Friday Funnies

You want to know what riding in a truck with four kids for thirty minutes can be like sometimes? This is just half of our truck ride ...  Check out this series of conversation with my kids, Isaac (9), Sidge (9), Abigail (6), and Hannah (4).

Hannah: "Where are we going again?"
Me: "All right. Last time I am explaining this. I am driving you all up to the clinic ..."
Abigail: "Mom it's called a hospital."
Me: "Right. Yes. That's what I meant. Dad used to work at a clinic when he was in the Air Force."
Isaac: "Yeah it's called a hospital now."
Me: "Yes. So I am driving you all up to the hospital in the truck. Dad is going to be done with his shift. He's going to climb in the truck and drive you back home. I'm going to get in the van and meet my friend Cara for dinner."
Isaac: "We should have just stayed home."
Me: "Yeah but then it would be really late when I could go to dinner. This makes it earlier for me."
Sidge: "Could you imagine hibernating for sixty days like a bear?"
Hannah: "I would hate that. I hate taking naps." 
Me: "Where did that come from?"
Sidge: "I was just thinking about it."
Abigail: "Mom look at all those birds in the sky!"
Me: "Yes!"
Hannah: "We call that PEPPER!"
Abigail: "Is the pepper north-grating or south-grating?"
Me: "You mean migrating?"
Abigail: "Yes, that is what I mean!"
Me: "I'm not sure. They could be coming or going."
Abigail: "Do they all live in the same place?"
Me: "I'm not sure. You got to ask Daddy that."
Isaac: "Who is this on the radio? I know this song."
Me: "This is by a very famous person named Michael Jackson."
Hannah: "Was he a composer?"
Me: "Well, sort of. Mostly he's known for being a singer or a performer."
Sidge: "What is his name?"
Me: "His name was Michael Jackson."
Sidge: "Was? He died?'
Me: "Yes."
Sidge: "How did he die?"
Me: "Well, there was a problem with some medication he took."
Sidge: "Did they give him the wrong kind?
Me: "Something like that. I can't remember what they finally decided happened exactly."
Abigail: "Mom, do you have to be a grown-up to have a mother-in-law?
Me: "Huh?"
Sidge: "Okay, but is he related to Andrew Jackson?"
Me: "Who? Michael Jackson?"
Sidge: "Yes.
Me: "No, no, definitely not."
Abigail: "Mom?'
Me: "Yes?'
Abigail: "Do you have to be a grown-up to have a mother-in-law?"
Me: "Yes. You have to be a grown-up because you have to be married.
Abigail: "Okay, but your cousin's kid. What are they to us?"
Me: "I think it is called a second cousin. Or maybe it is twice-removed. I'm not sure. I need to look it up."
Hannah: "We could ask Siri."
Me: "We could, but it's not that important right now."
Abigail: "What does twice removed mean?"
Me: "It's just a way to say my cousin's kid. If that is what it is called."
Abigail: "Is that what it's called?"
Me: "Well, I can't remember. I don't know. I have to look that up."
Hannah: "On Google."
Isaac: "You aren't allowed on the Internet, Hannah."
Hannah: "I know that."
Sidge: "Where is our first stop mom?"
Me: "Publix."
Isaac: "Why?"
Me: "I'm out of dishwashing pellets."
Hannah: "And we need to buy some. Can we get a snack there?"
Me: "No."
Isaac: "Do we have to come in?"
Me: "I don't know. We will see. Maybe I will leave you in the van, and I'll race in because we have to pick up Dad by 7."
Abigail: "Why are we picking up Daddy?"
Me: "Because I am going to dinner."
Abigail: "But how will we get home?"
Me: "I already explained all this. Remember? Like ten times. I can't say it again."
Sidge: "But where is the van?"
Me: "I told you. It's at the Clinic. We are going to switch. Seriously guys. I can't explain this again."
Isaac: "Hospital."
Me: "Right."
Hannah: "Okay but Sidge pushed me down."
Me: "I know we already discussed that."
Hannah: "Yeah. Sidge and Isaac got in a fight."
Me: "Yeah. Boys. We never finished discussing this. Why did you get in a fight?"
Isaac: "It was over the front seat."
Me: "Right."
Sidge: "Yeah, and Isaac was mad at me so he told Hannah to kiss me. And I tried to stop her and I pushed her down."
Hannah: "Yeah and I cried."
(Here I giggled to myself remembering Hannah coming in the house crying and saying: "It's really hard to explain it," when I asked her what happened.)
Me: "Okay so who is to blame for that?"
Sidge: "Mostly Isaac."
Me: "No. That's not true Sidge. Think about it. In the garden of Eden, who did Eve blame?"
Sidge: "The serpent."
Me: "No, who did Eve blame?"
Sidge: "It was the serpent."
Me: "Oh right. Who did Adam blame?"
Sidge: "Eve."
Me: "Was it Eve's fault only?"
Sidge: "No. But this is different mom. What do you do when a little girl is chasing you for a kiss? Do you just keep running forever? How would I stop her?"
Me: "Hmmmm .... couldn't you have been more gentler?"
Sidge: "I tried!"
Hannah: "But he pushed me down."
Me: "Okay so the punishment for both of you is to play with Hannah for 30 minutes tomorrow. Something she wants to do."
Hannah: "Barbies!!!"
Isaac: "Just great."
Abigail: "Mom why do I have white skin?"
Me: "God made you that way. He made people have all kinds of skin color."
Abigail: "Okay but my eyelashes aren't blonde."
Me: "Not exactly."
Abigail: "Are some people's eyelashes blonde?"
Me: "Some are."
Abigail: "My skin has freckles. Have I always had freckles?"
Me: "Well, yes and no. Sort of. I am not sure."
Abigail: "Do people with browner skin have freckles?"
Me: "Sure they might. Maybe you can't see them quite as good."
Abigail: "Is my light skin why I have to go to the dermatologist?
Me: "Yes. We have to keep an eye on your skin because it can get sick easier than other skin colors."
Hannah: "Is that like someone who takes care of dinosaurs?"
Me: "What? Oh. No. That's a paleontologist. A paleontologist studies dinosaurs. Dermatologists help your skin."
Sidge: "Okay. But why is the van at the clinic?"