Sunshine

 

This statement above is SO true. But SO hard. It's one thing to say things like Billy Graham did: "Mountaintops are for views and inspiration, but fruit is grown in the valleys." The reality of this is PAINFUL. 

I want so badly to be all the way THROUGH this trial. I know I am getting better and better. Saturday and nearly all of Sunday, I completely felt like myself. But Monday and today, I've been battling some of the sadness that comes with depression. I know depression cycles like this. I know that I'm on an "upward spiral trajectory." But every time I get down, it feels like I will stay in this valley. It doesn't feel like I am growing. It feels YUCKY. My lows aren't as low as they were, but it is still SO hard to be out on the other side.

Oh the growth! I see the growth! I see how it will make me a better person. A freer person. A less obligated person. Already I can feel my "need to keep people happy" decreasing tremendously. Small things that I would normally take upon myself, I am not putting on my shoulders. I can see that. But right now, where I am, I just want this to be over. 

Newsies is over. That is a mixed bag of relief and sadness. It was a very fun time and a stinkin' amazing show. But our family is grateful for the break in our stress-level. 

Man, the weather is beautiful right now. I've made a point to be in the hammock during a lot of my rest times. Tennessee this time of year can be freezing or even HOT but today, it's a beautiful 69 degrees and the sun is out. 

I'm just ready for the sun to be out .... more than now and then ... in my own life as well. I'm getting there. Ride the waves.