First hours home

We returned home last night around 5pm. I'd like to tell you that it was a perfectly blissful homecoming, but then I'd be a liar, and I prefer not to lie.

There were highlights of course. Sitting on my sofa for the first time in a week and watching as Isaac crawled right up to me and pulled himself up on my chubby legs. And seeing the dining room table full of cards and gifts and balloons. Greeting Scrubs was equally exciting for me even though we were forced to do it from either side of the kitchen gate due to the extreme exuberance we knew he would exibit. It was great to be home.

But I'd be lying if I didn't admit that our first evening was, in fact, quite overwhelming. I broke down in tears at least one time, and while JB attempted to be strong, he was obviously cracking by the time he finally crawled into bed as well. We both had this look on our faces that screamed: How the heck are we going to do this? It would be one thing coming home to two babies if I were in good shape. But in the shape I was in, it seemed utterly hopeless. It also seemed kind of ironic that the thing I was least concerned before delivery was recovery. And here it was our biggest obstacle. There is so much that I am unable to do. So much that I am completely dependent on someone else to help me do. And two babies (and a dog) that need our attention.

My first phone call when I walked in the door? I kid you not. It was from the automated hospital line reminding me of our appointments on Tuesday. My post-delivery, Isaac's nine month, and Elijah's two week. Back to the hospital already. Holy cow!

There were so many things we did not plan for or have completely figured out. For instance, how do I get in and out of bed by myself? What chair can I feed Elijah in? Where does the dog sleep in order to prevent his big paws from jumping up on my side of the bed come daybreak and hurting me? How can I get down onto such a low toilet?

Unfortunately, there really wasn't enough time last night to figure out all these details. So we ate the wonderful beef stew our friend Megan brought us and tried to tread water as best we could. We are amazingly blessed that my mother-in-law is here. We have realized that an extra set of hands is completely imperative at this stage of our journey. Thank goodness Joan is coming in on her trail and then JB has two weeks off before he starts nights and my Mom comes in. Without this help, I think we may have really gone off the deep end last night. There is just no human way that JB could take care of both babies and me without completely losing his mind. His mom helped keep the mind losing to a minimum.

My recovery/pain basically boils down to a few main things. The first is the incisional pain that I am trying to get through without narcotics (well other than Tylenol and Motrin). The next is the extreme swelling I have throughout my body, and primarily my lower body due to the fluids I was given for a week. This makes my legs extremely heavy and pretty useless. My feet look like little baby feet with all that chub on the top. (And it hurts to walk as that chub bends!) I also have some pretty intense lower back pain from being in bed so much and hunching over from the incicisional pain. Add to that delivery recovery from three hours of pushing and the lingering gas pain in my right rib cage. Standing up and sitting down can take me an eternity, and while I am able to pick up Elijah, I can't sit down or stand up while I am holding him.

However, with the morning came a new perspective. For one thing, Elijah slept great overnight. Probably a little too great. He's still getting eight feeds in during the day (which is the minimum they say a newborn needs), but he went a nearly full stretch overnight. We spoke with Dr. G about this before we left the hospital, and she said as long as his weight is going up, there is nothing to worry about and not to fret about waking him up as long as he is growing well and getting good feeds the rest of the day. Waking him up was the last thing either of us could contemplate doing last night anyways to be perfectly honest with you. A night of sleep truly gave us both a new outlook.

Over breakfast, we did some planning and moving and shuffling to get things set up in a more workable fashion.

Scrubs' dog couch in our room was moved to join his already existing couch in the kitchen. This gives him a huge bed and will be a safe place for him (and me) to sleep. We'll keep him gated in the kitchen but with our door open so we can hear him ring his bell if he needs to go out. However, this way he can't jump on me. When I am better, we'll let him have free roam of the house to choose his evening place of rest, but for now, this will work great.

Speaking of Scrubs, he has adapted amazingly well to baby #2. After some intense sniffing, he seemed to accept his new pack member immediately and has basically been indifferent to his inclusion in the family. We've had to do some "isolation" of both Isaac and Scrubs and Elijah to keep everyone in their appropriate areas. This may mean keeping Scrubs out of the kitchen while Elijah is in his swing or Isaac in the living area while Scrubs is playing flashlight, but everyone seems to be adjusting just fine. Bobbie and the kids took him for some play and walk time today as well which helped incredibly. Tomorrow, JB plans to resume his running (after nearly a week off) so Scrubs will be on board for that as well. He also enjoyed tearing a toy from my coworkers at the RLSF to shreds for a majority of the morning.

Other changes included setting up the rocker (which was in the nursery) and the pack-n-play (that we originally thought would be in the living room), in our bedroom. Our original plan was that JB would occupy the bedroom, and I'd camp out in the living room with Elijah until he was sleeping more regularly. However, it became apparent that JB needed to be with both me and Elijah at the same time in case either of us needed help. So the three of us have moved in together. This seems like it will work well.

As our first full day home comes to a close, we still feel waves of Holy cow and Oh my goodness, but we are realizing that as I get better and better, life will return to a more balanced state and we will not feel so overwhelmed. It truly is one moment, one hour, one day at a time.

Tonight, Elijah and Isaac started crying at the same time. As JB emerged from the nursery and I slowly shuffled out of our bedroom, we both caught each other's faces and couldn't help but smile. In a moment we knew what the other was thinking. How did we get here? How did we go from a family of you and me to a family of lots of us in just one short year? We know that the coming weeks and months will be filled with more angst and frustrations and tears. But we also know that they will be filled with much happiness as well.

Tonight, we watched as Isaac stood unassisted for three seconds by himself, and we all applauded and cheered in delight! Who cares that it was followed by a total of four dirty diapers amongst our two boys! Welcome to our new world!