Confession: I am a compulsive eater!

This is a guest post by a friend of mine. Please know that I am ALWAYS interested in letting my voice be a Blog for YOUR voice. If you have something you want to share, please reach out to me at: flakymn@hotmail.com!

I am a friend of Wendi’s.  Some of you know me, but due to the nature of this topic and the content shared, I am writing anonymously today.  It is my prayer that someone out there (even just one!) will be helped by me sharing my story.

Have you ever anticipated the holidays because of all the amazing food they involve, but at the same time dreaded the weight you knew you would gain, or the number of times you would feel too full and gross from over indulging in the feasting?

I have.  In fact, just last Christmas, I gained 5 pounds in 10 days while visiting my family for the holiday.

Many of you will not be able to relate to this.  Some of you will.  A few of you feel full and gross as you’re reading this.

With Thanksgiving just a heartbeat away, I wanted to share my story in hopes of reaching someone out there who can relate to what you read here.

At least since my teens, I have struggled with my weight.  My weight was constantly fluctuating and I could gain or lose 10 to 15 pounds pretty rapidly.

Having said that, I have tried dieting on and off and have never had any long lasting results. I have been able to maintain a fairly healthy body weight (though still heavier than I should have been) over the last few years, as I have been much more active. However, I've heard it said (and I believe it to be true) that being healthy is 80% what you eat and only 20% exercise. You can't out exercise what you're putting in your mouth. After a half marathon in the spring of 2013, I quit running and working out all together, until about early September.  

At the end of October, I realized that I weighed within seven pounds of my heaviest (non-pregnant) weight ever! I started working out at the gym like a crazy person. I would either swim, run, do weights, or cycle at least five times a week, or I would feel like a failure. At that rate, I was seeing some results, but was getting (mentally and physically) exhausted. That's a tough pace to keep up and be a very good wife, mom, and friend at the same time.    

It felt good to go home for Christmas and have people notice that I'd lost weight, etc... but it was CHRISTMAS, and I ended up gaining about five pounds in the ten days we were gone. I sort of lost my steam as the new year rolled in.

I have a good friend who had mentioned OA (Overeater's Anonymous) to me briefly in the past  and that she had started going to meetings. I thought about it on and off over the months and in January, asked her a little more about it. As she told me what it was, and her experience with it, I became acutely aware that I Am a compulsive eater. 

If I have pop (especially coke or vanilla coke) in my house, I will drink at least 2, and sometimes as many as 4 cans a day! If I have a bag of chocolate (anything), I will eat it in one or two days. If there is pizza, brownies and pop available at breakfast time, I will eat that instead of a healthy meal. If one of my kids wakes up in the night and needs to be settled, I will eat a handful of chocolate chips on the way to (and from) their room at 3 am! If there are brownies, fresh cookies, fresh bread, biscuits, donuts, etc in my house, I will not be able to just eat one. In hindsight, I realized that I had gotten to the place where feeling overfull, bloated, or just gross was happening multiple times a week and I thought it was normal.

I was also clearly using food as an emotional crutch. If I'd had an especially tough day with the kids, then nap time was time for me to "take the edge off" (often with a pop) and something sweet. Or if I got to buy groceries alone, I would get myself a drink and a sweet to celebrate, or if my husband was working late, I'd put the kids to bed, and then treat myself to some sort of snack while I enjoyed a movie or whatever alone. These treats also applied to feeling angry, sad, lonely or bored.  

There would also be times where I would crave something salty, then need something sweet to go with it, then need something crunchy, or creamy, or savory… and before I knew it, I had traveled through the fridge and panty and had eaten some of a dozen different things and felt completely overstuffed. The craving and the desire to continue enjoying the taste sensation would overwhelm any logic or sane thinking and I would be caught in a trap of binging, even when I felt physically gross and didn’t want to continue eating.

Over the last six months I have greatly benefitted from the program of Overeaters Anonymous.   You can visit their website here www.oa.org. It's not a "Christian" program, but in a lot of ways, it is the message of "salvation" when it comes to compulsive eating.   They have 12 steps which are as follows. We:

1. Admitted we were powerless over food — that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Admitted having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps; we tried to carry this message to compulsive overeaters and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Like I said, it's not a Christian program, but As a Christian, I have found that my belief in the One Higher Power, the Lord Jesus Christ, has made it very easy to see the truth in these steps and how He is the only one able to make any change in me.

These questions are a great way to see where you’re at with food.

I started to utilize these steps around the middle of February. My heart (that I didn't know was closed) really started to open at this time. OA does not tell you what to eat, but lets each person decide for themselves what their trigger foods are (foods that they are unable to eat in moderation) and what and how much they should be eating. They do suggest a 3-0-1 plan of eating. This means 3 meals a day, no snacks in between, 1 day at a time. I have found that I personally do better if I just don't eat anything between meals because once I start eating, my body thinks "well, now it's time to eat!" and I have a hard time reigning it in.

As I look back, I realize I was not at all aware of how much food I was eating. I was definitely a "grazer" between meals, and would sample lots of stuff while I was cooking or making the kids food. I would almost always have dessert, and I usually had some type of snack in the evening before bed.

March came. I was having success with the food plan and trying to cut out some things like pop, chocolate, and generally cut back on junk food as I followed my 3 meals a day. I was losing weight and seeing good results. But I was still emotionally tied to the food and would still slip and eat compulsively and struggle and question what I was doing wrong.  

On March 27th, after losing yet another battle against my sugar addiction, I had a revelation from the Lord:

(I was floored with how clear He made this to me!) 

Either I was going to continue to struggle and fail against my addiction, at the cost of true closeness with Him, OR I was going to give it (sugar) up completely to have the relationship I want with Him.   

It was a crossroads.

I could only go one way.   

I chose Him.

Just the fact that I was able to make that choice (even in my head, before it would play out in my physical body), is proof that this is from Him. I was both terrified and excited!

I did not give up sugar to lose weight, or for the health benefits. Neither of those were good enough reasons.  

I. 

Love. 

Sweets.  

I honestly would rather "risk" my health (until something came up) and enjoy sweets, than give them up. I would rather be a little chubby and be able to enjoy sweets, rather than give them up. BUT, when I was shown that I would be choosing them over HIM - that was reason enough!  The only way my weak, human self could fathom not having sugar ever again ... was because of the trade off.

As I thought about it, it was so simple. When presented with those two choices, there was only one option I wanted! By this time, I knew I had become comfortable, complacent and pretty stagnant spiritually, but the yearning to be closer to Him had grown sooooo strong! His offer of new found communion with Him, along with a Bible full of promises about His faithfulness was irresistible!

In the days immediately following this revelation, I would be overcome with moments of panic, with thoughts of "What!?  I'm Never eating sugar again???" (By this point in my life, sugar and desserts were part of my personality, what people knew and expected from me!)  But He is good. It totally felt right, even in the fear. I knew He would give me strength. "You will know the truth and the truth will set you free."  John 8:32

I started with a total ban on chocolate, cake, cookies, pastries, donuts, ice cream, candy, honey and syrup. (I included honey and syrup, because I had found that even if I was using them on super healthy foods, I was obsessing about them and not using them in moderation). Sweet things had to go.  I slowly started weeding out foods that sugar was "sneaky" about hiding in.

This decision was immediately confirmed over and over in my heart and mind as He brought verses to me.  I was so thankful. Ephesians 2:1-10 especially spoke to me in those early days.

Those first days were hard. I'll be honest. When I was around sugary things, I would have an extremely strong, physical reaction to them. My mouth would water (and almost ache) because I wanted it so badly. God proved Himself so faithful though, even when I was not. Around the beginning of May, I could definitely tell that the obsession had lifted and I felt much more free from the pull of these foods!

I have definitely had times of failure and feeling vulnerable, or where I question this decision. Am I really this bad off?  Do I really need to be this strict and give it all up? Maybe I'm overreacting. I've lost a lot of weight, and I feel great. Maybe I could handle just a little. I started wanting to rationalize. Time and (painful) time again, it has been confirmed that I am and always will be a compulsive eater if I let myself go, and I need to live in a new way if I am to have freedom, I can't mess around with the food.

Some time in April, I had decided to give up flour for a few months as a trial thing. I suspected that I also wasn't able to handle "floury" foods (since even healthy pancakes, biscuits, muffins etc would leave me obsessing about them before the meal came when I got to eat them, and I wasn't eating them in moderation).  When I was visiting a friend, I cheated and asked if she would make her skillet homemade biscuits for one of our meals. I seriously thought about them for the 24 hours previous, almost lost my mind while they were baking... and then proceeded to eat until they were gone at dinner. I not only felt super gross and full, but, (because I had been eating essentially no flour for the three weeks previous and then totally binged on it), my gut was torn up and within an hour it had gone straight through me. This made things crystal clear for me about flour.   

Again, there was some serious pain at the thought of no more bread, rolls, croissants, pancakes, biscuits, etc, but I've found that even the smallest thing (one breaded chicken nugget) will leave me wanting more and obsessing about it.  As weird as it is, I do know myself and that I can't have flour/baked stuff of any kind. I need to continue to rest in His leading and not worry about what others will think.

These are small sacrifices in the big picture, but they are sacrifices.  I have come to see that the more I am sacrificing, the more I need Him. That is where I need to be. I need to "feel" the sacrifice. If I could somehow happily eat some sort of bread or pancakes, I would be content (and in a scary place because I would lose my dependence on Him). That tiny sense of loss keeps me close to Him.   I now see it as a gift I've been given! People who can eat sweets or baked goods without a thought, don't have the opportunity like I have to be reminded so often how much I need Him and how great He is! =)

In June, I (nervously) went to my first OA meeting. It felt like home. Nowhere have I felt such love and acceptance and encouragement. I think it operates the way the Church should. I now attend a meeting every week.

Fast forward to now:  I have been BLOWN AWAY by God's goodness and faithfulness and how He has worked in so many areas of my life simultaneously.  I blunder along, but continue to reach for His hand and follow this new path and He just dumps on the blessings. About six months ago, I started waking up before anyone else, at 5:30 or 6:00 to sit in a comfy chair in the living room and greet the new day and spend quiet, alone time with the Lord before the day got started. How awesome that time has been.

The real message here is that it’s not about the food; God just chose to use that avenue in my life as a way to help me reach a place of surrender. I can clearly see that my journey with food addiction and finding victory over that has just opened up the doors to my life, to shed the light on other areas where I desperately need either deliverance, strength, or just a nudge to step out in faith and let myself be used in new ways.

In large and small ways He has enabled me to connect with so many people in the last couple months on a deeper level through my experiences with His grace and power. I find myself more easily “going deep” in conversations a lot faster than I ever would have before. Transparency resonates with people!

I have lost 30 pounds and I probably eat half as much food as I used to, BUT I only eat foods that I LOVE and enjoy every bite of it so much more than I ever have before!  

There is no “once and for all cure”.  I only find recovery as I take it one day at a time and follow His leading and use the 12 steps. In my own strength I CANNOT avoid eating sugar or flour for the rest of my life… I am not strong enough. He is strong and it is in His strength that I can take the steps each day to help me recover and live like I’ve never lived before.

This is not a “How To/A Diet/A Manual/A Do This, Don’t Do That”, it’s simply my story of how God has proved Himself so faithful to me in 2015.

* If you related to anything I said, please check out OA’s website and see how you can find support and recovery in your area.  If you would like contact me, you can contact Wendi and she can put you in touch with me.  I would love to encourage you in any way I can!  There IS hope!

24 Hours in Hannah Attire

Folks, I canNOT make this stuff up. 

Yesterday I decided that I would try to take pictures for 24 hours of everything Hannah wore. I didNOT get a picture of all outfits. Sometimes the change occurred too quickly for me to get a picture, or I was tied up. In addition, my friend Becky who was in town visiting informed me that Hannah had a series of changes that she did not take pictures of while I was doing some work outside with the animals.

I should also tell you that Hannah does all this changing HERSELF. She can get things facing the right direction and even switch around stuff that is inside out. (My older three cannot even do this.) She never puts shoes on the wrong feet, and these are all changes she does completely by herself.

Oh, and did I tell you she changed her own diaper two days ago? We have slip on diapers, and she came downstairs in a new one because she said she was "too wet."

She was not in the mood to have her picture taken this time.

That's a marker cap perched behind her ear.

She was in time-out for an hour after changing into this dress. She would not join us for dinner without crying so she had to sit in time-out until she was done crying. (She never did eat dinner.)

Did I mention it was 24 degrees out yesterday?

There's a purse in this look!

She and I did a run to Knoxville, and I asked Daddy to get her ready. This is what she picked out. (We stopped at four stores, and she took off her shoes and socks before each stop.)

This hat cracks me up. If the light hits it right, it does a disco ball in our house!

Mad at Abigail for wanting the shoes Hannah is wearing -- which BELONG to Abigail.

Eating Mango in sister's pajamas.

My New Favorite Author

Ya'll know me. And ya'll know I love to read. Not that I have a ton of time, but I do try to spend every evening, after all the kiddos have gone to bed, curled up with my favorite book. It's my down time and it is how I wind down to fall asleep.

My new absolute favorite author is, without a doubt, Julie Lessman. I honestly cannot sing her praises enough. When I was leaving for a girls weekend in D.C., I asked my husband to find me a good book on my Kindle. He did some searching and stumbled upon Julie Lessman. He saw all the awards she had won and figured she must be "pretty good" and bought me her first book on Amazon. By the time I was home from the trip, I had called him, begging him to please buy the next one for me!

Folks, I am telling you, Julie Lessman has quickly become my new favorite author. While I have always said that Francine Rivers is in a "league of her own", I must tell you that I really think Julie Lessman is as close as anyone has ever gotten that I have read, and I actually, seriously, think she is rivaling Francine Rivers in the quality of her writing. I thoroughly enjoyed Karen Kingsbury as well, but she does not compare to Lessman.

What I appreciate so much is her gift for writing. This is quality writing. I really dislike that I have to compromise quality for content when I read or watch Christian movies or books. I truly believe that Christians should be doing this just as good. And Lessman does! And not only is the writing fantastic, but she incorporates encouragement and the salvation message so well. It truly never comes across force or preachy.

I have absolutely devoured her books. Not only that, but I have given each one to my mother-in-law, and she has devoured each of them behind me. I even bought new hard copies of her "Heart of San Francisco" series, and for those of you who know me at all, you know I don't buy anything new. But I just could not wait until I found a used set!

Seriously. If you like reading, and you enjoy Christian novels, you absolutely must read Lessman's books.

Where to start? Well, you can find a complete listing of her books by clicking here.  But I would suggest you start by reading: A Light in the Window. You can purchase this for only 99cents on Amazon so you seriously have nothing to lose. Buy this book and see for yourself if you are not completely hooked! (I actually didn't know about A Light in the Window and read it after Series #1 and #2 listed below.)

Once you finish (and LOVE!) that book, you can jump into "The Daughters of Boston" series and follow that up with "The Winds of Change" series. Both of these follow along with the O'Connor family, and trust me, you'll grieve as much as I did when those series are done.

SERIES #1

"THE DAUGHTERS OF BOSTON" SERIES:

     A Passion Most Pure

     A Passion Redeemed

     A Passion Denied 

SERIES #2

THE "WINDS OF CHANGE" SERIES:

     A Hope Undaunted

     A Heart Revealed

     A Love Surrendered

Once you finish these series, there are actually two (going on three!) novellas which are shorter stories following a few of the couples in the series listed above. Let me know if you get there and I'll give you a link to the novellas!

After that, I got started on "The Heart of San Francisco" series. It was very hard for me to leave the O'Connor family, but honestly, and I am still not sure how she did it, but Lessman reeled me into an entirely different family nearly as seamlessly.

SERIES #3

THE "HEART OF SAN FRANCISCO" SERIES:

     Love at any Cost

Dare to Love Again

Surprised by Love

I am planning to do some further reviews of Lessman's books in the weeks and months to come so stay tuned. But for now, let me know if you are going to jump in and read based on my recommendation. I really want to know what you all think even though I know you will love her as much as I do!!

Adoption Myths (and the truth)

Information from this article was gathered from the The National Center for Health Statistics.

Some misconceptions about adoption trouble prospective birth parents and adoptive families. For instance, adoptive parents may wonder if they will love an adopted child as much as a biological child; birth parents may worry that their child will have ill feelings toward them. Outside the adoption community, little has been done to change these perceptions.

However, the U.S. Department of Health released adoption statistics from a 2007 National Survey of Adoptive Parents. The evidence refutes common misconceptions about adoption, as the adoption statistics prove many widespread misconceptions are false.

There is no doubt in my mind that adopted children are actually loved as much or more than biological children. Obviously, there are cases where this is not accurate. However, the amount of paperwork and money and requirements that adoptive families must adhere to truly weeds out people who are not serious about what they are doing. Take some of these stats to heart:

• Nearly 3 of every 4 adopted children ages 0-5 are read or sung to everyday, while only half of non-adopted children receive the same attention from their biological parents.
• Well more than half of all adopted children eat dinner with their families at least six days per week.
• Adoption statistics show that more than 90 percent of adopted children ages 5 and older have positive feelings about their adoption.
• Today, 100 percent of birth mothers choose the amount of openness in the adoption and select a family that meets her request. Thus, 67 percent of private adoptions today have pre-adoption agreements for a semi-open or open adoption.
• But the adoption world has changed: today, 99 percent of adopted children ages 5 and older know that they were adopted.
• In truth, 85 percent of adopted children are rated to have “excellent” or “very good” health while 82 percent of non-adopted children have the same rating, according to

Misconception: “Will the adopted child be loved as much as a biological child?”

Adoptive families and birth parents may share this concern before the adoption. Fears of the adoptive family not loving an adopted child are eliminated as soon as they first lay eyes on their baby in nearly every adoption.

Look at how adoptive parents interact with adopted children: nearly 3 of every 4 adopted children ages 0-5 are read or sung to everyday, while only half of non-adopted children receive the same attention from their biological parents. Furthermore, well more than half of all adopted children eat dinner with their families at least six days per week.

At first glance, these adoption statistics may not seem important, but they show how adoptive parents cherish the time they have with their children. They appreciate the opportunity to be a parent every day.

Couples with infertility have an astounding appreciation for parenthood. Adoption grants their dreams of raising a child, and their love shows in the little things like reading before bed.

The study says that 9 out of every 10 adoptive couples said the relationship they share with their adopted child is “very close.” Nearly half said that the relationship is “better than expected.” More than 9 of every 10 adoptive parents said they would “definitely” make the same decision to adopt.

Misconception: “My child will hate me because I placed him or her for adoption.”

This concern is perpetuated by the media and people with no adoption experience. A family member or friend may not agree with a pregnant woman’s desire to place her child for adoption and may say that the child will hate her if she does so. Some TV shows and movies have unjustly portrayed adoptees this way as well.

The adoption statistics show that more than 90 percent of adopted children ages 5 and older have positive feelings about their adoption.

Misconception: “Once I place my baby for adoption, I will never see her again.”

At one time, this was reality. It was thought that the adoption process was easier for everyone if the birth mother went on with her life not knowing anything about her child. However, the past several decades have changed openness in adoption.

Now most adoption professionals agree that a semi-open adoption – in which pictures and letters are exchanged through adoption professional mediation after the adoption – creates healthy relationships. Many adoptions are even more open. Keeping some contact with the adoptive family gives the birth mother peace of mind that she made the right decision.

Today, 100 percent of birth mothers choose the amount of openness in the adoption and select a family that meets her request. Thus, 67 percent of private adoptions today have pre-adoption agreements for a semi-open or open adoption.

Misconception: “My child won’t know that she was adopted.”

In the past, adoption was very “hush-hush.” A birth mother wouldn’t tell anyone she was pregnant. In some situations, she even moved elsewhere to have the baby and place him or her for adoption. Meanwhile, adoptive parents often didn’t tell their child that he or she was adopted.

But the adoption world has changed: today, 99 percent of adopted children ages 5 and older know that they were adopted.

More Adoption Statistics About Birth Mothers*

• Women who place a child for adoption have higher educational aspirations, are more likely to finish school and are less likely to live in poverty or receive public assistance than mothers who keep their children.
• Women who place a child delay marriage longer, are more likely to eventually marry and are less likely to divorce.
• Women who place a child are more likely to be employed 12 months after the birth and less likely to repeat out-of-wedlock pregnancy.
• Women who place a child are no more likely to suffer negative psychological consequences, such as depression, than are mothers who rear children as single parents.

Misconception: “Adopted children are not as healthy as non-adopted children.”

This misconception stems from inaccurate stereotypes of birth mothers. Some worry that a birth mother won’t take care of herself during pregnancy if she is placing the baby for adoption and wonder if the child will grow up with poor health.

In truth, 85 percent of adopted children are rated to have “excellent” or “very good” health while 82 percent of non-adopted children have the same rating.

Misconception: “Adoption agencies withhold relevant medical information about the adoption, birthmother and child.”

State adoption facilities once thought it better to withhold medical records. They thought that the child would have a better chance of being adopted if medical records were withheld, but this practice did more harm than good.

After lawsuits and a shift in perception, state governments, private agencies and many state laws and regulations now mandate that all known medical information be disclosed to the adoptive family. This information is extremely important for an adoptive family to watch for health concerns in the adopted child.

Other General Adoption Statistics

• In 2007, 38 percent of children adopted in the U.S. were adopted through private domestic adoption, 37 percent were adopted through foster care and 25 percent were adopted internationally.
• 62 percent of children adopted privately are placed with the adoptive family when they are newborns or less than one year old.
• Roughly a fifth of private adoptions are transracial.
• 88 percent of adoptive parents describe themselves as a “happy” couple, while 83 percent of non-adoptive parents describe themselves as a “happy” couple.
• While stats vary, generally , more than 95 percent of adoptive families have a high school education, and more than 90 percent have a bachelor’s degree. Nationally, adoptive parents have high school and/or secondary education in 79 percent of private domestic adoptions.
• Adopted children ages 6-11 are just as likely to read leisurely as non-adopted children.
• 85 percent of privately adopted children ages 6-17 engage in extracurricular activities.
• Many agencies report 100 percent of children in their agency are placed in two-parent homes, obviously higher than societal norms.
• Adopted children are more likely to live in neighborhoods that are safe, that have amenities and that are in good physical condition than are non-adopted children.

Growing Up Adopted: A Look at Health, Happiness of Adopted Children

All information (except for "More general adoption statistics on the birth mother") is taken from the U.S. Department of Health’s 2007 National Survey of Adoptive Parents (NSAP): (http://aspe.hhs.gov/hsp/09/NSAP/chartbook/chartbook.cfm?id=1)

*Source: McLaughlin SD, Manninen DL, Winges LD, Do Adolescents Who Relinquish Their Children Fare Better or Worse Than Those Who Raise Them? Family Planning Perspectives, 20:1 (Jan. - Feb. 1998), pp. 25-32

Sequence for Kids

I have had more and more people reaching out to me and asking for recommendations for Christmas presents. I wanted to take a moment to review a game that is fantastic for ages 4 and up.

I am really big on games that can be enjoyed by a wide age group. Sequence for Kids is a great one! There are so few games that my 4 year old can play -- especially ones that don't drive me crazy. (Candyland and Chutes and Ladders are really not very fun for grown-ups!) This one is a game that really be tackled by kids as young as 4, don't last that long, and don't drive grown-ups crazy!

Another one that I reviewed previously is: Busytown which remains my all-time favorite for a really great family game!

Dear Hannah,

Dear Hannah,

In our house kids nap until they are at least 4. Your big sister, Abigail, still takes a nap regularly. Your brothers were just released from their hour of quiet reading time this year and the are 6 and 7!

I am not sure where you got a bit confused. Please take the day to refocus. This is 5 out of 7 days that you have not napped in the afternoon. You are two. The CDC recommends that you are have between 11-12 hours of sleep each day. Your mother recommends closer to 14 for my sanity.  You will continue to spend two hours in your bed every day between 1pm and 3pm for the health of our relationship. It would be best if you slept during that time. (It makes it go much faster, and I am able to relax a bit more knowing that you aren't hurting yourself or damaging any property or changing your clothes or getting naked or as you say "Maken as a Jaybird.")

Although, okay, I admit it. Whenever you nap you end up standing up in your crib for about two hours at bedtime. Last night it was 9:45pm when I heard you giggle your last, "Never!!!" in your bed.

But that is neither here nor there. I am currently unable to be a good mother without nap time. If you want to fully understand, you can read the post I wrote last year entitled: Wipe-Your-Own-Butt-Time.

Sleeping is a very valued activity in our home. Get with the program.

I love you soooooo much!

Love,

Mommy

Remember

We Bought a Farm: Wise Advice From a Farmer's Wife

Found this on Facebook. Don't have an author. But I loved it!

• Whenever you return a borrowed pie pan, make sure it's got a warm pie in it.
• Invite lots of folks to supper. You can always add more water to the soup.
• There's no such thing as woman's work on a farm. There's just work.
• Make home a happy place for the children. Everybody returns to their happy place.
• Always keep a small light on in the kitchen window at night.
• If your man gets his truck stuck in the field, don't go in after him. Throw him a rope and pull him out with the tractor.
• Keep the kerosene lamp away from the the milk cow's leg.
• It's a whole lot easier to get breakfast from a chicken than a pig.
• Always pat the chickens when you take their eggs.
• It's easy to clean an empty house, but hard to live in one.
• All children spill milk. Learn to smile and wipe it up.
• Homemade's always better'n store bought.
• A tongue's like a knife. The sharper it is the deeper it cuts.
• A good neighbor always knows when to visit and when to leave.
• A city dog wants to run out the door, but a country dog stays on the porch 'cause he's not fenced-in.
• Always light birthday candles from the middle outward.
• Nothin' gets the frustrations out better'n splittn' wood.
• The longer dress hem, the more trusting the husband.
• Enjoy doing your children's laundry. Some day they'll be gone.
• You'll never catch a runnin' chicken but if you throw seed around the back door you'll have a skillet full by supper.
• Biscuits brown better with a little butter brushed on 'em.
• Check your shoelaces before runnin' to help somebody.
• Visit old people who can't get out. Some day you'll be one.
• The softer you talk, the closer folks'll listen.
• The colder the outhouse, the warmer the bed.

Adoption: Aaron & Kristen

In honor of National Adoption Month, I am revisiting a post from last year at this time. This wonderful family has since added a third child to their brood!

It's absolutely amazing how God places people in our lives at just the right times and just the right places.  We met John and Wendi when they were going through infertility.  We had always thought we would adopt, but had never actually walked along with another couple going through infertility.  A couple years later, we found ourselves working through our own infertility and reaching out to John and Wendy for their thoughts on domestic adoption.  We had been starting to work with a local adoption agency which, while a fabulous agency, just wasn't feeling right for us.  I will never forget Wendy telling me that they had looked at Bethany at one time, and she and John felt that it was a very reputable agency.

Fast forward another 8 months (and working with Bethany), and I was at work when my husband called to tell me a baby boy had been born that morning and his parents wanted us to adopt him.  Little did we know how different our lives would become in that one phone call.  The love and total awe we have for the fact that Noah is our son are beyond any words that I have.  It was truly love at first sight, and we couldn't ask for a more perfect fit for our family!  We are blessed way beyond anything we deserve or ever imagined. 

Two years later we were matched with a young lady who was having a little girl.  I was in the delivery room that June morning when Lillian was born.  There are no words to explain how humbling it was to watch Jamie (Lillian's birthmom) give birth to her daughter and hand her to me.  I still cry even writing about it :)  The true love it took for Jamie to carry Lillian and give birth to her and then to make a plan for us to raise her...  I am am speechless!

And now we find ourselves getting ready to start waiting for a third baby to join our family.  Even after being blown away by God's goodness through our first two adoptions, I find myself nervous and anxious about how this third baby will fit into our family.  And then I spend time with my two kids and remember that we have been truly blessed through adoption beyond anything we ever imagined or dreamed. 

***Update: Since I posted this family's story last year, they have added a THIRD adoption miracle to their brood! Congratulations Aaron & Kristen!

Friday Funnies

Isaac: "Do you have to go to college if you want to be a lego designer?"
Me: "You might. I'm not sure. You have to get good grades and be really smart."
Isaac: "Okay."
Me: "And you might have to move to Sweden because that is where they do most of the Lego stuff."
Isaac: "It's Denmark, Mom."
Me: "Oh. Okay. Yeah. Denmark."
Abigail: "Deadmark?"
Isaac: "Yeah. It borders Germany."
Abigail: "Yeah but why do they call it Deadmark?"
Sidge: "It's Denmark Abigail."

*****

Isaac: "I wish I wasn't allergic to eggs."
Me: "I know. Me too. But we sometimes have things that we don't like having."
Isaac: "Like what?"
Me: "Well, I have this rash on my hands that I haven't been able to get rid of that really bothers me."
Isaac: "Yeah?"
Me: "And Sidge. He's color deficient and he wishes he wasn't."
Sidge: "No I don't!"
Me: "Huh?"
Sidge: "Yeah. I like being color blind. I get to see the world in a really cool way."
Me: "Okay. Well forget that example then okay, Isaac?"

We Bought a Farm: Funny time!

Hannah ... Sigh ...

Today was a Mom-Day for the record books.

There are so many ways I could try to write it and explain it and quantify it and qualify it. I will instead say that Hannah beat me today. She won. She literally left me spinning and completely and utterly off my axis. 

I was forced, at the end of it all, to hug all my children and apologize for the raving lunatic I became in the midst of attempting to do school work, make lunch, and stop Hannah from destroying my home. The kids assured me, as they always do, that I was the "best mom ever."

But I have my doubts.

In the course of twenty minutes (and I am not exaggerating when I tell you it was, honestly, twenty minutes) Hannah managed to rip Isaac's favorite magazine, break Abigail's bracelet, and get into the sharpies, while changing outfits .... well ... check out her outfit changes for yourself ...

This child has left me questioning everything about myself as a woman, a mother, and just plain human being. I have no idea how to homeschool my other three children with Hannah in my home. When she walks through a room, things totally lift into the air and start to spin behind her coming down all over the room. She is "Hannah the Hurricane."

And while she forced me to put her down for a nap she didn't take and quit homeschooling my other three children and put on a movie for my older children and climb into my bed with a bowl full of chocolate ice cream smothered in chocolate syrup, I truly cannot imagine my life without her spirit and spunk and love.

I love her so much. So much.

But holy cow am I in over my head or what.

We Bought a Farm: Catching up with our birds!

We have two breeds of geese: Pilgrim and Large Dewlap Toulouse. Pilgrim Ganders (male) are all white. They are a bit smaller than the Toulouse Geese in the back. Geese can leave many years and usually mate for life. We will allow them to raise their babies. (They don't lay many eggs) and will then process their young for food around 8 weeks. We plan to process one of our males for Thanksgiving dinner this year.

This is a Pilgrim Goose (female). The female (goose) is gray, and the male (gander) is all white. Believe it or not, we cannot put these geese and ducks (easily) on any of our ponds. These animals are very hard on bodies of water and if you put too many of them on the water, they will deplete your fish production and they can even completely ruin the pond. For now, we simply have them around our house, moving them regularly to fresh grass. The geese love to eat grass. We may, eventually, allow one pair on the pond.

One of our Large Dewlap Toulouse Ganders showing off. These are amazingly beautiful birds.

Another shot of another Large Dewlap Toulouse Gander. You can't really see from this picture, but they have a HUGE amount of fat on their chest. This actually makes breeding difficult for them unless they are in water.

Guineas on the prowl. These are Pearl Guineas, the most common variety. They are bug eaters on our farm. They are wild and have free roam of the property -- even the ability to leave us if they wanted. We put a small amount of food out for them each night to help them continue to return to us. Isaac thinks they look like skeletons. In addition, they are an extremely unintelligent animal. (Maybe it is their head size.) They really make us laugh with their antics. For example, if they are separated from their friends by a fence, they will throw themselves into a fence dozens of times before we chase them over to an open gate just a few feet away. 

A fine looking Rouen Drake (male). Rouen Ducks were developed from the wild Mallard which is why they have a similar color pattern, but the Rouens are much larger. They were developed for both meat and egg production. We have decreased our males so now we have 5 males and 10 females. We will eat their eggs but also allow them to raise their own young and then process the young around 12 weeks for meat. These ducks are fed a small amount of feed every  morning but really enjoy being rotated onto fresh grass and digging in mud for bugs and worms of all kinds!

Book Review: I Prayed for You

I loved this book.

Hard pages perfect for little hands, this delightful little book tells the story of a Mama bear and how much her little cub was wanted. She shares about how she felt the first time her little cub was held, took first steps, prayed, changed clothes, got in trouble, and went to school.

What I really loved about this book is that it works perfectly for biological and adopted children. As an adoptive mom, this is something I so greatly appreciate. In addition, while the little cub is in blue, there is no reference to the cub being a boy or girl -- allowing the book to work for either gender. 

This book would also work for single moms as well as it is simply the story of a mother's love with no mention of a Papa bear. 

I found this book incredibly sweet and one I cannot wait to read to my four little cubs! From before these sweet babies are born, and for every part of their futures, Mama covers them in prayer. Every spread shares a different prayer, and mamas everywhere will resonate with this eternally important message. 

A fantastic gift for a new mom -- adopted or biological!

Booksneeze provided me with a free copy of this book in exchange for my honest review!

Review: The Rainbow Egg

I just finished reading the book The Rainbow Egg by Linda Hendricks, M.D. I received a complimentary e-copy of this book in exchange for my unbiased and honest review from Booklookbloggers. 

The Rainbow Egg tells the story of a particular young hen who is unable to take care of her egg. She therefore begins a search for someone to help her care for her egg. She finds Mr. and Mrs. Rainbow who have not been able to have any chickens of their own. They agree to care for the egg, and ultimately the little life that emerges from it. 

Very easily, you can see that this story is presenting adoption in a way that children can understand. I think it did what it intended do in a very clear way. I think that the physician-author created the start of dialogue between parent and child.

That being said, as an adoptive parent, I don't think that this will be a book that I would share with my adopted son. I can't really put my finger on it, but I really think it was the way the book was illustrated that sort of seemed to put a little bit of a "gray cloud" on adoption for me. The words were all correct, I just didn't get the same good feelings reading this book that I have when reading other adoption books, like A Blessing from Above for example.

Overall, I think the message was shared correctly, and I think it was tastefully done. I just don't think it would be my particular choice for our adoption library.

Schoolhouse Review Crew

I am so excited! My Blog was chosen to be a part of the SchoolhouseReviewCrew.com. 

A HUGE thank you to my friend Jake Olson for telling me about this awesome opportunity. I had to fill out a lengthy application and meet a lot of requirements. A big part of that was having a daily blog with a certain number of visitors, and a history of completing reviews. So THANK YOU for reading and visiting and being a follower!

What does this mean? Well I don't know everything this includes yet, but I do know I'll be receiving and reviewing a variety of homeschool curriculums that I will then, in turn, share on my Blog. 

I was also recently awarded GOLD status at Booklookbloggers.com which allows me to review two books at a time. I got this because I had 300 followers on my Blog. THANK YOU for being a follower!

Mommy bought some new boots

In case you missed it in this picture ...

... here's the close up of the little stuffed animal she added to the full-length boot look.

Try 17 times

Review & Giveaway!

*****UPDATE! Congrats to Julie Edgar -- winner of video giveaway!

Make sure you read to the end of this review to find out how you can have a chance to receive a free copy of this movie.

If you have not had the opportunity to visit the FishFlix website, you are really missing out! FishFlix is an online Christian Movie Store run by Christians. You can get Christian movies, Christian DVDs, and Christian films at a very fair and reasonable cost.

I had the opportunity to review the movie Return to the Hiding Place this month, and folks I am not sure I can say enough good things about this movie. This one will stick with me for a long time to come.

Return to the Hiding Place details the familiar story of Corrie ten Boom from an entirely different perspective. When Corrie realizes the rising Nazi empire will destroy Holland create the holocaust of every innocent Jew in secret-death camps, she faces the deadly risk using an army comprised of untrained teenagers. While I have both read and seen the movie The Hiding Place, I had actually never heard of this second story. I was worried that it wouldn't be up to the standard that I hold the first movie and book.

But I was not let down at all! This was a fantastic film.

This movie specifically focuses on two young men: Piet Hartog and Hans Poley. What follows is an amazing story of Christian young men and women who risk everything to save the lives of Jewish men, women, and children during Hitler's reign of terror.

This movie is billed as a thrilling action romantic drama, and it absolutely stays true to that. I want to see Christian movies done as well as their secular counterparts, and this movie is that for sure. The acting was outstanding, and I often found myself forgetting that I was watching a non-mainstream film.

You will cheer and cry at this exciting, sobering tale of Hans and the youth movement that dared to resist one of History's cruelest dictators.


In addition, I definitely intend to continue to turn to FishFlix for quality Christian entertainment, and I want you to enjoy it as much as I do. I am going to hold a drawing to give away my copy of this movie. I will also include a copy of Faith of our Fathers which I reviewed earlier this week. Please leave a comment, and I will choose a random winner in one week!

Good luck!

Friday Funnies

A little late this week, but here are a few smiles for you!

*****

Sidge: "I have a new habit."
JB: "What is it?"
Sidge: "Instead of fighting with Abigail, I'm going to play nice with her. That's my habit."

*****

Our new ram has been dutifully fulfilling his obligations. I have explained to Sidge the basics of why he is here and have had to answer more questions then I initially was planning. I especially emphasized that if we see Jerome on a ewe, it is not a bad thing. He is doing a good thing for our farm. So when Sidge saw Jerome on one of the ewes he turned to me and said, "Oh! Look! He's helping and being nice!"

:)

I'm Done Being Nice About Abortion and Adoption!

I'm so SICK AND TIRED of all this Planned Parenthood mumbo jumbo.

I'm sick of being nice.

We currently have four couples still waiting for placement with our organization Because of Isaac.  One of those couples: Ryan and Briana have raised 100% of their monies and after many close calls, are still waiting to be chosen. To say they are weary and tired and frustrated would be one of the largest understatements I could ever make.

Our other three couples: Joel & Criss, Kevin & Tessa, and Chris & Renae are still fundraising. While they haven't raised all their money, they are still on the list to adopt and could get a call at any time.

And yet they wait.

This article: Adoption Update: The Resounding "No" to our Constant "Yes" is an outstanding adoption article discussing what it feels like to be a waiting parent.

In short: It sucks.

How would you like to be one of these couples, waiting for a birth mother to choose you while you watch Planned Parenthood receive GOVERNMENT FUNDING that pays for babies to die?

I keep reading articles and Facebook posts about Planned Parenthood. I keep reading some sort of combination of words that go like this:

"We can't expect these women to not abort when we don't have resources for them. We need more resources if we expect them not to abort."

And I want to punch a wall.

Or scream.

Or punch and scream at the same time.

There are resources GALORE to help these women have a baby without ANY COST TO THEM! All they have to do is call up any adoption agency in any city or any state in all of America and tell them they would like to place their child up for adoption. Within an HOUR there would be someone there and within a day there would be a family for their child.

Here are four families that would be there tomorrow!

Did you know that a birth mother can have all her medical costs and even counseling and housing/food costs covered if they need it?

In addition, a woman can bring her baby without question to any church, hospital, or EMS station and leave them there and a family will be found. It's called the Safe-haven law. Check it out.

And yet IGNORANT PEOPLE keep saying "Mothers need more resources if we expect them not to abort."

Wall.

Scream.

They do not need resources. They HAVE resources. What they need is someone to tell them, "Hey, you know what, abortion is not without issue. You will have emotional and possible physical ramifications. This could lead to infertility. This could cause you sadness and intense grief and pain. And you know what? There is a family who could adopt your baby. You could give this child life. And it will cost you nothing."

How about using this tax payer money to help infertile couples not have to spend $25,000 to adopt a newborn baby? If we weren't paying for women to have abortions, we could do that.

If you could PROVE TO ME that each woman, before being given an abortion, has all of these facts explained to them .... that they are told, "There is someone who can help pay for you to have this baby and give this baby a great home," then maybe I might understand a bit more all these people saying, "Women need more help."

(Please don't tell me they have this explained to them. I'm not talking about a flyer or a quick video. I'm talking about an actual, truthful, counseling conversation that explains this in clear, concise language.)

BIRTH MOTHERS HAVE HELP!

(Please also don't tell me that Planned Parenthood does other good things. If the chickens we are raising on our farm are 99% healthy but have 1% of poison in them, that is not okay. People are not okay with 1% bad. And if Planned Parenthood is doing something 1% badly, then they are not okay. And at the very least, shouldn't be getting my money.)

Meet four families who would LOVE to be the Daddy and Mommy for the baby they are planning on murdering.

I can't be nice about it any longer.

People are ignorant to the truths of adoption.

Hopefully my words help explain it. I'm sorry that I couldn't be more of the peaceful, sublime Wendi. I just can't do it anymore on this topic. My heart hurts too badly watching these four families wait and wait and wait while babies are dying and dying and dying.

It.
Is.
Not.
Okay.

We Bought a Farm: I Hate Flies

I'll be honest: I am loving farm life.

I'll be honest again: I HATE flies.

We have had a serious fly problem at our house. We had a guy come out to look at it, and he can't figure out what is wrong. All we know is that our brick house is very warm and the flies migrate to it like a duck on a June Bug. We also think that a chicken processing plant down the road is contributing.) We get flies by the thousands. They stick to our screens and anytime any door is cracked open, we have dozens in our house again.

Folks, I am not talking about a few flies here and there. I am talking like I will kill ... thirty ... and then an hour later there are thirty more. It is disgusting and I hate it. People who come to visit at first just sort of nicely nod when I tell them about my fly problem, but by the end of the visit they are saying things like, "Okay. Man. Yeah. This is bad." They will be coating our screen doors. This is not an issue of farming bringing in flies. Our neighbors are dealing with it too. Something is really up, and we cannot figure it out.

The flies are ...

B-A-D!

When Shane was here, I got so fed up with the flies that I went outside to kill them -- which I never do. I know it is like throwing a dart at a mountain lion. But I was just so mad at the flies. I had no idea that Shane was filming me. I was a bit embarrassed by this video, but then decided, since I keep it real ... here is me ... having a conversation with myself about flies.

By the way: we got our first frost -- I'm so glad for winter -- if only to get a few months off of flies!

Review: Win or Lose, I love You!

I just had the opportunity to review Win or Lose, I Love You! by Lysa Terkeurst. (And thanks to help from a lot of you, I was able to get my blog readers up around 300 which has allowed me to review two books at the same time! Thank you!) I received this book for free from Booklook Bloggers in exchange for my honest review.

A mother of five, Lysa  introduces this book with a story about her own daughter who lost a race for office at school. As a fellow mother, I have often found myself faced with how to properly teach my children how to be good winners and more important good losers. This book was designed to help me do just that.

I had no idea when I requested this book, that Lysa Terkeurst was the same Lysa Terkeurst from the book The Best Yes! Recommended by friend Stebbs, this was a book I thoroughly enjoyed helping learn the art of saying yes but especially having the freedom to say no. 

Competition can bring out the worst in us, but it can also be an opportunity to learn impactful lessons. This delightful book is full of beautiful and colorful illustrations and follows the story of Lulu and Max as they help Bear-Bear, Goosey, and Coyote, and the rest of their animal friends in the Field Day contests determine who will be the leader of Lulu's forest. 

Following the story is a page featuring "10 Biblical Words of Wisdom Whether You Win or Lose". These are scriptures to go over with your children -- backing up the concept of being a good loser, a good winner, and a good friend. 

This delightful story will help teach your children how to replace the selfish characteristics of competition with an understanding of how to treat others fairly, overcome the tendency to display poor sportsmanship by using Biblical truths to develop a Christ-like attitude, reject the labels of winning and losing and embrace that they are loved no matter how they perform.

Win or Lose, I Love You will show your child that, no matter what, their value is tied to who they are, now how they play. I am so excited to add this book to our family's library and know that you will love having it in your own library too.

We Bought a Farm: chickens

If you are interested in the details of how we are raising our chickens, please click here.  JB has put together a new link which details how we are raising our meat. We don't think we will do much advertising or sell at farmer's markets etc. as with the limited number we are going to do, we will most likely have our "normal buyers" and that will be the extent. We already think we will be doing a delivery a few times a year to the Franklin, TN area, and there is also a group from the Raleigh, NC area interested in coming to pick up. So if you are in either of these areas and interested, please let me know!