Prayer of an infertile couple

I have two friends in the midst of an IVF cycle -- an adventure I know all too well. I know sometimes my story can be discouraging for people when they ask me how many times we tried IVF. Four. Four negative attempts. I try to encourage people, especially before we found out about Elijah. Don't worry. Not everyone is like me. Many people have positive results. I'm just not one of them.

I have so many friends who had positive results on try one. Try two. This is my prayer today for both of these women. One is getting ready for number two. Number one for the other. I pray for positive results -- for no pain in the outcome.

I flash back to one of our infertility support group meetings in Minnesota. My friend Roberta's friend just got a positive pregnancy test on her fifth, and final, attempt at IVF. I was just getting ready for number one. Number five? How did her heart travel that road five times?

And yet my heart traveled it four. I still don't know how I was able to get up, dust myself off, and have the strength to walk back into that doctor's office again. Each attempt slightly different than the others. Each one more tiring. Each one more wrought with the desire to not give up or to give up. Which should I do? I'd pray. Lord if this isn't for me, please take this desire. You can have it. I don't want it. I just want peace. Another phone call. Another negative.

I know in other ways our story can be uplifting. Despite four negative IVFs and four negative IUIs, a positive pregnancy test with no doctors present. (Well, unless you count my husband. Ha!)

I so do not want any other woman to get that call that their test is negative. Each of my result days is etched in my memory so deeply. May my two friends get the call that I never received. Positive! It worked! Parents at last!

I ask that you pray for my two friends and for so many other women who are grieving and waiting today. My heart is so burdened to pray for them, and I think of them so often throughout the day. I often don't have the words, only this longing to take from them any pain and give them only happiness. I wish that I had the power to give that. Even though I know God's plans are so much bigger and better than our human minds can comprehend, I want to say I know best. I want God to hear me the way I want to be heard. I want him to answer my prayer the way that I think they would best be answered.

I pray that they do not feel pain -- only happiness.

I pray that they do not feel alone despite how isolating this journey can be.

I pray that you give them the desires of their heart.

I pray that they do not have to face disappointment.

I pray that you surround them with people who can hold them up and support them.

I pray that their home is filled with children -- the children that you have destined for them to parent.

I found this prayer online. I pray it today for my two friends and for all the other women in the midst of their long waits. For me it was five years. In some ways, it feels like a lifetime. In other ways, when I kiss Isaac's chubby cheeks, I forget that I travelled it at all.

Prayer of an Infertile Couple

Creator of us all, only you know how much we want children. Please, please bless us with a child; a child to lavish our love on and care for in so many ways. It is our dream and I pray to you with an aching heart.

I assumed that when we were ready for babies, we would have them. How could it be that month after month I feel so sharply the pain and disappointment of that "failure." The Bible does not comfort with words like "barren" to describe that ancient disgrace.

I am happy for our friends who call us with the joyous news of their expectations, but it is like another pain in my heart. I want to be there to celebrate with them but my battered emotions are numb to the joy of another baby shower, another baby gift.

Give us the patience to support each other in our sorrow and may this pain bring us together in the grace of our marriage. Bless us with ability to see more clearly where you are calling us to serve in this time in our life, when our sorrow sometimes outweighs our generosity and our self-focus lets us forget others. Be with us, heal us and let us feel your love blessing this marriage.

Amen.