When you forget how AWESOME America can be!

There are things I feel I sort of got behind on while I lived overseas for four years. Things that emerged while I was there (like smart phones!) or things I just forgot about. 

Last week, I took my kids to Toys "R" Us. They had each received a gift certificate to pick out one item for Christmas from their Uncle Rob and his soon-to-be-wife Sherrie. I didn't realize, until we walked in, that with the exception of Isaac (who was old enough to remember the store), my other three kiddos had no idea what a Toys "R" Us was. As we drove the forty-five minutes to the store, they asked me things like "Are there more toys than at Walmart?" "Is it big?" "How can it be only toys?"

I flashed back to the first time I took my kiddos into Target after returning from overseas. The people around us were cracking up as my kiddos exclaimed things like the following:

• "Mommy! Everything on the computer is in this store!"
• "Look at all the toothbrushes Mommy!"
• "Mommy here's another aisle of toys!"

The way my kiddos felt in the toy store and at Target was how I felt yesterday when I decided to take a little drive to Hobby Lobby. The last time I was in this store was before I had children. There is one about a half hour from us, and Abigail needed some blue feathers for her ballet costume, so I decided to have my babysitter come over and just take a little mom-break.

H

O

L

Y

C

O

W

!

Seriously. I am not a shopper. Not a spender. Not a decorator. But this store was: 

A

M

A

Z

I

N

G

!

I seriously could have spent days just wandering and looking and planning and dreaming and scheming. 

I couldn't help but think, as I just floated from aisle to aisle, Where was this when I lived in the Azores and was trying to put together a baby shower for my friend Rebekah and had to scrape together anything I could to make it resemble a baby shower?! 

I had scoured the twelve measly things at the military "Kmart" and managed to piece together something halfway decent. I had found some blue gift bags and picked out blue skittles and M&Ms (which aren't a good idea to mix in a candy bag because people don't appreciate the change from candy to chocolate but I was desperate.) 

But oh if I would have had a Hobby Lobby!!

I'm still recovering from this outing.

I love the USA!!!!!!!

Seriously.

Greatest country ever.

:)

We Bought a Farm: The Confederate Flag

JB just finished working 8 out of 10 days. And these are long shifts too -- up to 12 hours. At one point, he only had 11 hours off between shifts. I have heard it said by many an ER doc that "the thing ER docs love the most about their job is the schedule. And the thing ER docs love least about their job is the schedule."

I am really starting to see how true that is. Oh how wonderful it is when he has off four days in the middle of the week. And how nice it is that he can take a week vacation, with much advanced warning, whenever he wants. But oh how exhausting a long run is! And the holidays and Sundays can get a bit old. 

But I digress ...

Last night we loaded up the kids and drove over to one of the three restaurants in our town. (From what I can tell there are two family diners and one pizza place in our new town. But maybe I don't have complete information yet and will discover another place nestled somewhere amongst the 800 residents of the town. So stay tuned.)

"Dairy Dreams" has really great home-cooked food and last night, I was quite effected by their hush puppies. (Currently, honestly, the best ones I have ever eaten, and that is saying something as this there girl really loves hush puppies and has tried her fair share of them.) 

During dinner, I did a lot of people watching (while, of course, sitting next to a nearly two-year-old who doesn't allow for much day dreaming while at a restaurant or while anywhere for that matter.) The restaurant was packed, and I had a really neat opportunity to observe many of the people who are now my neighbors. While I do not feel out of place, I do feel like it is obvious we are not from here and that we do not talk or look like the people we are dining with. Maybe they don't think we stand out as much as I feel we do, but I can't help but wonder if I will ever feel like a true southerner. Or if I want to.

While I love Tennessee and love our new home, I am proud of who I am. While I don't really have a very strong cultural identity, I do pride myself on the huge kaleidoscope of things that I am. I am a Dutch girl who talks like she is from the midwest because my parents grew up in Chicago but who herself grew up in South Florida and has lived in various places and wants all of them to be a part of who she is and wants her kids to take a part of Turkey, Germany, and Portugal with them forever.

But I digress again ...

Afterwards, we realized there was a car show and concert going on outside. We spent a little time walking around and looking at some of the vehicles. We actually saw a car from 1925! Incredible. All the vehicles were really cool, and I was pretty impressed by all the people who willingly let our brood climb up onto the seats and even honk the horns.

For those of you looking at this picture and catching a glimpse of that red flag hanging off the side of the vehicle, I will quickly add a few sentences to the end of this post since, as you can probably tell from the title, that the flag was actually what I was intending to get at when I started this post.

If there was ONE thing I could change about our new home, I would snap my fingers and no one would be flying that flag anymore. I see it everywhere, and each time, it hurts my feelings. I won't get into a big debate about it because frankly, I really don't care what anyone else thinks when it comes to this topic. 

(How's that for saying it like it is?)

I completely respect the fact that this is America and we have freedoms here that I do not want taken away. For that reason, I obviously do not want people to take away people's rights to fly a flag of their choosing. But I would like to use the words of NFL football player Benjamin Watson, an incredibly outspoken and articulate African American Christian NFL football player that I have great respect for to complete my thoughts on this topic. He can say it way better than I can so I'll leave it at this:

"It's hard to explain how I feel when I see the rebel flag. The emotional bucket overflows with anger, trepidation, sorrow, a perverted pride and apathy. As hard as I try not to make assumptions about whoever is flying the flag or driving around with it mounted on their truck, my mind can not hold back the painful images of the past generations.... and the current one."

"When I moved to South Carolina in 1996, albeit from the southern state of Virginia, I was somewhat taken aback by the frequency of which I saw the flag. It was on vehicles, displayed on homes, and worn on t-shirts. Like grits and sweet tea, the flag was just part of the culture, an enduring symbol of all things southern. This never changed how I felt about it, but it did teach me to give individuals a certain amount of grace and realize that not everyone who embraced the flag embraced prejudice and supremacy alike."

"Displaying the confederate flag is not inherently wrong. This is not NECESSARILY an issue on which we can take a moral stance. It is not a simple right or wrong dilemma. I understand that for some, the confederate battle flag does not evoke sentiments of racism or supremacy; it is simply a tribute to their heritage, ancestors, and homeland."

If we remove the Confederate flag from the State Capitol for any reason other than a change in the hearts of South Carolinians, we may as well leave it be. This is not the time for political statements and worrying about national perception. But if we ... finally listen to the cries and concerns of those we say we care about, soften our hearts, and choose to lay our liberties aside to assuage the pain of our brothers, the only suitable option would be a unanimous decision to remove the flag from the public grounds at the Palmetto State Capitol. The past and it's people, as acclaimed or afflicted as they may be, should always be remembered. But it is difficult to completely "move forward" if painful, divisive icons continue to stand unchallenged."*

Well said Benjamin Watson. You said exactly what was on my heart and way better than I could have ever said it. 

*To read the entire post: click here. 

It Must Be Nice

My friend from Mayo Clinic, Erica, recently had an article featured on Physician Family entitled It Must Be Nice. 

Erica's piece circles around the words: "It must be nice" and how much she dislikes hearing those words. She disliked hearing people talk about her pastor father and using this phrase when discussing the flexibility of his schedule. My cousin Josh is a pastor, and his wife Sarah has often talked about how blessed they are by the flexibility of his schedule. But there is also SO much involved in the life and family of a minister that I is very far from "It must be nice." I would never couple a pastor's job with, "It must be nice."

And now Erica dislikes hearing those same words surrounding the fact that her husband is a doctor.

Erica's husband is an orthopedic surgeon. Erica writes:

"Physicians and physicians’ families are certainly not immune to this phrase or this attitude towards our lives. This is partly due to the fact that our life advantages are public knowledge; a quick internet search will provide an accurate salary average for any physician specialty. People know what our income will be even before we are close to making it. However, there is a larger disparity amongst, for example, business salaries and perks, which makes it a little more of a guessing game than for physicians. People see what they want to see, and for physicians’ families, it is often big houses, nice cars and fancy vacations. Nobody focuses on the years of training, the monstrous amounts of debt or the long hours that are continuously maintained even when you are “done” with training."

Since moving back to the USA, I have found myself keeping the fact that my husband is a doctor a secret. We both grew up as far away from a physician and this lifestyle as you can get, and I had preconceived notions about doctors. I am not a doctor's wife in the stereotypical sense. And my husband doesn't fit the doctor stereotype either. Goodness knows I don't want anyone to have those preconceived notions that I once had about doctors ... about me ... about my husband ... about us.

I have spoken with some friends who are or are married to a physician or lawyer, and I have realized that a lot of this is due to where you live in the country. In wealthier areas, I think it is much easier to blend. Here in Tennessee, especially in the city we live (and most likely the city we move to), I think bleeding is a bit tougher.

When we bought our farm, we did not disclose the fact that JB is a doctor. But it is a small town, and word travels fast. Already the neighbors are calling JB "Doc"! Word sure does travel fast.

Erica goes on to say:

"Please do not misunderstand – I wholeheartedly acknowledge and feel grateful for the perks of my husband’s job, and I know that in many ways our lives will benefit from his profession. I truly do not mind so much that people think we have a lot (or that we will have a lot, as my husband is still in training). What I do mind, though, is when I feel that there is a disconnect between the perks of any job and the sacrifice associated with that particular perk. My husband and my dad both chose their careers, not for the perks but rather, in spite of the shortcomings, for the greater goal, which was and continues to be – to help people. But thanks to both of these men that I love, I continue to learn that it doesn’t matter what we do, it matters that we are all people, and this mentality of 'it must be nice' is reflective of our human nature. And while I find this mentality irritating and share this openly as a commonality that we have all endured, it would be wise for us to not be unchanged by the knowledge."

I hope, as Erica reminds us in our piece, that we stop comparing ourselves to others and thinking "it might be nice" about anyone else. Everyone has their tough stuff to deal with. Money or prestige does not change that.

Secondly, though we cannot control others, let us make up our own minds here and now to think differently ourselves. We must abandon all thought, towards friends and strangers alike, of how 'it must be nice.' What one person has and often does not consider extraordinary, another person dreams of obtaining. Every one of us is in possession of some attribute, skill, or even a material “thing” that another person would greatly desire. Most of all, though, let us always remember to be grateful for what we do have and forget – or prepare ourselves for some seriously hard work – for that which we do not."

Thanks for a great reminder ol' friend!

Turkish & Nashville

I thought I'd want to eat out more after not eating out much at all for four years. I had told JB that I thought it would be the hardest thing for me to not splurge on when it came to following our budget. But truthfully? I've really lost a taste for American restaurants. After so many years of not eating at them, they are proving to be a little too decadent and rich and greasy for me.

However, one thing I think JB and I will always enjoy is a good ethnic restaurant. Thai and Indian are our favorites, but we heard about a Turkish restaurant about thirty minutes from us and decided to give it a try.

Firstly, the food was plentiful and outstanding. Since it was the first date we've had in about two months, I splurged and got a Coke. I forgot that it wouldn't just be one Coke in a can delivered to my table! Free refills?! I had totally forgotten about free refills.

Secondly, I realized that if I am going to eat out in the USA, I really want to try to frequent "Mom & Pop" establishments. I have nothing against chain restaurants (like Olive Garden) but if I am going to spend money, it feels a lot better spending it in support of someone who is making a life for himself in that building. This Turkish man has been in America for 25 years now and has been successfully running this restaurant for 13 of those years. In addition, the waitress explained to us that she had ended up in the Nashville area after falling on hard times and that this Turkish family had basically saved her life by giving her this job and helping her get on her feet.

It was fun to get to practice some of my Turkish again and reflect on our wonderful two years in that amazing country! JB was a little disappointed that they didn't sell Raka which is a very popular Turkish drink. But according to the owner, liquor licenses are way too difficult to obtain.

After dinner, we headed to a nearby town for dessert where we stumbled upon filming for a scene from the TV show Nashville. I think I heard of the show but had to look it up when I got home to see if I was remembering correctly. Either way, that was a sort of fun end to the evening. We sat outside a little fudge shop eating chocolate and watching filming and just enjoyed a few hours knowing the kiddos were safe with Grampa and Grama.

I continue to enjoy experiencing and seeing America through "new eyes." So much has changed in the four years I have been gone. The biggest differences are the way people dress and the abundance of technology everywhere you go. I really love this country even if I think the girls are dressing way too risque and there are way too many people on their devices everywhere I go!

Air conditioning (and other surprises)

It's my kids who keep highlighting all the differences.

I know America. It is my home. John too. We grew up here. Aside from our four years overseas, most of our life has been spent in its borders.

But my boys were practically babies when they left. This country is not their home .... yet.

And Abigail has never lived in America until now. Hannah too of course.

Tonight we went to Olive Garden. This was our first "nice" dinner out since moving back to the USA -- just the six of us. 

Let me say that aside from the fact that the high chair belts are a bit screwy in this restaurant and Hannah fell out of her chair and landed on her head ... the night was a raging success! (Seriously, she fell out, landed on her head and didn't cry! I kid you not!)

I was so proud of how well my kids behaved. Most restaurants we frequented in Turkey and the Azores were small and not usually very crowded. In addition, waiters and waitresses overseas often took my kids out of their seats, carried them around, and let them go in to meet the kitchen staff or play with things around the restaurant. I was honestly a bit concerned that they might not remember how it is in America (especially when it comes to grown-up restaurants.) But they did wond
erfully.

During the dinner our kids kept pointing out differences -- little things that JB and I don't even think about. They didn't know they were showing us a cultural difference. They were just speaking the truth as they saw it.

Take coasters for instance. You know ... those little cardboard things that go under your glass. It was until Sidge said, "What is this?" that I realized I don't remember seeing those much (if ever?) in Turkey or the Azores.

Water bottles. Where are they? How can the waiter just pour water directly into a glass? (And of course, I noted the fact that water is now FREE!)

Another surprise? How C-O-L-D the restaurants are. The kids (all three of them) started rubbing their arms and telling us they were cold. "What is that blowing on me?" Sidge asked. We realized that they have probably never been in a restaurant with A/C in it. They didn't exist in Turkey (that I can remember) or in the Azores for sure. Toward the end of the meal Sidge said, "I want to get in the van, and I want you to not turn the air conditioning on in there."

Sidge also asked us why he is seeing so many overweight people. (Thank goodness he waited to ask us this until we were in private.) This is another big difference in switching countries. It may be where we are in the USA (i.e., the South) but obesity is much less common in Europe. It definitely exists but proportionately, you see so many more people in the USA who are overweight.

The thing is, JB and I have America "in our blood" and I have to really think about the differences. But our kids are pointing them out to us regularly. It makes for interesting dinner conversation as we try to explain to them why air conditioning is blowing or why you need these things under your glass.

One thing that made the night awesome included being able to ask about allergens and get concrete, solid, definitive answers. They actually gave us a 10 page booklet clearly defining what foods had eggs and what foods didn't. This is so amazingly wonderful to parents of a child with a food allergy -- and to that little boy. Isaac kept saying, "Are you sure?" He couldn't believe that we could be that positive about something that has always been so vague to us. We no longer have to try to ask whether the food has egg in it in another language and get some non-committal answer. There is no guessing! We can know ... for sure. What a blessing.

Despite all the learning curves and nuances, we remain incredibly blessed to be back home. We were also blessed today to have friends of ours from Eglin/Turkey/Azores (yes, we were in all three places together!) stop at our house and have lunch with us. The Seeligers were driving through and took the time to stop in! So wonderful to see them!

(The picture on the right is of the last time I saw Kristy. She, Carla, and I were hanging out at my house with our 8 children (and 2 in utero).

To Dry or Not To Dry

In both Turkey and the Azores, most local people do not use dryers. In fact, they do not even have dryers. This isn't because they are poor. It is simply because they consider it a very wasteful and expensive luxury item that they can easily do without. From rundown apartment buildings to luxury high rises to homes in the country and in the city, you will see clothes hanging outside. 

We lived on Base in Turkey so we had a provided dryer that we used. But in the Azores, living off Base, our dryer wasn't very good and when we ran it, our bill went up incredibly. I therefore got in the habit, especially during our second year there (when there was a lot less rain), to just hang the laundry. 

My pocketbook thanked me.

I did some basic google research during our transition to the USA. From what I could determine, not using our dryer could possibly save us about $30-$50 per month. So we asked our landlord if there were any HOA rules against laundry lines. He told us there was not. And we hung a line outside.

Twenty-four hours later our landlord called and told us he was mistaken. There was a rule, and in fact, he had already received a phone call from an irate neighbor. He was very frustrated with the neighbor for being so "in our business so fast" but said he had no choice but to ask us to take the line down. 

Now let me say that I know I don't live in Europe anymore.

I know I must accept the nuances of America.

And I know that those nuances are things that make me feel at home.

I am in no way slamming the USA.

And I am in no way saying that I don't want this to be my home.

I'm also not saying I am up on all the environmentally friendly things to do.

My kids wear disposable diapers.

Because I'm lazy.

And sometimes I buy paper plates.

I know that laundry lines don't look that nice.

And I know that we chose to move into a place with an HOA.

We respect our landlord and know this is his home.

And we are prepared to follow all rules.

We immediately took down the clothes line.

However, this little story really got me to thinking. 

How is it that we are so environmentally conscious in the USA in so many areas but we don't encourage avoiding dryer usage? We encourage moms to try cloth diapers and we recycle the heck out of things and we look down on using paper products. We get credits for using energy efficient appliances and we look into electric cars. 

But do you even know someone who doesn't have a dryer? Most places outlaw clothes lines in the USA. And even in places that they are allowed, who actually uses one?

I'm wondering if I am missing something? Again, please note that you will see posts from me in the days, weeks, and months to come discussing the differences I am seeing upon my return to America. These are not a slam on America. There are many things I think we do WAY better. It's just having your eyes opened a bit and wondering if we are just missing it or if I am missing something?

Comments?

We are there

Today we went to the Nashville Zoo.

We weren't sure if the kids were ready ... especially Sidge. He's been doing better but is still struggling, especially when he gets around any other people. But we decided to take it slow and give it a try.

You can tell what a great day it was by this picture of Abigail in her car seat on the way home.

To say we had a wonderful time would be a huge understatement. At one point, I was pushing the girls on the swings at the park and the boys were running around and JB was laughing, and I, honestly, teared up. I just started crying right then and there. JB walked over to me and hugged me. And while he didn't cry, his face illustrated easily that he felt exactly like I did.

It was a perfect day. It was overcast. Not hot. No crowds. (Want to stress my husband out? Put him in a crowd on a hot day and watch him slowly lose his mind!) We strolled. All the kids were happy. There was no fighting. No crying. Just four kids taking it all in and seriously enjoying every minute.

Isaac was the navigator -- holding that zoo map and telling us where to go.
Hannah just rode in her stroller and took a nap in it and didn't make a peep the whole day.
Sidge was relaxed and able to enjoy himself without being overcome with thoughts and emotions. At one point he turned to JB and said, "This is the best day ... ever."
And Abigail just couldn't stop talking about those flamingoes!

I am not sure if I can adequately put into words how freeing it was to be doing something together as a family ... in America ... and to know that we didn't have to leave anytime soon. We could buy a yearly membership to the zoo (and we did!) because this is our home and we can stay here as long as we want.

I am so incredibly proud of my husband for his service to the military. I am very proud of our family for doing four years overseas. I will never regret or say one bad word about the military because they gave my husband his education and allowed him to do it debt free and gave us an adventure beyond our wildest dreams!

But there is something that hangs over you when you know, in the back of your mind, that your decisions are not your own. Any trip we have taken in the past, the military had to approve it. Any plans we made were always made with the possibility that the government might decide something different on our behalf.

Until now.

Now, we have picked where we live. And we can go where we want. And JB can go to work or he can quit work (without being arrested for going AWOL.)

In addition, while life in Turkey and on the island were wonderful ... we were so limited. There were no zoos or museums. And if there was, no one spoke English and taking a trip to these places took so much out of you that you often didn't want to go again.

We are a bit overwhelmed with life here. We got cell phones today and I'm seriously afraid of the thing. I also had a slight bit of panic when I entered a Chik Fil A at lunch time. The number of little cards people ask me to hang on my key chain is equally daunting. And how the heck do you get out of a Target without doing a happy dance?

But we are so, so, so, so happy to be home. Wherever it be in America, America is home. And we are there!

Reverse Culture Shock

Great article: Can you Survive Reverse Culture Shock with great tips! Included in this list are the following facts:

• Nobody cares about your travels
• Normality will hit hard
• People just won't understand you
• Some people will be jealous
• You might feel stuck

Housekeeper (Part II)

I am currently preparing for reentry. Reentry to the U.S.A. Reentry to the way it is supposed to be done.

I must admit that after having a housekeeper for four years, I am struggling with the thought of having one (and not having one) in the U.S.A. I truly don't want to do without one. But as a "doctor's wife", I do think about what people will think of me.

You can click here to read the post I wrote detailing the reasons that I want to have s housekeeper for the rest of my life.

I continue to echo the sentiments in this post. I find it interesting that in America you are allowed to eat out as many times a week that you want (something that just isn't done in Turkey or here in Portugal.) You are "allowed" to drive a car you don't actually own and really can't afford. We run our dryers and heat without a second thought. We would not consider living without a cell phone, cable, or Internet. We have to have a yearly vacation.

But getting a housekeeper is considered "only for the rich."

As I continue to think about what I will do in regards to this when I return to the U.S. of A, I wanted to share some of the comments I received when I wrote my first post on this topic:

• I love this! We had a housekeeper who came twice a month while my sister and I were both working full time. It essentially saved us two whole days a month where we would have to clean the house. I really loved it. Now, since I do a little work online and take care of E, I feel like it would be bad for me to have a housekeeper....bad as in I'm not a great enough mom to do it all. :( It's all about perception and expectations though. When E goes to school and I go back to work, I plan on definitely having one so that all of my free time can be spend with the fam. :)
• I think the one thing holding me back is the safety issue. I would be interested to hear what others think about this. I'm a very private person, and to have someone in my house often is uncomfortable for me. Okay, (now don't yell at me!) but I worry about theft or weird stuff happening. I know, I know, too much tv watching for me! :)
  I guess one other option is that people could do what I do---just not clean their house often enough, and then once a month (or thereabouts) have a big house cleaning party with the husband and kids. :)
• I understand what you are saying, but it seems a luxury stateside. And for a family where one parent stays home, it seems unnecessary. With two working parents, I could see it making sense- times truly at a premium. As the kids get older they help more around the house, and I think the chores are important in character building, as well as pitching in and participating. When we had a maid in the Philippines, my parents wouldn't let her clean our rooms. That's my stand - I live in a gated community with lots of housekeepers employed. It's just not for me.
• I'm making dinner so I had more thoughts- also in my neighborhood most lawns are cared for by lawn care services weekly. My hubby, a healthy 40 something, still cares for the lawn - a large lot, lots of landscaping, etc. I talked him into letting a local high school student with a lawn business and a push mower into mowing our lawn all summer...and though we certainly can afford the $15 a week for mowing and trimming, he really struggled with letting someone else do it. But my argument was the boy, #1 academically in his class, would benefit from it, andit would free up time from my very busy husband. Summer is over, though, and hubby is back at it.
• It's funny you posted this today because it has actually been on my mind to hire someone to come help me. I am a stay-at-home mom to a 3-year-old and 1-year-old but I've been struggling with some depression and feel like I can't even keep up with the basic housework. I paid attention today and was in the kitchen from 8:30-12:30 - breakfast, clean up, snack, clean up, lunch, clean up. My entire morning - 4 hours!!!- was spent just cleaning the kitchen - that's ridiculous! (Though I did mop/sweep/vacuum the main living areas, too, this wasn't even deep cleaning or anything. Just your basic make a meal and do the dishes thing.) We plan on homeschooling and I keep thinking "how in the world will I find time to do any school work with the kids when it takes me 4 hours to clean the kitchen?? I've debated hiring someone for awhile but always talk myself out of it. I think just having someone come one day a week to vacuum, mop and do a quick wipe down of the bathrooms would help so much. It wouldn't even take them that much time... an hour and a half? Probably less since they wouldn't be stopped a billion times to take care of kids/dogs/husbands/phone calls. Then I think, "It's only an hour or so. I can do that. I don't need help." and the cycle continues.I think I'm going to have a talk with the husband tonight about this. I even know someone who who would jump on the chance to earn some extra cash and passes by here every afternoon on her way to work...
• I wonder if most families in the Azores have two working parents? If I worked all day outside the home I would definitely hire help. As a SAHM I have always felt it was part of my job to also be the housekeeper, and I hated doing both when I just wanted to do fun stuff with my kids! So yes there was a time when I really wanted a housekeeper, for sure! Now my older one is in school all day so I try to get all cleaning done while he is at school and the little one is napping. It is much more manageable now.
  I do agree with the previous comment about character-building. I have worked really hard at involving my kids in cleaning up the house, cleaning up after themselves, and generally helping out. I know they are kids and need playtime, but I think teaching them that work is part of life is a good thing too. And who says chores can't be fun or at least tolerable when you have someone to help, and do a little bit at a time so it doesn't like pile up? Great post though, especially about the money part - it is amazing how much we spend on little things like coffee and TV!
• In college, I cleaned houses and babysat. (usually for the same families!) i was able to establish relationships were they trusted me. The first few times I cleaned, someone from the family was usually around to monitor and/or answer questions. After that, I was usually given a key and cleaned while they were at work. As a college student far from home, it was really nice. I was able to work a few less hours than if I had worked at McDonalds, etc. Which really freed me up to study more. And I was able to enjoy interacting with families instead of just other students / professors all the time. I did not make $100 / house. More like $50ish every other week per house. College kids work a little cheaper! :) I would love to help out some of our youth group or college students (from our church) this way, but we're working hard to pay off debts. (No more car loans! yay!) So, maybe in a few years it will be more of a reality.
• With 5 kids soon to be 6 and nannying full time for 2 I have debated seriously on hiring someone myself. Even my DH's Aunt has offered to come in a few hours a week and do just simple things like laundry and kids bedding. Which in fact would be the bulk of what I do anyways. I look at my house sometimes and say "thats it. I am hiring someone to help me." Then realize. No, I don't want to do that. This is my house. My responsibilities. My kids clothes, bedding, blankets, toys. Our laundry, dishes, messy backyard. I have really debated back and forth on the idea of someone coming in my house to take care of these things for me. But in the end, just feel more accomplished and glad that I did it on my own. That even with 7 kids around the house all day. And loads of laundry and homework and bills to pay and emails to write back and phone calls to make. I am proud that I can right now take care of these things. No, I am not superwoman. I never claimed to be such. But for me. Its all about responsibility. My mom was a horrible housekeeper and not always the best mom. I want to make sure that I can do all of those things and show my kids that if you organize and manage your time well. Anything is possible.Now I am not saying that this is for everyone. I have a lot of friends who have 1 or 2 children or some with even no children. They hire someone to go in and do housekeeping for them. I even baby-sat and took care of someone's house myself. Cleaning and organizing is not for everyone. But for me. I enjoy it. Though some days you will hear me utter under my breath "thats it, I am hiring someone to help me."
• I'm a medical resident and the first thing we did when I started working (my husband is non-medical and worked during my training) was hire a weekly housekeeper. No, they may not scrub the floor behind the toilet as well as I would, but at least it gets done weekly instead of whenever I have a free half day and some energy. It's worth having the time to spend with husband and kiddo. I grew up in a home with a stay at home mom and a weekly housekeeper and still learned to clean; my mother made sure of that. I think your kids learn what you teach them, and teaching the value of your time and highlighting that something like housecleaning is a luxury, but families choose their own priorities, is a completely reasonable way to raise a family.
• I wish it made sense to line dry clothing in Oregon, it rains too much :-( I think the idea of a house keeper is nice but I agree that it really is a luxury. Sadly American culture was not built the same as European culture and therefore cannot be compared. True, I lived in Spain for a year and Italy for 6 months and never drove. But public transport is Ah-Mazing there. Not so much here. As such, gas and car insurance, necessary. Soda and specialty coffee? Totally do away with. Also, in general, cell phones just don't seem as necessary there but part of my cell and many others is a way to connect with work. I can be home with my child but connected to work if they need me. More time at home, less in the office. Another part of American culture that end up wasteful is our idea of space. We want huge houses and huge yards and it takes a lot to heat and cool these houses and a lot of money and time to keepvupbeith the yards. In Spain and Italy, most people live in huge apartment buildings getting rid of yards and huge places to heat and cool. This also helps with better public transport. Most European cultures have few children because living is so expensive, another thing that Americans don't seem to think about as much. This comment wanders. I am with the person who mentioned trust. I tried out a housekeeper and she broke my dyson vacuum. 350 vacuum broken, no apologies or anything. After that I ended up sour and decided I will clean my own house.
• We live abroad too and have had a weekly housekeeper the past few years. We still clean on a daily basis, make beds, tidy up, do laundry, cook, wash dishes, etc. So when our kids are older, they will definitely help with those things as chores. But the housekeeper comes once a week and gives the floors, bathrooms, and kitchen a good clean, plus does the essential ironing for the week. Ensures the house always feels clean - instead of just tidy - and saves on dry cleaning as well. We also have someone who we trust to watch our place (and help water plants, air it out, etc.) when we do long visits to the States to see family.I can't guarantee we'll get someone when we get back, but it gives us peace of mind to have the house clean all the time, and not just when we can find time to do a good job on it (and/or take us away from the kids).
• Timely post. We are seriously considering it. Whether you are sleep deprived, working 40 or 80 hours a week or a stay-at-home-mom, it's nice to have those extra few hours to do something you enjoy. I'd also love someone to cook for me. :)
• I totally agree with you. Except for the cell phone. I NEED my cell phone.

I did it again

When I left Turkey in 2012, I wrote a blog post entitled: Things I will miss most about Turkey. It listed all sorts of things that hurt my heart about leaving that amazing country. But without a doubt, THE hardest part of leaving Turkey was saying good bye to my housekeeper and great friend, Hatice (pronounced Hatijah). 

Hatice with our little Abigail

I still can't really look at that photo above without having to avert my eyes from Hatice's face. Seeing it, makes me just feel so full of emotion.

In that blog post I wrote these words:

Hatice. Just one word. Without a doubt, when I think of leaving, leaving Hatice is the hardest part. She has no passport. Her ability to visit us is nerely non-existant. I hope to see her again but am not sure I will. And far away from family, Nene Hatice has become Abigail's surrogate Grama. I will miss her so deeply it hurts me -- physically. She and I have agreed not to talk about it. Not to say good bye. We just have to pretend it isn't happening.

Hatice loved all my children, but she had a special connection with Abigail. Abigail adored Hatice. She was Abigail's Nene.

She'll always be her Nene.

And then I moved to the Azores. I said good bye to Hatice ... somehow. And I met Hita. She is a sixty-two year old widow with two grown children and no grandchildren. She has an incredibly large extended family. She is one of two sets of twins that her mother birthed! Her daughter is deaf. Her son brings her to work each week. Five years before I arrived on the island, her husband died of a very sudden massive heart attack. She wears all black at all times which signifies that she is a widow who does not plan to ever marry again. Oh and while she lives on a very tiny island, she is afraid of airplanes and water. No joke.

I wrote a blog post after meeting Hita. I shared about how hard it was to leave one set of people behind and then be expected to make new friends and love new people here. I entitled the post: I can't love her.

Hita with our little Hannah

Here were the words I penned when I wrote that blog post: 

I also still realize how much I am still grieving leaving Turkey when I find myself fearing making friends here. I have my arm up. I'm keeping people at a safe distance. I don't want to connect and disconnect again. My housekeeper, Hita, is wonderful. I enjoyed taking her on her first elevator ride ever the other day! (She's never left the island and there really aren't any high rising buildings here in Terceira.) She loves Abigail. She is a fantastic worker. And yet, I don't want to love her. I can't love her. I can't say good bye to her like I had to do Hatice.

And yet somehow, I fell in love with her too. I didn't mean to. I tried not to let it happen. But she nestled her way inside my heart. We call each other family. When she asks me what I need done, I usually just throw my hands up and tell her that this is her house too. "Do whatever you think!" I say. 

In addition, my departure is even more profound for Hita because the Americans are drawing down here at Lajes. No more families are coming to this Base. Only unaccompanied airman who have little need of a housekeeper. 

It is likely that in the next year, there will be no more Americans for her to work for.

Like Hatice, the language barrier between Hita and I means lots of charades and guessing and calling in a translator. But like Hatice, when I see Hita with my baby Hannah, I don't want to let her go. I want her in my life forever.

Saying good bye to other American friends is hard, but I know I will most likely see them again. Maybe soon. But with Hita who has no passport and has never left this island ... ever, I know that the chances of ever hugging her again are slim.

I am ready to leave here. I am ready to go back to America.

But saying good bye to Hita?

Not ready for that.

I don't think I ever will be.

How do I possibly say that good bye?

First face painting

For the second year in a row, we attended the joint brotherly birthday party for our Portuguese friends. We met Luis and Tania through our American friends Nick and Kristy. They have two boys who are 4 and 6, and we got to celebrate with them at the local Porto Martins "Casa do Povo" which is the local community recreational center. (Each town has a "Casa do Povo where the community congregates for special events.)

It is always so interesting to participate in an event in a completely different culture. While Luis and Tania speak English, their boys don't and no one else there did. The food is different, the Happy Birthday song is different ... but the event is the same. Kids being silly and having fun with face painting, balloons, and jumpy castles. 

Even more exciting was that my kiddos, for the first time EVER got their faces painted. They always say no. Never once has one of them wanted to do it. But today, I asked Sidge if he would consider. I said to him, "Sidge, if you do it, your brother and sister might try it. What do you think?" He put his finger under his chin and said, "I'll think about it. Okay, I thought, and I'll do it. I want to be Batman."

Even funnier was when he told the face painter that he wanted to be "Batman." Hearing his non-Portuguese accent, she wrinkled her nose and called over a friend to translate. The friend translated, "Batman."It's the same word in both languages! Abigail opted for Batgirl (the painter added a bow), and Isaac decided to be Robin.

Here are some photos after we got home. (Sidge just cannot open his eyes if he thinks there is ANY sun out -- which there wasn't.)

Friday Funnies

Today for "Friday Funnies", I thought I would allow Scrubby to make a debut. While he has been part of the humor in past, I am not sure he has ever been the star. But here he is, in the van, on the way to the vet. This crying is mild compared to past experiences with him in the van.

We are not sure what causes this. It does not matter where we are going. He cries like this all the way there. But once we are done with whatever activity it is (play date, trip, vet), he returns to the van and doesn't make a peep on the return trip.

If it wasn't so pitiful, it'd be comical. Thus, it's inclusion on "Friday Funnies." You can also catch Abigail in the background trying to demonstrate how Scrubby was sticking his tongue out.



On a completely unrelated note, can anyone explain why I am on Scrubby's right in the van if I am driving?

I'm driving a Japanese vehicle -- steering wheel on the opposite side of the van. It's craaazzzzyyyyy!

*****

I bought Abigail a pair of tennis shoes that a friend was selling on our local yard sale page on Facebook. She was obsessed with them and believed they were "Princess Shoes" that made her run extra fast. At naptime, I asked her to take off her shoes and she replied, "I do not want to at this moment." Seriously, this kid went from talking NOTHING to talking EVERYTHING.

U.S. Citizenship Test

I have a pet peeve.

Maybe it is from living overseas.

Maybe it is because I worked HARD to learn a new language (Turkish.) After two years, I was barely out of the novice stage of speaking.

Two years in Portugal, and my Portuguese is pathetic -- mostly due to the fact that I gave up when all I kept doing was translating into Turkish every time I tried to speak Portuguese.

But Americans, typical Americans, talk such a big game. 

How many times have I heard an American say, "Well ... if they are going to live here, they should try to learn our language."

They say things like, "They should get out of their communities and try to integrate with us."

I am pretty sure that almost every person who has said this to me only speaks one language themselves!

I am pretty sure that almost every person who has said this to me has never invited someone of a different culture into their home.

Living in a new place is HARD. Learning a new language is HARD. It can be much easier to stay connected to your own people group. Branching out into a culture that doesn't speak your language is much easier said than done.

I'd like to know how many Americans help others learn English? How many take the time to include these foreigners in their church or community events -- which is really the only way to truly learn a new language? Have you helped someone study for the Citizenship test? Have you taken them to classes on American culture or helped show them the facets of our society?

Americans want foreigners to do what they can't even do themselves.

For instance ... becoming a citizen. In order to become a citizen, you have to pass a test. However, when Americans were given this test, 29 percent could not name the vice president, 43 percent were unable to define the Bill of Rights, and a startling 40 percent did not know America fought Japan and Germany in World War II! Also, 73 percent did not know communism was the main concern of the Cold War, and 67 percent couldn't identify capitalism as our economic system!

Seriously!

More than three million immigrants took the test from October 2009 to August 2013. 

Roughly 92 percent of applicants passed it.

I know this test is hard as I watched my friend Angelica study for it when we lived in Turkey. Angelica is from Spain, married to an American. She easily passed the test!

But before we can point out the speck in someone else's eye, I encourage us to see the plank in our own.

I decided to take a sample citizen test and see how I did. I took the test twice (with different questions) and got an 85% and 80%. 

Want to see how YOU would do on this test?

Take a sample test to see how you stack up.

What most excites me about my return to America

Earlier this week, I wrote a blog post detailing all the things I will miss once about living overseas when we return to America in June.

Now I am going to pen a list detailing the things I will not miss.

I will note that I found it interesting the comparison between these two lists. The items on my "loves of overseas" were much bigger in scope. These things I miss about America? They are all fairly trivial "luxury" items. Nonetheless, it's what I am feeling right now.

I am most excited to return to ...

24-hour options

There's an uncomfortable feeling, especially as a parent, knowing that once the sun goes down, your ability to get anything is basically ... nil. I really miss the confidence of knowing that if I run out of something, especially medications or diapers or formula, I can find somewhere to get them. I cannot tell you the number of times someone on our local yardsale page writes a message that says: "Anyone have any eggs? I'll buy them from you. I'm halfway through a cake and just ran out."

Early openings

Four years of nothing opening until 10am is enough for me! I couldn't even believe that I could go to Target at like, 8am in the USA. Obviously the people who designed these hours didn't have children and didn't realize that the real world is up and moving before it is time for lunch. I can add to this how frustrating it is that the Commissary closes two days a week for two days in a row. Both in Turkey and here, Sunday and Monday meant nothing was open. You have to get everything you need on Saturday or you have no other option as there is no store off-Base that has the things we typically cook with.

Ice

Oh ice, how I miss you. I loved the scene on one episode of Downton Abbey when the American uncle comes to visit and wants everything cold. Here on the island, businesses are used to catering to Americans so the drinks are at least kept ... cold. But in Turkey, lukewarm water and soda was the name of the game. Not enjoyable. We Americans like our ice, but Europeans find it frivolous and pointless.

Free water

I can't wait to just order a glass of water for FREE! So many years of paying for water and therefore making sure every last drip was drunk. In addition, I do find myself drinking Coke more often than I would in America because I have the attitude of, "Well, if I have to pay for it, I might as well make it something good."

Temperature control

What I mean by this is having air conditioning when it is hot and heat when it is not -- especially in places of business. Most places, both in Turkey and here on the island, did not have a/c or heat in them. This meant that if was beastly hot outside, there was no sitting down in a restaurant to cool off. (JB wants me to note that he doesn't miss this at all -- he thinks it is an extreme waste of energy. So noted husband of mine.) 

Church choices

I miss being able to worship in a place that fits me and my family. The choices Americans have regarding church are incredible and quite honestly, not realistic to the rest of the world. Nonetheless, I still long to be able to pick where I worship.

A variety of food (grocery shopping)

This might be the biggest thing we miss. Our Commissaries in Turkey and here, are SOOO incredibly small. The choices are SOOO incredibly limited. Even moreso than the lack of choices are the times that they run out of things -- especially produce, meat, and dairy. I long to have precious produce at my fingertips again! This past week we went grocery shopping. JB did produce and came out with one fruit ... apples. "That's it?" I asked. He explained that there was absolutely nothing else there worth spending money on. Not only are the choices few, but because they are shipping the produce from Germany and other places, it goes bad incredibly fast.

Confidence when speaking

Angelica and I in Spain

Being confident of what you are saying and what you are asking and not having to "simplify" your wording to try and be understood is a gift we take for granted. Not knowing the language is a frustrating feeling. I remember going to Spain with my friend Angelica -- Spanish by birth. I was amazed at how different she behaved in a place where she held confidence in the language. She often joked, "I am way funnier in Spanish." When I hung around Angelica in Turkey she was soft-spoken and blended in the background more. But in Spain, she was the one asking for directions and directing where we should go. Everything changed. I also found that in Turkey, when I went out with my friends, I was the "go-to" Turkish speaker. It was exhausting. When my Turkish friend Rana came with, I was immediately able to relax knowing that she could come through in a crunch. (Here's a link to a funny story about a messed up McDonald's order in Turkey.)

Slower drivers when kids are near

A Turkish Stop sign

While not a lot can be said for American drivers, one thing is for certain. For the most part, there is a learned cultural norm in America that when children are in view, you slow down. Not here. Not in Turkey. Turkish and Portuguese drivers do not seem to factor in that a child may fall or sprint out in front of you unexpectedly. They do not slow down whatsoever when they see me walking with my four children. They just keep going the same speed -- leaving no room for error. Here is a link to a past post I wrote detailing driving in Turkey.

Just driving somewhere 

JB with the boys at SeaWorld before we moved to Turkey

I long to get in our van and just take a roadtrip. Anywhere! We could do this in Turkey to a certain degree, but limitations due to tensions in the Middle East and language barriers basically prevented it. Here, well, this island is so gosh-darn small. Our van is a 2002 with only 88,000 miles on it. This is because we haven't really had anywhere to drive it.

Being able to say "Yes! I can come!"

A trip to see my Grama in Chicago after Isaac was born. (She is holding up a picture of my Dad so as to have four generations in the photo.)

 I long to get an invite to a big event in someone's life or to hear about a funeral or wedding and instead of saying, "There is no way I can do that," I can say, "Hey, ummm ... maybe I can go!" Being a flight away is very different than being thousands of dollars and possibly two or more days travel away.

A land of non-blocked websites

I can't wait to be on the Internet and not see, "We're sorry. That video is not available in your country."

Radios stations

One stinkin' radio station -- and each time it is the local military station which isn't anywhere close to things we listen to in America. Christian stations? Forget it. I just want to be able to say, "Country? Today? I think I will!"

A variety of food (eating out) 

While I have enjoyed the uniqueness of the food in both countries we have lived in, the variety is lacking. Turkish food was amazingly delicious, and I miss it greatly. But every restaurant basically afforded the exact same menu. Portugal has a little more variety, but basically, our cuisine choices are still greatly limited. I can't wait to have Indian, Thai, Chinese ... you name it, and we can eat it!

A place where I can read instructions, ingredients, and directions

Joan and I in the nothing-spoken-but-Turkish market during our years in Turkey

Just to pick up a box and be able to read what it says. Does it have eggs in it? (My son Isaac is allergic to eggs.) What temperature do I cook it on? How do I make it? I miss being able to see words I know.

Stroller-friendly sidewalks and pathways

I don't even see the point of trying to take a stroller around Turkey or Portugal. So many steps, no ramps, cobblestone and uneven everywhere. I can't imagine needing a wheelchair in either of these places, let alone a stroller.

Grocery carts that you don't drive sideways

Grocery carts that don't slide sideways. Click the link to see a youtube video demonstrating the terrible, awful grocery carts in Europe. They slide everywhere, and I am pretty sure I've never seen a strap to hold baby in place.

Big parking spots! 

Oh my, oh my! This one is also one of the top on my list. These itsy bitsy teeny tiny parking lots created for cars half the size of mine can wear you out!

Family entertainment

The kids and I in front of the Washington Monument

A museum, amusement park, park ... how we long as a family to have the opportunity to do some of these fun things together again. We just miss the wide offering of activities afforded to people in America. We can't wait to have them at our fingertips again.

Drive-thrus

I never knew how amazing a drive-thru was until I had children, and now that I have four kids and not a single drive-thru or fast food option of any sort, man I crave them. The ability to get what I need without taking four kiddos out of the car is not lost on me whatsoever.

What am I missing folks? To those of you who have lived overseas, what do you miss most about America?