Our trip to South Dakota

Well, first of all, I must thank Josh for holding down the fort for me while I was gone. It appears he did a fantastic job. JB and I were literally laughing out loud as we read your story. You never disappoint.

Secondly, in response to the question posed by Josh and the answer from one of the commenters, Mount Rushmore is in South Dakota.

That being said, I am now going to share some photos and video (Yes -- video ... thanks for the tutorial Calvin) from our trip to South Dakota. This may be one of my longest blogs ever but don't worry, most of what you are going to see are photos not me "talking".

We left for South Dakota around 7:30 a.m. on Friday morning. As I mentioned, I have seven states left to visit, so I was very excited to knock one of these off my list. Here is me on the highway with my new state!

I must say that I was very pleasantly surprised by South Dakota. It is a beautiful state. We really enjoyed the drive to Mt. Rushmore because the SD landscape is landscape we had never seen before.

All in all, it is about an eight and a half hour drive from Rochester to Keystone, SD. However, we took a 90 minute side loop through the Badlands. These lands are appropriately named for how badly they would have served for raising crops or animals in the early beginnings of America. Here are some pictures of this amazing landscape.



As we left the Badlands, I saw this beautiful prairie and told JB that I would love to run through it (picture the introduction to Little House on the Prairie). JB immediately said that I probably wouldn't want to run through the prairie due to the rattle snakes. A few minutes later we saw a boardwalk leading out the prairie, and John's thoughts were confirmed by this delightful sign which only reiterated that I should stick to the boardwalk instead of just running through the grass. It also reiterated the fact that JB is quite often, right.

Before I left, Kelsey made me a list of places that we should be sure to visit. This was one of them -- Wall Drug. In fact, as you drive to Mt. Rushmore you see all kinds of signs advertising this Drug Store which made its place on the map during the Great Depression by offering free glasses of water. However, it is now one big tourist trap so we stopped to "say we'd been there" and to take a picture to prove it for Kelsey and then went on our way without even getting our glass of free water. Not a place I'd go out of my way to visit just as Kelsey promised.

We finally arrived in Keystone, SD around 5:30, checked into our hotel, Roosevelt Inn, and then immediately headed to Mount Rushmore, about 4 miles from our hotel. What an amazing site! Pictures can't do it justice, but here are some pictures to share just the same.

As you enter the area, each state is represented in a stone pillar with the year they entered the union. Here is a photo with me next to Florida/Kentucky/Minnesota ... my "flaky" inspiration.

Later that evening, after a quick bite to eat, we returned to the outdoor amphitheater where they had a lighting ceremony as the sun set as well as a video with the history of this great sculpture. What was even more fun was that they asked all current military and veterans to come to the front while the boy scouts retired the flag. Family was invited as well, but I declined as JB went down onto the stage. It was so neat to listen to the audience cheer for them and yell "thank you's".

The next morning, we drove along a scenic road and were able to take more beautiful pictures of Mount Rushmore.

We then moved to Custer State Park. This was a gorgeous State Park with all kinds of animals.

One of my favorite parts of the trip was meeting Custer State Park's "Begging burros". These donkeys were brought to this area during the gold rush and left behind. While not native to the area, they now allow about 30 burros to continue living in the park, auctioning off the excess numbers each year to lucky individuals (I would love one!) Here are some photos and VIDEOs of these donkeys who are not even close to shy. We stopped our car for a second and were flogged!

Another great park of this park was that it contains the largest wild heard of buffalo/bison in the world. We were lucky enough to pass the herd very early in our trip. Here are some photos of the bison which JB was gutsy enough to get out and "visit" with.

Another animal we saw a TON of was the Pronghorn antelope. These animals were all over the park! John joked that I could show the entire song of "Oh give me a home, where the buffalo roamed, where the deer and the antelope played ..."

Animals in this park had no fear of humans as indicated by this groundhog who made JB drive around him ... twice!

The Needles Highway greeted us on the way out of the park. These rocks were gorgeous and, again, pictures just can't show what we saw. You MUST see them for yourself.

Can you find JB in the first picture below and me in the picture below that? This just shows you how big these rocks are.

Lots of tunnels requiring one car at a time. You have to honk first!

The highlight of the trip is a rock called "Needle's Eye" which has a hole right through it thus the "eye of the needle".

We also took a ride on the "1880 Train" which drove us one hour to Hill City and one hour back. In Hill City we ate at a fabulous German restaurant where we had some great German dishes!

Below you see the highest point between the Rocky Mountains and the Swiss Alps:

While the scenery on the train was excellent as you can see above, one of my favorite parts was meeting Leonard. Leonard is a local retired man who comes out to meet the train EVERY time it passes -- six times a day! He stands on a stand with his conductor's hat on and waves and bows and blows kisses. I enjoyed meeting him on the trip there AND back. What a guy!

Okay, so JB and I typically avoid anything that even resembles a tourist trap, however, I read about this ski lift that takes you to the top of a hill where you can see Mt. Rushmore and then take an alpine slide back down. Here is a picture of JB and me on the ride up.

Here was the view from the top of the hill which included the fifth face on Mt. Rushmore as well as a beautiful view of Keystone, population 250!

Now JB was not overly excited about taking the alpine slide down. I had done this before and thought it was great fun. He had never done it and told me that he was not going to race and wanted to just ride down slowly and relaxed-like. Keeping this in mind, you can see why I was very surprised when we started at the same time and I was quickly left behind! JB left me in his dust. I tried to catch up but was not nearly daring enough. Once at the bottom, John apologized and told me that I was right -- those slides were great fun!

Our next stop was Crazy Horse. If you don't know much about Crazy Horse (like us), I will quickly summarize by telling you that the Indian leaders wanted their own memorial for their heroes, just like the heroes featured on Mt. Rushmore. So, Crazy Horse was started by Korczak Ziolkowski, his wife, and ten children. Korczak has since died, but the job continues. To give you an idea how big Crazy Horse will one day be, the four heads on Mt. Rushmore can FIT into Crazy Horse's head. Here is the finished statue (in model form) with the actual statue in the background.

Here is Crazy Horse, probably over fifty years away from completion.

After viewing Crazy Horse, we decided to return to our hotel through Custer State Park. At one point, JB decided to climb to the top of one of the hills. Here he is, blown up so you can see him. You can also watch a video of him coming down the very large hill!

We also ran into the donkeys again! I was very excited. I love these guys.

We returned to our hotel, exhausted, and left this morning around 8:30 our time for home. On the way we stopped at the Missouri river in South Dakota, something we saw on the way and had wanted to see. Here are a few photos from that stop including more snake warnings!

We had a fantastic trip and are glad to be home. Tomorrow, I will include a very special announcement on my blog so make sure you tune in for some extremely exciting news!

Check 1...Check 2...Is this thing on?

I'M BAAAAAACK!!

Josh....(Wendi's cousin that is)

For my second act on Wendi's blog I thought I would be a little more normal and down to earth. For those of you who don't know, John and Wendi are currently vacationing in the sunny, tropical land of Mt. Rushmore. I am well aware that Mt. Rushmore is not a state or a city, but a mountain that has 4 faces carved into the side of it. However, as of this posting I do not even know what state or city Mt. Rushmore is in...so as Wendi knows all too well, whenever my stupidity shows its ugly head I try to make a joke out of it and hope that everyone laughs!

(Pause for laughter......hopefully.........seriously, laugh!!)

Okay, let's move on.

The sad fact is, I was a history major in college. So technically...I should know where Mt. Rushmore is! But that's only the beginning when it comes to things I never learned (or retained) as a history major in college. (Needless to say, my degree sits in a box full of dust...just waiting to be used! But don't worry about me, I'll keep paying my student loans for the next 15 to 30 years...I promise!) I'm not bitter.

So check this out...

Last weekend I was in an elevator all by myself. I was on the 1st floor, and my room was on the 4th floor. So I hit the number "4" and the doors started to close. Suddenly the doors opened up again and an older man walked onto the elevator. The man looks at me and says, "Going up?"

Listen, I'm a nice guy, and I always want to give people the benefit of the doubt when it comes to stupidity. The fact that the elevator was on the 1st floor and could go NO OTHER PLACE BUT UP was an issue that I decided to ignore at the moment. (Plus I was tired) So I simply replied, "Yes sir."

As I'm saying this the elevator doors start to close again. As they are closing the man reaches over and hits the button for his floor. When he does this the doors immediately open again. I'm thinking, "Come on, I just want to get to my room!" But this time the doors open and no one is there. So...the doors start to close again. At this point the man next to me says, "I don't think the light for my floor works on this elevator." So this time I watch him as he goes to hit the button for his floor again. It is at this point that I notice something that shocks me. The man is pressing the button for the 1st floor! THAT IS WHY THE DOORS OPENED AGAIN!

So for your entertainment, here is how the conversation between us went. I'll start with what I said...

Me: What floor is your room on?
Him: I don't know.
Me: Well, what's your room number?
Him: I'm room 1121
Me: Okay...this is your floor. Your room is on the first floor.
Him: No...my room # is 1121. I'm on the eleventh floor.
Me: Sir...this hotel only has 5 floors.
Him: Well why wouldn't my room # be 121?
Me: I don't know sir.
Him: Why does everything have to be so difficult?
Me: Yeah...it's crazy.

The End


As this conersation took place the man went up to the 4th floor with me. I'm sure he was pretty humiliated as he stayed on the elevator to go back to the 1st floor. The one question I thought of later was...Why would he hit the 1st floor button if he thought he was on the 11th floor?

That my friends, is crazy...

One last thing....I later realized that the man looked a lot like my old history advisor from college. Maybe that's why I couldn't get a job with my degree!!!!!

That's it. I'm not paying my loans anymore!

See ya

Josh

Mount Rushmore

Well it is very early on Friday morning, and we are about to leave for our anniversary weekend. Okay, so technically our anniversary isn't until Tuesday, but we are quite fine with celebrating it a bit early.

We plan to drive today to Keystone, South Dakota, where we have a hotel booked. We will spend all day Saturday exploring South Dakota including Mount Rushmore and Crazy Horse (and the list of places my mid-westerner friend Kelsey gave me) and then drive home on Sunday. We have tickets booked on western train that takes a two hour scenic route, and I think I would also take a ski lift to the top of Mount Rushmore and then ride the alpine slide down!

I know this is just a short trip, but when else will be near enough to South Dakota to visit? I actually have seven states left that I haven't been to: Oregon, Washington, Idaho, the Dakotas, Alaska, and Hawaii, so after this weekend I will have six. The problem? When will I ever make a special trip to North Dakota or Idaho? I have NO idea. JB has a few more than me, but one visit to the Mississippi/Louisiana area, and we'll knock those out.

I do have a special surprise for my loyal blog readers. My cousin Josh will be in to entertain you on Saturday while I am gone! Now, since I cannot read or edit what he writes, I must apologize now for anything that takes place on my blog while I am gone. I also cannot email Josh to nag him to post, so those of you who know him, if it gets to be Saturday afternoon and you haven't seen a post, make sure to give him a call or email him and just drive him crazy. He wouldn't mind at all.

Speaking of Josh, his song is to #8. Go vote again if you haven't. You can get there through his webpage (linked on the right).

I will blog again on Sunday night when we get back (or Monday morning if it is too late.) I'm sure I will have a ton of pictures to share.

Okay, JB says we are ready to go.

See you all when we get back!

Doctor Appointment Update

Okay, so before I tell you what happened at our doctor's appointment today, I wanted you to check out the update on the right side of this page. If you noticed, I added an introductory "page" that actually explains who John and I are. It may bore you if you already know us, but there's a fun picture on there from the first year we started dating! Please go visit it, just so that I feel I didn't waste my time.

Okay, (and yes I know I just started two paragraphs with the word "okay"), here is quick recap about the appointment.

John and I met up in front of the Mayo buildings around 2:00 to walk over for our 2:15 appointment. John had slept less than 2 hours that night and was really operating on fumes. Keep this in mind when I tell you that we didn't get in for our appointment until 3:15, and you can understand why he was having trouble in the waiting room. At one point he told me that the carpet looked inviting. He also told me that the green in my shirt brought out the green in my hair. He said that he was joking, but I am wondering if that was him or fatigue talking. Another time I said that he should remind me how much better I feel now than when we first got the negative result so that I have the courage to try again. He said I could write myself a note. I was like, "So you'd rather I read a note than you tell me," and he started laughing saying that wasn't what he meant but he wasn't sure right now how to articulate it any clearer. I think being with someone with little sleep is quite entertaining.

Anyways, at 3:15 Dr. C came in. I have said this before but Dr. C really reminds me a lot of JB's dad. He talks very softly and patiently and is just so caring and kind. The moment he walked in, he said he wanted to give me a hug, and of course, this got me all teary. Actually, I think going anywhere near the office makes me teary. John was teary too but only because he wanted to go to sleep. :)

To quickly summarize:

After much confusion, and John going from fertile to infertile to back to fertile again, we apparently do have some sort of "sperm binding issue". This was probably the reason that we did not get as many embryos as we hoped in the harvesting.

"Sperm Binding issue". What does this mean? Well, nothing if we are doing IVF. If they had known about it before our harvesting (which they couldn't have), they would have suggested we attempted to fertilize more eggs than we did. If we end up doing another harvest in the future, we will use ICSI on all mature eggs. This, as I have mentioned before is a procedure where, instead of throwing all the sperm and eggs into one dish to mix together, they specifically pick one sperm and one egg and "force" them together. I'm not sure this isn't exactly how it works, but it is the only way I know how to explain it.

Now this sperm binding issue is a factor in why, even when I HAVE ovulated, we have not gotten pregnant either when we have tried on our own or when we did IUI procedures. It also means that our odds of ever conceiving on our own, are even lower than we originally thought (in man's eyes -- not God's). I have decided not to spend much time thinking about this. We are doing IVF now. I have always prayed that somehow, we could miraculously get pregnant on our own, someday. This is still a possibility although the odds are decreased even more.

The only good thing: I can no longer blame myself for our infertility issues or tell John, when I get upset, to go find a fertile wife. My perfect husband must now share some of the blame. However, technically, we aren't sure if this is his sperm's fault for not liking my eggs or my eggs fault for not liking his sperm. Alas, it could still be my fault. Oh well.

Secondly, as we had assumed prior to the appointment, Dr. C does not want to use all three embryos in our FET (frozen embryo transfer). What we will do is dethaw two of our embryos. If, one of them dies very quickly, they may have time to dethaw the remaining embryo. However, if the embryo dies too close to the time of the transfer and there is no time to dethaw the other, we will just transfer one.

Another exciting thing that we learned was that Dr. C will allow us to do another fresh before using our remaining one embryo. For instance, if this next FET fails in September, he will allow us to keep our one embryo frozen and instead do another fresh harvest. This is good for a number of reasons. The first reason is that if we do another fresh prior to January 5, we do not have to re-do all of our tests (which will save a lot of time and money). These tests we did are good for one year. Also, if we end up with an odd number of embryos, we can combine our new extra embryo with our one remaining frozen embryo.

Lastly, Dr. C was very hopeful. I asked him at what point he would advise us to stop trying. He said that we had 21 embryos retrieved and 19 mature eggs. He said this is an incredible result. He said that our embryos are very high quality. He said that as long as things were as they are now, he wouldn't advise us to stop trying. We have good "stuff" and just unfortunately, fell on the lowsy side of the statistics.

After Dr. C left (along with a woman from India who was shadowing him to learn about IVF and bring her knowledge back to India where she worked as a doctor), my nurse, Ruthie, came in and we set a date in September to do the procedure. She told me that they had seen enough of me in this office and that I needed to disappear for awhile, at least nine months. "You can only come back with a child to show us," she said. I totally agreed.

Right now, I am feeling very good and feeling like I can do this a thousand times. The problem is, the month/s surrounding this are extremely "yuck". After Dr. C left, I started crying again, just frustrated that I can't take my "hopeful" feelings into the months surrounding the procedure/s. Please pray that I can feel this hopeful and encouraged and upbeat even while sitting on my couch waiting for a phone call to tell us if it worked or not!

The other big thing you can pray for is my headaches. Dr. C offered some ideas for different things we can try to avoid them next time, however, we want to avoid changing anything too much because things went so perfectly last time. We had 21 eggs. If that means 3 months of migraines to get the same awesome result, I will suck it up.

We leave for Mt. Rushmore tomorrow morning. I will post before we leave and maybe have a guest poster while we are gone. I can't wait for this honeymoon vacation. It is much needed.

Oh where or where did my writing go?

I pick obscure times to do obscure things.

The scene: Tuesday evening. Halftime of the Heat game. I don't know what time that was. Whatever time the Heat were in the lockeroom. I couldn't ask my dad what time that was. My dad is too nervous to watch the Heat play. He's too nervous to watch any team from Chicago or Miami play any "big" game. One time he IM'med me right in the middle of the World Series.

"Dad," I said, "The White Sox are in the World Series!"

"I know," he said. "I'm too nervous to watch. Wanna play some spades?"

Of course I didn't want to play spades. The White Sox were in the World Series.

But I digress.

The scene was halftime of the Heat game in the NBA finals. Instead of doing things that normal people due during halftime of the NBA finals (i.e., drink a beer, eat some chips, use the restroom, heck, pick anything), I could be found underneath my bed, on a desperate search for ... well, I was on a desperate search for a story I wrote way back in my junior year of college! A story I hadn't seen in years. I thought I knew right where it was. But I couldn't find it. So not only did I pull out one, but I pulled out all three of the high school and college trunks I have under our bed.

Now don't ask why I picked that moment to look for that piece of writing. Don't ask why I thought of that story, all of a sudden. I don't have the answer to either of those questions. I also don't have the answer to why I would pick late on a Tuesday night to climb under the bed.

Anyways, I say all this to say that this ticked me off. I pride myself on my de-cluttered life. I pride myself on organization. WHERE is that story?! No matter what I wanted to do with it (I'm not really sure). The bottom line is, I want to know where it is.

It also ticked me off that I got all dusty and all hot and sweaty for a wild goose chase. However, this wild goose chase was for a reason.

I really want to start writing again.

Now I know I write everyday, but it's been years since I have really sat down and written fiction. Why? Well, I've been so busy teaching writing and then getting a job writing, that I just haven't done it. Then I started this blog. I have heard that "blogging" can kill a writer's juices because they take all their little thoughts and put them on the blog instead of combining those little thoughts into great big mombo thoughts.

Don't worry oh my thousands (okay, not thousands) of faithful blog readers. I don't plan to squash the Polar North Blog. However, I do want to get myself writing for the fun of it again. Okay, not that this blog isn't fun, but I want to write something for the fun of it that I can go buy at Barnes & Noble some day. Well, even if Barnes & Noble didn't pick it up, I would still want to write it.

I have wanted to write a book since I was a kid. Will I do it? I don't know. What will it be about? I don't know. When will I do it? Well I don't know that either. All I know is that I have gotten the itch again to write. And I don't want to write someone else's book. I don't want to edit someone's book (although both the options are good ones). I want to write my own book.

I have some ideas bopping around in my now very tired brain. But if I told them to you, I'd have to kill you, and since I am not even exactly sure who reads my blog, that would take quite some time.

Speaking of the blog, it would be nice if I could get some comments from some different people.
I have my loyal blog commenters (you know who you are, but if you aren't even sure where the comment button is, assume you aren't one of them). However, those of you who pop in and don't ever post a comment need to broaden your horizons. Don't be afraid. Journey into the comment room! You can do it. I believe in you.

If I can write a book, you can surely leave a comment.

Okay, so I haven't actually written the book, but I am thinking of it, and I think that alone is worthy of a comment sometime.

Okay, off to write the next great novel. I'll keep you posted on its progress or lack thereof.

The New World

Well couldn't post this morning. Got up and our internet was down. This happens in our house every few months -- it also affects RLSF occasionally which isn't a good thing. But it is lunchtime now and back up and running.

JB and I watched a great movie last night --The New World. I really enjoyed it and can recommend it for all ages. It was a very quiet but beautiful movie, and quite emotional. Actually it was so quiet and the lines so mumbled that we finally put the captions on so I would quit asking JB to repeat what they say or rewind it. Supposedly it is the story of Pocahantas (sp?) although I am not sure quite how accurate it is.

JB is on call tonight. It will be his last night of call on this rotation and his last night of call for three weeks so that is exciting. He got up with me this morning around 5:45, tried to get a few things done, and then returned to bed for a good nap. We'll now eat lunch together and then he'll head in to the hospital. He will be on until as late as 7:00 tomorrow night and has previously never managed more than 3 hours sleep through the night. Yuck!

In addition, we have a doctor's appointment tomorrow at 2:15 with our infertility doctor which he plans to get away an hour for. However, he will be attending this appointment having been awake, most likely, for over 24 hours. It's always a little comical communicating with someone who is that sleep-deprived. I'll let you know if he says anything crazy.

I also have another appointment scheduled with my general practitioner for next week. If you have hung around me recently you probably know that I am still battling headaches. They are much better and only reach potential-migraine status maybe once a week, but they are still very frustrating to battle on a daily basis. We are not sure why they have continued although JB still assumes they are probably hormonally related. So I am going to talk to the doctor and see if there is something else we can try to get these under control.

That's it for now. I may try to go in tonight and have dinner with JB and do some laundry. Other than that, it will be a quiet evening.

Heading to RLSF now. I'll post an update about what our doctor said after our appointment tomorrow.

We have decided ...

A little while ago I did a post asking for advice. September 15th is the day that JB must write down his choices for where he wants to his residency, and I wanted to know what most of you thought.

Back in March, I asked you for your opinions. We really loved the advice. If you want to look back at it you can check it out at: Please vote: Minnesota or Florida? Most of you agreed that if our infertility journey was over, we should go to Florida, and we agreed with you. Up until our failed IVF, we were leaning to Florida.

After much discussion we believe we have finalized our list.

So, without further ado ... here it is:

1. Civilian residency (Mayo Clinic)
2. Eglin Air Force Base (Northern Florida)
3. Southern Illinois
4. D.C.
5. California
6. Nebraska

Some of you may be surprised, and in fact, as of about six weeks ago, I really thought #1 and #2 would be flip-flopped. Our three major reasons for trying to go to Florida: family, weather, and salary were huge and seemed to be over-riding our reasons for staying. We felt that we were choosing to stay because it was easy.

So what changed our mind? Very simply, our journey through infertility. Here are our reasons for choosing to stay:

1. We originally thought we would wait until after our frozen transfer in September. However, then we found out JB had to make a decision by September 8th. We will not know if our next procedure has worked by then.
2. We currently have Mayo Clinic insurance which pays 50% of our infertility costs. There is currently a huge debate in our country about whether insurance should cover infertility. My insurance will cover anything that is related to annovulation (my MRI on my pituitary etc.) but the fact that they cover 50% of baby-related treatments is more than a lot of woman currently have.
3. If we leave, JB will make double the salary, however, if we stay, I will be able to continue working (even to a limited degree), and we will save a lot of money on infertility treatments. We feel like this would basically equal the pay difference he would have in Florida.
4. If we go to a military base, we will have military insurance. Unfortunately there is no infertility center on any of the bases we could go to and the waiting list to get into the military's IF program is over two years long (and is located in San Antonio.) We are not even sure if military insurance covers this at all.
5. If we have frozen embryos at Mayo, we will be "forced" to keep using Mayo Clinic but will have to pay double the price for every treatment and travel to do treatments.
6. If our treatment in September was to work, we would be have one or two children under one month old when it was time to leave in June of next year. While we would be 9 hours from family if we went to Florida, that is quite a long way. Here, we have good friends that would be our support especially if we have multiples.
7. We plan to continue to pursue infertility treatment for at least another year. However, as I have mentioned before, adoption is definitely in our future, we just aren't sure when. Mayo Clinic offers a $10,000 adoption credit if we choose to adopt. In addition to the $10,000 from Mayo, our government currently offers a $10,000 tax refund which would help us adopt at a relatively low cost. (The average cost of adoption is currently about $20,000 for a newborn but this varries greatly.)
8. Staying in Rochester will limit the stress in our lives which is definitely important. We will live close to where JB works, he will not have to learn a "new system" when he starts residency, we will have friends close by (the Rays, hopefully the Jones etc.), and we will not have to move and prepare for everything associated with that.

If the military says yes, JB would enter the "civilian" match in March of 2007. Being as he is going in to Family Medicine, he feels pretty good about getting a spot at Mayo, however, we would actually have to have "back up" civilian choices. Maybe Miami? :)

So we have decided to request that the military will let us stay in Minnesota. We have been told by numerous people that due to my health issues, and the fact that JB's training would continue at such a prominent facility, we stand a good chance of getting our request. However, I definitely want to note that the "needs of the Air Force come first."

If the Air Force denies this request and sends us to Florida, while we would be slightly disappointed, we will not be devastated even slightly. Better weather, learning the Air Force "system" of medicine, being closer to family, more money etc. all intrigue us and offer positive aspects. Even Illinois would mean we would be less than 4 hours from our old stomping grounds in Kentucky/Tennessee and still six hours from our Chicago family. D.C. would promise an "adventurous" opportunity to live in our nation's capital, and with any of these locations, we would have the extra money to return to Mayo to continue treatment.

What would change our minds between now and September? Well, the only thing would probably be if the Lord blessed us with an unexpected pregnancy while not pursuing treatments -- a miracle of sorts. (We continue to believe this is possible!) Another thing that would cause us to change our mind would be peace. If the Lord was tugging us somewhere else, we would listen.

So, there it is. I ask that you pray with us that the Lord takes us where he knows it will be best, however, the morning after the Wilsons left, while we sat at our table by our big window, we both said at the same time that we felt that this was best. We hate the weather and we hate how far we are from family, however, we both feel that the peace of being able to continue dealing with my health and our hope to have a family at Mayo was worth those two things.

We wanted to tell our parents before I posted this on the blog, but now, it is out there. I don't think I will be posting any time soon that we have changed our minds. We both feel really good, and JB said he now has more time to get things done around our condo!

* * * * * * * * * *

Josh's song is currently at #10. Remember, you can vote every 24 hours. Would you vote again if you haven't lately? Let's get it #1!

Indie Heaven Radio

Sunday morning smiles

Well it is Sunday morning. I am a heathen (I'll go ahead and say it before my cousin Josh does) as I did not go to church this morning. We planned on going last night but with the way JB was feeling, decided not to.

JB is in the hospital all day, and I do have difficulty motivating myself to go to church when he can't go with me. I turned on the TV to see if I could find a favorite preacher and stumbled upon the French Open. Not good. So that's what I've been going for the last hour and a half.

Oh, and did I mention I slept until 10 a.m.? We went to bed last night at 8 p.m., and while I woke up briefly when John left around 6 a.m., I then went back down for andother 4 hours. I had my earplugs in and was therefore able to sleep straight through the 8 a.m. church bells. I slept 14 hours! I knew I needed it. We both did. I have been sleeping so poorly and feel like I finally caught myself up. John too said he felt a lot better when he woke up this morning.

I wanted to include a couple of pictures to make you smile today. The first is of a girl Tara took a picture of at a marathon she attended to watch a few friends run. She has no idea who this little girl is. I have no idea who this little girl is, and yet, I feel so connected, somehow. Could it be ... the chocolate?!



I also cleaned out my email this morning, and found an old picture of Grace that I loved. Can you guess who Grace wants to be when she grows up?! :)

Okay, now, completely changing gears. I wanted to talk to you about ... books.

After Tara's fabulous birthday gift of the book The Wedding by Nicholas Sparks, I have since read The Notebook and A Walk to Remember in a matter of days (also by Nicholas Sparks). Now I may be a former English teacher and a woman who is head over heals for Mark Twain, but I have not been a big reader since I was in junior high. My high school years were packed with athletics, college was packed with studying, and by the time I became a teacher, I was so busy reading and re-reading the pieces I was going to teach my students, that reading was no longer a relaxing hobby for me.

They say you marry your opposite.

Now my husband, on the other hand, as you who know us well know, is a compulsive reader. He brings a book everywhere he goes. If we are stuck five minutes in traffic or 10 minutes waiting for a store to open, he is frustrated that he did not bring a book with him. Sitting in church waiting for a wedding to start, in his mind, is a perfect chance to get a few chapters in (if I would only allow him to carry a book into church.)

I have never felt this way. I've never passed time with reading. I'd much rather play a game of spades, write in my blog, go for a long walk or a quick run, work on a story, or watch a favorite television show.

Then it happened. One of those moments when you realize everything you have teased and been different from is spiraling into your own existence.

Friday afternoon I went to meet JB for lunch after my morning at Mayo. I was standing outside of St. Mary's waiting for him to call and tell me that he was done and where I could meet him. I was a little frustrated because the only seats were occupied by smokers, and when I walked into the building, my cell phone service would go out. So instead, I was left to lean against a rail, holding my phone, listening to cars go by.

I stood there and thought, "I wish I had my book."

As soon as I thought it I felt myself start to laugh. What had happened to me? Books were JB's territory. I teased him about his books unmercifully. My players knew him as "the guy with a book". I would sometimes ask him before we left the house to not bring a book so we could talk during the baseball game instead of read. I remember my cousin Josh saying he knew he had been hanging out with JB too much when he saw a book in our house entitled Swine Science and nearly picked it up. (Note the inclusion of the word "nearly").

But now, I wanted my book. All this wasted time, standing, waiting, doing nothing. I could be through three or four chapters by now!

I say all this to say that this Nicholas Sparks (thanks Tara) is awesome. So awesome that the MOMENT I finished reading A Walk to Remember, I told JB I had to go to Blockbuster. We have Netflix leading him to ask me why I had to visit the video store. I had to go to the video store to rent the movie! The ending to the book is purposely ambiguous and maybe, at least I hoped, the movie would end the way I pictured the book ending. I also knew JB would never read the book (too girly), but he would watch the movie with me and then I could read him the end of the book and see how he interpreted it.

What has become of my jockness?!

If you have already seen the movie The Notebook, I strongly recommend you make your way to your local public library and get The Wedding, which is the sequel to The Notebook. Of the three books, it is The Wedding which was my favorite. My second recommendation would be A Walk to Remember. I truly am not sure how I feel about The Notebook. It was very good, and the first book that I have EVER cried while reading. However, because I had seen the movie first, I think it ruined some of the amazement of the book. If you have not seen the movie The Notebook yet then definitely definitely definitely read the book before you go and see the movie.

Okay so there it is. Oh and men reading this blog ... I think most of you would enjoy The Wedding. JB has promised me he will read it so we can discuss it. (I am now seeing the point of book discussion clubs -- what has happened to me?) However, he has also made me promise to not tell anyone that he is reading it.

Oh shoot. I guess I posted it on my blog which means I am telling people. Well, I won't hold his arm behind his back to get him to read this post and maybe he won't see this.

So there is my current advice on books and what has been going on in my life. I need to go now -- I have started The Believer (also by Nicholas Sparks), and need to go read!

It's June -- Brrrrrrrrr!?

JB and I had a great day planned. We'd wake up whenever we got up, walk to the local farmer's market, then return home and prepare for a drive to White Water State park where we would hike and eat lunch and lie in the sun and read.

Things started okay. We woke up whenever we woke up which, no surprise, was 7:00 a.m. We both tried to go back to sleep but finally gave up and headed out the door to the farmer's market.

That's when things went south. It was freezing outside! Now mind you today is June 10th. June 10! Despite the fact that it is June, our morning walk in fifty degree weather to market and back home left us having to take turns carrying the produce so that the other person could warm their hands up in their pockets. Our ears were freezing and throbbing and we were becoming two very upset individuals. It is summer. Summer!!! 50 degrees in June. Have I made myself clear?!?

By the time we made it back home from the market we had decided that we would not be going on a picnic or be lying in any sun or hiking up any hills. It was way too cold. We were, honestly, bummed. JB only gets one day off per week and this was one week that it fell on a weekend, when I have a day off. He'll be back in the hospital first thing tomorrow morning.

So we decided to take our lemons and make lemonade! What could we do that was fun, that we hadn't done before, that wouldn't cost a lot of money ... JB scoured the internet and we came up with it -- Fort Snelling. While still partially outside, this fort offered enough indoor places to stop us from getting too cold. So we packed a few oranges and the camera and headed to St. Paul Minnesota, a little over an hour from Rochester.

Fort Snelling is a fantastic place. A quick history: The United States gained control over the Upper Mississippi Valley through the Revolutionary War with Great Britain and later the Louisiana Purchase from France. This vast territory inhabited by fur traders and Indians still loyal to the British in Canada lay well beyond American settlement. After the War of 1812, the government took physical possession of the valuable Northwest frontier by establishing a chain of Indian agencies and supporting forts from Lake Michigan to the Missouri River. These outposts denied non-citizens commercial use of American rivers. British control of the rich fur trade ended. The United States Army kept American Indian lands free of white encroachment until appropriate treaties were signed, apprehended outlaws, and protected law-abiding travelers and traders.

We spent about two hours touring the old Fort. One of the most interesting (or would you call it disturbing facts): enlisted men slept 12 to a room in 3 sets of bunk beds. Now if you add right, you realize that is 6 beds. They slept 2 to a bed! Yikes! This was difficult to comprehend especially when they allowed the visitors to try it and you realized how impossible this feat would be on a bed that was only six foot long when you and your "bunk mate" were both 6'3". In addition, the last log went on the fire at 9:00 p.m. meaning those rooms grew very cold in the winter.

The entire experience included actors, dressed in the clothes of the era. The town doctor gave us a long lecture of how he went about amputating without medication and how he had no idea what germs were or why he would need to wash his hands or clean off his used instruments. It was therefore no surprise that the infant mortality rate was so high.

We cut our tour short due to JB not feeling very well. I have to say that ever since he started on this new schedule, he has not quite seemed himself, and I have been a little worried about him. He sleep is so screwy, his eating is very "whatever the cafeteria is serving", and he's not able to create any sort of routine for himself. Now I know people do these kind of schedules all the time, but for John to say he wants to leave because he doesn't feel well is not at all usual.

Thinking some food might help him feel better, JB took me to a very hip Thai place in downtown St. Paul that he had found on the internet before we left home. It was fabulous. However, we soon realized that the restaurant was right in the middle of a building with condos above it. We both agreed that we should never move into a building with a restaurant in it, especially one as good as this one, only a few steps below us. That is just asking for trouble!

We are now at home. John is taking a hot bath and then plans to go to bed, probably before 8:00 to try to catch up on his sleep. I may be working tomorrow. Next weekend is our eighth wedding anniversary. Since JB finishes his one rotation on Thursday and doesn't start his next rotation until Monday, he actually has 3 days off so we are going to go to South Dakota and see Mount Rushmore!!! So I may have to work tomorrow in order to put in some extra time and possibly take Friday morning off at Mayo. RLS closes at 1:00 on Fridays in the Summer so I can work extra hours with them Monday through Thursday and get Friday afternoon off. We are excited about this.

Shortly after we get back, my dad will be coming into town which I am very excited about. He is taking nearly a month and traveling the country this summer, watching games in different baseball parks around the eastern U.S. I spoke with him on the phone today. He is currently near Atlanta. He plans to hit DC, Philadelphia, and Boston before arriving in Chicago and spending some time with his siblings and mother. My brother and his girlfriend will also be in Chicago around June 25th for a Huisman family picnic. We want to go to this, but JB said he isn't sure he wants to make the Chicago drive again. (It's not a fun one.)

Tomorrow, I promise, I will share my new book recommendation blog as promised.

More entertainment

Well, I got a lot of encouraging comments when I posted a bunch of pictures the other day. Well, maybe not "a lot" but "a few". I think Bara even asked if I had any more and, well, yes, I do, so I thought I would include a few more pictures that occurred when the teens took over.

There is a bunch of stuff to tell you about including trips we have planned and great books I am reading (thanks Tara) but we are about to watch a movie and dinner is done so they will have to wait until tomorrow.

Enjoy the shots!

Next appointment: June 14

When we got news that our first attempt at IVF failed, I was dissapointed to hear that we may not be able to meet with the doctor again until late July or possibly August. August was especially disheartening because JB would be gone, and I would have to go to the appointment myself and then fax him a release form (to release our embryos) that he could sign and return. I have never met with my RE doctor without John there. Not only is it helpful because JB can get a lot of his own questions answered, but he can explain a lot of things to me later that I don't understand. Sometimes the doctor and John start talking a mile a minute back and forth and will then remember that there is a novice among them!

As a quick recap, when I was referred to the RE (reproductive endocrinology) department at Mayo back in August of 2003, there was only one Dr. left. The RE department had had some "issues" (no need to get into them, and I don't know them all anyway) and as a result, the doctors were leaving one by one. By August of 2004, the one doctor that was left that had managed our seven attempts at clomid and IUIs was also gone, and they had to shut down the entire office for a year. They could manage questions and my medications to handle the annovulation, but that was it.

Fast forward to earlier this year when Dr. C was hired. (I love him and apparentlly I told him as much when the valium took over!) But, he was still just one doctor. Not only does this limit the number of patients that can be seen, but the number of residents and fellows that can work are limited therefore as well. This was the reason I had to wait soooo long for our fresh embryo retrieval and transfer. With only one doctor and the chance that these procedures could fall any day of the week, and the numbers had to be limited.

However, there are now two doctors and a third promised in the future. This has created double the number of appointments and women who can be seen each month which means that I got a call last week saying that there is a June 14th opening for us to go in and lay out our game plan! I am very happy about this. We will be able to get a lot of our questions answered and also figure out when in early September we can do our first FET (frozen embryo transfer.)

JB and I sat down at dinner the other night and discussed our thoughts -- thoughts we need to assimilate prior to meeting with Dr. C on June 14. As much as we would like to use all three of our remaining embryos at once, mainly for the increased odds of it working and also to eliminate an extra transfer, we do not feel peace about doing that. The odds say that we would not have triplets. However, the chance of having triplets is real enough to lead us to say that to use three would be an impulsive and unwise decision. Having triplets is not the concern. Having three healthy triplets is the concern. As JB mentioned in another post, the risk of infant mortality and illness is very real. To rush and have one or more children born with a disability -- a disability that would not have been present had we gone slower, is a real concern.

All these stories on the news about women having four, five, six, or seven babies has caused people to not understand the risks. First of all, when doing IVF, doctors that put this many embryos into a woman are careless and often more concerned about their pregnancy rates than the safety of the woman and her children.

Secondly, many of these women get pregnant with this many babies because they break the rules during IUI's. For instance, the doctor cancells a cycle due to having too many eggs and couples choose to try on their own. JB and I did this one time (Ssssh don't tell). We had five eggs and were told that they would not do the artificial insemination, however, we had the shot to release the eggs and try on our own. After careful discussion with the doctor and our good friends the Jones', we decided that this was a reasonable risk. In fact, while the doctor could not tell us to do this, he was basically doing just that as he and JB talked on the phone, drawing charts and graphs of the size of the follicles and our odds ratios. However, I did not get pregnant (obviously) during this attempt. Another time, they cancelled my cycle because I had 18 eggs. (I told JB I had 50 million, and he gently reminded me this was an exaggeration.) This time, we did not take the shot at home as we felt the risk was too high. However, women who do this anyway, can end up with these high numbers.

Another fact about high numbers is that if you get pregnant with more than three, you are often encouraged to do "selective reduction" or "abortion". Many women do this. However, many women do not. For all the women who make it to delivering seven babies, there are hundreds of women who did selective reduction from seven down to two or who miscarried all seven. In addition, if you look closely at these high order multiple children, you realize that many of them are far from healthy -- they are dealing with severe disibilities that they will have for life.

So, I just wanted to clear this up. Many people do not know this. JB and I know it because we are reminded every cycle of how dangerous it is too have more than two babies. We do not want to have to even consider selective reduction or to have to choose between my health and the lives of children we have wanted so badly.

I digressed a bit there and hope I didn't bore too many of you. Although, I suppose no one is making you read this. (Unless you are JB; I require him to read every entry by twisting his arm behind his back very hard.) However, I am very excited to go in on June 14th. We will get a plan, I will take another two and a half months off, and then we will try again.

How am I doing ... that is the question of the day. I am, quite honestly, dealing with grief. While our sticky babies were tiny embryos, they were alive, and we were able to see them dropped into my womb. To know they are no longer there is very difficult to wrap my mind around. To imagine doing this procedure again, taking the drugs, doing the shots, waiting two weeks, and taking that phone call again, is quite overwhelming. However, the possibility of a positive result greatly outweighs the fear of trying again.

I am still not really able to talk about this verbally unless the conversation is very much on the surface. I appreciate those of you who have sent cards or emails. It is currently the only way I feel comfortable communicating and this really hasn't changed. Writing is easy for me. I can digest my thoughts, choose my words, and take my time. Writing is such a healing activity for me and has been since I was a child. At church on Sunday someone asked me how it turned out, I had to confess that it didn't work, and I was left crying all the way through worship. If I could have written to them, I would have been fine!

As I said to JB today, if we found out today that one of our loved ones had passed away, we would be dealing with grief. I feel that this is what I am dealing with right now. It is a sadness for something we lost and a jealousy for people who have not had to travel this road. While I don't want any woman to feel the way I do, when I hear of one who gets pregnant right away or on her first attempt, there is a part of me that is so jealous for that ease. Some days I don't cry at all. Some days I cry a lot. And at the same time, I have a faith that carries me through and will never leave me.

I also have begun to have a peace that as dissapointed as I would be if I was never a mom (biolgoically or even through adoption), Jb and I are enough. I can honestly say that in the last 3 years our marriage went from very good prior to this diagnosis, to not very good during the early treatments, to absolutely fantastic now. The Lord has brought us to complete unison in this walk and that is an amazing feeling. JB and I will celebrate our eighth (gulp) wedding anniversary on June 20th, and I feel more in love with him right now than I ever have.

I wanted to share a song with you that Wes King wrote about infertility. It most perfectly captures what I am dealing with and can maybe help you understand how we are currently feeling.

Thought You'd Be Here

We thought you'd be here by now

your Mother and I

We're praying through our tears that somehow

We might hear your sweet cry

Have we waited too long

It's getting harder to be strong

Is there something we've done wrong

But if you like dancing

I'll make it rain rhythm and rhyme

and melodies, child

And if you like dreaming

Your Mother will make your imagination run wild

Somehow, we thought you'd be here by now

We have a room just for you, upstairs

It's right down the hall

So we'll be close should you ever get scared

We'll come when you call

It's a room full of stories

Waiting to be told

Longing to behold

And if you like laughing

I'll paint you a circus of smiles

and ferris wheels, dear

And if you like living

Your Mother will fly you to

worlds both far and near

Somehow....

I never knew the silence

could make me so deaf

I never knew that I could miss

someone I never met

Miss someone I haven't met yet
We'll be waiting

Words and music by Wes king

What happens when you give teenagers your camera Part I

So yesterday, Tuesday, was the Wilsons last day here in Minnesota, and we all decided after work to go see Ronnie's church softball game and then go get Mexican food at a restaurant with a wrap around porch on the railroad tracks.

As usual, I gave my camera to Veronica, which got passed to Grace, and then I realized, four teenagers were completely in charge of what pictures were taken. This created an interesting display of photos.

Since photos should be able to speak for themselves, I will allow them to do that. Here is what the teenagers saw during the evening -- and one photo of what I saw as well.

Oh and this blog is in two parts. I think that blogger may limit how many photos I load ... so I have decided to fool blogger and do one post in two parts! Oh yeah!

What happens when you give teenagers your camera Part II

Okay here's some more memories from a teenager's mind:









Okay, this last one wasn't taken by teenagers. It was taken by me. It is Jessie and JB playing Tetris late last night before they went home. I just loved this picture and loved seeing them play video games against each other and loved the trash talking that occurred between them. It was just a precious moment to me, and so I had to capture it. This is not from teenagers.

Recapping Monday

Yesterday I worked a full day at Mayo. If you haven't guessed it by now, my schedule is basically up in the air every week. Basically both jobs make any requests at the end of the previous week for times they could use me, and I make my schedule accordingly. I do 24 hours at Mayo and 16 hours at RLS (and no fewer than 12). I can also do 8 of those 16 hours from home which I do to give me some quiet writing time.

Last night, all seven kids (4 Ray kids and 3 Wilson kids) went over to the Rays and had pizza and played video games while all the adults (Wilsons, Rays, Kits, Ron & Ebby's Mom Jan and Uncle John, and Ebby's Mom "Bethmom") came over for JB's cooking. He made a great Indian meal with tons leftover to freeze for me to eat when he is on call. It was fantastic as usual. He ended it with some mango shakes. Those who were dangerous enough to try them, really liked them.

Before dinner, Ronnie went browsing through our friend Bara's blog, and we had some good laughs at old times. I tell Ronnie he should check our blogs daily but without internet capabilities, he doesn't really have the chance. Bara, he really cracked up about your writing about the women in Boston. He agreed that you are not designed to live in Florida or California. That would be a disaster.

It is now Tuesday morning. The Wilsons leave tomorrow morning and JB is on call tomorrow night so I am going to go from having a hundred pairs of shoes in the hallway to having none. We'll move from going through 3 gallons of milk in a week, to barely getting through a half gallon. I kind of got used to the noise and the action. It will be a little strange. It has been a wonderful visit and a great time to catch up. The kids have really grown, and I've enjoyed reconnecting with them again.

I will try to catch everyone else up on our lives after everyone is gone and I have sole control of my computer again! :)

Sunday Sunshine

What a beautiful day Sunday was here in Minnesota yesterday. We went to the late service at church, caught some Chinese for lunch, and then JB and I took the three youngest munchkins (Hunter, Cole, and Jessie) to that free zoo we took Josh & Sarah and boys to the other day. Everyone else went to the graduation, but being as it was so hot and so crowded, we decided we would do something different. They were, of course, broken hearted they couldn't sit in a hot gymnasium, as were we (not!) But, congratulation English nonetheless!!!

We had a wonderful time. After looking at all the animals, we sat down under a tree. The three kids took turns trying to throw seed pods into JB's mouth. No one made it, but Hunter hit him in the eye about nine times. We just sat there and laughed and laughed.

On the way back to our house, we made a quick stop at the grocery store. JB is going to cook some Indian tomorrow night for everyone. (Wish you could be here mom and Gabbi -- cooking both of your favorites.) Then we came home, I made some green been casserole and brownies, and we returned to the Rays for dinner.

It is now Monday morning, and I am off to a full day at Mayo.

More fun times

Yesterday was a very fun day. JB was supposed to be in the hospital until 2:00, but he called around 9:00 saying he was done!!!! I was so excited. The whole gang went to Pannakooken and then back to our house to swim (while JB and I took a nap). Later that evening, JB and I took the three youngest kids (and Mike and Deanna) to our favorite nature preseve. JB educated us about spiders (and their external skeletons), Indian arrowheads, and tons of different birds. It was a wonderful day! Here are some pictures to share with you.

English Brown's Open House

Here are some promised pictures from our day at the Rays. We had a wonderful evening. It was beautiful weather and a wonderful night of catching up. I have a few more but can't seem to get them to load so maybe I will do a separate entry with a few more pics later.

Sam (left) and Hunter, looking like they know they are guilty of something.

Veronica (far left), English, Beth Mom, and Ebby early in the evening.

Jessie monkeying around.

Veronica (aka Victoria) and Jessie in the tree.

Wow these kids have grown up fast -- Veronica, Grace, and Sam.

Mike and Deanna with Grace.

The graduation girl, English with cousin Grace.

Ronnie with his Uncle John. John is a very cool guy and the babies love him!

This is my babe and me. Have I told you how much I love this guy?

Chillin' after a very long evening.

Last night I watched David Letterman

Well late last night, Mike and Deanna Wilson and their kids arrived in Rochester, Minnesota. Actually, I think they arrived around 9:00 but after stopping at the Rays, it was midnight when they arrived.

While I waited (and dosed here and there), I watched a bit of TV. I watched the Scripps National Spelling Bee which was quite entertaining. Those kids are amazing! I seriously could not have spelled one of those words correctly and I taught English and am a writer! I watched a special with Diane Sawyer on foster children (which I feel, totally went against its mission of introducing these children to the world by introducing children who weren't even up for adoption), and I watched David Letterman.

I don't know if I have every actually watched David Letterman before. Maybe when I was very young, and I used to babysit. I don't think I have been up past 11:00 on a weeknight in years! Tom Cruise was on. Of course, the entire topic was on his new baby so maybe I would have done better watching something else.

Anyways, the Wilsons are here to celebrate English Brown's graduation. Her party is tonight so either later tonight or tomorrow morning I will try to post a few pictures. I'll bring my camera and as always, Veronica will volunteer to "use up all my digital pictures" as Ronnie explains it. I didn't want to interrupt his rebuking of his daughter to explain that you cannot really "use up" digital photos, but I felt like that would be undermining his authority (even though I know Veronica and I both were confused about what he was talking about.) I like when Veronica takes pictures for me. It saves me the hassle of doing it and then I can take all the credit later. Except for all the pictures of feet. Veronica, why do you take pictures of everyone's feet?

I'll be back later today or tomorrow. Have a great first weekend in June.