Trivia

Okay, had a request for trivia. Here you go:

The typical woman will spend two years of her life doing this...and a typical man will spend less than six months doing the same thing - what is it?

We have a winner!

Joanna, my friend from Hannah's Prayer joins our winners list.

PAST WINNER LIST:
JOANNA
Tara
Ray
Gabbi x 4
Cindy V.
Ebby
Justin
Suebaby x2
Kristen x2
Wycko
Patrick

You've got to be kidding me

It is currently 23 DEGREES. It currently feels like 11 DEGREES. Are you kidding me? I am dressed for work and now thinking I have to back up and put my silk leggings on. Is it time for under-warmth in October?

In other news, I got an email from Tara in Oregon last night. She is doing a rotation there. She cut her hair folks! No joke. Now, you may currently be as upset as me. I was not happy about this decision. But then she goes and tells me that she donated her hair. Oh geez. Now you can't be dissapointed in her decision. I told JB this morning what she did. He was like, "No!" and then I said she donated it, and he was like, "Oh!" Anways, I am sure it looks great, and I am sure she has really blessed another little girl who needs it a lot more than she did.

Tara also said that spoke with her father, and he said that while he will give her some answers to her questions, she cannot share them on the blog. Not fair! So forget the return blog by Tara. She promised something she can't come through on. Like being in the CIA has to be top-secret. Whatever.

Oh, and if you didn't read Josh's comment yesterday to my blog, you have to check it out. Josh you are something else. Speaking of Josh and Sarah, they have bought a house in Brentwood and are moving in two weeks. I am so happy for them.

I may blog a little later in the day if there is anything new to share. I woke up late this morning so that John could sleep in a bit (and because I stayed up too late last night trying to wait up for him only to fall asleep an hour before he got home.)

Off into the frigid weather.

John "heard the word"

I can't believe I forgot to blog about THE most important thing that has occurred in our house in recent history.

My husband passed STEP 2!

What does this mean? Well, in short, it means that barring an unforeseen, horrific event, he will graduate as an M.D. in May of next year.

Medical students take STEP 1 at the end of their second year of medical school, and they take Step 2 in the middle of their fourth year. JB will have one more Step, but this will occur during residency. He is, actually, waiting for his results from his "Clinical Skills Exam" as well. This is the test he took in Chicago a few weeks back. However, no one really fails that test, and it is only pass or fail, so we really aren't sweating it.

John called me at work and just said, "I got my board scores back." The way he said it I thought he had failed!!! He admitted that when he saw the envelope in the mailbox, his heart started beating through his chest. I, however, had no doubt that he would pass. He's going to be an amazing doctor.

John also received a copy of his "Dean's Letter". This is a letter written by the Dean of the medical school. I would love to share what the Dean wrote, however, I have learned that medical students DO NOT DISCUSS their scores or results or feedback with anyone outside their immediate family. PERIOD.

One time, AND YES THIS IS HOW THE STORY WENT, I asked Tara, in a group of people, how she did on the boards. Tara claims I said "what did you score?" However, even I am not that dumb. Anyways, you would have thought I cursed her mother or something the way everyone looked at me. For whatever reason, this is forbidden. Sometimes I can get someone to squeak a line or two out about their past successes etc., but it is not often. These people JB goes to school with are BRILLIANT! I am talking people who missed 1 or 2 questions on their SATs! Yikes!

So instead I will just tell you that the Dean's letter was very good and painted a very accurate picture of the John we all know (and love!) I wish you could read it but that would be unacceptable.

Make plans everyone. Graduation is May 19. We are going to have a party, and we hope you will all join us. Congrats JB!

Very sad day

Well folks. It looks like the end is near. It is currently 44 degrees, and that is the day's high. It will continue (unless the weathermen are all wrong) to get colder throughout the day, and around 10am, the rain is supposed to turn into snow. Last night my husband cheerfully told me it was time to wear my new coat. My new coat?! In October?! This is so wrong.

I dream of Destin and the beach and the warm weather. I truly don't know how people make the decision to live in a place that has snow in October, and as I have previously reported, snow in May. In fact, the only month without reportable snow is July. That means they have had snow in June and August folks. Yes, that's right. You heard it here first.

Of course, if you ask any native Minnesotan, things have been "very mild" the last few years. Even when, two years ago, we had more snow reported in a 24-hour period than Minnesota had seen in 100 years, "it wasn't that bad" because there wasn't a lot of snow on the ground to add to it. Minnesotan's like "newbies" to think that "this is nothing". WhatEVER.

In order not to make this post completely about weather, last night we had Christo and Melissa and their two kids as well as our friend Nicole over for dinner. JB made an awesome Ethiopian meal. It was really, really good. I am blessed that we have tons of leftovers as JB is on from 1pm until midnight today.

Tomorrow night is the infamous "Rochester Towers" potluck. I have decided to make lasagna. I think my elderly neighbors should like that. I have a feeling that JB and I will be the only ones under 65 in attendance (Dave and Lesley are out of town), but if we did not go, my little neighbor Susan would be absolutely devastated. She comes over at least once a week to tell me how the potluck is going and remind me to bring some extra chairs. JB was ecstatic to find out he gets off at 6 tomorrow. Just in time for the start of the potluck. Okay, so he wasn't that ecstatic. That's kind of not true.

Okay, off to trudge through the rain-turning-to-snow. Did I mention I am not happy about this?

Awesome Tip!

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Check it out!

JB's schedule is weird and the conundrum (I know how to spell that word!) of reality TV

Read the title! Seriously. Weird. Difficult. Not fun. I truly don't know how people who do shift work do it. Saturday night, JB left at 11pm, and I went to bed. I get up a little after 8am just as he is coming to bed. I hang out by myself until 2pm. During this time I try to avoid making loud noises or going into my bedroom. 2:30pm JB wakes up. Then, to make matters worse, I feel like doing something the moment he crawls out of bed. "JB, let's go for a walk. JB, let's play a game. JB let's organize the storage bin!" But poor JB just woke up and just wants to watch a movie and "vegetate". Can you blame him? So instead, I put on my running clothes and ipod nano and head out for a run by myself. He's been on his feet all night and only managed six hours of sleep. He doesn't want to go for a run. I understand that, but geez, another bummer. Our window of warm weather is being sucked shut quickly. Life in the Polar North is about to come on with a vengeance.

Speaking of "outside" time, Dr. Oz on Oprah debunked a common myth. Did you know that in the winter you are not actually getting the flu and colds from the weather? That's right. Instead, you are getting the flu during the winter because people naturally congregate inside when it is cold outside. Lots of people + small places = sickness. Isn't that something? I never realized that. However, those of you who live up north know it is true. Indoor activities are all there is.

Digression, digression, digression.

Sorry, back to my Darling's schedule.

Okay so he was off Monday and today, and then he is on for eight straight days ... right through the weekend. How do you get your sleep and family-time regulated? I'm not sure. If it is just he and I, I think I could adjust my sleep schedule to match if I didn't have to go to work, but with kids or a regular job, what do you do? Lucky for us, I also have a semi-flexible work schedule. I can take an afternoon off of RLSF and work on the weekend instead. But not everyone has that luxury. Lucky for us (now that's a little ironic), we don't have children right now to try to keep quiet while he sleeps during the day.

However, we did figure out that there are two key ingredients to sleeping during the day. Earplugs and a dark mask. These are integral to surviving shift work. Don't leave your bed without them!

In other news, last night JB talked me into watching Heroes with him -- some new superhero TV show. His brother and dad watch it in Florida and call each other during commercial breaks to ask questions. It's sweet. No, really, JB. I mean that. I didn't mean it facetiously. Seriously.

Okay, so I watched it with him. The verdict: it's okay, but I just have to be honest. I have never really gotten into TV that it isn't realistic. I've tried. I mean I have seen all the Superman and Batman and Spiderman and Lord of the Rings, and they are all okay, but truth be told, I would just take a good old fashioned love story any day.

This is probably why I am semi-addicted to reality TV. Actually, this year I have attempted to eliminate unnecessary TV. I am only watching Survivor and Prison Break. That means I am only watching one reality show. The Bachelor Rome actually premiered tonight, and I must admit, it took all my willpower to not turn it on. What is it with women and shows like that? Now, please, if you are a woman, don't comment that you have no idea what I am talking about, because if you do that, I'll feel even worse. (If you remember, I gave in to this guilty pleasure for the season finale last year. Check out the post if you forgot: A Shameful Admission.)

Now that I have properly jumped topics eight times in a matter of one blog, why not jump back to Survivor. This year, a new twist: separating the tribes by race. Now this was an interesting idea, and I am sure it got a bunch of a new people to watch, but truth be told, they only did the "race" thing for two episodes before busting the tribes up and de-racing the whole thing. I suppose race is still a factor as in the end, people will have to vote for the million dollar winner. Will they return to race lines? In fact, I may actually be a racist myself -- racist against the white group (which I don't like.) In fact, it is the Asian group that has me cheering the hardest.

JB and I have our favorites, and they are NOT the two jo-smo's on the edges of this photos. Billy has already been eliminated. I put him on there because the guy pulled one of the strangest Survivor moments in history. He actually thought that when another girl from another tribe said, "Well all love you" in response to hearing he was going to be voted out, that she was actually in love with him. And he was in love with her as well. I'm not sure if this is just strange or just sad. It was the most bizarre thing I have seen yet. Jeff Probst had no idea what to say. The guy was serious. How can you mock him if he means what he is saying. He has come to Survivor and found true love. Oh my.

On the right side of the picture is Parvarti. You knew Parvarti was going to be strange when you find out she is a boxer and waitress. Hmmmm .... and she lives up to it, let me tell you what. If you want to get a lesson on "how to flirt and let everyone know you are doing it", Parvarti would be the best tutor possible.

Okay, so our two favorites happen to both be Asian. Each race had equal representation upon the onset, and elimination has been fairly spread out as well. The only race that hasn't lost a member are the Asians. Our favorites are Becky and Yul. They rock.

Okay, I guess I seem even more shallow, but heck, I have to do something to avoid searching the web for IVF statistics (a very poor activity choice).

If this blog has left you gasping for air and completely lost, wondering which way is up, do not fear. You are not alone. I am completely lost myself. I better go to work. Better to be lost making money then wasting time.

P.S. I do NOT know why my paragraphs are so screwed up with this new Blogger Beta. Hopefully they will fix this soon.

New Life in Polar North feature

I have added, thanks to my sister-in-law Gabbi's instruction, a new feature to my blog. A song of the week. Check it out on the right side of the screen. You can click on the song. It will open in a new window.

I wanted to just have a song play when you came to my blog but decided better on that. If you are checking my blog at work, I don't want some song screeching in the background.

So anyways, check out my song of the week. And if you have a song you'd like to include, I can do that as well.

Here are the lyrics to this week's song:

I Need You

Strangely out of place

There's a light filling this room

Where none would follow before

I can't deny it burns me up inside

I fan the flames to melt

Away my pride

Do I want shelter from the rain

Or the rain to wash me way?

I need you, I need you, I need you

I need you, I need you, I need you

You're all I'm living for

I might sound like a fool

But I think I felt you moving

Closer to me

Face to the ground

To hide the fatal cut

I fight the weight

I feel you lift me up

You are the shelter from the rain

And the rain to wash me away

I need you, I need you, I need you

I need you, I need you, I need you

I need you, I need you, I need you

You're all I'm living for

All I'm living for

You're all I'm living for

Face to the ground

To hide the fatal cut

I fight the weight

Feel you lift me up

Can't deny it burns me up inside

I fan the flames to melt away

My pride

Only had a second to spare

But all the time in the world

To know you're there

You are the shelter from the rain

And the rain to wash me away

I need you, I need you, I need you

I need you, I need you, I need you

& I need you, I need you, I need you

You're all I'm living for

All I'm living for

All I'm living for

All I'm living for

You're all I'm living for

It must be October

All right, the main reason Minnesota irks me (sorry Rachel and other natives)? There is no fall. There is no spring. There are really, honestly, only two seasons. WHAT HAPPENED TO FALL?

Seriously, yesterday, I was out jogging with shorts and sleeveless shirt. Today, I notice it's getting colder, and then JB tells me to check the weather. I do. Now this picture may be hard to see, but, oh my gosh, I see on Wednesday a word that starts with "s" and ends with "w" and rhymes with "blow"!

The leaves just started changing around here a little over a week ago. The temperatures have still been in the 70's, and suddenly, it's going to snow!!! What is WITH that. Now I know what you natives will say. "Don't worry. It'll warm up a bit and the leaves will keep changing, and we will have a beautiful fall!" WHATEVER! It isn't supposed to snow when some of the trees are still green. And I am not talking about the evergreen trees either people! Summer, winter, summer, winter, summer, winter. I need a spring and a fall people!

Okay, so I suppose it is very evident that is October when my post labels start having the word "weather" in it.

Karuna hangs out with Wendi

Friday afternoon, Karuna came to play at our house while her mother, Melissa, and one month old baby brother Luke, got to rest. JB was off that afternoon so we grabbed some lunch at a Thai restaurant and then I brought Karuna over. There actually wasn't much playing that went on as Karuna asked me to put on the Veggie Tales sing along video and fell asleep for TWO HOURS! When she got up, we read some of the many books she brought.

Karuna is talking like crazy! She repeats EVERYTHING you say. She is also the most independent child I have ever met. I made the mistake of picking her up to put her in carseat and she became beside herself with emotion. This passes quickly, but she is determined to do everything on her own. This is why Melissa says that she has learned to only fight the big battles and allow Karuna to make her own decisions. These decisions may include different color shoes or clothes that don't match. I can completely see why this would be the case.

Karuna saw all the pictures of people on my screen saver and kept asking where she was. So we decided to take her picture and add her to the screensaver. This satistifed her and cookie monster.

Last night (Saturday) we went and heard Karuna's dad Christo speak at Berean church. He did a great job! We then got a quick bit to eat at Noodles and headed home to finish a movie we had started that afternoon: The Core. I do not recommend it. Not very good. Fairly corny. After that, JB left for the ER. He is now home, asleep, as of 9:00 a.m. He told me if he felt he had enough steam, we could go to church this morning, but it looks like he is down for the count. These overnight call dates are rather difficult.

If he goes to Eglin, they actually do two straight weeks per year of overnight call. Most residents prefer this as you get it over and done with in one fell swoop. I told JB that if I am home working, I am going to just switch my sleep schedule when he does this. It's dumb for me to go to bed when he leaves and get up when he goes to bed. You get to spend like four hours together before you are ready for bed again, and he is still wide awake cuz he has spent the last two nights staying awake.

In other news, I wanted to ask you to remember my buddy Kristi in prayer this next month. Kristi is now about 6 weeks from being ready to deliver little Raylee. Unfortunately, the doctors are worried about a tumor in the placenta that may force an early delivery. Raylee is currently three pounds, so of course we want her to get to stay with Kristi and grow more. Please pray for peace for Kristi during these next few weeks.

I, also, start my prometrium pills this evening. These pills are relatively harmless. They cause extreme diziness thus they must be taken just prior to slipping into bed. These aren't just with me, the bottle is covered with warning levels about the dizzy effects. In edition, they can also generate a migraine, but usually only one, which is manageable. Last cycle, I didn't have any which was great. I will start the Lupron shots in about 7 days. I'll keep you posted, of course.

Childhood Photos

Okay, again, yesterday was a very deep day, and again, it is time for a more light-hearted blog. It is now 2:00 in the afternoon and my husband is STILL asleep. Nevermind that he went and worked from 11pm until 7am. As far as I am concerned he has been "asleep" since he went down for his nap at 9:00 last night. These overnight schedules really stink!

Did you take a look at my new header to the blog?! I finally, finally, finally figured out how to do that. It required some deep sleuth work, and no, I don't plan to share my success, so don't ask. Okay, just kidding. If you need help, I will, of course, help.

Speaking of pictures. ("Speaking of" is my best transition!)

I found an old PowerPoint presentation I had put together for my parents' 30th anniversary. In it, I had scanned a bunch of childhood photos. I thought it would be fun to share some of these photos and the memories that accompany them.

I can remember these lunchboxes vividly. What i don't remember are those shoes! Yikes! This is outside our mobile home in Coconut Creek, Florida. Our neighborhood lake is behind us. Another fun part of this picture is seeing how tan we are. What happened!? Oh, yeah, I moved to Minnesota.

Okay, this is my preschool photo. This is one of my sad childhood memories. Upon graduation, every student got picked up by their teachers for the photo, but they thought, since I was so tall, it would be cute to kneel down next to me. I remember that I didn't think this was a "cute" idea at all. I was embarrassed and felt very different. I'm sure these teachers didn't mean this, and if they stumble along this blog, don't worry, I am only slightly scarred for life.

Halloween in Illinois. I definitely remember that every Halloween meant putting on one of my dad's shirt and being either a referee (as Keith is here), basketball player, baseball player, or some other athletic activity. I don't know that I ever dressed up as anything but an athlete. Fairly ironic, don't you think?

I love this photo because this photo is proof that I DID go camping prior to meeting JB. JB says that Jellystone does not qualify as camping but nonetheless, I have vivid memories of this camping trip with my parents and grandparents.

I just love this photo of my brother. This was in our home in Thorton, Illinois. For some reason, I have a lot of memories of our home in Chicago even though I don't have any memories of the next home we lived in when we returned to Florida.

Well, this photo kind of explains why softball never really took off for me. Look at that (lack of) form!

Check out the braids! Not much has changed! I still love my hair in braids.

This is a photo of me with my Aunt Jan. I can actually remember this day at my grandparent's house and my Tante Jan allowing me to completely ruin beautiful music. What a gal!

This bike is one of my fondest childhood memories. My parents didn't have a lot of money when I was growing up, and I know buying me this bike was not easy. But I can remember with perfect recall the day my father brought this bike home. It was a boy's bike, but I didn't care. I LOVED that bike!

My mother and father were probably 22 and 24 here. Wow!

My hair has yet to grow as indicated by the picture above.

Okay, I definitely like my mother's hair better short but check out my Pop's shirt! Dad. Woah.

I don't really have a funny comment about this photo but it would feel left out without a caption.

First of all -- what is with the cowboy hat. Second of all, this photo is a complete lie. It looks like we actually liked each other. WHATever!

My brother, the happy child. What a character!

I love this photo of me and my new little baby brother.

Please pray for us

It is 9:30 on Friday night. My dear husband is in bed, trying to take an hour nap before going in for his 11pm-7am ER shift. I have decided not to go to bed at the same time as him as I have mentioned before, I am not the best bed mate and often cost him hours with my tossing and turning.

So instead, you are graced with my third post in one day. I'm so sorry!

JB and I have spent the last two hours talking, and as he went to bed, I told him I was going to blog a request for prayer before I myself went to sleep. I wanted to ask you all to be praying for JB and I as we rethink our decision to fertilize 19 eggs.

As I discuss this, please note that I recognize there are many women reading this who have done or are doing IVF and who have made different decisions from the ones we are making. Please know that each and every situation is completely different and your decision, if led by the Spirit, was the right one for you. I can only share what the Lord is doing in us, today, and in no way condemn or question what He led you to personally do.

Tonight we connected with some dear friends and as we said the number 19 out loud (as the decision was only a few hours old), we started having some misgivings. Our goal from the beginning of this infertility journey has been to put the Lord first and our feelings about life first. We have always refrained from "being greedy" which is why we decided not to transfer three so early in the game. We are committed to use each and every sticky baby that we freeze. Obviously, we can't control if something were to happen that prohibited this and have therefore created an "Advanced Directive" that would leave these little pieces of life to another couple if something were to happen to one or both of us.

However, this afternoon, as we thought might happen, we felt a little "put on the spot" with the doctor asking us to make a decision while he sat there, and we went with a number higher than we have ever uttered. I feel I can share all this because, from the beginning, I have let this blog be a place of honesty and have never refrained from sharing "how I am feeling at the moment." I do not promise that anything I say is fact or will stay as fact. I can only say what is fact at the time. I can only say what we are feeling at the time.

Anyways, the number 19 is no longer fact, and we both feel that we would like to re-sign the paperwork sometime in the next two weeks and choose a lower number. We are not sure where that number will fall right now. Two hours wasn't enough time to finalize it, and we decided to let JB take a late-night nap with the decision not completely resolved. Dr. C told us we could change our mind up until the day of retrieval so we don't feel too rushed. Obviously, Dr. C wants us to fertilize as many as possible, however, we know he respects our feelings about life.

It is so unbelievably hard to look at this from every angle and make sure you are doing what is right and what the Lord wants for you. You want to be cautious, but yet, you want it to work. You want enough chances, but not too many chances. It is a very difficult decision and one that I do not wish any of the people I love to ever have to make.

At first I regretted that I had blogged earlier tonight with the numbers we had chosen, but then I realized that my blog presents me "as I am." That is how we were this afternoon. And this is how we are this evening. Check back tomorrow, and I am sure we will change again. This is a journey, as I have often said, and a journey doesn't necessarily take you in a straight line.

Either way, I must tell you, that as I read past entries on my blog, my writing has revealed my growth throughout this journey. This is why I say that this blog is not only for you who read but for me and JB as well.

I started this infertility journey as a woman who felt purposeless. A woman who felt like the only thing she had been called to do had been ripped away from her. I felt directionless. I felt aimless. I felt like my husband had a calling (medicine) but my calling to stand by his side, would now be extremely boring and lacking fulfillment. I like the idea of having goats and everything (if you do not know what I am talking about, take a look back at my posts on Goat U or Green Acres is the place for me for an explanation) don't get me wrong, but I really didn't think that would bring me fulfillment if I didn't have kids to share it with.

What I have since come to realize is that His purpose is greater. If I am going to be a mother, it will be SECONDARY to His calling for His kingdom using my life. I see that now. We have always felt a heart for missions and His kingdom, and I have realized that His kingdom is what is important, not my need for motherhood. Whether it be in Africa or India or with troubled teens on a farm in Tennessee, He has a plan for us that involves more than me being a mother.

That does not mean I will not be a mother. I do feel whether it is biologically or through adoption, children will one day call us mom and dad. God knows who those children are, and He is not limited by our decision on the number of eggs to fertilize. So we will rethink. We will pray. We will seek council. And we will trust Him, as we have tried to do all along, to show us His way.

Please pray for us as we "seek ye first the kingdom of God."

Back from dear ol' doctor

Well I am back from the doctor. There' s a lot to go over with you, so let me break this down as simply as possible. When I am worried about confusion, I, cling to my bullets. I hope you can follow!

• Dr. C was there today. Gosh I love that man. The first thing he asked was whether or not we had any questions. I immediately got teary (I didn't think I would cry) and told him I just wanted to know if he thought we still had a chance. He reiterated to me that we have all the right stuff and that we just fell on the lousy side of the odds. Normal women who try to get pregnant have about a 1 in 5 chance each month. I have fallen in that negative chance both times. He said that he still believes we have every chance of this working but again, it's a matter of how long I think I have the emotional ability to try.
• Next we discussed using ICSI (forcing one sperm and one egg together). He said that he was disappointed with our fertilization rate the first time (6 our of 14) and that he would definitely advise that we used ICSI this time. We didn't use ICSI the first time as we weren't aware of our additional sperm-binding issue. We agreed. Dr. C put the fertilization rate with ICSI at about 70%. My fertilization rate the first time was about 42%.
• Keeping that 70% number in mind and the fact that we have had two negatives, Dr. C. said that he would advise us to fertilize every egg that they could get out. Last time they got out 21 eggs, 19 were mature, we used 14, 6 fertilized, and 5 lived. (Are you with me here?) After some discussion with Dr. C, we decided to compromise and hold our number to 19. We will fertilize 19 eggs. Following Dr. C's stats that 70% should fertilize, that will give us 13.3 sticky babies. Now that is just a stat and could be higher or lower.
• We discussed transferring 3 this time. Dr. C. said that if we want to transfer 3, he will do it, however, given my age and the quality of our sticky babies (which he calls embryos of course), his gut still says 2. This is very difficult. Three sticky babies increases our odds and cuts down on the number of transfers and "result announcements". But 3 also increases the chance of one of the babies being sick. Mayo is, as I have said before, adamantly against triplets. I so want to do 3 but would feel horrible if all 3 made it and one was sick. So we will stay with transferring 2.
• We also discussed a 3 day vs. 5 day transfer. Mayo usually does day 3 transfers, however, they will do a day 5. This means that the sticky baby is more mature when it is transferred back to the womb. Dr. C.'s philosophy is that getting those babies back to "nature" as quickly as possible is always his preference and there is a chance that if you wait until day 5, you may not get to do a transfer at all because they all passed away already. We agreed that this may be something to try in the future but not this time.
• We also discussed a procedure called "assisted hatching". This is another procedure that he doesn't believe I am ready for, but we could choose to use in the future. This procedure helps the embryos break out of their shell before they are transferred. (Complicated stuff, huh?)
• Dr. C. agreed that we need to stay as far away from birth control pills as possible and hopefully, ultimately, far away from migraines. We will proceed with a different method which should achieve the same results. People, if I avoid the migraines, this month will be a BREEZE!
• We signed all the paperwork, and I start taking my first medication SUNDAY. Wow. This is coming fast. We are scheduled for a November 6-10 retrieval and transfer.

Okay, I think that's the answer to everything and as many details as we have right now. JB and I feel very good. I am doing well. I am learning to be content with my circumstances, however, that doesn't mean we don't want to try again. I compare it to someone with an illness, like cancer. They have to learn to be at peace with their sickness, but that doesn't mean that they don't try to get well. That's how we feel. Ultimately, we would like to have 4-5 more tries out of this next cycle.

Your prayers, as always, mean the world. If you have questions, please feel free to post a comment and ask. No question is too weird or stupid. Trust me. If you are asking me, I am sure I have asked it at some point. I'd be glad to share. And if it is really complicated, my dear little JB can answer.

Okay folks, round 2!

Special Friend

Thursday was a good day. Not only did I have a chance to have lunch with my "Hearts like Hannah" group (and learn about the death of spinach), which I always enjoy, but I got to have a good online chat with a good friend/relative. I won't reveal his/her identity in order not to make him/her feel uncomfortable or put on the spot. However, this person said some really powerful things, and I wanted to share them.

This blog isn't only for other people to read. It has become an online journal of sorts, and I often go looking back and remember where I was or wasn't at a particular time. So if you don't care what this person had to say, that's okay. I cared a lot. It was exactly what I needed.

In the course of our infertility journey, I have often said that even if you aren't going through this (i.e., infertility), you can probably relate to being disappointed with something in your life that isn't going the way you had planned. The loss of a dream person, a dream job, or just a dream in general can knock you off your platform and throw you for a loop.

So what did my dear friend/family member may be a girl or may be a boy tell me yesterday? Well I kept his/her words and wanted to share them. Don't worry anonymous person, only JB and I know who you are. And JB's response when I shared this with him? "Wow, I didn't know ___ was so deep!"

When I look at yours and John's situation ... it's exciting! I talk to people everyday whose marriages are falling apart and have such family issues that it's sad. Your desire to have a child and children is your pursuit of happiness and you think it will completely fulfill you. I'm not going to say that your struggle to conceive is not sad, because we hurt with you ... however, you are learning through these four years as I had to go through over the last years that GOD WILL DIRECT YOU AND GET YOU TO A PLACE WHERE YOU HAVE A PURPOSE ... will I ever be happy again? Heck yeah you will ... it may or may not be through MY original plan but it may be through a new plan (God's plan). It's exciting because you have so much ahead of you ...

Wendi, your next cycle may or may not be positive ...and you may or may not have your "own" child ... however, the two of you have the opportunity to do great things -- who knows what God will put in your lap and when he will do it? It may come from your belly, it may come from somewhere else ... but the two of you are called to do great things and that's exciting. There's no reason at this point to say you're giving up ... DOWN THE ROAD the Lord may lead you to take a different route or option, possibly adoption. Who knows what it's store ... that's what can either cause us anxiety or keep us cheerfully waiting! When you find something to put your heart and soul into, the time you spend doing these things kinda take your restless mind off of the issues that cause a downward spiral.

Thanks special friend. No, you didn't preach at me. You said exactly what I needed to hear. And I believe this is not just something I need to hear. I believe it is something a lot of us need to hear.

We go to the doctor at 8:00 this morning. We will be discussing a lot of things with him, and I will update you later today.

God will make a way

Where there seems to be no way

He works in ways we cannot see

He will make a way for me

He will be my guide

Hold me closely to His side

With love and strength

For each new day

He will make a way

He will make a way

By a roadway in the wilderness

He'll lead me

And rivers in the desert will I see

Heaven and earth will fade

But His Word will still remain

He will do something new today

God will make a way

Is Spinach dead?

This picture is sad. Is this really how it is? I went out to lunch today and the waitress made a point to tell us that they didn't use fresh spinach. Now I am not a huge spinach eater, but I am feeling really badly for all the spinach farmers out there! People have been eating spinach since the beginning of time! Will we never eat spinach again?!

Man, poor Popeye.

My new winter coat

Well congrats to Gabbi who won yesterday's trivia. Gabbi now has four wins. Someone must put a stop to this.

As to me, I slept until 8:20 this morning! I am so happy as I have been sleeping very badly. I am working completely from home for RLSF today because I did so many hours for Mayo last week so I had the luxury of waking up whenever I woke up.

My posts have been way too deep. It's time to revert back to the tiny things in life. Like, for instance, this coat, pictured below!

I finally bought a winter coat. Actually my darling husband JB bought it for me.

Since we have moved to the Polar North, I have looked for a coat. I mean I had a couple of coats that have worked okay, but I didn't have the good winter coat that I have always wanted. On really cold days, I've been forced to wear a coat underneath another coat.

The question: Why haven't I bought a coat yet ... three winters into our life in Minnesota?

Unfortunately, I didn't want just any coat. I wanted a coat with long enough sleeves (I'm fairly tall if you didn't know) and a hood. I also wanted it to be long enough to go midway down my leg. My Dutch cheapness (no offense to my fellow Dutchmen out there) wouldn't allow me to spend a bunch of money on a coat I didn't really, really like.

Saturday, when we brought Matt to the airport in Minneapolis, we stopped at the Mall of America, and I found my coat!!!

I find my coat with three blistering cold winters behind me. Man.

Now, I probably only have one little Minnesota winter left. Normally, I would reason that one fourth isn't quite worth the three fourths I have left behind. However, if one little Minnesota winter lasts for six months, and I wear this coat every day for say, one hour, than that is 180 hours. While these facts were still causing me to waiver, JB decided that these calculations meant the coat was worth it and while I had my back turned, he took it to the counter and bought it for me.

Winter seems a little warmer now.

Not only because I have a new coat, but because I am married to the greatest man in the world. That greatest man did an ambulance "ride along" last night. One of their calls was to the local prison where an older man had had a stroke. He is on his Emergency Medicine rotation and this was part of his training.

Tomorrow, by the way, is our appointment with our doctor to start a new season of IVF. I will update you when we get back!

P.S. My friend Stephanie is resting at home with 2 sticky babies inside her! Keep her in your prayer. Also, our friends Tim and Jenny are pregnant after their first try with IVF. Awesome!

Trivia

Most Americans under the age of 65 say that they typically spend $750 a year on this...tell me what it is!

Thought processing in my jumbled mind

I feel like this road I am on is a continual battle and a continual slew of thought-processing.

A typical minute of thoughts?

Remember the bigger picture. Don't be jealous. Don't worry that you have had two failed attempts. God has a bigger plan. Listen to His calling. Go where He calls you. It's okay if you go there without children. Try IVF again. Don't worry if the result is negative. Jealousy is wrong. God has a bigger picture, Wendi. I need chocolate. Think of His bigger picture. Don't worry that it didn't work. It can work the next time. Can it work the next time? Should there be a next time? What does God want? Remember the bigger picture. Don't want this so badly. Give it to God. Trust Him. He's in control. Don't be jealous ...

I think you get the idea. My counselor suggested the book by Joyce Meyer Battlefield of the Mind. I think maybe I need to get that book. My mind is definitely a huge battlefield right now. I wouldn't suggest you visit it for longer than the brief glimpse I just gave you. You may not come out alive.

JB and I are, thankfully, on the same page, with the direction of our life. That page is that we feel the Lord preparing us for His calling. In fact, we find it eerie how "on the same page" we are. We definitely feel the Lord pushing us in directions that we aren't sure we want to go. If I had gotten pregnant, when I wanted, when I was 26, I definitely know what my life would be like now. I would be a mom. That would be my calling. That would be my job. That would be what I was supposed to be doing.

But instead, I am not a mom, and JB is not a dad. Eight years of marriage, and it is still just the two of us. And instead, that has gotten my brain going in a thousand different directions. You can listen a lot more and be directed a lot more when there isn't a lot tying you down. What's even stranger is that it appears JB's brain is working in simultaneous function to my own. We definitely know the Lord has a calling on our life, but we aren't sure we agree with what that calling may be nor do we think the Lord has made it perfectly clear what it is. We just know that this time of infertility has allowed us to think about the "bigger picture".

I'm not sure this makes sense, and if doesn't, don't worry, it isn't you. It's definitely me. It's hard to be articulate when you write when you can't even be articulate when you think.

Okay, time to return to my brain.

Remember the bigger picture. Don't be jealous. Don't worry that you have had two failed attempts. God has a bigger plan. Listen to His calling. Go where He calls you. It's okay if you go there without children. Try IVF again. Don't worry if the result is negative. Jealousy is wrong. God has a bigger picture, Wendi. I need chocolate. Think of His bigger picture. Don't worry that it didn't work. It can work the next time. Can it work the next time? Should there be a next time? What does God want? Remember the bigger picture. Don't want this so badly. Give it to God. Trust Him. He's in control. Don't be jealous ...

Update from Kelsey

Okay, so Kelsey is yet to guest blog again since leaving Rochester, but hey, the girl has been busy, ummm, jumping out of planes.

Think I am joking. Earlier this week I get an email telling me she going to jump out of a plane in a matter of hours. Then I don't get anything from her for like two days! How do you tell someone you are going to jump out of a plane and then not tell them you arrived safely? Not fun.

Anyways, I spoke with Kelsey via phone today. She is doing great! I also got an email from her. Read below and view pictures to see why JB is very jealous of Miss Kelsey.

Okay, so everyone has been bugging me (did you die?!write back!) about the skydiving pictures. So here they are...Just so you know, I jumped out of a MOVING plane at12,900 feet! Yes, a moving plane. You'll see some cool shots out the window of the plane...The scariest part was watching someone else jump before you! OMG that was intense. They just disappear into the oblivion below. I wanted to scream so badly when I first fell out with my guy strapped to me (you go tandem your first time),but I was breathless. And then I saw those beautiful snow capped mountains!! Now I am again left wondering how I will leave Colorado! So, if any of you want to go when you visit me, I would LOVE to go again. It was hands down, times 20, plus one million the most exciting, exhilarating,amazing thing I have ever done!!! Love you all and hope you enjoy the pics! Kels

20,001?

Well, no one claimed Polar North visitor 20,000. Amy was close. Tara was closer. 20,001. I guess we will claim Tara wins this round. Not really sure who else to give it to. Anyone want to claim it? Of course, anyone could claim it now.

As for me, the grant went out last night, finally, at 7 p.m. It would have been earlier, but I made a mistake in page numbering at 6 that cost us about a half hour. My boss could have cared less. We were doing great on time, and he was just relieved his job was done! I started work at 7:30 a.m., didn't take lunch, and finished at 7 p.m. You'd think I would come home and go right to bed, but my mind was racing so much, wondering if every piece had been put together just perfectly ... instead I laid in bed for quite some time.

I would have liked to take this morning off but unfortunately, we have a few things that have to get done this morning as well. So I'll be at Mayo this morning and go in to RLSF for some meetings this afternoon.

Lots of IVF news going on. My friend Stephanie had 3 of her 4 retrieved eggs fertilize and goes in tomorrow for her transfer. Our friends at Eglin, Tim and Jenny, get their results today from their first attempt with IVF, and a friend in Kentucky, Amber, found out yesterday that their attempt resulted in twins! Lots of stuff going on.

In other news, please keep my grandmother in your prayers. It appears she has pneumonia, and she has been admitted to the hospital. I haven't been able to speak to my Aunt Linda yet, but did get an email from her yesterday.

Grant day is here

Today is the day the grant is due, so by the time I get home tonight, the grant will be done. It has to be done. The deadline set by the NIH is not flexible! It was a long weekend. I worked each morning for 3-4 hours and then each evening for 3-4 hours. JB came with me some in the evening and read and talked to me a bit. It was nice to have someone with me. It can get lonely in that big building.

Oh, also, it looks like today, the Polar North will get its 20,000th visitor. Now no cheating and repeat hitting, but go ahead and scroll to the bottom and see what hit number you are! If you are 20,000, post a comment and let me know. You can join Matt K. in the 10,000th club as he was visitor number 10,000! Congrats! Hopefully we will know who you are. If each visitor checks the bottom today, we should know.

Hopefully JB will get his camping pictures soon.