(Yes this is causing me stress that I am working on giving to the Lord by the minute. He has currently taken it so I won't go into all the details at this moment.)
I write that to say that instead, I've had to drive JB's truck Sunshine anywhere I need to go. I can't take all the kids in it, but with Grampa and Grama here, I can go run a few errands with one or two kiddos in tow.
As I drive this big hoss of a truck that doesn't have a/c and has to be opened by reaching out through the window, I can't help but thinking to myself:
What in the world are you doing?
Or sometimes it comes out like:
Who are you trying to fool?
You are out of your mind!
I mean, I am a city girl from Fort Lauderdale. I've barely ever visited a farm nevertheless lived on one.
- Am I really living on 100 acres in the country?
- Am I walking alongside cows?
- Am I really checking on 12 little geese each morning?
- Am I one hour from a Target? (JB promised it was 45 minutes but I think he was pushing it a bit.)
- Am I a half hour from "town"?
- Am I taking a picture with two pigs that I am learning how to feed and water?
- Am I really becoming aware of ticks and chiggers?
- Am I scouring the Internet for second-hand boots for my kiddos?
Yes I am.
Each day I question what I have gotten myself into. I wonder if I am cut out for this. And I second-guess whether we did the right thing.
But when I think about it for more than 10 seconds, here is what I do know:
- I have never seen my husband happier.
- I get to raise my children where the green grass grows.
- This is absolutely where God has called us.
- I belong here.
- I love my life.
I truly thank the Lord for this amazing opportunity and pray that we can continue to listen to His voice, follow His direction, and move forward in doing what we feel He has called us to do.
But don't ever let my confidence in knowing I belong here be confused with my absolute bewilderment at the fact that I am here.
I'm pretty sure I am out of my ever-loving mind!
And I'm okay with that.