following links listed below. The picture above was from the "Coin Toss Mats". The boys had a great time perusing our money drawer in the house and finding the correct coins for the correct mat. It was a great way for them to begin learning the different coins.

A PENNY: Penny Counting Worksheet for Preschool and Kindergarten

A NICKEL: Nickel Counting Worksheet for Preschool and Kindergarten

A DIME: Dime Counting Worksheet for Preschool and Kindergarten

A QUARTER: Quarter Counting Worksheet for Preschool and Kindergarten

Free Printable "FAKE" Money for Kids: Print your own dollar bills to help kids learn larger numbers

Poem to teach which money is which

COIN TOSS MATS: Money Mats for a Coin Toss Game for Preschool and Kindergarten

One funny thing. Our money drawer included American money and Portuguese money (the Euro). The boys kept saying: "Is this Portuguese or English money?" I kept reminding them that those are the words we use for languages but not for money.

We also found some Turkish money sneaking in here and there (the Lira and Kurush). Miss spending that money since it went so far for us!

Grama's ideas

 

Grama K. is one of the most creative I people I know. She is able to come up with something for the kids to do in moments that then entertain them for hours. An example? This past week, she taped a piece of chalk to a broom handle and drew roads all over the driveway for the kids. (The broom handle prevents you from having to bend over to try to draw the roads.) The kids LOVED this. They got their bikes and drove along the roads until the rain washed them away. They even created parking spots and stops like the BX and Commissary. Sidge loved it so much that during dinner prayer he prayed, "Dear God ... please let the rain come for the flowers but don't let it rain on our driveway so that our roads don't wash away."