IVF Questions and Answers

As most of you know, JB and I are right at the beginning of our IVF journey. As most of you also know, we have decided that we are going to share this journey with our friends and family. Our ultimate reason? Well there are two. We believe prayer is a powerful thing. So why wouldn't we want as many people as praying as possible? The other reason is that sharing this was much easier than keeping it quiet. I have many friends who have gone through various aspects of infertility. Some have kept it completely private except with a few close friends. Others have shared everything. For me, sharing was so much easier. During the first few months of tests and procedures, we shared with only one or two people. However, well-meaning people who knew nothing about our struggles asked a lot of questions like "So for crying-out-loud, when are you going to have kids?" and "What on earth is taking so long -- do you need us to help explain to you what to do?" and other things like that. Normally, these questions would be laughed off. However, to someone who hasn't been able to have kids, they can really hurt. So sharing eliminated these well-meant comments. You can't expect people to say the right things if they don't know what the right things are.

During the last few months, we have received a lot of questions about IVF. I thought I would post some of them (and their answers) here to help you if you have the same questions.

1. Will this child/children be 100% you and John? The answer is yes, absolutely. We are not using a sperm or egg donor. We are using 100% John and 100% me. John and I are not in a situation where we would have to use an egg, sperm, or "surrogate" for our baby. My friend Katashia, who now has two children, has already agreed to be my surrogate if I need one. Katashia was my little black teammate from WKU. We had a good laugh about the attention that one would get! Tall white babies being birthed by Katashia! Love you Tash -- if I need a surrogate you are my numero uno choice!

2. Why do you have to do IVF? The reason that we have to do IVF is that while I have plenty of good eggs, my body does not release them each month like the average woman does. A lot of women with this problem can successfully get pregnant with IUI (intra-uterine insemination or aritifical insemination). Those of you following our story closely know that we tried this many times. My problem with IUI was that I produced way too many eggs.

3. What is wrong with producing way too many eggs? Multiples is a huge concern. Mayo is adamantly against triplets and attempts to avoid it all costs. The reason is that when you are pregnant with triplets, you have a 20% chance of one of those children having cerebral palsy. The odds go up with the more children you have. Women you hear about in the news who have more than 3 children, do so because their doctors were either very stupid or they made an attmempt at pregnancy on their own even when the doctors told them not to. So when doing IUI, if you have too many eggs, the chances of multiples is too high. If you agree to do selective reduction (abortion) if you have more than two babies, they will go ahead and do the procedure. John and I would not agree to that.

4. How is IVF different than IUI? Okay, with IUI fertilization occurs INSIDE the woman. With IVF fertilization occurs outside of the body. The will go in, take my eggs out, and fertilize outside of my body. A note of trivia: the oldest IVF baby is about 23 years old right now. This shows you how new this technology is.

5. How many fertilized babies will they put back in you at a time? They will put 2 fertilized "embryos" back in me at a time. Sometimes Mayo will put in 3 but only if you are over 35 or if you have had multiple failed attempts with 2.

6. What happens to the rest of the fertilized embryos (babies)? These are frozen. We have decided that we will not attempt to fertilize more than we would be able to use. They will be stored in Rochester. We will return to try 2 more at our "convenience". If we get pregnant the first time, this would obviously not be for a bit. If we don't get pregnant, we can try again when the doctor says my body is ready for another attempt.

7. What step in the procedure are you in right now? Right now, John and I are running a variety of tests, taking various medications, and just following step-by-step guides up until our appointment on January 17th. On that date, we will generate a more firm "gameplan" for how all this will play out. I will let you know the additional tests as I find them out.

8. What are your chances? As best as we understand it, we have a 40% chance of having a pregnancy go all the way to term. Each time a woman gets pregnant they have a 20% chance of miscarriage. This is no different with IVF than it is with a woman conceiving "naturally". As far as our chances as having twins, all we know is that they are obviously much higher than for the average woman.

9. What will you do if you have twins? We have no idea. In all reality, we could potentially have multiple sets of twins. We are trusting that the Lord knows best!

10. We heard that there is an increased chances of the egg splitting in IVF. Is this true? We have heard that it is. I know a woman who had IDENTICAL twins with IVF. This means that one of the embryos didn't make it but the other one split. I also know a woman who had triplets with IVF but only had two put in her. You can figure that one out.

11. Could you get pregnant without IVF? We serve a God of miracles so John and I definitely believe we could. The doctors have put our chances at this happening as very low. For this reason they have encouraged me to pursue IVF now, while I am only 28. The good news? Our frozen embroys will always be created using 28-year-old eggs which means, I could technically get pregnant with these into my forties or fifties! (P.S. I wouldn't do that.)

Okay, if you have additional questions, post a comment and ask away. I'll then add to the list. If the question is really complicated, that's okay. I don't know the answers to some things, but JB usually does. Like I said, we are trying to educate everyone else while we do this. I have a few hopes through sharing this journey:

• that people understand how precious life is and treasure their own children even more.
• that people appreciate the miracle of life and their own ability to get pregnant.
• that people learn what to say and not say to people who are struggling with infertility issues (more to come in an upcoming post!)
• that people recognize that even though things can be done medically, it doesn't mean that is what the Lord wants us to do. Infertility is a very personalized journey, and every woman has a different story.
• that people realize that the Lord knows best! I have learned through this journey how much we need to trust Him. Ultimately, even as we watch those embryos being dropped into my womb, having children is in His hands.
• that people understand that while life doesn't always go the way we have planned, God is faithful and will always work for the "good of those that love Him." I know that I will be able to look back and see why this had to happen this way -- no matter how this all turns out.

Blessings everyone!