Fleeting

My life as a mother is made up of moments.

I realized that it will be impossible to remember these moments as days and weeks turn into months and years.

I see things. I feel things. I want to capture things. I can write them down. I can shoot video. I can try. But in the end, they are fleeting. All of them.

Today it was wrestling. The boys have started interacting with each other. Talking to each other. Fighting with each other. And wrestling with each other. Today Isaac had Elijah in a headlock. Elijah managed to squirm out and put a knee in Isaac's back. I stood at the counter with my friend Angelica, wishing I could preserve their giggling red faces permanently in my memory forever but knowing that with the next few moments and hours and days, it would end up replaced by another moment.

And how do I stop them?

Isaac woke up first from naps today. This is always a nice time for me. My only time during the day that I spend with just one of my boys. Sometimes it is Elijah who gets up first. Sometimes it was, like today, big brother. We sat on the couch watching Sesame Street. He had his hand on my belly. His hair stilled smell clean from his bath the night before. He giggled at a story Big Bird told.

As I held him, I thought about the fact that this May he will turn three. He is potty-trained. He likes to say, "I'm giving Scrubby some pets." He uses the word "Probably" and "Actually" now. He is moody. He is soft-spoken. He doesn't like large groups. He loves to jump on our neighbor's trampoline. Junk food is his favorite food. His favorite toy is a "new toy." Outside of his family, his best friends are his "bubby" and "blue bear."

And he's growing up. He's changing every day. How is this the tiny baby we brought home from the hospital? How quickly times change.

I am exhausted right now. Two toddlers. One pregnancy. And yet, I want it to slow down. It is moving way too fast.

I want them to me my little boys forever.