One of my dearest buds, Stebbs, couldn't have said it better (on her blog) than me. I know I already don't live by my real family. But my friends in Turkey are my surrogate family. And leaving them a month earlier than I was planning on is really hard for me. I mean, really, really hard.
I know I need to be here in Germany. I know this is how it had to play out. This is safest. This is best. This is where God put me. But the fact that I had to leave "my family" one month ahead of time is hard for me. I had it scheduled so I would spend as little time as possible away from home. And now I am going to be here for what feels like an eternity.
Our Base at Incirlik is like so few places on earth. We are just a few hundred people thrown together, forced to live on Base, and living and doing everything together. I miss that little Base. I miss my friends. I miss my doggie. I miss my support system.
Please don't misunderstand. I have everything here I could possibly ask for and more. I have a great place to stay. I have Veronica here to help me. I have both my boys with me. I have beautiful weather. I have transportation. I have great medical care. I have restaurants and a massive BX and Commissary and a library and pool (which opens next week.) Really, I am in want of nothing.
Except my home. My family. I don't want to be here. That's it. There. I said it. I want to go home. I want to be at my home with my "family." I need to get over this. I am here. And I am not leaving until July, maybe August. That is how it is. But if you could pray that my heart accepts what my head knows, I would appreciate it. I need it. I hesitate to write it in fear I sound ungrateful. But my gratefulness is not related to my discontent. If that makes sense?
I know this is probably compounded by the fact that both boys have a doozy of a cold and are under the weather both physically and in their amount of whine and cry and need. I know this is probably compounded by the fact that JB isn't here with us. But he won't be with us for most of our time here. I know I'll feel better when he is here and when my Joni and my Dad and Mom are here. But for now, I need an extra dose of strength. I need an extra dose of peace and comfort and acceptance and just the Lord. Amen.
5 comments:
Prayers coming your way from Texas. Praying Psalm 29:11 for you: "The Lord give strength to his people, the Lord blesses his people with peace."
Don't forget all those pregnancy hormones raging as well!
Praying for peace and health for all of you in this time of upheaval and transition. Hang in there!
thank you for sharing this so we can know how to pray...I will pray for that extra measure of strength and comfort...that sounds exactly what you need and your heart knows it -and He entrusts to your far away support system the gift of prayer. I can relate thinking back to our little group of friends in Ambon who became my family over many years...I also can relate w/ JB gone --i remember a friend telling me when U. Ed was traveling and i was on my own, far from "home" --and beginning to fall apart after a good first week or so --that it's a good sign -it means the "two have become one" as it should be -it comforted me to know the longings were good and normal -not discontent...you are so precious...the Lord loves how you flee to Him honestly with your needs and lean on His chest thru prayer and asking others to pray....i love you so...one thought -try not to look to far ahead (Mt 6 -today is enuf to think about -)...and maybe fool yourself by calling this a vacation -that way your brain can say -i wouldn't be on vacation with my family or friends -i'll be back...sometimes i trick myself those ways xo! Tante Jan
Saying a prayer for you now. I'm sorry.
My thoughts are with you and your gorgeous family during this rough patch. I know you will have the ultimate gift from God, the birth of your already adored daughter, during this time. I'm sure that helps some but sometimes it's hard to see the blessings through the hardships! You seem to be handling everything amazingly well, I was not a good pregnant person, I am a world class worrier so those times were fraught with non stop fear. I am inspired by your strength and your ability to recognize the need to make peace with your situation. Before you know it, it will be time to go home (to Turkey) and these days will just be a blur! I hope you know how many "strangers" out here are thinking about you and trying to lift you up with our hearts and thoughts!
Dana
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