Friday Funnies

We read in our children's Bible that Joshua and Caleb had courage. That God helped them when they were afraid. "How does God help you when you're afraid?" I ask.
Isaac: "He keeps us safe from bad guys."
Elijah: "Yeah. He sends angels to fight da bad guys."
Isaac: "Yeah. And the police."
*****
Me: "Sidge, you have play dough all over you."
Elijah: "That's because I was playing with play dough."
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Elijah: "I can't put my underwear on. They're outside out."
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While sitting on the potty doing his business, Isaac said, "Man that poopy really stinks." When I confirmed this he then said, "Is that why we don't eat poopy?" Elijah, standing outside the door said, "Poopy has derms (germs)."                    
*****
Isaac: "Abigail you are an armpit."
Me: "Don't call Abigail an armpit."
Isaac: "Okay. But can I call her a cutie pie armpit?"
*****
While Hita was cleaning, I took the boys to the beach a block from our house to dig in the sand.
Elijah: "Is this a net?"
Me: "Well, I think it is more like a sand sifter."
Elijah: "Okay. But I'll call it a net."
*****
Me: "Isaac, your sleeves are too long, let me roll them."
Isaac: "I don't want you to roll them."
Me: "Why?"
Isaac: "Because then they are inside out."
*****
Elijah started to climb over the top of a recliner.
Me: "Sidge, you know the rules. Don't do that. We don't climb on furniture." (He completely ignores me and does it anyways.) "Okay, I'm sorry, but you need to go to your room now.You didn't listen."
Elijah goes to his room. I ask JB to check on him and bring him out as he is headed that way. JB returns and said the following conversation ensued.
JB: "You know why you are in here?"
Elijah: "Yes, I climbed over the chair."
JB: "Are you supposed to do that?'
Elijah: "No. But it was pretty fun Dad."
*****
Elijah: "Look mom. These match."
Me: "They do?"
Elijah: "Yeah."
Me: "Why?"
Elijah: "It's a black shirt and blank shorts."
Me: "Oh. Okay. But I think they are both blue."
Elijah: "What?"
Me: "I think it's a blue shirt and blue pants."
Elijah: "Mom they are shorts, not pants."
*****
I often let Abigail eat her snack on a little stool in the kitchen. It is the same stool that Sidge uses to stand on to help us in the kitchen. I gave Abigail a snack. Then I asked Sidge if he wanted to help me put away the utensils. He did. I set them basket of utensils out of the dishwasher by the silverware drawer, and then walked away for a moment. Five seconds later, I hear Abigail scream. I rush into the kitchen to find Abigail sitting on the floor and Sidge standing on the stool which he has pushed next to the utensil drawer.
Me: "Where did you get that stool from?"
Elijah: "From over there."
Me: "Was that the stool that Abigail was eating from?"
Elijah: "Yes."
Me: "So where did you put her oranges?"
Elijah: "On the floor."
Lovely.
*****
JB: "Boys, get down off the top of your (outdoor bike-style) cars. You know you aren't supposed to be up there."
Elijah: "Isaac was up there. But I wasn't up there."
Wendi: "That's good. You were a good listener."
Elijah: "Yeah, I didn't go up there because I couldn't get up there."
*****
While JB and I were finishing dinner, Isaac came up to the table and dropped a rather large centipede (they are EVERYWHERE here) on the table. "Here you go Daddy. It might be a little dead."
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Elijah: "I'm sorry for doing that Mom."
Me: "Doing what?"
Elijah: "For sucking the toothpaste out of the container."
Me: "Elijah, you can get a very bad belly ache if you eat toothpaste."
Elijah: "But I didn't eat it. I just dranked it."
*****