Follow-up

Well ... I wanted to post something just to let everyone know that I am doing okay. To let everyone know that JB is doing okay. And to let everyone know that we are doing okay.

I actually said to JB last night, "I'm a little worried about how well I am doing. Maybe I'm not processing this correctly." JB replied with an analogy that while sad, is true. When you have lost so many times, it doesn't surprise you as much. Unfortunately, that is the case. We've taken so many calls like the one we took on Tuesday that it, quite honestly, wasn't a huge surprise.

I was extremely blessed that one of the physicians JB is working with agreed to help me get my blood work ordered on Tuesday. She is a fabulous woman who herself has struggled with infertility. When she asked if I was ready for the test, I burst into tears, and she stopped and asked if she could pray with us! Pray? Of course she could pray! Would I say no? A few hours later she called JB with the results, and I in turn, called Mayo with the results. At least this time I got to tell my Mayo nurses the bad news instead of the other way around.

I was also blessed that for whatever reason, JB was off on Tuesday. After the results came in, he bought me ice cream (Sonic!), we ordered pizza (which had to be reordered when a thunderstorm rolled through and knocked our pizza place out of commission), and we watched the movie: Little Miss Sunshine. Those of you who know me well know that I am not a laugh-out-loud type of person. It's not that I am not happy, I just don't laugh that hard that often. I laughed pretty hard during that movie, and it felt good.

I also spoke with my best bud Kristi. Kristi is always the person I call or email first with my results. This time she had grown impatient and happened to call me just a few minutes after we found out. She and I cried a lot together, and later that night, she called back and we cried some more together. Sometimes, you just need a friend to cry with. Kristi did a very good job crying with me! Apparently, when her husband Lee came home, their daughter (my goddaughter) Logan immediately told her Dad that Mom was upset and when Lee asked why, Logan told him it was because "Wendi needs babies." I smiled when Kristi told me that and started crying all over again.

I also had lunch yesterday with the only friend I have here at Eglin -- Jenny -- whom I met through our mutual friend, Roberta, in Minnesota. Jenny was a Godsend, and even though she is moving in a few months, I was encouraged when she told me that she'd like to try to have lunch with me weekly until she leaves. I was so blessed by that! She has a three week old son through IVF, but she is so like me in so many ways. Just having someone to give me some feeling of familiarity is so helpful. She also like hush puppies as much as I do which is great!

I spoke with my physician at Mayo yesterday afternoon and shared our decision -- that we are going to take a few years off of infertility treatments. And I tell that to everyone who reads my blog as well. We are still believing for our miracle, but we are done, for now, with shots and pills and calendars and blood work. We are thoroughly exhausted and just cannot bear to go through all this even one more time. God can work a miracle without that, and if He would like to, we'd be happy to let Him.

So ... we have called the adoption agency and will work this week to re-start our application for a Chinese adoption. I'm sure you'll be hearing enough about this in the weeks, months, and years to follow to leave you wishing I stopped talking about it, so I'll just leave it at that for now. But we are definitely proceeding with adoption and plan to see it through.

We are committed to the seven "sticky babies" still waiting for us but are going to let some time go by before I take any more hormones. As I spoke with my physician today, I was reminded that technology is changing rapidly and maybe, by the time we are ready to go back for the remaining seven, we will have new insight into the reason we continue to not get pregnant. My physician and I briefly discussed surrogacy and whether my uterus is causing relatively good embryos to not survive. We discussed a lot of things. And then we decided to not discuss any more things for awhile. For now, we are going to put all that aside and focus on adoption. When it is time to go back for those sticky babies, we'll discuss how and when and in what fashion. Today, I'm done discussing infertility treatments.

So, I think that sums everything up pretty adequately. I'm sure I'll have much more to say as time moves in.

Blessings friends!