We Bought a Farm: Renovation Before (and During)r

BEFORE: Kids upstairs bathroom minus half the tile missing from the water damage

DURING: The window area will house a shower just for the girls!

BEFORE: Our landing before we extended it to form an upstairs "library"

DURING: Check it out! You can see where the "scripture" is that we will lose. The floor goes all the way across.

Friday Funnies

I walked into the bathroom and found Hannah standing up on the bathroom sink.
Me: "Why are you standing up there?"
Hannah: "Because I didn't know you were coming in here right now."

*****

John grabbed Hannah and picked her up to be silly. She laughed and said, "Daddy. You are harmless."

*****

Today I asked Hannah to help me move the ducks. This means we walk over and "herd" them to their new paddock.
Me: "Hannah will you go over there and help me move the ducks."
Hannah: "Sure. What do I say to the ducks when I go over there?"

*****

Hannah: "I am pooped. That means I am very tired."
Me: "Who taught you that?"
Hannah: "Grama. She said she was pooped and I asked her what it meant and she told me."
Sidge: "Do we say pooped because it means it just sits there?"

We Bought a Farm: Moving Right Along

We are now at about the one month mark of the house renovation .... it's incredibly challenging and incredibly wonderful. Mostly we are looking at this as an adventure we will never experience again (hopefully!) and are trying to find the unity and family bonding in it. (When you are living in one room, you better see it as bonding!)

Here are a few photos of where things are at today:

The now open floor plan downstairs!

A picture of dust! Ha! This is probably the hardest thing about living in a renovation project

A rough drawing of what our new kitchen will look lie.

f

A mock up of our kitchen!

This is our new shower upstairs; the new upstairs will include two full baths -- one for each "pair" of kids.

A video of the mudroom and open floor plan!

How a city girl, gone country grieves (and raises cows): A special kind of love

 How a city girl, gone country grieves 

(and raises cows)

I met Kimberly through farming. She, like me, has been dropped into this life and is learning to love it just like me. She is a Christian, however, our pasts are nothing alike. I've asked her to share her story on my Blog over the next weeks or months or however long it takes. It is filled with much grief and loss but will hopefully make you laugh and smile and grow and grieve along with her.

Several weeks ago while at a farmer's market we were selling, I had a lady introduce herself to me. She had been following our page and learned about us through the local health icon and wanted to meet us. We had a nice chat and she moved on. We always appreciate it when folks want to make a connection with us, even if they don't necessarily buy from us.

A couple weeks after that, I received a "no name" text asking if I had some items in stock. We text back and forth that afternoon and made arrangements to "meat." When that day came, she was unable to "meat" me on our schedule and we shelved that for another day. Yesterday morning, as I'm preparing for one of my busiest delivery days, I received a text from her saying she'd like to "meat" me this weekend. She was sorry she hadn't connected sooner due to her spouse taking his own life....

My heart was in my throat. I re-read the whole message again to be sure what I read.

He had taken his own life and she'd been tied up with that.

I didn't text her back. No. I ran to the place in the house where I could call her (we have lousy cell service out here). She answered and I told her who I was. She got teary. I got teary. She said she's not sure why she went ahead and told me all that. I told her I knew why; I too am a survivor of suicide.

We wept and talked and I ministered the best I could. We connected on a totally different level. Turns out, this lady that had been texting me about her order was also the same lady that introduced herself to me weeks before. I had a face, a name and a sister all in one breath.

There is a special kind of alone that we survivors of suicide experience. It's no one's fault, it's just one of the attributes to suicide. Suicide, while more frequently discussed these days, is still a very taboo subject. I learned from an incredible resource during my early dark days some basic coping skills. And I share freely with all whom I connect in our special alone place.

The tragedy of suicide is oftentimes compounded by the abandonment of family and friends. It was hard at first, but I became very aware their abandonment had a lot more to do with them than me. I learned within the very first few weeks after my son's death just who was truly "on my team." Death alone will redefine your pocketbook, your address book and your date book; death by suicide will further thin the list of folks who remain in any capacity.

We talked a lot in that short conversation about the well-meaning remarks by folks and how truly they're unwanted. Often folks don't know what to say, so they say anything to fill that void. The truth is though we'd rather have the void; it's a place where at least there is hope you won't say anything more hurtful. This is especially true with Christians or proclaimed believers. I'm not going to debate the "unforgivable sin" issue here. I don't know how many churches teach or preach it, yet I do know that only God knows the hearts of men. And I know my story had a beautiful end, even if others don't believe it.

This sweet soul is putting to rest her spouse of 44 years this week. I put to rest my first-born child of 19 nearly 10 years ago. I know folks who are yet today grieving their loved one's suicide from many decades ago; there is no statue of limitations on grief. I'm particularly certain this is especially true with suicide.

This darling lady was also afraid she had re-opened wounds trying to connect with me. The truth is they truly never heal. Oh sure, after awhile it's not as raw. It's never completely healed though, and I'm okay with that. Not because I want to be, but because life keeps going. I have learned to believe that my tragedies and traumas are not about me at all; my survival of all things ugly are my testimony to give strength and light to others. I know this as sure as I'm breathing, especially when I get connected with others who are thrown into this circle of hell with me.

Winter is still among us; it's the darkest most dreary season and often the  frequency of suicide is at it's peak. After my experience, I was trying to get into my son's head during those last few months he battled his depression. Those last months were indeed in the winter. This season, I believe, is a time of reflection. It's the time to slow down, recuperate, re-evaluate and plan. While we're all in a hurry for flip flops and shorts, some of us cannot be more anxious! The long nights and short days are very difficult for those who are in silent battles; most of us have no idea our loved ones are fighting every day, every hour, every minute just to keep breathing. I challenge everyone who reads this to take a moment and reflect on those around you. Are they withdrawn? Are they more negative than usual? Do they need Jesus??? I know I need Jesus every hour; do they know He's there every minute?

Spring is coming; the calendar says so and the earth is physically moving in that direction. Relish what's left of these wintery days. While busy-ness is good and sunshine is better, perhaps we might overlook this opportunity to rest, reflect and recharge. Perhaps this is the time to reconnect too. Someone needs you. Someone needs to know they're not alone. Not even in that special kind of alone.

May God in His infinite mercy bring peace to all whose lives are even minutely touched by the tragedy of suicide. It's a different kind of grieving process. I encourage everyone who knows someone or is someone struggling with suicidal thoughts to seek help. I also encourage those who may be survivors or know survivors to get the book "Grieving a Suicide" by Albert Y. Hsu. I received this book shortly after my son's death and read it early on. It helped me tremendously and I pray it's a help to anyone who reads it.

Until next time, peace be with you,

Kimberly

Urgent prayers requested

See #20 right in front of me in that picture above? That's Ashley Mayes. Ashley played basketball and volleyball for me when I coached at Franklin-Simpson High School back from 1999-2003. You shouldn't have favorites, but Ashley and I were close. We had a fantastic relationship.

Ashley fell in love with a young man in my English class, Cody Baker. He joined the military and they got married and moved to Missouri. 

Twelve years ago, Cody was diagnosed with a brain tumor. However, he has lived with this without it growing or getting worse for a long time.

However, that has all changed recently. The tumor was growing, they did chemotherapy, and it is still growing. Yesterday they were given horrid news -- Cody has an estimated three months to live. 

Cody (34) and Ashley (33) have three children: Olin (12) and twins Isabella and Maverick (8).

This couple has an incredible relationship and faith. Here is Ashley's Facebook post from this morning: 

FAITH isn't a feeling. It's a choice to trust God even when the road seems uncertain. So I choose Faith over anxiety, hope over worry and love over fear!!! I have given everything over to God. We are done talking numbers and talking about what may happen. We are standing strong on our Faith praising God for all his blessings. We are going to live our life's to the fullest only in positive. Cody and I prayed and talked last night as we laid in bed. Just let me tell you the peace that washed over us was so amazing we both where smiling and laughing and slept amazing. So for the Baker family we choose Faith because it's the best medicine. So keep praying and choose FAITH with us!!!!

I am asking you to share this post with everyone asking for two things: 

1. Prayer for a miraculous healing for Cody!

2. Consider a monetary donation so that this family can take a beach vacation together. You can PayPal any donations to: 

PRAYFORBAKERFAMILY@gmail.com

Or you can mail them a check directly at:

202 S Jackson Street

Republic, Missouri 65738

Blessings everyone, 

Wendi

Congrats Shane and Linda

Our good friends, Shane and Linda, saw their five-year journey to become parents end this past week with the adoption of Mr. Eli Jackson. We are incredibly excited for them and are hosting a "virtual" baby shower for them since so many of their friends and family live all over the world. You can check out their registries on Amazon, Pottery Barn, and Target. 

Welcome to the world little ELI!!!!!!

Review: Study.com

I have had the opportunity, over the last few weeks, to begin delving into a new program with my boys, who are in third grade. (There is in fact content for as young as pre-kindergarten on the site and all way up into college, but I am focusing on my sons at this point.) I plan to share more of this program with you in the upcoming months and delve into how it is working for us.

But let me first just summarize by saying how impressed I am.

Firstly over 30 million students a month use www.study.com! That should speak for itself. There are over 4,100 video courses available on this website. You can search by:

• Education Level
• Subjects
• Goals

Honestly the program is so complex, I barely know where to start as I share about this program. You can absolutely, without a doubt, homeschool completely with JUST this website. It is absolutely outstanding.

Just in the 8th grade section there are 178 courses for example. In third grade there are 35 courses available including:

• Science experiments and projects (123 lessons!)
• Basic French (272 lessons!)
• 3-5th grade math (252 lessons!)
• Plants and animals for kids (317 lessons!)
• 3rd Grade Social Studies
• Ancient History for Kids
• Adaptations for Kids
• 3rd grade English
• Matilda Study Guide
• 3rd grade Science
• Charlotte's Web Study Guide
• And so much more!!!

What I am going to do is share, over the coming months (and year!) which courses we are doing and how they are working for us. So please stay tuned to my Blog for lots of sharing on this amazing website.

Tribe Life Tuesday: Who me?

I ALWAYS WANTED TO SAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO CARRIE WHO TURNS XX THIS MONTH!!! :)

A weekly post from my childhood to grown-up friend Carrie ~ 

sharing her awesome life and her desire to have community while doing it!

Happy Tuesday Tribe! 

I am thrilled to discuss one of my most favorite subjects out there: authenticity. 

Authenticity is, without a doubt, one of the most important ingredients when it comes to having successful intimate relationships. Relationships are one of our most precious commodities so it is only fitting that we take the utmost care with them. We all have an innate desire to connect with the world around us in a truly authentic way and we cannot do that without giving ourselves permission to be who we are. 

Over the years I have had those friends or acquaintances who were one way with a certain group of people, then an entirely different way with a different group. I remember even in high school how annoyed I would be with those people and, from a completely logistical point of view, that is exhausting and a very difficult feat to manage for a prolonged period of time. Knowingly or unknowingly, this ingredient of authenticity is something we look for in those around us. We especially long to see this trait in people who play leadership roles in our lives: our parents, our teachers, our politicians, our pastors, our coaches, our mentors, etc.

So let me ask you, Have you ever been in a conversation and you could feel something was just off? Or you walked away from a conversation going, "I won’t be talking with them again"? These are all things that can be pointing to a lack of authenticity. 

There are many things I am not good at and authenticity is not one of them. This is a life value for me and I’m reminded year after year this is one of my life’s ingredients: it’s keeps that Carrie taste balanced. Not too sweet, not too salty, not too bitter, it’s just right. Every year, we go around the table at birthday celebrations and say one thing we love about the birthday person. It’s an embarrassingly beautiful tradition! And, without fail, the authenticity I offer in my relationships is listed as a beloved trait year after year. 

The gift of authenticity I freely was fought for, through fear, bravery, shame, courage, and pain. This character trait was developed amidst moments of betrayal and moments where choosing to be who I was over who I was expected to be, came at a weighty price. But who I really am versus who I could pretend to be is no choice at all. I never want to attract people based on who I am trying to be -- that’s not my tribe. My tribe is filled with those who see me and say “ya, I want to do life with her”. What more could you want?!  

When was the first time you had to be or become someone to fit in?

For me, I can feel all the feels of that moment, where I was, what the auditorium smelled like, the temperature in the room, but more than anything else, I remember the weighty realization of "this is not who I am”. There is no amount of acceptance that can fill the void of being a counterfeit you. 

Being authentic is about being YOU. Unashamedly you. It’s showing up to each space and moment and giving yourself. It’s not forced or manufactured. Authenticity comes from a place of peace from within one self. 

My hope for you today is that you see yourself as the gift you are and that you would come to know stabilizing peace that comes from within and surrounds you daily as you offer yourself to this crazy amazing world. 

Thank you for reading. 

See you next Tuesday.

P.S. Here is an especially great note on authenticity from one of my faves: 

Carrie

We Bought a Farm: Our Aunt Anni

I love people like Anni. I love how the farm is letting us meet so many amazing people!!!

Anni came to a conference on our farm about two years ago. She lives in Knoxville (about an hour away) and after the conference, she texted me and asked if she could come and just volunteer on the farm on a day here and there.

She came. And she came again. And she came again. She keeps coming! She's a wonderful Christian gal who our family has just fallen in love with. She has become incredibly dear to us. EVERYONE loves Anni, and we really miss her if she goes too many weeks without seeing us.

Anni teaches math at Tennessee School for the Deaf. I am letting each of my kids choose the language they want to study for our homeschool curriculum. Isaac has chosen to learn French. Sidge wants to learn sign language, and Anni has been teaching him. We are hoping to make it more regular, but there is always so much going on when she comes to visit.

Not only is Anni a ton of fun, but she is a POWERHOUSE on the farm. She can get more done than anyone I have ever seen. And she is the only other woman we've ever had on the farm (other than me!) strong enough to move chicken tractors!!

The picture above was during a break in her help. While Isaac and I were inside playing his new favorite game (Dominion) the other three kids were working on a play. Hannah was a leopard and Sidge was the hunter and Abigail was the damsel in distress. Anni helped them write out the script so they would remember what to do. (That's what the paper plate she is holding is.)

I love how the Lord orchestrates friendships and relationships. I know this one with Anni is a lifelong friendship. And since she is a crier, she's probably tearing up while reading this so I have to end with a few Friday Funnies she had with Hannah yesterday:

In Anni's words:

We were in the front garden chatting about stuff. Somehow the topic of mice at my place came up. Hannah (incredulous) said: "You have your OWN mice at your OWN farm?"

*****

Hannah came back from potting quickly and when I said as much she said, "That's cause I only had to pee, not poop, but I'm not supposed to tell you that."

Friday Funnies

You want to know what riding in a truck with four kids for thirty minutes can be like sometimes? This is just half of our truck ride ...  Check out this series of conversation with my kids, Isaac (9), Sidge (9), Abigail (6), and Hannah (4).

Hannah: "Where are we going again?"
Me: "All right. Last time I am explaining this. I am driving you all up to the clinic ..."
Abigail: "Mom it's called a hospital."
Me: "Right. Yes. That's what I meant. Dad used to work at a clinic when he was in the Air Force."
Isaac: "Yeah it's called a hospital now."
Me: "Yes. So I am driving you all up to the hospital in the truck. Dad is going to be done with his shift. He's going to climb in the truck and drive you back home. I'm going to get in the van and meet my friend Cara for dinner."
Isaac: "We should have just stayed home."
Me: "Yeah but then it would be really late when I could go to dinner. This makes it earlier for me."
Sidge: "Could you imagine hibernating for sixty days like a bear?"
Hannah: "I would hate that. I hate taking naps." 
Me: "Where did that come from?"
Sidge: "I was just thinking about it."
Abigail: "Mom look at all those birds in the sky!"
Me: "Yes!"
Hannah: "We call that PEPPER!"
Abigail: "Is the pepper north-grating or south-grating?"
Me: "You mean migrating?"
Abigail: "Yes, that is what I mean!"
Me: "I'm not sure. They could be coming or going."
Abigail: "Do they all live in the same place?"
Me: "I'm not sure. You got to ask Daddy that."
Isaac: "Who is this on the radio? I know this song."
Me: "This is by a very famous person named Michael Jackson."
Hannah: "Was he a composer?"
Me: "Well, sort of. Mostly he's known for being a singer or a performer."
Sidge: "What is his name?"
Me: "His name was Michael Jackson."
Sidge: "Was? He died?'
Me: "Yes."
Sidge: "How did he die?"
Me: "Well, there was a problem with some medication he took."
Sidge: "Did they give him the wrong kind?
Me: "Something like that. I can't remember what they finally decided happened exactly."
Abigail: "Mom, do you have to be a grown-up to have a mother-in-law?
Me: "Huh?"
Sidge: "Okay, but is he related to Andrew Jackson?"
Me: "Who? Michael Jackson?"
Sidge: "Yes.
Me: "No, no, definitely not."
Abigail: "Mom?'
Me: "Yes?'
Abigail: "Do you have to be a grown-up to have a mother-in-law?"
Me: "Yes. You have to be a grown-up because you have to be married.
Abigail: "Okay, but your cousin's kid. What are they to us?"
Me: "I think it is called a second cousin. Or maybe it is twice-removed. I'm not sure. I need to look it up."
Hannah: "We could ask Siri."
Me: "We could, but it's not that important right now."
Abigail: "What does twice removed mean?"
Me: "It's just a way to say my cousin's kid. If that is what it is called."
Abigail: "Is that what it's called?"
Me: "Well, I can't remember. I don't know. I have to look that up."
Hannah: "On Google."
Isaac: "You aren't allowed on the Internet, Hannah."
Hannah: "I know that."
Sidge: "Where is our first stop mom?"
Me: "Publix."
Isaac: "Why?"
Me: "I'm out of dishwashing pellets."
Hannah: "And we need to buy some. Can we get a snack there?"
Me: "No."
Isaac: "Do we have to come in?"
Me: "I don't know. We will see. Maybe I will leave you in the van, and I'll race in because we have to pick up Dad by 7."
Abigail: "Why are we picking up Daddy?"
Me: "Because I am going to dinner."
Abigail: "But how will we get home?"
Me: "I already explained all this. Remember? Like ten times. I can't say it again."
Sidge: "But where is the van?"
Me: "I told you. It's at the Clinic. We are going to switch. Seriously guys. I can't explain this again."
Isaac: "Hospital."
Me: "Right."
Hannah: "Okay but Sidge pushed me down."
Me: "I know we already discussed that."
Hannah: "Yeah. Sidge and Isaac got in a fight."
Me: "Yeah. Boys. We never finished discussing this. Why did you get in a fight?"
Isaac: "It was over the front seat."
Me: "Right."
Sidge: "Yeah, and Isaac was mad at me so he told Hannah to kiss me. And I tried to stop her and I pushed her down."
Hannah: "Yeah and I cried."
(Here I giggled to myself remembering Hannah coming in the house crying and saying: "It's really hard to explain it," when I asked her what happened.)
Me: "Okay so who is to blame for that?"
Sidge: "Mostly Isaac."
Me: "No. That's not true Sidge. Think about it. In the garden of Eden, who did Eve blame?"
Sidge: "The serpent."
Me: "No, who did Eve blame?"
Sidge: "It was the serpent."
Me: "Oh right. Who did Adam blame?"
Sidge: "Eve."
Me: "Was it Eve's fault only?"
Sidge: "No. But this is different mom. What do you do when a little girl is chasing you for a kiss? Do you just keep running forever? How would I stop her?"
Me: "Hmmmm .... couldn't you have been more gentler?"
Sidge: "I tried!"
Hannah: "But he pushed me down."
Me: "Okay so the punishment for both of you is to play with Hannah for 30 minutes tomorrow. Something she wants to do."
Hannah: "Barbies!!!"
Isaac: "Just great."
Abigail: "Mom why do I have white skin?"
Me: "God made you that way. He made people have all kinds of skin color."
Abigail: "Okay but my eyelashes aren't blonde."
Me: "Not exactly."
Abigail: "Are some people's eyelashes blonde?"
Me: "Some are."
Abigail: "My skin has freckles. Have I always had freckles?"
Me: "Well, yes and no. Sort of. I am not sure."
Abigail: "Do people with browner skin have freckles?"
Me: "Sure they might. Maybe you can't see them quite as good."
Abigail: "Is my light skin why I have to go to the dermatologist?
Me: "Yes. We have to keep an eye on your skin because it can get sick easier than other skin colors."
Hannah: "Is that like someone who takes care of dinosaurs?"
Me: "What? Oh. No. That's a paleontologist. A paleontologist studies dinosaurs. Dermatologists help your skin."
Sidge: "Okay. But why is the van at the clinic?"

We Bought a Farm: Trying not to fix it

Here's the truth. Sometimes you just can't fix something.

My house is broken. Well, not exactly of course, but sort of.

Our winter wear is in our bathtub.

Our computer is in our bathroom.

There are six people sleeping in my bedroom.

I am storing kitchen stuff in my closet and closet stuff in the garage and bedroom stuff in the attic. Everything is everywhere.

Did I tell you there is a box of library books being stored in the middle of my bathroom floor?

And there is dust ... everywhere.

So ... I started to sweep.

John shook his head and told me to put the broom away.

"You can't shovel snow while it is still snowing."

Well, you can ... but ...

I am a very organized person. My friend Angelica who is one of the most beautiful decorators and immaculate housekeepers I have ever known once paid me the biggest compliment.

"Wendi my house looks organized, but your house is organized. Your closets and drawers are actually orderly."

(She said it with her traditional Spanish flare which makes it sound even more amazing than it really is.)

I am not anal about it. (I used to be.) I am just reasonable about it and things being in their place brings me peace. I don't claim to do it all myself. I have a housekeeper. I require my kids to keep up along with me. We may not make our beds every day, but we put things where they go. Or would we try.

Except Legos. I have no idea where to put Legos.

(Which is exactly called Lego when plural but that just doesn't sound right.)

I am (mostly) a minimalist. Children have forced me to release this a bit because children want to keep every single little thing, and they have caught me more than once throwing away something that they considered prized but I thought was junk.

But here's the truth. Right now, there is no fixing what is going on. I must exist in it and allow it to occur. I must see my floors dusty and a tub filled with jackets and accept it and just be present among it.

I realized that this parallels life in general. We want to fix problems and make things better but sometimes we must just accept a problem and let the problem be. We must allow the contractors Jesus to work on the problem while we simply move from space to space and dwell among the mess.

And, I have no doubt, the end result will be ... AMAZING!

(Just like our lives!)

The Care of Our Children's Souls

FEBRUARY 28, 2018

The Care of Our Children’s Souls

I am a homeschool mom to four children between the ages of four and nine. However, this is not a post discussing how you should or should not educate your children. It doesn’t matter whether you choose homeschooling or public school or private education. We all love our children. We are all striving to do what we think is best for them.

No matter how we educate, the choices we make as parents are the same. We must choose what will be a priority in the life of our child. We must choose where we put our time and money and effort.

As a former high school English teacher and now a teacher of four little ones, I often get into discussions about education with other parents. As we talk, we usually find ourselves pondering one question: What is the most important part of education?

To read the rest of this article which I wrote for THE GLORIOUS TABLE, please click here. 

How a city girl, gone country grieves (and raises cows): Loved to Death

 How a city girl, gone country grieves 

(and raises cows)

 I met Kimberly through farming. She, like me, has been dropped into this life and is learning to love it just like me. She is a Christian, however, our pasts are nothing alike. I've asked her to share her story on my Blog over the next weeks or months or however long it takes. It is filled with much grief and loss but will hopefully make you laugh and smile and grow and grieve along with her.

One of the first things about farming with livestock I had to learn was how to eat them. It’s a whole new world when you can pet an animal one day and eat them another. I wasn’t raised in a hunting family; all our meat came from the local grocer. I knew the beef came from cows, chicken from chickens, turkey from turkeys and nuggets from McDonald’s. That was the world I was raised. It never dawned on me that the cows could actually be pets!

This week was a little harder than usual at my visit to the slaughterhouse. I have developed a new, unusual habit; I stay with our beasts from hoof to hook. It’s a recent habit I developed late last year to ensure humanely handled beef and for my own education. I can confidently tell our more animal-minded clients the truth about their beef; they were loved to their death.

This week it was Buick’s turn. Buick Special was one of our first-born, deliberately bred animals here on our ranch. His unique story starts one Tuesday morning when his mama came running up the hill in the pasture bawling in distress. My husband was home that day, and he and my son followed the cow into the back woods where she led them to a deep ravine. It had rained hard the night before, and she apparently calved in that spot, but there was no calf to be found. After following her tracks around the rim of the ravine, the two men descended down the steep muddy slope into the ravine. At the bottom of the ravine were old junk cars that had been dumped many generations ago. The cow was still circling the ravine, calling out. The two men started looking around the old rusted out shells of the vehicles to no avail. Suddenly my son heard a thump coming from the trunk of one of the old cars. He lifted the trunk lid and there was this little brown calf. He had apparently slid down the ravine and straight into the trunk through the rusted out wheel well! The car he was in was an old Buick Special ... thus this little bull calf’s name.

Our first batch of weaning calves were very spoiled, Buick among them. They were hand-fed and treated and loved like children. We didn’t get to the currying or brushing stage, but if my husband had his way and the time, we would have. When it was time, we turned Buick out with our herd sire as a cover bull when he was 16 months old. He was a beautiful Parker brown bull, with a white switch tail and a lot of personality, especially if you had a treat bucket. He let my husband pet his horns and scratch his head. He was an easy keeper. But as the old adage goes in livestock, we can’t keep them all.

when he went down, I simply burst 

into tears and bawled like a baby.

Buick was later used as a herd sire for two small herds of our friends. His last ride was this past Monday. It was one of the most difficult processes I have ever experienced, and I know there are more to come as we continue to produce, raise and process. Buick was a real darling. He was so well-behaved in the chute, so calm, that when he went down, I simply burst into tears and bawled like a baby. It was both out of relief he didn’t suffer, and grief because we loved him so much.

As beef producers we take our job very seriously. We are feeding families, and if we don’t love these beasts from birth to death, then these are just commodities. I believe that these living, breathing animals are our responsibility, from humanely providing them proper nutrition and care to the final moment of converting their life to beef. I also believe you can taste love, and when a beast is cared for well, he will provide well for those who partake.

In my original post, I had mentioned a whole different world on this side of food production. This is part of that realization. We are such a small but intricate part of a huge circle of life. Competition is fierce in the traditional beef industry, and I have learned to focus on being the very best in our corner of production. We didn’t create longhorn beef, we’re just responsible stewards honoring God’s creation and providing the best that nature has to offer. 

Why do it? Why go through the worriment, heartache, cussing, fussing, caring, managing, petting, vetting, moving, loading, unloading, feeding, loving just to end his life? These are cattle; their purpose to provide us food. God owns the cattle on a thousand hills. He also catches our tears and heals our wounded hearts when it’s time. It’s a hard, broke life. Yet we farm for passion not pocketbook -- for provision not pride.

We fall in love every time and they are all loved from birth to death.

Until we ‘meat’ again,

Kimberly

Ballet smiles

One of my greatest joys in parenthood is watching your child thrive in their God-given talents. These are talents you can force or activities you can try to live vicariously through your children. These are what God has placed inside them for HIS glory and THEIR growth as people. 

When Abigail was just three-years-old she started asking me to take ballet. I'm not sure where this came from, but my friend Patty (a former professional ballerina) likes to joke it came from her being one of the first people in Abigail's life when she was a baby in Turkey and buying her her first tu tu. I actually found the picture (below) of Abigail in a tu-tu that Patty gave her:

I absolutely know that Abigail's love and desire to do ballet does not come from forcing it on her. I am basically the opposite of a ballet mom. I am a jock. People used to tease me about having daughters who were "girly girls" because I have never been one. I was as tom boy as they come. So this is a whole new experience for me.

Abigail loves ballet, and I think she is really good at it too. She has a natural poise and grace that is just fun to see. There is something in her that "gets" ballet. She can be the shyest kid ever. But put her on a ballet stage, and she just emerges from a shell like nothing I have ever seen.

Their class is getting ready to do some performances for local nursing homes. There is one boy in her class -- Gabrielle (pictured below in the black shorts and black shoes. He has long blonde hair.) Anyways, Abigail got chosen to do Gabrielle and her first lift. Abigail was absolutely giddy. She was so proud and excited, and it is coming together very well for just one practice. Gabrielle's mom got these pictures: 

If you'd like to watch the video of their practice recital dance you can do so here. And here is a video of Abigail practicing her dance with Gabriel. 

The thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy

*** Check out the newest article I added at the end of this piece. This is told from my old AAU Coach's perspective.

I am, as the rest of you, beyond saddened at the shooting that happened on Wednesday at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida.

This shooting resonates with me on a different level because this was basically my hometown growing up. My old AAU coach is the head basketball coach at the school. I have friends who graduated from there. And a former teacher of mine now teaches there. I played sports at this school often. My dad refereed there.

In the coming days and weeks and months, people will try to blame someone or something for this happening. They will try to blame guns or government or a president. They will try to blame the a person or a school or social media.

I don't care what your views are on guns or the government or the president or how you handle social media in your home. They may not be my views, but that is okay. This is America. We can share our opinion, believe our opinion, and vote for our opinion. I believe it's heathy to have different opinions and discuss them and that opinions should be valued.

However, this post is not about any of those things.

This is about sin.

It is about Satan.

In our world today, Christianity is becoming muted. It is still okay to mention God and faith. But Satan and sin? That's a bit extreme don't you think?

But events like this remind me that the Bible is REAL and what God tells us is TRUE.

This attrocity is about the thief coming to "kill and steal and destroy" (John 10:10). The Bible says: "These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; be be of good cheer, I have overcome the world" (John 16:33).

Our world is sinful. And there are many bad things. There are individuals who suffer from mental illness. And I believe Satan and his demons absolutely whisper in people's ear to tell them to commit horrendous acts. I am not saying, of course, that this excuses any behavior. But Satan is evil. And individuals open to listening to Satan are listening to evil.

This may not be an "accepted" thing to say or write. But I believe it is the truth. If Satan is real, then sin exists. And if sin exists, then nothing we physically try to do can stop these types of atrocities.

But here's what we can do.

We can pray. We can have parents groups praying for our schools. We can have parents walking the grounds and gathering together to pray while our kids are at school. We can be involved with young people and try to find every single child a home. Christian adults can open their home to these individuals and teach them about the Lord and eternal life and provide them with hope so that the world is bigger than one bad event.

Eternal life. Salvation. That is what we should be most concerned with. This shooting reminds me that no matter what I do, I cannot protect my children every second of every day. Tomorrow I could lose them. So while teaching them math or making sure they practice piano is important, what is more important is that I teach them about Christ.

"You do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away" (James 4:14).

The most important lesson in all of this is a reminder that sin and Satan are real. But so is Jesus Christ. So is our Heavenly Father. He is real. And He has told us that our life here is just a moment. We of course want to live our life here on Earth as vibrantly and passionately as we can. But we also want to remember what we are really fighting for and not lose focus on ETERNITY.

Other articles that have stood out to me about this topic:

• There's a way to stop mass shootings, and you won't like it.
• Fight Like Maddy