How to be WHOLE

Be vulnerable. 

Be real. 

Be open.

Be honest. 

I love Jesus. I will always be a Christian. But ohhhhh how I have learned what a screwed up message the Christian church has given us over the years. 

I am not sure where this bad message originated from. I do know that the incorrect messages seem to be widespread amongst adults. It does feel (and I have no scientific evidence to back this up) that these messages are improving. That many of the Christians (I speak mostly of those in America) appear to be giving their own children a different message. 

I truly pray that is the case. I pray that we begin to teach our children the truth about Jesus. These truths include the following: 

1. You do not have to DO anything for Jesus to love you. 

2. And, on the flip side do not have to PROVE your love for God. 

3. Sin separates; but forgiveness is close at hand. 

4. You are not alone. You are not the only one. Satan attempts to isolate us and make us feel that we are the only one struggling. We are all struggling in life. Everyone! Some people have found better ways of coping, but in the end, we live in a sinful world.  

5. God is intentional. He is so, so real and so, so sovereign.

These are just a few of the things I have been feeling and of course, this is only what I am observing from my very narrow perspective. 

I do know that the following is true from most of the Christians I am currently encountering: 

1. Counseling is no longer seen as "only for the really crazy." 

2. Being real and honest and vulnerable is more accepted. 

3. Understanding the gravity of "trauma" is shifting to the forefront of people's minds.

4. Grading sin "levels" is seen as less and less appropriate. 

5. Grace is making a comeback. 

Of course, again, I really have nothing to back that up. Only a "feeling" I have through encounters I am experiencing with other Christians both online and in person.

As I have made myself more vulnerable and shared some of the intensity of my past, I have found that the flood gates appear to be flying open. So many women are reaching out to me, asking me, sharing with me. Could they benefit from therapy? Is what they are feeling the same as what I went through? How do I know? What do they do next? What is EMDR? What is story work?

It truly feels like there is a revival occurring. Suddenly, all these mental breakdowns or "mid-life crises" we have heard about in people in their 40's and 50's actually make sense to me. Her body has had enough. Her body has decided it will no longer allow itself to be abused. It is time to stop the madness.How does she stop the madness? Is she the only one experiencing this madness? Please, let the madness stop.

I refused to look at the madness. I truly didn't see it. I couldn't see it. Until my body threw up its' hands and said, "We refuse to move forward. We cannot move forward. You have run us in to the ground. And in order to save your life, we are going to collapse on the floor and refuse to work. We will stop eating. We will barely function. And you ... will ... 

LOOK

AT

YOUR

PAIN!

I, now can say, without hesitation and in a vehement fashion, that I refuse to live as I have lived. 

I will never go back to the prison of my past. 

And, even bigger than my own pain, I refuse to allow my children to inherit the living that I was doing. 

(It's why, I believe, children are so integral to our future in society. It is only truly in loving someone else completely selflessly that we can see the depth of our pain and what this generational sin is doing to upcoming generations.) 

I am also determined to provide my children with "The Big 6" in their lives. This means that I will strive, with every fiber of my being to be: 

1. Attuned to my kids. 

2. Responsive to my kids. 

3. Engaged with my kids.

4. Helpful in teaching and encouraging them to regulate their arousal. 

5. Strong enough to handle the emotions of my children. 

6. Willing to repair after any mistakes I may make (either real or perceived).

Our children need this! They demand this! I don't care if you are 20 or 40 or 60 or 80. It is not too late to look this in the face. There is a reason why old people become incredibly crabby and disgruntled as they age. There is a reason why they scream and fret in their old age. 

The crap of the previous decades has gone somewhere. It is in their body. It will be in your body. Do you want to let it live there?

If you are dealing with any of the following things, there is a good chance what you are feeling is truly not physical. 

Don't get me wrong. The pain is real. The emotion is real. The struggle is real. 

But going after it from a physical side may not actually add up to much. 

Instead, going after it from a mental side, might make all the difference. 

If you are experiencing: 

1. Depression ...

2. Anxiety ...

3. Physical pain/body aches/sensations without a known or clear cause ...

Your body may be physically reacting to something that is actually mental in origin. That was the case with me. I actually think that my migraines and my anxiety and depression was all the same thing. It was all my body's way of attempting to alert me. It was attempting to deal with the stress I was putting on it. 

And I refused to listen. 

(Actually, I had no idea that I needed to listen.)

I am so excited about participating in Adam Young's year long conference. I am so excited to get this opportunity to heal in community. We have a group of eight local women that are going to do this together. If you are interested in this conference, please do not hesitate to reach out to me at flakymn@hotmail.com. Adam's Podcast has played such a massive part of this journey.