More cousins!!!

JB's family headed out this morning. Later on today, new company came in! My brother Keith, his wife "AD", and their two girls: Charleigh (5) and Baylee (almost 4). Time for more cousin fun!

Isaac (6), Baylee (5), Abigail (3), Baylee (almost 4), and Sidge (almost 6)

Opening kid presents! The boys got remote control cars -- they are awesome but MAN they EAT batteries! Thanks goodness Big Keith and AD thought to give us batteries as part of the present.

Helping Abigail open her present.

How fun it is to see Abigail with little girls to play with and dress up with!

The three big girls.

Lovely ladies.

Isaac showing off his cool shirt from Grampa and Grama K!

Abigail with her biggest cousin.

More pics of gifts.

Can't believe we get to spend over a week with these guys!

Our Christmas Morning!

JB worked the night of Christmas Eve. This meant he stumbled in the door at 7:45am on Christmas morning. He had managed a two hour nap during a slow part of the night so he lasted until 11am before collapsing. Between the time he got home and went to bed, there was a lot to do! Grant and Liz were visiting from North Carolina with their twins. Ray and Gabbi and their two kids live about 30 minutes away. This meant that half of the Kitsteiner siblings were together for Christmas.

One of the twins, Eli, taking over the toy room.

Big brother twin Ethan with the same idea.

Hannah getting some snuggles in with Grampa.

Grampa and Grama got us a bell for the farm -- big enough to call everyone into the house even if they are 100 acres away!

A shirt from JB's sister Katie -- only my husband gets shirts about mushrooms.

Leave it to Uncle Matt to get the boys slingshots. (We knew the slingshots were coming but not actual "shots"!)

JB's oldest sister enjoying a beautiful picture from JB's brother Ray and his wife Gabbi.

Grace got a bunch of wonderful clothes and accessories from her cool Uncles and Aunts all over the US of A.

I love this picture of Grampa!

Hannah wanted to show Grama everything she got!

The girls in their new shoes. I LOVE these purple shoes on Hannah and Abigail is wearing new princess shoes.

One of the biggest gifts were three trees that Grant and Elizabeth got JB for the farm. These trees are already 3-4 years old, giving him a jump start on them.

Dad and Mom with one of the trees for the farm. I think Dad and JB were equally excited for these things.

The boys got a lot of joint presents. But it didn't seem to bother them in the slightest. Here they are looking at some Star Wars wall decals.

Hannah was very excited by these shirts and quickly jumped off Daddy's lap to show them to Grama.

This book from Uncle Eddie and Aunt Katie with an electronic "wookie" interpretation was very popular.

Abigail is explaining to her Dad why Hannah should never share this Frozen cup with her.

Grace.

The boys with a cool box of Star Wars puzzles.

We let the three older kids pic out presents to give their siblings and grandparents. They were dollar store presents but the kids really enjoyed getting to "give." Here, Isaac is giving Abigail a hug. He said, "This is really the only time hugging her is okay."

Isaac labeled all his presents himself.

Sidge getting a Grama squeeze after she opened his present.

Grama got Isaac a shirt with a photo bomb of Darth Vader -- very appropriate for Isaac who is constantly photo bombing!

A few of us went in to get Nate tickets to see his favorite team -- the Miami Heat -- play a game in Atlanta in March. He was very excited.

Abigail got this cool Princess Leia tu-tu from our Eglin/Turkey friends Yamil and Patty.

Ray and Gabbi made Dad and Mom this awesome door with a family picture of each of her six kids. I loved this! (And it made Mom cry.)

More fun with the Wookie book.

Love how these guys are such buddies.

Glitter glue. Little girl is very happy. She got lots of stuff to color with.

Santa's gifts were two of these holiday Barbies that Mom managed to snag for a huge deal at www.shopgoodwill.com. 

Isaac helping Hannah open a present. She really wasn't into it much at all.

Such a sweet smile.

Abigail with some of her coloring stuff.

Santa brought these two lego sets. The boys loved them.

Love these priceless smiles.

Just being (instead of doing)

My family in our Christmas-decoration-less living room last night!

Let me start by saying that I am not an over-the-top Christmas-person in the first place.

I thought I was. Until I saw some of your Facebook posts and blogs and realized that some of you out there are CRAZY when it comes to Christmas.

Like nearly insane?

I read on one of your Facebook pages that you have 1,500 ornaments.

Is that even possible?

I have 1 large tub and 1 small tub of Christmas decorations. I thought that was a lot. But after hearing from a lot of you, I think I am now aware that my tubs are fairly scant.

That being said, I was still feeling overwhelmed when it came to the idea of Christmas. This was due to a myriad of factors including:

• Our first year back in the US of A. Let's face it, Americans do everything "BIG" -- especially holidays.
• A 15 month old baby whose main hobby is destruction (the boys like to call her the "human tornado.")
• Knowing that that we were going to have my two 20 month old nephews here for the holiday.
• Two weeks of planned visitors for the holiday (JB's sister and family and then my brother and family will be visiting this year -- with one set leaving and one coming in on the 26th.)
• Eight people and one huge and perpetually shedding dog living in my house already.
• The continued home education of my children.
• Preparing to move to our farm four hours away in under six months.

My mother-in-law who lives with us is a Christmas fanatic. She loves all things holiday. She loves the decorations, the food, the company, the rituals. She is famous for creating a winter wonderland in her South Florida home. She does the whole thing and does it well.

So you can imagine how relieved I was when she told me it was "okay" to go easy for Christmas this year.

I had been feeling it since early November. Just feeling that I didn't have any extra hours to give. That I had done a very good job during my first six months back in America saying no and taking things in stride and not doing what people expected me to do but what worked for me to do.

I opted to put up a paper tree on our homeschool Bulletin board and hang an ornament a day. Our good friends Shane & Linda sent some Advent calendars to the kids from Germany. That really seemed like enough for me.

I meandered out to my tubs in the garage and pulled out the kids stockings. Hannah's still says "My first Christmas" and I think that is just fine. I hung them up on some hooks already on a kitchen counter.

And ... that was IT!

I wondered if I would feel like I had let myself down or let someone else down or let my kids down. But I didn't. I absolutely did not. Instead I have found an incredible weight lifted off of me. I did a Christmas card on the computer that I put on my Blog. I let mom put a tiny tree in the upstairs living room.

And instead, I put some time into making cookies with kids and going caroling and just being during the season instead of doing during the season.

Here are a few other blog posts I read that backed up my recent endeavors:

Why we simplified Christmas this year

Christmas Spending

What about you? Ever think about going easy on Christmas or lightening your load? I'd love to hear form all of you about how you cut some corners so you could enjoy being instead of doing.

Cousins galore!

JB's oldest sister, Elizabeth, is in town visiting from North Carolina. She and her husband Grant have twin boys who are about 20 months old. Tonight, the oldest cousins -- Grace and Nate -- joined us so we could all go to Christmas-Eve-Eve service, and we managed to get a picture of all eight cousins together.

Eight children, six of them six and under in one photo is no small feat. I think we get major points just for trying!

Daddy Daughter Date

JB took Abigail to see a big city production of Nutcracker followed by dinner at the Rainforest Cafe. They have been planning this for over a month, and Abigail kept saying, "I so 'cited, I so 'cited," as they drove to the ballet. (She was also very excited to take a picture with real, live ballerina, but then refused to smile when they took the picture.)

A FATHER'S LETTER

Dear Melanie,

I knew what the news would do to you.

How could I not? It had been quite the frenzy recently. With only a month to prepare, your mom had come. There was excited shopping to do and a baby shower from our church family to attend. Just a joyous time. Everything was ready for the big day. Mia was coming home! Everything in the house was ready for the daughter you would soon adopt. The baby blanket was draped expectantly over the rocking chair. Mia's name was pinned to the wall in letters lovingly chosen along with the butterflies that symbolized your heart taking flight in the promise of a coming child.

So much history came to bear during that time. I was there for all of it. Marriage seven years earlier along with the hope of an immediate pregnancy. Do you remember talking about five future kids? I know you pictured it and prayed for it. I know it's all you really wanted to do outside of being a wife.

I know it was hard for you to wait to see doctors when pregnancy didn't come. Three years you patiently waited. And even then there were no answers for you. None. The tests explained nothing. Your exploratory surgery was inconclusive. Finally, you sought out the best of the best in fertility medicine.

I know you remember sitting in that quiet, meditative office with the green walls and the upbeat staff. I know you remember the plan the smartest doctor you ever met laid out to treat the infertility. I know you had hope. Lots of it. I know you remember how each time the doctor met with you he'd say, "Now, let's get you pregnant." And you'd hope.

That's how it was. Each month there was so much hope. Let's try this. Let's try that. Maybe this is it. Maybe that's it. And it never, ever was. Each month there was more pain, more tears. Each month another disappointment. I was there for all of it.

I saw the mixed feelings you experienced at a Facebook birth announcement or the news of an unwanted pregnancy. I saw how some of it was envy you fought and some of it was sharp pangs of longing. It felt like a desperately dehydrated desert traveler who looks on as another person is showered with water—water that is always just out of reach. Then there were the well-intentioned comments that felt like daggers, "When you decide to start a family . . ." or "Someday when you have kids . . ."

I also knew how the tears, the pain, and the deep disappointment withered hope in those years. Yet it grew Hope. Do you remember that? Do you remember how right there in the ashes of burnt dreams grew beautiful, gleaming Hope? So counterintuitive to what you'd been expecting. So freeing. So beautiful. Those moments of pain became defining moments for your Hope in Jesus. You rejected a worldview that said, "Life is unfair. This random infertility is only an unfortunate circumstance to fix." You embraced a divine view that said, "This is an intentional, designed pain in my life that is here to do one thing: send me into the arms of Jesus." And I got a front-row seat to watching you step closer and closer to Jesus, painful month after painful month. I saw your conviction grow and heard you say, "What I really need is Jesus. He is all I need." Right there in the ashes of burnt dreams grew the greatest gift of all—Hope in Jesus.

That's why I knew what the news would do to you. You were ready. The phone call came. "She decided to keep the baby." You were numb at first, and really sad later, but never defeated. Never devastated and never in despair. You didn't have hope just for a baby. You did, however, have Hope. You trusted that despite all appearances there was a master plan that kept your best interests in mind. Yes, I think we both know that on the day this hope died, Hope lived.

As time passed, for the first time in your life you could talk about being a childless woman and that it was okay. It really was. You were even trying to figure out when and how you could share this conviction with your mom, who had been on this journey with you. Remember the conversations about not only accepting a childless life but actually celebrating it as a gift? Remember that? Yes, hope had died, but Hope had grown strong.

I know you now see how divine and necessary it all was. You wouldn't be the woman you are now if none of this had happened. You wouldn't be so confident in adversity. You wouldn't be so peaceful when the going is tough. You wouldn't be so focused on the finish line of heaven's gates unless it had happened just this way. You can see how the identity of motherhood was chiseled, hammered, and pried away from your soul. You can see that as that identity was carved away, your true identity took a firmer shape in your soul and came into greater focus in you. It became your anchor, your lifeline in life's greatest waves. 

"I am a blood-bought child of God," you'd say as if it was the only thing that mattered in the world. And it was. You came to see those circumstances as tailor-made to drive you to your gospel-centered mantra: "If Jesus would care to forgive me and resurrect me, then he certainly would care to bless my family life—perhaps with no children." And, yes, it is true that you came to believe that too would be a blessing.

And that's when I knew you were finally ready to get a different bit of news. You were ready to be the kind of mom that my Holy Spirit had shaped you to be—a woman who is my child first and now happens to be a mother.

Melanie, you and I both know that it wasn't a coincidence that another pastor asked your husband about your story. I was in that. I personally saw to it that just days later that pastor would come across a young lady who needed to place her baby for adoption. And, remarkably, it was just three days later when Elliana's birth grandma called and said, "Melanie, we want you and Jonathan to be the parents." A few hours later you were holding Elliana with all the love, tenacity, and strength only one of my children can have. I know you remember and treasure deeply that first moment of motherhood. You always will.

Just as you held her in that moment, I have always and will always hold you. Don't see pain, failure, or disappointment in any other light. Its intent is always to drive you to my gospel. And there, my dear daughter, you will always find all the love, comfort, identity, joy, and strength you'll ever need.

With Love,
Your Father

Author Jonathan Bourman; his wife, Melanie; and their daughter Elliana live in Aiken, South Carolina. Jonathan is pastor at a new mission congregation in Aiken.

To read this article as it originally appeared, click here. 

Mine to Love

I just stumbled upon this song by David Barnes. Written for his unborn daughter, I have to say that I thought it was an amazingly perfect adoption song, and I just have to share it on the Blog. For all of you waiting ... 

Click here to listen to this song

You might wanna close your eyes
It’ll take some time adjustin’
Welcome to your life
You’re everything you’ll someday be

There’s a weight off my shoulder
There’s laughter in the air
You are the answer to every midnight prayer

You’re mine to love
We have all been waitin’ on you
You’re mine to love
Come into these open arms
It took some time to wait it out
But I see it now, you’re worth all the dreaming of
You’re mine to love
You’re mine to love

You might wanna take your time
Takin’ all this technicolor, yeah
We’re on your side
Let us be the one you need

There’s a life on my shoulder
Laughter in the air
You are the answer to all those midnight prayers

You’re mine to love
We have all been waitin’ on you
You’re mine to love
Come into these open arms
It took some time to wait it out
But I see it now, you’re worth all the dreaming
You’re mine to love
You’re mine to love

Every time that my heart was broken
Every time that I’ve lost my wings
I forget when I look into your face

You’re mine to love
We have all been waitin’ on you
You’re mine to love
Come into these open arms
‘Cause I’m right here
It took some time to wait it out
But I see it now, you’re worth the dreaming of
You’re mine to love
You’re mine to love
You’re mine to love
You’re mine to love

So you might wanna close your eyes

Girls Nite out!

Once upon a time, JB and I were newly married and living in a little Duplex in Franklin, Kentucky. I was a school teacher at Franklin-Simpson High School and coaching basketball and volleyball. JB was running his graphic designing business out of his house while going to school full-time pre-med. 

And then my cousin Josh and his wife, Sarah, moved to the area. They were actually hoping to get closer to Nashville, but because Nashville is so expensive, opted to live in our town in Franklin, Kentucky. At the last minute, a guy across the street from us got evicted, and Josh and Sarah got their place!

It was truly two of the coolest years I will ever remember. We were the best of friends, living across the street, and just enjoying life as two young married couples. Josh and JB got along awesome, and Sarah and I were, from the moment we met, kindred spirits. We both love to talk and to eat and just in general  are people who love life and take things in stride. 

One of the reasons I was so excited about coming back to Tennessee was Josh and Sarah. They now have three children, and live about 45 minutes from us. Even though we don't see each other as often as we like, just having her close by again has been so wonderful. Josh is now a Pastor at a church, and Sarah works part-time as a music teacher.

A few weeks ago I hit a burnout point as a Mom. JB was working a lot, Grampa and Grama were on vacation, and I just had a small pity party for myself and the lack of breaks I received. My amazing husband told me to schedule a break. So I did. With the wonderful help of JB's parents (who are two of the most amazing people in the whole world may I add), Sarah and I were able to book a night away in Nashville. We stayed at a nice hotel, went to dinner at a newly opened Cheesecake Factory, stayed up talking and laughing way too late, and got to sleep until EIGHT IN THE MORNING!

I have been blessed by some wonderful people in my life and especially, a few women who have given me the incredible gift of friendship. How wonderful to get to take some time to enjoy one of my very best girlfriends!

And now, back to the real world!

True that