No news on the homefront

I think I'll just copy this post and change the date to avoid having to repeat that there is no news over and over and over again. We are now at May 4th -- 4 days to due date with no news to report. No news. No news at all. Not even a smidgen of anything remotely mimicking news. Nada. Zilch. Zero. Or for all you Spades players out there -- nil!

Amy, your comment about limiting yourself to three visits per day cracked me up. I think my mother is checking just as often, as if I'll post on here before I give her a call to let her know we are on our way. Don't worry, I am not diligent enough with technology to tell where people are visiting from consistently, so for all I know, you are only stopping in once a week -- that outta be enough at this point since my posts for the last week have been the same as this one. No news to report over and over and over and over again. I'll avoid another soliloquy of synonyms to accompany the word "nothing" in order not to bore visitors for no reason.

Last night we went out for dinner with some friends but most of the weekend has left me combating a migraine. I haven't gotten one of these things in months, but today I couldn't even attempt to go to church. It finally got so bad, JB finally called in to get a refill on my migraine medication. That did the trick. No amount of caffeine, Tylenol, or Ibuprofen could kick this headache but some heavy meds left me finally able to do something other than sit on the couch staring at the wall. I'm not sure what the worst part of the headache is -- the headache itself or the stomachache that accompanies it. I also get incredibly bored as I really can't read, watch TV, or anything else in the throngs of a headache. That leaves sitting there, waiting for some relief.

Having headaches like this flashes me back to my rounds of IVF and the intense migraines that become a part of my daily existence. Many people who know us from Eglin, did not know me when we were in the midst of round after round of IUI and IVF. Last night after dinner, one of our friends asked me about our infertility experience. During our conversation, I flashed back to our last transfer and the hour that was spent in the doctor's office completing a mock transfer for our fourth (and for now, final) attempt. I remember laying on that table, grabbing the cabinet that was above my head to try and block out the pain that was evolved in the process and thinking to myself, "Never again. I will not do this to myself again. This is just not worth it."

Thinking of our seven "sticky babies" still waiting for us to come and get them at Mayo is difficult for me. Such a huge part of me wishes they weren't even there -- wishes that the door to infertility treatments could be shut forever. But another part of me wants desperately to give each of them a chance of growing up and being our children. It's hard to picture that within each of those tiny little embryos is DNA from both JB and me that has the potential to continue to form into a child with a little bit of both of us included. I want to give each of those embryos a chance. But the thought of going back for them, causes the hair on the back of my neck to stand up in sort of a fearful panic. Shots and probes and another hour on the table gripping the cabinet above my head is not something I can even contemplate right now. When the time is right, I'll let my mind go there again. But not right now.

Let's change direction entirely and bounce back from that downer-of-a-topic.

We are also having some issues with our Internet which has just increased our frustration with Cox Communications even more. They say that these houses on base just have old wiring, but I still find it incredibly annoying that you get forced into a certain provider because they are the only provider in the area. We are dependent on them for our phone, TV, and Internet are unimpressed with any of it. Our phone will go dead for hours at a time every few months. The TV's guide often does not work for no reason at all. And the Internet is spotty and inconsistent. Frustrating! Hopefully it will be working when we get ready to leave for Fort Lauderdale. Amy might have a breakdown if it doesn't. :)

In general, life in our house simply consists of a lot of waiting. Mainly the only thing I really think about all day long is Bri and Isaac. I pray for Bri constantly -- that she'll have a good and easy and fast delivery. And I pray and think of the little boy she is going to give us the privilege of raising as our son. It's hard to believe that May 30th of last year marked our fourth failed IVF attempt. That call informing us that it yet again didn't work left us reeling and convinced that without a miracle, it would probably be years before we ever got to be parents. Now, just one year later, we are anxiously awaiting the birth of our son.

Isn't God cool?