Why my kids won't be on technology in public

I fear this post may not be popular.

And I'm okay with that.

Let me preface it by saying, I am not perfect in this arena either. While I am mostly perfect, I have caved on occasion and bent my own rules.

What are my rules?

Well ... simply put, if we are out of our house, my kids won't be playing or watching or listening to anything that is stuck in their ears.*

They say "never say never." I may look back at this ten years later and realize how naïve I was. That's possible. If so, I'll retract this post. I'll write another post listing the reasons that my husband and I chose to change my mind.

But this is my blog, and I am entitled to share my feelings on things.

And so, my kids won't be on technology in public. They aren't now. And they won't be in the future.

That's our plan.

Why, you ask?

Read on.

But before you do, let me say that I am not judging you if you disagree with my points. I am not judging you if you do this when we are together. I am simply telling you what I believe because, well, this is my blog, and I want to.

So here goes.

When I left the USA in 2010, cell phones were prevalent, but I lived on a base in the Panhandle with terrible service. And Smartphones (or whatever you call them?) weren't in existence (at least that I saw.) So even if my friends had a cell phone, they weren't on them all the time. It was a take-a-quick-call-from-the-hubby-and-move-on type of thing.

I have been overseas for the last for years. And more importantly, I have lived in two remote locations that were basically immune from technology inundation. 

In Turkey, not a single one of my American friends had a cell phone. (Okay, Patty did. She got one that she could only call her husband on. It made me laugh. It made her laugh. She did it because she needed a phone.)  But that's the only person I can remember.

Here in the Azores, more people have phones, but if they have one, they use it sparingly. They are truly for important things. Smartphones (or whatever you call them?) are not utilized here. At least I haven't seen one.

When I get together with a group of friends here on the island, I have never seen a phone. Never heard a phone.

So imagine my surprise each time I go back to the USA. This last time I went back to deliver my daughter, I found myself in my OB office. There were four other women in the waiting room. Each one was on some sort of Smartphone (or whatever you call them?) No one looked at me or talked to me or asked me questions. I didn't have one of these devices and truly felt stupid. What do I look at? Who do I talk to? It was awkward for me. I grabbed a People and tried to pretend I was just as cool.

Both my mother and mother-in-law grew gravely concerned that I was going to drive without a phone. I'm in rural South Florida. There is a gas station on every corner. Why do I need a phone to drive? I do see why a phone is good in the case of an emergency. But a Smartphone (or whatever you call them?) Why do I need one of those to leave my house?

Okay, but that's a bit off topic.

Sorry.

Back to kids on devices.

Even worse than adults on these devices, in my opinion, is children on them. In the USA, I see kids riding in grocery carts playing games. I went to the movies and found five kids in the back of the theatre playing some sort of game. Their lights were glowing up the dark theatre. They are playing on iPADS in restaurants.

I received a complaint from an online friend the other day. She was complaining about a birthday party she attended where the kids were playing with their iPADS and watching movies on their handheld devices and not playing with each other. Her kids wanted someone to play with them. And the kids kept telling them that they were too busy. At a birthday party?!

Seriously?

When I return to the USA, I am amazed at how few people make eye contact with me. How many people are shopping and chatting on their phone at the same time. How many friends and family stop what they are doing to check their Smartphones (or whatever you call them?) How often the phone rings or vibrates while I am with family. It's incredible!

I walked into a restaurant for my nephew's birthday and as the waitress lead us to our table, we passed five other tables. Every single table was completely occupied on their own devices. One featured a couple, sitting across from each other. They were each playing a different game. It was truly like a bad dream.

My kids play education games on the iPAD. I'm sure they will listen to music as they get older. We watch limited TV. (As a side note, we do not plan on having video games in our house.) Anyways, I imagine, as much as I hate to admit it, that there will come a day, sometime in the future, that I will own one of these Smartphones (or whatever you call them?) Although, JB and I both want to avoid it if possible.

But while we might play with these when we are at home, But I will not allow my children to be on these devices in public. We might answer a cell phone. But we won't be leisurely chatting on them while we are out to dinner. We will not be playing games on them when we are in the dentist office waiting to be seen.

And here is where I list my reasons.

I believe it is because I was gone from America at the exact time that this technology exploded onto the scene, that I am able to see this with a bit of a fresh perspective. I am able to see it from the outside looking in. And here's what I see. People (especially kids) that are shoved in front of a screen every time a parent wants to them to sit down and be quiet in public are:

1. Not getting to practice social skills. Small talk is vital to being a productive member of society. We have all met people who do not have good social skills, and life is harder for them. Learning how to make small talk and people watch and read people occurs by practice and by parents guiding that practice.
2. Prevented from ever being bored. What is wrong with being alone with your thoughts? What about playing hangman on a napkin or searching license plates to find all the letters? How about reading a book?
3. Not learning to observe. This is my biggest argument. I watch people tell their kid to sit and be quiet while the adults are talking and then they put a device in their lap. How does that child learn how to sit and be quiet? How do they learn to just sit and watch how adults conversate? If they are on a device, the child (or adult) is truly in another world. They are given a free pass from courtesies. If you are not on a phone, we are taught, to make eye contact and smile or nod at someone when they walk by us or sit down near us. But somehow, if you are on a device, this rule is thrown out the window.
4. Rude. Giving yourself permission to not smile at the person next to you, not see that someone dropped their purse in front of you, or not having a hand free to open a door for someone is rude. Each time I return to America, I am amazed at how few people make eye contact with me. How many people are in their own world and allowed to be there. It's rude. 

So there you have it. To all my friends who don't follow these rules please note that I AM NOT JUDING YOU. I also think that there are exceptions to the rule. I remember sitting down in a Chinese restaurant in Istanbul with my friends. There were five children under five amongst us. We put a movie on a DVD player and let the kids watch it. I will definitely give myself permission to have exceptions to this rule.

However, that's exactly my point. I think those should be exceptions not regular occurrences.

As a rule, my kids won't be on technology in public.

Especially smartphone (or whatever you call them?) :)

Click here for a compilation of articles on kids and technology.

*I opt out of this rule on the day that we fly across the world to go back home. This rule has one exception and that is for long, across-the-world flights. However, when they are in the airport and have room to spread out, they can do something else like color, play a game, etc.

Here's an article that was suggested to me in the comments of the post that echoed my sentiments entirely.