Yesterday

Yesterday was a little bit of a crazy day.

Just before I was getting ready to leave my house for my friend Jodi's house for brunch, Jodi called. A couple women couldn't come, and that meant four of us driving across town to Jodi's when Jodi could easily just come to our side of town (one person driving as opposed to four). We decided to do a last minute flip-flop, and instead, the brunch was held at my house. This was actually nice for me so as I didn't have to take quite as long off from work.

Around 4pm, Tiffany dropped her son William off at my house for about 20 minutes. Being the great wife she is, she wanted to run up to the hospital and fill her husband Matt's truck up with gas so he didn't have to do it when he got off at 8 or 9pm. He doesn't have a car seat in his truck so she needed to leave William with me for a few minutes. As she was leaving she told me that if JB happened to get off early to let her know, and she could pick him up. (Remember, John and I only have one car so if I want the car during the day I have to take him in.) I appreciated this offer but knew there was no way JB would get off that early.

I was wrong. A few minutes later John called. He had gotten off nearly two hours early! Yay! Tif picked him up, and we had enough time to sit down and have dinner (I cooked) and go for a walk (with the dog of course) before heading to Bible Study.

We are pretty sure we have decided to attend this new church that meets right outside of base. I think the name is Crossroads? I can't ever remember the name as they just changed it and I keep wanting to call it the old name even though I never went there when it was named the old name! How pathetic is that?! Anyways, the home fellowship meets every Wednesday night just a few miles outside of base, in Shalimar.

Last night during the study I realized that out of the six couples in the room, four of us had dealt with some very difficult infertility situations. One couple had a daughter but a bad delivery resulted in a hysterectomy, and they had adopted their second daughter. Another couple had lost three children, the last one at 26 weeks after a hard fight for life. They still do not have children. I believe another couple who has two grown sons dealt with repetitive miscarriages as well. How amazing is that? I have prayed for a group that I could get support and not feel like the only woman in America who can't schedule her pregnancy like she can a vacation and then we end up in this tiny home fellowship far from alone in this journey. God is always faithful! This is the same church that has probably a half dozen families who have adopted both domestically and internationally including the pastor and his wife who, after raising two children, adopted two more mixed race children.

Anyways, this made me feel wonderful. As I have mentioned previously, I am doing sooo much better with infertility. A new dog and a new medication regimen (Ummm ... not taking any!) has really helped my outlook and emotions, but there are still hard moments, hard days, and tear filled experiences where I covet what I don't have.

I am so blessed that the Lord has brought JB and I to the same place with adoption. I had often worried that John would not have his heart in this as much as I would. I always felt it was easy for a mom. You are home everyday with the child and bonding can come easier. But what if JB didn't bond with this child like he would our own, biological child?

If anything, things have flip-flopped. I am still struggling "dreaming" about being a mom. JB on the other hand is reading books, doing research, and talking about our daughter all the time. I wandered into the baby section of the BX the other day intent on buying something to hold onto for the future, but I still couldn't do it! I lasted about 15 seconds! I know it sounds dumb, but for some reason it is sooo hard for me. John on the other hand would probably be the one ready to decorate a nursery right now. He talks of our daughter often and prays for her and her family. She isn't born yet .... but John tells me he thinks of her often. And I am getting there.