Things I say to my kids so they don't spend their whole life questioning their worth

I have spent the year healing. And I realize, when I heal, I become my own safe space, and when I do, I become a safe place for my children. I no longer see my child as someone to fix or control. I see them as someone to love and guide and trust.  

With that, I realize that there are some things I want to make sure I sear into the nervous systems of my children. Here are some Things I say to my kids so they don't spend their whole life questioning their worth ... Because ... The words I say now will become the voice my kids hear in their head forever, and I want that voice to feel like home.

1. "I love you in every moment ... when you're happy, when you're sad, when you're angry, always, exactly as you are. No matter what." I never want them to feel that love has conditions. I don't want them to think that they to be calm, quiet, perfect or "good" to be worthy of love. If they grow up believing they have to earn love, they'll spend their whole life chasing it. And I never want them to feel that. 

2. "I missed you so much today. I was counting down the hours until we could be together again." I say this because I mean it. I want them to know that I don't just love them. I enjoy them. That being around them isn't a chore. That I don't just take care of them, I actually want to be with them. Because one day, they'll grow up, And I want them to carry the feeling that they were always wanted. 

3. "I'm so lucky to have you in my life. You are a gift." Our kids are told what to do all day. But do they hear: "You are a blessing to me!" or "You make my life better by just being in it." or "I am so lucky to be your mom." Because when kids grow up knowing they are treasured, not tolerated, they don't spend their adulthood trying to prove their worth. They already know it.

4. "Thank you for being so kind to me. I see how thoughtful and loving you are, and it means the world to me." Kids are constantly told to be kind and say they are sorry. But when was the last time they actually heard THANK YOU for that kindness. When kids feel seen for their kindness, they don't just do kind things, they become kind people. 

5. "You are allowed to say NO to anyone if you feel like you don't want to." I will not allow them to grow up saying yes because they feel guilt or they owe people something or that "no" would make them a bad person. 

6. "I have so much fun with you. I love when you are YOU." You know what kids remember most? Not the toys. Not the trips. Not the gifts. But the way you looked at them when they laughed too hard or danced around the house or told silly jokes. And instead of hearing "Calm down" they heard "I love you when you are YOU." This is what gives them the confidence to grow into adults who fully embrace who they are.

7. "No matter what happens, in the middle of everything and everyone, I will always trust you." I never want my child to feel alone in their mistakes or their fears. So I tell them over and over that they can always come to me and I will always believe them. No matter what happens, no matter what anyone says, I am here for you sweet child. Because one day, they might feel scared to tell me something. And I want them to already know that they don't have to hide. They can trust me the way that I trust them.

8. "Mistakes happen. You don't have to be so tough on yourself." Because I don't want my child growing up believing that making a mistake means they've failed. I want them to know that mistakes don't define them. They are still learning, and that's a good thing! Being kind to themselves is just as important as being kind to others. Because if I don't teach them this now, they'll grow up treating themselves with the same harshness the world does. And I want them to be the voice in their own head that says: "It's okay. I can try again. I am still enough."