Filling In For Wendi (by JB)

So, I am going to fill in for a day or two while Wen is just taking a break from things. She will eventually get sick of my posts and kick me off, but for now, the blog is mine!

First off, she is doing just fine. We are pretty disappointed - no kidding, right? And I know from the emails and messages that we have received that many of you are disappointed as well. Thank you all for your prayers and support. It has, and does, really mean a lot to us.

There are a few things that people keep asking us, so I will try to explain where we are at with everything.

1. What happens next?
Wendi got a call today from the doctor. He is a very kind man, and he seemed a little surprised that those "sticky babies" didn't make it. But, we have 3 more embryos. They are in cryopreservation - yes just like in science fiction movies. They can stay like that for years and years. The IVF clinic is booked for the next month. Then the following month, the lab is shut down for maintenance and certification (the government has very strict regulations on how an IVF lab is to be run, and they monitor things closely - that is a good thing.) That brings us to August. Well, I am going to be in Florida doing an away rotation in family medicine at Eglin Air Force Base. Wendi is planning on being there for a bit and maybe going to visit family in south Florida then. Now, I don't actually have to be here for the next attempt (ain't modern medicine great? Hmmmm... ) So we are looking at either August or September before we try again.

The doctor said he only wants to do 2 at a time. He still says Wendi is a prime candidate for IVF to work, and just because the odds went against us, doesn't mean we should be reckless and try for all 3 at once. (for each fetus greater than 3, there is a 20% chance of one having cerebral palsy - so with triplets, there is a 20% chance of one having a birth defect, and with quads, there is a 40% chance of one having a birth defect... that is not smart to do)

The fact that the doctor was surprised, and that he is recommending only 2, is an encouragement. He still believes that we have a very good chance of this working - or else he would say go for all 3 at once.

2. Why didn't this work?
The million dollar question! Well, there are a few different perspectives to look at with this question. First the science. The odds of IVF working at any given time are about 30% (give or take, depending on the study and the population you are investigating). So the odds are not hugely in our favor in the first place - in fact, they are actually NOT in our favor. BUT, if a person has a good womb (like Wendi), has no other medical problems (like Wendi), has good eggs (like Wendi), and can make good embryos (like Wendi... and me!), then the odds are in our favor if we keep trying. But one must weigh the chance of this eventually working against the emotional cost of going through the process. That is actually the hardest part - we have every reason to believe that this will work eventually. But deciding to keep pursuing it after the emotional toll is the real battle.

So, specifically, there are a few medical reasons why our "sticky babies" didn't make it. In a typical scenario (i.e. conception from intercourse), about 50% of fertilized eggs never make it. Here are the two main reasons, and both could apply to us as well. First, after an egg is fertilized, the embryo might never implant on the wall of the uterus. Second, genetic abnormalities (genes or chromosomes missing or doubled or just arranged incorrectly... this is actually very common) cause the embryo to start off just fine, but after a certain number of cell divisions, the embryo doesn't develop correctly and either dies or the woman's body kicks it out. In our case, if it was a genetic thing, it occurred very early.

Now the spiritual side of things. This one is not as easy. Everyone has their own views, opinions, interpretations, etc. of things spiritual in nature. Usually they are pretty deeply rooted - either based on personal study, based on influential spiritual teachers, based on personal events (either naive or bitter), or based on nothing more than personal whim (what they would like it to be). I'll give you my opinion on the matter, and I will try to be as brief as possible. :)

God created a perfect universe. Through the beauty of free choice, sin (separation from God) entered His creation. From that moment, the eternal struggle between good and evil shaped this creation (yes, I believe that evil incarnate exists in the form of the devil - Satan). We live in the middle of this war zone, and we begin life on the wrong side. We have a hope though - Jesus Christ - He allows us to change sides. But, there are no promises of a "fair" experience in this life - whether we follow Jesus or not. The rain will fall on the righteous and sinner alike, and the sun will shine on both in turn. Our responsibility is do what we can to understand God's truth, and then follow it (not to do what we want and justify it.) Our responsibility is to rejoice in the blessings we receive, and to remain faithful in the times when we feel so far from those blessings. Our responsibility is to help other people start and finish this journey as well.

With that said, we prayed, along with so many of you, for children of our own. So, with a negative result, what does that mean? Now the cynic will say "if you pray for something, and it happens, then you say your prayers were answered. But if they do not happen, then you say God said no. Well, your prayers don't change anything - you just change how you respond to life." I don't buy that. I have done way too much study (and I am very logic and fact oriented mind you) and seen way too much in life to believe that. God is not a cosmic Santa Claus, but He is there for us to praise, to talk to, to request things, and to comfort us. Sometimes He says "yes", sometimes He says "no", and sometimes He says "not yet." I have no idea why He didn't say "yes" to us and to all of you who prayed with us. One day, maybe in this life and maybe not until heaven, I will hopefully understand the why. (And I will be able to meet my "sticky babies"!) But we have to live in the now, and I will remain faithful in spite of a heartache. Not because I am feeble-minded, but because I have insight enough to know God's wisdom is much greater than mine.

I guess that kind of answers all the questions we have been asked, and some we ourselves have asked, in the last couple of days.

I will try not to bore you too much while Wendi is away! :)