As a mom I believe that ...

I decided to compile a list of things that I am finding very true as a mom:

• Whoever invented girls princess gloves never ... ever tried to help a little girl put them on! 
• It's great if a kid looks cute. But if they are not naked, you have done a good job.
• Stuffed animals procreate.
• The dog will throw-up at the least opportune time. Okay, the kids will throw-up at the least opportune time. Heck ... when is throw-up opportune?
• My least favorite book to read will be my child's favorite.
• Nothing hurts worse then stepping on a lego.
• Going to the grocery store by myself is a vacation of sorts.
• Dogs are mandatory parts of the family when you have a child in a highchair.
• The pantry is a good place to eat my chocolate so that I don't have to share it.
• Peeing with an audience is part of my life.
• Sleep is awesome.
• A shower with the door locked is as good as a full day at the spa.
• Brushing my teeth is totally an optional activity.
• I can hear better than I ever could before! (A cough three doors down with a noisemaker on will have me bolted upright in no time!)
• Chocolate covered berries count as a serving of fruit -- not dessert. 
• Happy hour is the sixty minutes between the time the kids go to bed and the time that I do.
• Baby wipes can be used for anything and everything.