Wednesday, September 02, 2015

What was I thinking?

There are days where I
and utterly


how I ever ...
EVER ...
EVER ... 
thought that I could be a homeschooling mom.


There are FOUR of them.
There is ONE of me.
I am outnumbered.
And definitely out energy-ed.
(And often out smarte-ed too.)

Days like today I truly think:

I can't do this.
I will fail.
I am not capable.
I will not meet their needs.
I should quit now.

My wonderful husband encourages me.
Tells me it was just an off day.
And I know, deep down, he is right.
We did accomplish a lot today.

The kids and I all took our piano lessons.
We went swimming with a homeschool group at the YMCA.
I helped Dan water the animals.
We stopped at a store to pick out birthday presents to give to Hannah.
I did a load of laundry.
I made dinner.
And we got through almost everything on our school "to do" list.

But at one point, I had all four kids in time-out in a different spot in the house.
There was great whaling and gnashing of teeth from all four at different times today.
(And a few times the weeping came from all four of their voices simultaneously.)
And I'm pretty sure someone had a book thrown at their head.
And the response to the punishment was, "I didn't know I wasn't allowed to do that?"
Didn't know you couldn't throw a book at someone's head?
Oh, and another one fell down the stairs.
There was jelly completely coating an entire windowsill.
(Did you know you can paint a windowsill with jelly?)

Deep down I know I am doing okay.
But on days like today, I think, "I'm only really homeschooling half of them right now, and I already feel the walls caving in."
And the voices in my head sing, "Can I really do this?"

I don't know.
All I know is tomorrow.
Tomorrow I try again.

And tonight I am thankful I don't keep chocolate in the house.

Because I would eat it.


Trish said...

Bless you. You deserve that chocolate! I admire you. I always tell myself one day we will look back on these crazy days and smile and long for them again. Maybe. ;)

Rebekah Storey said...

Friend, I was feeling this exact same way this morning! And I too, am only schooling half of them yet! I have NO clue how to do it! Many days I'm certain they'll all fail all through school. And on top of that there's the mothers I see out and around base that have no children with them doing their shopping, and I have all four of mine with me, having to be repeatedly reminded to get up off the floor, stop asking for things and stop wrestling in the aisles. And the discipline in the middle of a school lesson, or just before one or just after one, most the time for deliberate disobedience. I feel ya, girly, I feel ya!

Anonymous said...

I have homeschooled four children over the course of the last 12 years. There are just days like that, but lest you lose hope: It gets so much easier (not harder) when you are homeschooling all of them instead of only half of them. The hardest years, I think, are the ones where you are trying to do school around two crazy toddlers! I would tell you to enjoy every moment (because that's what moms of older kids seem to always say), but let's be real: You just probably aren't going to enjoy cleaning jelly off of window sills. That's ok. Other moments always come that you'll enjoy!

TAV said...

I'm definitely not brave enough to ever homeschool!! You rock, Wendi!