12x12: February #1: "Rivers"

This is the first of a Saturday-long Conference I attended with Adam Young and guest speaker Rob Bell. This was held on February 4, 2025. The Conference was entitled: "On Fear and Failure: From "My life is an Endless Struggle" -- to -- My Life is a Compelling Story." In this lecture, Rob talks about creation and our similarities to creation.

Here we are! February Conferences. We are going to witness ourselves today. One aim of today is to see the story of our lives with more compassion and honesty. 

Draw a river.

Now draw a mountain.

How does the river come down the mountain? It winds. It twists. It doubles back. It meanders. It flows. That river takes its time. 

Even a rushing river isn't straight. 

A river is energy moving through space and time. 

About 100 years ago there was a revolution in human thinking and awareness that everything is made of atoms which are made of particles. We've been able to split atoms and identify sub-particles. Everything that feels solid and firm is actually relationships of energy. Solidity is actually an illusion. 

You are a relationship of energy interacting with other relationships of energy. 

My view as I listened to this lecture! I actually thought the thing about "the horizon" when he said this in his talk!

What you can't find in nature are any straight lines. Yeah, but what about a horizon? Well, that's the curvature of a round planet! 

When we are learning how to be human, we are learning by looking around us at how everything else made of the same stuff works. 

Your shift is from separation ---- to ----> connection. And many worldviews are all based on getting you separated from the world around you. Economic models do the same thing. But what if you are connected to everything around you? 

(This feels a little hokey, but I'm trusting he's going to bring this altogether :)

Think about the environment. We aren't a tree. But we are still a part of the environment. 

Take another moment and draw a timeline. Put your date of birth and then put today: 2025. Pick just a few moments to put on the timeline. What things would you put on the timeline? 

Now try it again and draw with your eyes closed. Draw the line up and down and around with how it feels to be you. Maybe it looks like this:

 

 

I am angry. Collapse. And then we experience/feel the anger. And here comes the unworthy thoughts. We may feel the anger. But let's start feeling it. And witnessing it. And noticing it. 

 

I wonder how this episode ends? 

What if we just turned to our spouse in some moments and say, "I wonder how this episode ends?" You move from being completely caught-up in the thing, and while still in the show, you are noticing it and witnessing to it. You've turned the thing that was, "When is this going to be over ..." into presenting an element of curiosity.

 

Lean into the cringe

Anything that is embarrassing/cringy/uncomfortable needs to be a part of our life. We own them. This is the way it went. We don't dodge the discomfort. I'm owning every square inch of my life.  

 

The details of people's lives that they are the most quick to skim over are often the most interesting.

 

The shift comes from surviving to surprise. We aren't just trying to get through it. We are creating a space where out life can surprise us.Who knows what's around the corner? 

When you were growing up, the home that you grew up, what message did you live with? Did you get the message that: Life is an adventure that you get to go on! Or was the message: Life is a slog to be endured! These voices on your shoulder go deep! You were brined and marinated in this sauce. What was the message in your home? Not just what was said directly. What was said indirectly? What was the message? 

What if Hollywood's best doesn't hold a candle to the story that is YOUR precious life.

Let's go back to the river. When does it get where it's going? When does it get there? 

When

it

does.

 

And when does it get where? You wanna arrive, where? There's nowhere to arrive.  Do you want to just build canals? That's pretty boring! Rivers are much more fun.

Much of our agony comes from a distorted relationship with time. 

Let's just being with: 

We're here. It takes as long as it takes. 

 

Let's turn it from "What's wrong with me" to "What an interesting curriculum!" 

 

Wendi-ness is awesome!

(Put your own name in the blank!)

Let's start by saying, Wendi is awesome. She's a wonder. She's a mystery. Let's just spend some time appreciating her Wendi-ness. Let's look at the twists and turns and explore it and find it less something to be endured and more to be witnessed and enjoyed. Less something to be survived.

In the disappointments, the trajectory of our life is set. But we have to go from weathering to witnessing. There might be a lot of bouncing and hardship on the surface, but look under the water and see the Wendi. Don't bypass the terror or the shame. 

Witness it.

And find another human being to witness it with you. 

We are relationships of energy having a human experience. And then someone else's energy witnesses our story, they bear witness, and they speak into it what they notice about me. In the exchange, there is healing to our soul and heart. 

It takes as long as it takes.