To Keep Up

I remember hearing people tell me that they had lost the ability to keep up on their life. And I remember not ever really being able to relate. I have always been busy. But I always felt I was keeping up.

Until now. Now I understand.

I am not keeping up.

And that is okay. It has to be. It is what it is right now.

Moving to a new country. Having three young children. A big dog. And then not feeling well. I think not feeling well was the final "piece" of me starting to tread water.

I'm just not keeping up on the keeping up like I once did.

Now, at almost 26 weeks pregnant, I am a lot less sick then I was during the first 24 weeks of pregnancy. I am praying that the last two weeks are the start of an upward turn. I am still not feeling very good. Still having rough days. And still moving very slowly.

I watch myself, as if from the outside, doing the things I always do, and I want to yell at me, "Go faster!" I have never in my life experienced the sort of nausea, heavy breathing, and fatigue that I have experienced during the last six months. I watch myself moving at a pace so incredibly slow. "Move Wendi! Speed it up for crying out loud!"

During these last six months, I often think of people dealing with chronic illnesses. People who are not feeling well and are not sure if they ever will. People who are watching their bodies do things that they wish they would not do.

My slow down is due to the best reason ever. This little miracle girl growing inside of me. I am anxious for her arrival. Anxious to meet her.

And in the meantime, to all of my family and friends out there who have sent me emails that have not been returned, please be patient with me. Tread water with me. I love you all!