I cannot believe it was one week ago that we put our Scrubs down. Both JB and I agree that the week has flown by. There has been so much going on here which I think was a good thing. Yesterday was the first day that I did not cry. I almost did numerous times, but I made it through.
The biggest thing is that I keep feeling Scrubby's presence. I don't mean that in a spooky way, I just mean that I keep thinking he's coming around the corner. I keep thinking I see him out of the corner of my eye. I keep thinking I hear him. And then he isn't there. I can't get my mind to realize that he is gone forever. And I definitely can't think about him while I am lying in bed. I totally lose it.
A few days before Scrubs died, JB and I made the decision to purchase two new Australian Shepherd pups. We really felt like we needed a dog presence on the farm with all the animals we had. We like the safety and companionship of dogs. These will be outdoor dogs, but they will have the entire run of our 100 acres. They will be members of our family just as much as if they lived inside. We did decide to get two because they will be outside and we felt they needed a pack.
We thought about just getting a rescue dog. The problem is we have a ton of free-range animals on the farm. We need a dog that we can trust with these animals. For this reason we decided to go with dogs bred for this life.
We are getting a girl and boy dog that are unrelated so there is a chance we may have pups someday that we would sell. I pick the doggies up on April 15th. We are all excited, but if I am being honest, I feel like I am betraying Scrubs just a bit.
Our new intern, Daniel arrived. We explained to the kids that this was a different volunteer than our previous intern, Dan. Isaac immediately asked, "Do you think this Daniel will eat as much as the real Dan?"
*****
This video came out sideways, but here is a good laugh for you:
So yesterday we had twins delivered on the farm. And today, JB had to go to work from 7am-7pm. That left me (and our volunteer Daniel) on sheep watch. Daniel, however, is from Arizona, and was really unimpressed with how cold the wind here was today. (I agree!)
Around 10am, I walked out and discovered that one of our two brown lambs is in labor. I managed to get her moved over to the other side to give her a little bit of "safety":
Then I managed to capture the delivery of the lamb on camera. All four kids were there to watch it. The three oldest were really watching. Hannah was just crying the whole time:
I got the kids fed and Hannah down for a nap. Then I returned to check on the new mom and baby and discovered that another mom is in labor:
I also captured on film new baby #1 successfully starting to nurse. MAN Is it windy:
Right before I shot this video, I made the decision to pull the lamb. I had been on the phone with JB and with my friend Karen who has a farm down the road. She told me I should pull it, and I went for it. Here it is a few seconds after I pulled it out. Never pulled a lamb before needless to say!
And here they are a few minutes later. Looks like mom and baby are doing well. Karen came over and surmised that this was just a very big baby from a very small mom. But they managed well.
Seriously. My life the last two weeks has left me on an emotional roller coaster. Sad. Scared. Happy. Scared. Ecstatic.
I'm yet to go a day without crying since we lost Scrubs. The hardest place for me is the school room where we had let him take over a love seat when we found out how sick he was.
But memories of me keep me smiling.
One great memory came when we bought Scrubs. He came from a breeder in Delaware, and with him came the paperwork about his life. He was born into a litter of 11 puppies. (Big litters are common for this breed.)
His brothers and sisters were listed as well. The list read:
Jewel
Ruby
Emerald
Diamond
Saphire
(You get the idea.)
Every single dog on the list had a stone-like name.
Except one.
They had given Scrubs the name Pisser.
The breeder told me he was just a stinker and the name fit him perfectly. She actually said that sending Pisser off was the hardest for him because he made such a huge impression on them.
There is no question that the-dog-formerly-known-as-Pisser was quite the stinker. He left me so exasperated so many times during his entire life, but especially during the four years that we considered him a puppy. He swallowed socks hole. He put anything in his mouth that he could find. He got himself stuck on top of his kennel. He brought me a dead rabbit from the yard. He rained for a half-marathon with JB and still came home running laps in the backyard.
Oh and he once got out of the house and went across the street and stole a ball cap from a chair in our neighbor's carport.
Such a bundle of energy and stubbornness and cuteness all rolled into one.
These photos may be difficult to see, but let me explain what they are showing.
Our family went to see Zootopia the other day. Firstly, may I say that I thoroughly enjoyed it. I wouldn't say it was completely without inappropriate content, but it was pretty stinkin' close.
And we loved it.
Secondly may I say that there was no one else at the theater but us! We seriously had the whole theater to ourselves. We hadn't taken Hannah to a movie since we tried Cinderella about a year ago. She did horribly then, but she's been watching more shows at home, and I really thought she might sit through it.
Technically she sat through it.
In the back row of the theater.
By herself.
What kind of kid does this?
My other kids, especially Abigail, would never have dreamed of sitting in a dark theater completely by themselves in the back row while their family was a dozen rows ahead of them.
But this isn't my other kids. This is Hannah. She does things her own way. So while we all sat up close to the screen, she watched it in the back row.
Night Night, Daddyby Amy Parker and illustrated by Lee Holland tells the story of a father and his little kit/cub/pup camping. As nighttime prepares to set, they decide to make breakfast for dinner, have a bubble fight at bath time, look at the stars, build a fort, have a tickle fight, tell stories, pray, and then cuddle and go to sleep.
I watch you kneel and talk to God,
Saying prayers in His name
Then I kneel close beside you,
Bow my head, and do the same.
I love the sturdiness of this book, the hard (but slightly cushioned cover) and the beautiful and peaceful colors. I am a huge fan of peaceful books that a parent loves to read before bed. In addition, the little kit is never given a sex, so this book could truly be used for boys or girls.
I received a free copy of this book from booklook.bloggers.com in exchange for my honest review.
What a few days it has been here at Bauernhof Kitsteiner. On Friday we said good bye to Scrubs. On Sunday Sidge had an unfortunate meet-up with his scooter's handlebars. On Monday Isaac participated in his first Geography Bee. On Tuesday afternoon we discovered that four of our geese had been attacked by a predator overnight. And a few minutes after discovering that, JB reported that one of our ewes had given birth to twins!!!
If Jerome (my friend Karen's ram) did his job, we could be getting a whole rush of baby lambs here in the next few days/weeks. We have 9 ewes so we could possibly get somewhere between 10 and 18 babies.
Current count: 2!
Our first spotting of the two babies.
This little guy is a boy. I wasn't able to get a look at the other one.
Our homeschool co-op held a Geography Bee yesterday. As I have mentioned previously, our Isaac is a Geography nut! (He knows every flag for every country and can place any country in the world where it goes.) It was for kids taking the geography class at the school and in grades 3-8. Isaac is only in first grade and was not in the class, but the teacher said he could participate. He got the study packet and decided to participate. He was nervous but excited.
You can tell from these photos how big these other kids were!
But despite that, Isaac flew through Round 1 and Round 2. Check out his score nearing the end of Round 1. There he is close to the bottom Right. He answered six right to advance to Round 2.
Unfortunately, Isaac missed a question that he knew the answer to at the start of Round 3. He was pretty upset, but it was a really great learning opportunity for him. He got to participate and understand that it isn't just about answering a question. It's also about overcoming nerves and listening well to the nuances of True and False questions.
Folks have I got an awesome product up for review today. I mean seriously this product absolutely and completely BLEW ... ME ... AWAY! And, even more than me, this product managed to blow my husband away. My husband is a physician. He is an intellectual at heart. And while I am quick to jump on the bandwagon for things, he is definitely NOT. A product must truly prove itself to my husband and this one did ten times over. This is one that you seriously DO NOT want to miss out on. This is a program called Times Tales from The Trigger Memory Co.to help my first grade boys learn multiplication.
Let me preface this by making a few points. At the time that we received this program to review, my first grade boys were just beginning to learn about multiplication. Isaac had actually started learning a bit of it on his own and did understand the concept quite a bit. However my other son, Sidge, had never even really heard of multiplication. Keep that in mind as you read my review. Sidge (who is the son I will feature in these videos) had never done a single multiplication problem. This was all brand new to him.
So how does this program work? Basically, you purchase the program and receive two thirty minute videos. These videos are focusing on times tables 6 thru 9. These are the ones that are very difficult for kids to learn. The Trigger Memory Co.presents stories that the kids simply watch and listen to. They then practice reciting the stories they learned. Here is Sidge practicing one of his stories:
Kids are encouraged not to try and figure out how this is all going to come together. I think this information is even more suited to the parents. As my husband watched this, he was, without a doubt, a non-believer. He truly didn't see how this was going to produce help in teaching our boys their multiplication tables. I was trying to be positive, but as I watched, I was really wondering if this would work as well as it claimed to work.
In addition to the two videos, there is a set of printables that goes with each set. I had each boy, on his own, watch Video #1 for five straight days. At the end of the five days, I had them take a quiz which was provided in the set of printables.
Here is a sample of one of the practice tests. Notice how they are asking them questions using pictures from the stories. On more advanced quizzes provided in the printables, these pictures are not included.
If I wasn't sure how this would all come together, seeing the results of Sidge's first quiz made me a believer. (And while I am not focusing on Isaac for the sake of this review, his quiz was equally impressive.)
Flashback with me for a moment to when you learned multiplication tables in school. How painful were they? Week after week of quizzing with your parents. Week after week of practicing them and taking quizzes at school and being told you hadn't moved up to the next level. So exhausting!
But here is Sidge. Just one week of watching the video, and you will see the results in the video below. (You will also here Sidge tell you he didn't love the program. This is because both of my boys have decided that they don't love anything related to school work, and they nearly refuse to give me positive feedback on anything. The fact that he didn't say he hated it, is really good!)
I don't want to call this magic because as you watch the videos, it is pretty easy to understand what The Trigger Memory Co.has done to help the child learn the multiplication tables. They have told stories, that stick in the child's head, and those stories translate into memorized facts.
Can your child learn facts without this program? Of course. However, this program makes it fun! The boys enjoyed the videos and did not complain about them. They had a good time learning these. What more can a mom ask?
I think it goes without saying that I am recommending Times Tales from The Trigger Memory Co.without hesitation. It is $19.95! This is a very affordable program and one you will not regret purchasing. In addition, the printables and DVDs are not consumable. This means that they can be used with all of my kids! $19.95 to teach all four of my children how to multiply? Yes please!
I am especially recommending this if you are a mom, like me, with multiple children. You know how stretched you are to teach many kids many different things during the course of the day. But here is something that is basically self-guided that your child can do completely on their own. This is SO worth the small cost of the program.
One of my favorite review items EVER! I love Times Tales from The Trigger Memory Co.Check it out today! You can also check them out on Facebook by clicking here.
On Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday of this week, JB and I went away. I am so glad we had this time before everything happened with Scrubs. He took me to a wonderful hotel in Asheville where he had some great R&R.
While we were gone, Sidge lost tooth #13 for the boys (#4 for him) -- a front tooth.
And then last night, tooth #14 (#5 for him), another front tooth. He had lost both front teeth at the front time. So fun!
But that "cuteness" was short-lived. This morning, as we prepared to walk out the door for church, Sidge jumped on his scooter. The scooter caught inbetween the driveway and the grass and Sidge's face hit the handlebars. The damage was ... significant.
JB immediately surmised that Sidge was going to need to have a baby tooth pulled. In addition, his gums had gotten pulled back leaving both of his two front big teeth exposed. Through the beauty of Facebook we were able to get a hold of a few dentists we knew. We couldn't find a dentist on call or anywhere we could take him locally (or even not-so-locally). But JB was able to shoot a video and share it with a friend of his and then with the local oral surgeon.
Both the dentist and the oral surgeon felt this was something that JB could handle in the ER. So that's what we did. JB and I headed up and with the help of one of his great nurses, they were able to pull Sidge's tooth and then stitch his gums back together. We are going to see a dentist later this week to just make sure all is well.
What a weekend. I am so ready to have some boredom in my life. The good thing was, that while all this was happening, I completely forgot about the loss of our doggie. But once Sidge was okay, I found the tears coming back again.
I don't exactly believe things happen just like this, but this thought gives me great comfort. I really believe Scrubs is waiting for us in heaven. He will be there. Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Hannah was awake when it was time for the funeral. And when we told her Scrubs was in heaven she said, "Are we going to go to heaven and pick him up now?"
One of my very favorite Scrubs memories came when he was about a year old. Scrubs ate socks. He swallowed them whole. And not just baby socks (which we call "Scrubby" snacks). Short socks and knee high socks too. He did it regularly, and yes, we worried that it would result in a blockage of some sort.
So we started two things in our house. The first was keeping everything off the floor ... especially socks. We put a laundry basket in our closet and kept that closet door shut.
We also purchased some "bitter yuck" spray designed to dissuade dogs from chewing on walls and furniture. Scrubs wasn't dissuaded if that stuff was sprayed on things he wanted to chew on. But he was very upset when we sprayed that stuff in his mouth.
(And it was awful stuff. Occasionally some would be remaining on my finger, and I'd accidentally get it in my mouth. Ugh!)
So anytime we caught Scrubby with something in his mouth that wasn't supposed to be there, we'd squirt a bit of that stuff in his mouth.
He started panicking when he was caught. Dropping the item and running for his life. He hated that spray.
But despite keeping the socks put way, every couple of days Scrubs was still throwing a sock up. Where was he getting these things? It was a mystery to us.
So one day I was in my bed taking a nap. I wasn't quite asleep, but I was a bit hidden under my blanket and pillow. Suddenly, my half shut bedroom door opened, and I watched as our big puppy lumbered into the room. I watched as he took his nose and pried our closet door open. And then I watched as he put a sock in his jaw and turned to leave the room again.
As he turned, I sat up in bed. Scrubs froze, and I really feel like I could hear him say out loud. "Oh CRAP!"
He dropped that sock and ran. I found him tucked into the back of his kennel where I couldn't reach his mouth to put that spray in very easily.
I was laughing so hard I don't think I actually sprayed him.
Last night was hard. JB fell asleep, but I couldn't control the tears. So many. I think reality sets in now. He isn't coming back.
I remember that this video was taken at 10am. I remember because I looked at my phone and thought: 4 hours. I have 4 hours left with this dog. It was the last video of him I ever took. It will be the last video of him I ever take.
I did take a lot of pictures today. At first I didn't want to, but I am glad I did. While it was by far one of the hardest days of my life, it was one of the most beautiful.
Our friends John and Becky and their two adorable boys happened to be in town visiting us this weekend. They ended up being the PERFECT people to be here with us. Becky is a fellow infertility sister, and she just lost her Annie about a year ago. Annie was also an "infertility" dog for Becky so their presence was wonderful. Not only did they just get it, but they were a great distraction when it was just getting too heavy. Around 10am, we all went down to feed the chickens and check for eggs.
Isaac, Jonah, Joshua, and Sidge
The boys with Scrubs
An absolutely precious moment with Isaac and Scrubs
Becky had an idea to paint some rocks for Scrubs. This turned out to be a wonderful activity. We were waiting for the vet and not sure what to do with ourselves.
Isaac wanted his to be black and white like his dog.
I love this picture of Abigail and Scrubs.
After that, we moved over to the garage where we told the kids that Scrubs was going to die soon. We did not tell them that the Vet was putting him down. We simply said we knew his time was coming. We took some time to let each of the kids say good bye. Hannah was too young. Abigail wasn't quite able to understand. But the boys definitely knew what was happening. Both Isaac and Sidge grieve differently, and it was equally painful to watch both of them process this.
JB and his dog.
I love this picture.
Around 2:30pm, Dr. Bailey showed up. We have only known her for two months, but we know we have found our life-long vet. I love her. She is so compassionate and sweet and just wonderful. The kids went inside to watch a movie with John and Becky and their kids while JB and I stayed with Scrubs. We told him what a good boy he was. We cried over him. We held him while she gave him a shot to put him to sleep and then while she started an IV to let him go.
I had a lot of worries and questions about whether we were doing the right thing. But God made it perfectly clear to us during the final 24 hours that we were doing the right thing. Scrubs has continued to do pretty well during the two months since his terminal diagnosis. But on Thursday, we really noticed a decline. JB said we needed to do it soon. We didn't want him to have a painful last few days. We wanted him to go out on top. I had to remind myself that I was his advocate. I was the person able to stop his pain. And I was determined not to be selfish in my decision.
Scrubs passed away peacefully around 3pm on a Friday afternoon here on the farm.
I cannot tell you how wonderful it felt to know we would get to bury him here on the farm -- where we will be forever. It mean so much to me to do that. The two Johns had already dug a place for him. We got him buried and then brought the kids up to say good bye.
We brought a bunch of rocks up to lay around the grave. We buried him along the road that leads between our house and the grandparents house -- the two families he loved most of all.
Grandpa and Grandma were out of town. This was honestly probably for the best as I don't think I could have dealt with Grandpa saying good bye to Scrubs. The two of them had an inseparable bond. Grandpa surprised us by having a sign already made for Scrubs. He said he has a more permanent one in mind, but it was so wonderful to have this to put up at his grave. It was just perfect for him.
The Connors family joined us for our little "funeral." It felt just right to have them there with us.
It was Sidge that has taken to calling Scrubs "Best dog ever." In fact, when we told him we have plans to get two new puppies in a few weeks, he grew concerned and we all agreed that no other dog would ever take that title. He and I both made similar rocks expressing our love for this dog.
Just perfect
While Sidge will cry and grieve very openly, our Isaac is always fairly private. It was no surprise when he took off from the funeral site to go run with the chickens. He truly finds peace with the chickens, and we knew this was what he needed.
After Dr. Bailey left, we finished our evening with a dinner and trip to Dairy Queen for a "we love Scrubs" ice cream fest.
Now it is the evening and the tears that have been at rest for a few hours are coming back in full force. I hesitated sharing about Scrubs on Facebook and on my Blog because I wasn't sure if I could do it today or if it was appropriate, but as always, writing is how I process. It is how I grieve. And this Blog is my place. Years from now I will remember these memories through this Blog and that is so important to me.
I know he was "just a dog" and that some people, like me before I ever had a pet, will not understand the depth of the pain. But that's okay. This pain is deep for me. It is running through my whole body. It doubled me over during my run this morning in a fit of sobs. It left me lying next to Scrubs during his last moments telling him what a good boy he is.
I truly believe Scrubs is in heaven. He is waiting for me there. He is playing with the Connors dog Annie and eating peanut butter and socks to his heart's content.
There will probably be more about Scrubs on this blog in the coming weeks and months then most people want to read, but I really don't care. I need to remember him. I need to memorialize him for myself. This dog was my companion. My comforter. My protector. My first child.
I love you Scrubs SO MUCH. I will never be the same because you were in my life. Thank you for being my dog.
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Today we will say good bye to Scrubs. So today I am feeding him everything I know he loves as his appetite allows. For breakfast I gave him pieces of ham. For a snack, a cheese stick. And for second snack ... his very favorite. Peanut butter.
Here's a flashback to a video I did of Scrubby loving peanut butter in 2014 when we lived in the Azores. Notice his collar in this video. I've kept his collar the same size so you can see how much weight he has lost. Scrubby has always been so muscular and toned and strong. He usually is around 90 pounds. He is close to 70 now.
Your prayers today are appreciated. The vet comes at 2pm EST. I have no idea how to do this. We have friends here which has been wonderful as they are helping distract me and the boys.
Here are a few more photos I took this morning of Scrubs and I just hanging out together. He is sleeping more but truly does not seem in major pain yet which is why we are doing this now. We are noticing in his eyes that he is much more tired. He can't make it through the night without having to go to the bathroom. And the biggest thing is that just a week after being drained, he is almost as filled up as he was when we took him in. We promised we wouldn't wait too long which is why we have chosen today. We promised him that he would go out before he was suffering.
Four hours.
This is too hard. I know he is just a dog. But man oh man he is truly my buddy. I had no idea how much this would hurt. I could never have fathomed it.
P.S. And I have had a few people encourage us to get another dog. Don't worry. We are. In a few weeks. I'll post more later but we intend to not shy away from this pain. It's too wonderful of an experience.
