How God must feel

Wandered onto Funky Monkey's blog the other day. Read a story. A regular old story. A story of Funky being forced to watch Monkey (aka ... her son) be strapped down to have a wound on his forehead stitched shut.

She writes:

For the next 10 minutes, I listened to my child scream, plead and beg for me while he’s scared, in pain, and cannot move. The fear in his eyes was the worst. I was watching my son go through an immensely fearful and painful process and yet just KNEW that it was in his best interests to let him go through it. I know he was confused and didn’t understand why Momma and Gramna were contributing to this torture. My heart was breaking!

Funky was writing about her Monkey. And I read about Monkey. But while reading about her little boy, I couldn't help feel that this must be how God feels everyday.

Picture God. He sees bad thing happen. He stands there as bad thing is repaired. He listens to us cry and plead for an end to the pain. But he knows that what is happening is for our own good.

After my c-section, I was in tremendous pain. The pain was nothing compared to the contractions I had endured during labor. It was horrible. They aren't sure what caused me to have such bad pain. A few theories were proposed including my uterus rolling onto my intestines or a bad reaction from one of the pain medications. Either way, I was screaming in pain. I know the whole floor could hear me. I was also bleeding badly and I nodded my approval as they discussed the possibility of a blood transfusion.

I remember during that pain various doctors and nurses pushing on my stomach repeatedly. I had no idea why they were doing this. It hurt so bad. I begged for them to stop. I could not understand why they were pushing on my stomach and causing me to hurt even more!

Later, JB explained to me that they were pushing on my uterus, trying to get the bleeding to stop. They were hurting me for my own good. They were allowing me to be in pain because that pain was necessary to a successful recovery. I didn't know that at the time. If they told me, I was too drugged to remember. But they knew it.

Just like little Monkey's Mom knew in the emergency room.

And just like God knows as he watches me and you navigate life.

I can picture the Lord watching JB and I sob together after each of our failed IUIs and each of our failed IVFs. I can picture him watching and knowing that this pain, while not something he caused, was necessary. He knew this was for my own good. Even today I'm not positive what that "own good" was. Maybe it was the testimony I could share with other women experiencing my same pain. Maybe it was Isaac and his future in our family. I'm not sure.

But the image of Funky standing over her little boy really painted a picture of God standing over us. He isn't doing it with an angry fist. He's doing it with love. He's doing it because He loves us and because this pain, for reasons we do not understand, is necessary. I don't know if Funky tried to paint that image when she told the story of Monkey's first visit to the ER. But it came through vividly for me.

Thanks friend. May I remember this when future pain threatens to overwhelm me and suffocate me. May I remember my Lord standing near.

P.S. Happy Birthday to my sister-in-law AD and Happy Anniversary to Ray & Gabbi!