We are STILL getting clobbered by weather. Overnight there was rain, then a drop in temps, and then more snow. John made it into work today, but the boys college classes were closed until 11am. It just keeps coming. I'm really ready for January to be over.
I'm really ready for this "process" that I've been in to be over too. Healing your nervous system is so incredibly, unbelievably, terribly slow. Two steps forward, one and a half steps backward. Over and over and over again.
All of this began for me in January of 2024. I had a ten month window that I felt really good, but now I've been on this struggle bus since the summer of 2025. Eight months! How long Jesus? How long?
The thing is, I am learning how to suffer with Jesus. I never knew how to do that. I always saw emotion: sadness, disappointment, grief, etc. as bad and so I pushed it away and didn't sit in. I'm learning to sit in it. But it is SOOOO uncomfortable.
I am so limited in what I can do. I can't spend the time with friends that I would like to. I have to be so deliberate in what I do and in making sure that I am taking care of myself first. And then my family.
I want SO badly to be through this. Oh if there was a magic pill, I would take it. It actually makes me understand why people: do drugs, drink, overeat, scroll, sleep too much, etc. All of those are coping mechanisms to not feel this YUCK. Feeling it is nearly unbearable, and if I could take a shortcut, I would be SOooooo tempted to do so.
One day at a time Sweet Jesus, but I long to be on the other side of this.
And on the other side of January too.
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