Sunday, April 24, 2011

Myth: Biological families are the best families

Once upon a time, a sixteen year old girl finally talked a seventeen year old boy that she had known since she was nine, to fall in love with her:

Five years later, they were married, so blessed to be husband and wife and dreaming of raising a whole house of children together:


As the next ten years came and went, their marriage remained strong. But their dream of children slowly began to disappear. They pursued infertility treatments. Three failed clomid cycles, five failed artificial insemination (IUI) cycles, and four failed invitro fertilization (IVF) cycles left them so sick of seeing this:


Tired of the journey and weary from so many disappointments, they decided to find the highest maintenance and most energetic puppy they could find. Scrubs joined their family in July of 2007:


While they always believed adoption was in their future and they believed it would be great to parent through this means, in their heart of hearts, they believed that adoption was second best, and that not having a biological child would leave them always a bit "incomplete." But when a phone call from a family friend came and they were asked to adopt her son, their whole world changed:. On May 7, 2008, they were able to hold Isaac John for the very first time in the hospital nursery:


Isaac John was the light of their lives, and their misconception was quickly corrected. Adoption was not a second-best way to parent. It was parenting. It was the same. The love was identical. They knew this in every fiber of their being now that they had Isaac. He was their little boy. When Isaac was just six weeks old, John and Wendi discovered that they were eight weeks pregnant. Pregnant with no infertility treatments at all. (And while many people believe this is the norm, it is actually the exception.)


Eight months after Isaac joined their family, John and Wendi had the pleasure to introduce 8.5 month old big brother to Elijah Luke:


Life would never be the same:


The truth is, many people believe like John and Wendi did -- that biological parenthood is the best way or even the only way to become parents. That these families are the best types of families. That these children are the healthiest. That adopted children have more "issues" than biological children.

But this is a myth. It is not accurate. As Wendi wrote about in a previous post on her blog, the joys of parenting are not lessened, the trials no less intense, by the way in which your child joins your family. The bonding may be slightly different, but it still occurs and is just as intense. You are still Mom and Dad.

Two little boys live in John and Wendi's house today. Two little boys who are loved equally, punished individually, hugged separately (and sometimes together), and kissed and smothered with affection and identical intensity.

Parenthood is parenthood.

And it's awesome. No matter how it comes about.

For more information on infertility, please click here. This blog post is part of RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association's National Infertility Awareness Week® (NIAW). Click here for more information on this organization, the largest nationwide non-profit improving the lives of people diagnosed with infertility. This post is part of RESOLVE'S "Bust an Infertility Myth Blog Challenge."

4 comments:

Faith said...

Amen. I cried reading your story, as it is so close to ours. We introduced our 6 month old big brother Jackson to his little sister:). And life has never been the same! What I am trying to compose in my mind is a post about the difference in bonding - how it happens, timing, etc, but how the intensity of that love for our children is the same. I can't find words to describe it, though. Maybe it's best left that way? Thanks for sharing!

DMN said...

Love your story!!!
http://ldsinfertility.blogspot.com/

Krissi said...

This was so cute! I loved the pictures! Thanks for sharing!

Tami said...

I'm so sorry for all the losses you went through before becoming parents. Thank you for sharing your story to benefit other's who are experiencing the same thing.

Your boys are beautiful! We were waiting for that phone call that would mean we would finally become parents through adoption when we discovered I was pregnant. I know in my heart that I would have loved an adopted child just like I love the two I gave birth to. Thank you for helping educate people on adoption and busting that myth.