Angry

Today ... I am mad. Or is sad? Or maybe frustrated. Disheartened? I'm not sure.

It's on a local level for me. And then on a National level too.

There are so many things that I want to write on this Blog. Often I sit down to pour my heart out and realize that the things I want to pour out are things that I cannot share.I can't say everything swirling around the recesses of my heart, our life, our farm.

There are things that are private. Things that would incriminate other people. As my kids get older, there are things they don't want people to know. I will often dog on myself for something stupid I say or do. But it won't work so well to dog on someone else for their stupidity. 

Here's the thing: One person can make ONE choice that can affect so many people. It can affect a family. It can affect a community. It can affect the country. It can affect the world. In my case, it is a family member whose monumental betrayal has left a huge boulder sitting on top of us. We are left to pick up the pieces while they go on their merry way, seemingly unaffected by their horrid decisions. 

But my (former) family member's egregious decisions are just one example of a bad judgment: "stinkin' thinkin'" as my Dad used to call it when I was younger. 

If you let a thought fester long enough, it becomes "okay" in your mind. It's stinkin' thinkin'. If you are taught that it is okay to treat people differently based on the color of their skin, it will become a part of you. If you decide you don't love your spouse anymore and dwell on all the things they do wrong, it will eventually push you over the top and cause you to make decisions of terrible significance. 

A policeman in Minnesota made a horrible decision. His comrades made a decision. And now the world is watching protests erupt because people didn't behave the way they were supposed to behave. And now people are continuing to making decisions -- some bad and some good -- based on the initial domino that began the whole thing. Looting. Rioting. They are never a good response. 

This is how I feel about a family member making this horrid decision. How do you hurt people so badly? And what do you do as you try to help pick up the pieces? What do you do with that anger? How do you channel it? 

Of course: these are just two examples. One very small and the domino not causing nearly as many ripples. Another incredibly large ... so large that it is leading to protests in other countries. 

But these aren't the only examples. They are just two. To everyone I love dealing with the ripples of one sin that has lead to such incredible pain and heartache, I hear you.

And to my friends who are ANGRY today, I grieve with you. I stand with you. I will use my voice to teach my children to LOVE EVERYONE. I will not be silenced. One sin has such big ripples. But one act of goodness can ripple as well,