Thursday, July 26, 2012

I can't love her

I am adjusting to life in the Azores. And out of sight, can sometimes be out of mind. If I put out the friends I had in Turkey out of my mind, I can forget about the pain of leaving them. But that isn't always possible. A few pictures can send me right back to the people I loved so much.

I also still realize how much I am still grieving when I find myself fearing making friends here. I have my arm up. I'm keeping people at a safe distance. I don't want to connect and disconnect again. My housekeeper, Hita, is wonderful. I enjoyed taking her on her first elevator ride ever the other day! (She's never left the island and there really aren't any high rising buildings here in Terceira.) She loves Abigail. She is a fantastic worker. And yet, I don't want to love her. I can't love her. I can't say good bye to her like I had to do Hatice.

A bit depressing, I know, but it's truth.
I got these pictures from our buddy from Turkey -- Peter's mom -- Sarahbee. Peter and his family flew back on the rotator with JB and Isaac when we moved to the Azores. Of course, Dan, Sarahbee, and Peter headed from Boston to another city in the USA. Daddy and Isaac loaded Scrubby on another flight and headed back the way they came -- to the Azores.
Firstly, Peter and Sidge got to hang out before we said good bye to Daddy and Isaac:

Time to say good bye to Peter. This caused me some tears, even if it didn't cause the boys tears. They had no idea that they wouldn't see each other for a very long time -- even if we tried to explain it to them. But we grown-ups did.

And here is a last photo of Isaac and Peter before they boarded their last flight together from Germany to Baltimore.

I have gotten word that Angelica's family has arrived in Japan. Stebbins is moving in in D.C. Sarahbee just bought a house in the Dakotas. Shane and Linda just said good bye to Turkey. A few friends remain on Base. I miss them all so much!

1 comment:

Dr. Linda said...

Wendi, I can relate. I'm already feeling anxious about starting all over in Germany. Have you read "Hinds' Feet on High Places" by Hannah Hurnard? Tina loaned it to me, and I loved it. Here's a wonderful quote about love:

"I have already warned you that Love and Pain go together, for a time at least. If you would know Love, you must know pain too...

It was true, just as he had said, it did cause a piercing pain, but it slipped in quickly and then, suddenly, a sweetness she had never felt or imagined before tingled through her. It was bittersweet, but the sweetness was the stronger."

I hope you will let love in again! The sweetness is definitely stronger, and imagine how lonely life would be if we never let friends into our hearts!

Love you,