Attachment Styles

 

I've been studying "attachment styles." Attachment styles refer to the the way our primary caregivers interacted with us as infants, and how those interactions affect our relationships in adulthood. You could use this to determine how YOU were attached to YOUR parent, however, you can also use it to see how well you have have attache with your OWN children. I haven't asked my children to take these quizzes yet, but I plan to. 

It's important to know that "it's okay" if you mess up with your kids. Kids need TWO main things, and if you aren't doing that, start doing it today: 

1. They have to know that they can come to you. You can make sure this happens by doing the work yourself to make YOURSELF more healthy so you can be there for them. 

2. The child needs to feel ... felt. They need to know that you understand their emotions and are there for them and willing to listen. This can be hard to do because kids want to talk back about everything. :) When do you listen and when do you say, "You need to just do what I say." It's harrrrrddd.

Here are a few quizzes you can take to see what your attachment style is:

• The Attachment Project:This link WILL require your email address at the end of the quiz, but there are no further requirements to see your results. 
• The Attachment Style Quiz: Another free one, but you will have to put in your email address. 

The 4 different attachment styles: 

Beyond categorizing attachment as secure or insecure, there are three subsets of insecure attachment. So if you have: 

1. Secure attachment style ... you are where we all as humans "should" be. If you have an insecure attachment, it is one of the three categories:

A. Anxious/ambivalent attachment style

B. Avoidant/Dismissive attachment style

C. Disorganized/dismissive attachment style 

There is SO much online about this so I won't try to "recreate the wheel." I think these are super helpful to understand, but again, not everything can be traced back to childhood. We have the power to get help, to change our direction, to reach out. It isn't easy. But it is possible.

I also want to say that we don't need to blame all of our issues on childhood. But looking things in the face will help us move forward, heal, and do better as we raise our own children. 

We will ALL make mistakes. All of us. But we can try to heal, move on, and do better. 

I pray NO ONE feels judged by this. I am SO THANKFUL that I've been able to look into some of this and see it!