My body knows ...

 

My body knows where it is safe. My body knows who it is safe with. I am teaching my children to listen to their bodies as they grapple with this challenging life. It is a hard life. But a beautiful life. And I want it to be filled with people who make them feel safe. I hope to be one of those people. I hope that they know they will receive unconditional love and acceptance and that they know my home is a place that their nervous system can breathe.

It is hard with teenagers. There is so much living that we have to "help" them do. But as they get older, more and more, I am attempting to let them rest in my home. To let them not worry that their mistakes and frustrations will be met with judgment. 

GRIEF is welcome here. 

ANGER is welcome here. 

FRUSTRATION is welcome here. 

ALL EMOTION IS WELCOME! 

Here, you can be safe. And breathe. May we provide this for everyone in our lives but especially these amazing children God gifted us with.  

First French braid!

She doesn’t think it’s very good, but I do!!!

First Youth Group for the Pomegranate

On Wednesday evening, my Pomegranate attended her first youth group event. Summer has begun and she is officially a 6th grader so she is officially allowed to attend summer events. It was the first week that ALL FOUR of my children are gone on Wednesday evenings together. It is so crazy to me that I have four kiddos in youth group. What in the world is happening?

 

During the summer, they meet across the county instead of meeting at the church. This last Wednesday, the event was held at Tusculum Park, and Bapa and Tante Jan were there! They snagged her for a photo. 

 

I love our small town. I love having family nearby. I love our community. I love our church. I have a lot of loves.  

Tuesday Truth

365 Days of Rest #84

 

My farm is truly my happy place. This land makes my heart REST. Some people find peace in vacations. That is no longer the case for me. Having my feet in the grass, petting my dogs, listening to the sounds of only NATURE truly allows my heart to sit in peace. I absolutely love all things about The Bauernhof Kitsteiner. 

I had a crisis in my life recently. Our community got hit with something very hard, and it required all-hands-on-deck. But it socked me dry a bit. It took the stuffing out of me.

Sometimes in life, we can't avoid emptying our tank. This time could not be avoided. God asked me to doing something super hard for people I love super much. But now, it is time to get the tank refilled. 

What does refilling the tank look like? It looks like QUIET. It looks like NAPS. It looks like saying, "I'm sorry but I can't." It may mean putting up a boundary. And that can be hard. But it is necessary! 

365 Days of Rest #83

Back from vacation and taking the time to take care of myself. Some people call it selfish. I’ve realized it’s required!

Some Kiawah Photos

Kiawah Island

We are taking a family vacation minus the boys. It’s super weird to be here without them. Sidge was just returning from his mission trip to Colombia today so joining us would have been hard. Isaac didn’t really to come without his brother (they hang together a lot on trips)

Instead, the girls each brought a friend. Abigail brought her best friend Ella. Hannah brought her cousin Genevieve. 

We are excited to have a few days of break coming up here in Kiawah!

“Suddenly” by Superchick

She feels lost in her life 
Treading water just to keep from slipping under 
And she wonders if she's where she's supposed to be 
Tired for trying to do it right 
Her dreams are just to far away to see how steps she's making 
Might be taking her to who she'll be 

And suddenly it isn't what it used to be 
And after all this time it worked out just fine 
And suddenly I am where I'm supposed to be 
And after all the tears I was supposed to be here 

She feels locked in her own life 
Scared of what she might lose if she moves away from who she was 
And she's afraid of being free 
There's a way she knows is right 
She can't feel the things she knows 
And so each step she's taking is a step of faith toward who she'll be 

And suddenly it isn't what it used to be 
And after all this time it worked out just fine 
And suddenly I am where I'm supposed to be 
And after all the tears I was supposed to be here 

And here where the night is darkest black 
She feels the fear and the light is farthest back 
And through her tears she can't see the dawn is coming 
Skies will clear and the light will find her where she's always been. 

And suddenly it isn't what it used to be 
And after all this time it worked out just fine 
And suddenly I am where I'm supposed to be 
And after all the tears I was supposed to be here

Trying to take care of myself

Wendi post-breakdown has learned a tremendous amount. 

It is imperative that I take care of myself so I can be the best wife and mom I can be. 

And secondarily, I can be there for those in my community who I love immensely. 

I used to not have any idea when I was doing too much or experiencing too much or letting people lean too heavily on me. I had no marker for "too much" in my vocabulary. 

But now I do. 

And yet, how do I determine how to let things go when needs are present. 

It's hard. 

I love fiercely and I love immensely and I want to be there for people. And yet I can't do this without limit. I need to much to protect my emotions. 

I used to be able to go without stopping. But now, I can actually feel it in my body when too much has been required of me. And even if someone doesn't require it of me ... maybe I require it of myself. 

The thing is: once you get stripped to your core, you can never, ever see the world the same way. You can never unsee what you have seen. I can't unsee it. I will always see it. 

So I take care of myself FIRST. I must. It is not selfish. I must care for myself so that I can care for others. 

Always learning ...