My husband is a STINKER!

I don't feel bad about this post. I don't even feel bad about the title of this post. JB deserves every bit of what I am about to write.

My husband is a STINKER!

Yesterday morning I worked for RLS from home. John was supposed to be at the Clinic, but the physician he was working with was sick so he got the day off and was home with me.

So while I worked on my RLS stuff and watched Regis & Kelly, JB worked to update his online recipe program.

Now I didn't know this but apparently there is some sort of "bell" every time an entry is complete in this recipe program. I, instead, keep hearing this bell and it begins to confuse me. I turn up the TV. Is it coming from there? Is it coming from outside? I can't figure it out. I ask JB, "Is that bell noise coming from your computer?"

He says it is not.

I wait as the dinging goes off a few more times, waiting for confirmation that he hears the dinging as well.

I get ... nada.

I finally say, "Do you hear that dinging?"

He says (and here is where the STINKER part becomes very evident) ... "What dinging?"

I sit there, watching the TV as he types away, asking him every time there is a ding, "Didn't you hear that?"

"Hear what?" "Wendi what are you talking about?" "I don't hear anything."

This goes on for nearly five minutes before his laughter overcomes him, and he comes up and tries to give me a hug. (I don't think so.) All this while he is causing the dinging and having a jolly good time at my expense.

So I decided, the world should know what a STINKER he is. And so, without further ado, I present just a few highlights from the JB STINKER list:

1. Making Wendi think they will die in one second: This happened on a car trip. I was asleep in the passenger seat (as is often the case on long car rides). All of a sudden John yells and throws his hand across me as if we are going to get into an accident. My eyes fly open, and I look to see a tow truck pulling the cab of a semi backward. This means that the semi is facing us and at just a quick glance (which is all I had) it looks like it is going to hit us head on. I screamed (wouldn't you?) and nearly threw up. Quite funny don't you think? STINKER!

2. Making Wendi think she is going insane: This is fairly similar to the bell story I just told but bears a different twist. This, ironically, occurred during another car trip in which I was taking a snooze. I woke up and heard a song I loved on the radio. JB says: "Hey Wendi, it's your favorite song. You love this song." I smile and then doze back off. A little while later, I am stirred awake only to hear the same song on the radio. Without missing a beat, JB says: "Hey Wendi, it's your favorite song. You love this song." I, of course, tell him that he already said that. And he, proceeds to tell me that that must have been a dream because this is the first time he has heard this song all day. He takes this to the point that I say, "Wow, that sure felt like a real dream," before admitting he was just being a STINKER!

3. Making kid brother believe he is asleep when he is awake: Okay, so staying with the tricking people into thinking they were dreaming when they really were awake theme, let's go back to when John was about 16 and his little brother Robbie was about 4. John sees Robbie sleeping in a chair in the living room. John goes up to Robbie and begins shaking him, telling him that there is a fire in the house and he needs to wake up. Robbie wakes up. Robbies sits up. Robbie looks around. John continues to shake Robbie telling him he needs to wake up. Robbie tells John he IS awake. John tells Robbie he is NOT awake. "I was sent into your dream to try and wake you up," John tell him. "You think you are awake but you are really asleep." This continues until Robbie starts to yell, "I'm trying John, I'm trying!!!" At this poing, John admits he was just being a STINKER!

4. Making kid brother believe he is actually a robot: Okay moving away from the sleeping theme but staying with the kid brother Robbie theme, John hammered Robbie again in early childhood. One day Robbie comes running in from outside with a stubbed toe and asks John to help him clean it up. John just waves his hand at the toe and says, "Oh Robbie, that's no big deal, we'll just go to the store and get you a new one." Robbie asks, "A new what?" John explains that they can go get a new toe at the store because Rob is a robot. Rob really isn't buying this, but is starting to have doubts when John says, "Yeah, we got you in a kit. I helped Dad put you together." Rob still isn't quite sure what to think of this and JB realizes his little brother is winning the war. It was at this point, as if perfectly cued, that their father walks into the room and John says, "Dad, tell Robbie he is a robot." John's dad picks up on what is happening, looks at John, looks at Rob, and says: "Well, yes, but we wanted to wait until you were older before we told you." It was at this point that Rob started crying uncontrollably. John then had to explain to his dad how far he had taken things. STINKER!

If you have a story that you believe belongs on the John is a STINKER list, please do not hesitate to post a comment. All nominations will be given careful consideration and judged by a panel of John's peers ... well, mainly they will be judged by me, and if the comment is even slightly STINKER-like, it will make the list and show up on "John is a STINKER part II."

This was fun.

It will be even more fun watching JB read this!