I can't even express the changes occurring in me during the last six months -- but even more during the last two months. I have realized that I have spent most of my life not truly FEELING. Now, I am FEELING. Quite amazing. I cried during a song on the radio the other day. I don't have a recollection of ever doing that. (And I am not talking about crying during Christian/spiritual songs -- I think that's a different emotion than what I am expressing.)
I think my grief is integrating. My safety is increasing. My nervous system is no longer clamping down as hard. It's not about the song. It's about the permission.
This has been BRUTAL hard. Beyond words hard. Rewiring your nervous system is NO JOKE. But I have moments (and not as often as I would like right now) that I think: "I can't wait to see the Wendi that emerges on the other side of this."
“Something that was held very tightly is now allowed to move a little.”
That’s not regression.
That’s thawing.
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