13 phrases to calm an anxious child

I recently stumbled upon this article: 13 phrases to calm an anxious child. I have written about the highly sensitive child previously on my Blog. Abigail has actually, just this past year, been growing out of her extreme shyness. She is talking to people and truly blowing us away by how different she is from just one year ago.

But when it comes down to it, I have three children that are a bit on the more shy, more subdued, less outgoing side of life. While they vary when and how they do it, Isaac, Sidge, and Abigail, aren't extroverts by nature. At least not at this stage in life. (I greatly believe this can morph and change.)

Hannah. Oh Lordy. She's a whole different entity. That chick is seriously the leader of all her siblings despite being the youngest. (Okay. Yes. She's the oldest by conception date. We think it all may stem from the number of years she was frozen.)

We don't see this slight shyness as a bad thing in any sense of the word. We see this as how God made them. This is who they are. The world is made of all kinds of people, and they will not all be the same. When I see parents giving their children guilt-trips about the fact that, "I paid all this money and you are just sitting here not wanting to participate," I cringe. There is a reason that the child feels anxiety. There is a reason that they feel nervous. Yes, we must push a bit. But we must push correctly.

Sidge and Abigail need these phrases the most. I try to use these types of things often when they approach a situation that seems to big for them. As they get older we'll change how we do things, but for now, we don't force them into new situations without making sure they are ready for them. We respect that they feel the world a bit differently than one might think is the "norm."

What to Say to Calm an Anxious Child

• “I am here; you are safe.” 
• “Tell me about it.” 
• “How big is your worry?” 
• “What do you want to tell your worry?” 
• “Can you draw it?” 
• “Let’s change the ending.” 
• “What other things do you know about (fill in the blank)?” 
• “Which calming strategy do you want to use?” 
• “I’m going to take a deep breath.” 
• “It’s scary AND…” 
• “I can’t wait to hear about…” 
• “What do you need from me?”
• “This feeling will pass.” 

13 Helpful Phrases You Can Say to Calm an Anxious Child

As I have mentioned on my blog before, my outlook on emotions in children, specifically my little Abigail and Sidge, was revolutionized when I read the book: The Highly Sensitive Child. I found this article really helpful in providing help when my kiddos are a little overwhelmed with their environment.

What Can I Say to My Anxious Child?

Finding peace

The greatest thing about moving to the farm next year is knowing that it will, most likely, be the last time we ever move.

I long to stop counting houses I have lived in during the sixteen years we have been married. This house is nine. The farm will be ten.

And ten is where it shall stop.

We've noticed our little Sidge having some difficulties again. And we are pretty sure it is surrounding the fact that we are talking about moving again. He has no idea what is bothering him and never puts the stress into words. We have no idea for sure that the move is what is bothering him. All we know is that he is not himself again. He is plagued by difficult thoughts and stressful feelings.

And that is hard to watch as a Mom.

For those of you who have never met Sidge in real life, I am not sure I can accurately put into words the sweet and caring heart of this little boy. He is full of life. Full of passion. Expressive. Emotional. Kind. Tender. He says things that make you laugh so hard or look at your spouse and say, "Did he really just say that?" He calls the world exactly as he sees it. If you ask him if he likes something, he will not mutter a quick yes or no. He will tell you, "I'm not sure. I think so. Maybe. I'm not sure. I'll have to think about it. Maybe yes." He wants to get it right. He wants it to be exact. His honesty is so deep it is comical and endearing and perplexing all rolled into one.

What is so wonderful and difficult to watch with Sidge is the realization as he struggles that his struggle has to do with a childlike mind beginning to think adult-like thoughts. He is a blend of innocence and the world's adulteration. And while I don't want that to happen, I know it is part of living in the world we do and growing up.

I do not care if my children get straight A's. I don't care if they go to college. I don't care if they get married or have children. I don't care if they are athletic or artistic or social. I don't care what their BMI is or whether they enjoy the theatre or baseball games.

There are only two things I truly want for each of my four babies.

1. I want them to love the Lord and have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

2. I want them to have peace and be content.

Both of these are very important to me. I really don't believe you can have #2 without having #1 so in that regard, they go hand in hand.

But I do believe you can have #1 without having #2. I have been there. As someone who has faced three significant bouts of depression in her life, I know that you can love the Lord and still face a deep unsettling in your soul that can bring you to your knees in emotion and gut-wrenching pain.

I can't prevent life events that might injure my children. I can hope they don't occur -- or at least that they occur with less frequency. And I can make some big choices to hopefully lessen the impact of big changes. JB's decision to get out of the military was made so that we can lay down roots. I have complete respect for families that are in the military and who do it for an entire career. However, in our case, we felt like it was time to stop the moving and settle down.

My prayer for Sidge, and all my children is simply that He will come to know the Lord in a real way and that he will find peace in his heart and contentment in his soul.

I pray that for him and all of us. If you are in a place right now where you spirit isn't settled, I encourage you to look at my goals for Sidge and recognize them as goals for your own life. Firstly, do you know Jesus Christ as your personal savior? (If you don't, feel free to email me to discuss!) And if you do, and still don't have peace, how can you slow your life down and what big changes can you make to help facilitate peace.

Over the last four years, and especially during our first year back in the USA, JB and I have been working to make purposeful decisions that we hope will simplify our life. 

I pray this blog post causes you to look deeply, as we are doing for our little boy ...

Prayer requests and update

I am asking again for prayer my children, but especially my Sidge. He is simply having a very difficult time right now. Obviously, we can't be sure it is all move-related, but from what I've been educated about regarding children and huge life changes, and what my friends have witnessed in their own children, we know this is probably a huge part of it. There are probably other things at play as well but this is probably a key component.

He doesn't mention moving but is so emotionally plagued with dark and bothersome thoughts. He is verbally sharing everything, which is good, but what he is saying is so hard for a mom to hear. It makes me cry frequently simply with a heart so heavy for my sweet little Sidge. He truly doesn't even resemble the child he was a month ago. Last night I just laid with him while he slept and laid my hands on him and prayed for him ... I know The Lord was listening.

Of course JB is very knowledgable about children and their health. He wants us to spend at least two to three solid weeks keeping his world very small, avoiding meeting or being with tons of new people and developing and continuing our family routine. After that, we'd consider reaching our for medical help. We need to get things consistent and routine and not ask him to do more than he is mentally able and see if keeping his world very small will help. He keeps asking how long we will be here, if this is his new house, etc. We are striving to make this as permanent as we can, knowing we may only be here a year while we look for land.

If you could commit our little Sidge to your prayers, we would so covet those prayers. He is hurting so much and subsequently, so are the people who love him.

His awesome grandparents are planning to return to South Florida next week to tie up loose ends in South Florida. We aren't sure how long they will be gone, but we know this will be another change
for the kids.

JB doesn't start his new job for a month. He is on terminal leave which means he is still being paid by the Air Force for thirty more days. We are so glad he has this as we feel it will give us great time to adequately create a new life here for us and help the kids adjust to everything spiraling around them.

I don't mean to make things sound dramatic. I really simply feel this is our reality. I have always been big on being honest and real and asking for what we need.

In other news, our small shipment was supposed to arrive today and was delayed until Monday. This was great disappointing. However, we got word this morning that our storage items .... things we had the military store while we were in Turkey and the Azores ... was on its way. This was mostly random old books, china, and jJB's hunting stuff. But also included was our washer and dryer. Oh to do a load in am American washer!

However, the king-sized mattress we had been counting on totally disappeared from storage! We have to file a claim which doesn't do much good when all we wanted was a bed. Guess it is air mattresses for awhile longer!

We have been reached out to by a local pastor who is friends with the Stebbins family. They are coming by tonight with a folding table, chairs, a meal, and extra air mattresses!! In addition, my cousins Josh and Sarah are here to help us with things and another teacher from our high school has loaned us an air mattress.

Praising the Lord for his hands and feet on this Earth!