A small example

I met with Kim again today. We meet virtually, and it works out so great to have that easy convenience. Here's what I was reminded of: my body is healing. It's healing from tons and tons of stuff that I have shoved away or pushed down or not allowed myself to feel. Nearly every person in the world probably has done the same. This isn't unique to me. It's just that my "stuff" boiled up to the surface, and I've got to look at it.

Who wants to look at their old "stuff"? No one really does. We'd rather "just not think about it." And you may choose to do that. And it may work for you. You may be one of those people who can manage to push it away. But many cannot. The things we push away have to be dealt with in some form or fashion. Maybe we deal with them through medication or through medicating ourselves (with alcohol or drugs for example.) Maybe we are a work-a-holic. Maybe we people-please (like I did). But we come up with some way of coping. And the coping works. Until it doesn't work anymore. 

I am having to rest more than I have EVER rested. It feels exorbitant. But I'm listening to my body. I'm saying "no" when I need to say "no." 

 A small example. 

I had big days on Friday and Saturday so I prepared to maybe skip the Newsies show on Sunday. But this meant I might need to let my nephew Gabe down. He was coming because I was there. But, I texted him anyways and said, "I may not make it to Sunday's show." I didn't like doing this, and sure, maybe Gabe would be disappointed. But taking care of myself has become TOP LEVEL importance. If I don't take care of me, I can't function. And if I can't function, then our house will really come to a halt. So I need to make sure I have the bandwidth to do what is being asked of me. 

I want to be through with this. I want to be healed and done and processed and moved on. But I'm not. Yet. So I keep working and dealing and learning and striving and trying. I am not getting it all right. But I'm getting some of this figured out!