We Bought a Farm: Lambs in June!

We usually have lambs sometime in December of January. We'd love to have them when it is warmer, but we have a very hands-off approach here on the farm and like to let the sheep go when they go. 

So they went in December and January and then SURPRISE! We have three sets of new twins out there. 

We did some calculations. This means that some of our ladies got pregnant one month after they had just delivered babies. 

No idea if more are coming or not. But for now -- we are enjoying seeing these warm deliveries and twice as much profit for us too!

27th anniversary

On June 20th, John and I celebrated 27 years of marriage. Add our dating years and we have been together for over 30 years! We've lived on three continents and have four children. We've lived in downtown and freezing Minnesota and we've lived on a rural farm in Tennessee. It's been an incredible journey and while we've had difficult things we've encountered together, we have truly always been teammates and best friends. 

We had a special anniversary event planned for Tuesday, but with my mental health tanking just a bit these last few days, we've decided to postpone that for a time that I am feeling better. 

Love you JB! 

Remembering Scrubs

I walked past Scrubs' burial spot today as we were moving sheep and thought Wow, it looks beautiful. But I also thought: How could he have died in April of 2016? Where does time go?

Oh that dog was such a handful. Such a piece of work. So much energy and time. And yet such a part of my life. Such a BIG part of my life. I wished I could have gotten more time with him, but no matter if I did, he wouldn't be here today. 

Today I have three dogs, and I love them all -- especially Arabelle who is my shadow. However, none of them are SCRUBS to me. For my kids, the loss of Ritter will hit everyone hard primarily Sidge. Raven is Abigail's girl. And Arabelle? Everyone will pretend that they don't love her as much as I do, but she is so stinin' smart. 

I also took a picture of the sign our friends the Petersen's gave us -- it occupies the short-cut between our house and the grandparents that we buried Scrubs on. Gramps loved him some Scrubs so he had to be buried in-between our two homes.

This world is HARD. 

The life is HARD. 

But also, so much beauty! 

Zoo!

I took Hannah and Tristan and Theo to the zoo last week. I love Bright’s Zoo. They also have the only spotless giraffe in the world!

Keep on

I believe what this statement above says. I do. I think. Maybe? 

But experiencing this journey just sucks. 

I don't want to sit with my pain. My pain hurts. I want to be through it. God, can I not be through this already? Why so long, Jesus? I'm doing what you are asking. I'll do anything you ask. But why does all of this have to hurt so much? 

I have often said that 2024 was my HARD HARD year. I call it my REFINING year. And it was. 

And 2025 has been much easier overall. Tons easier. And yet, here I am, sitting in hard again. 

What causes this hard? 

Triggers that rub up against past pain. As always, someone being mad at me is SO SO scary to me. It's my worst kind of fear. Isn't that crazy? I don't fear death or illness or anything as much as I fear someone being upset at me. 

The thing is, I thought I was past all this. I really did. I thought that the next time someone got upset at me (or even if I thought they were upset at me) I would be able to just zoooom through it because of the work I've done. And yet here I am, feeling like I'm no stronger than I was when all of this began. 

And that makes me so frustrated. So angry. Why this fear? Why can't I have a different fear? Why does it have to be this one. I don't want it! I want to live in freedom. And the frustrating thing is, I thought I was living in freedom. I really did. And then ... 

BAMmmmm!

Here I am again. Feeling like a child. Feeling like little Wendi being owned by people's frustrations with me. It's maddening. 

I'm still working at this. I know this is just a little hiccup in my journey. I can't prevent people from ever getting mad at me. It will happen. It did happen. But it just stinks so much. 

I want to arrive. Jesus, please let me arrive.  

More Truth

Ballet intensive

My body knows where it is safe. My body knows who it is safe with. I am teaching my children to listen to their bodies as they grapple with this challenging life. It is a hard life. But a beautiful Abigail participated in a week-long ballet intensive at CBT -- our local ballet studio. She had a wonderful week, and I am sharing some pictures below: 

Wood stove for Greene Gables

Gabe continues to work on the old house on the other side of the farm. John drove to Asheville and got a wood stove for the house yesterday. 

We are calling it “Greene Gables.”

Tuesday Truth

Dog sitting

Mr. Finn — one of our former puppies — is spending the week with us. He’s a sweetie!

My body knows ...

 

My body knows where it is safe. My body knows who it is safe with. I am teaching my children to listen to their bodies as they grapple with this challenging life. It is a hard life. But a beautiful life. And I want it to be filled with people who make them feel safe. I hope to be one of those people. I hope that they know they will receive unconditional love and acceptance and that they know my home is a place that their nervous system can breathe.

It is hard with teenagers. There is so much living that we have to "help" them do. But as they get older, more and more, I am attempting to let them rest in my home. To let them not worry that their mistakes and frustrations will be met with judgment. 

GRIEF is welcome here. 

ANGER is welcome here. 

FRUSTRATION is welcome here. 

ALL EMOTION IS WELCOME! 

Here, you can be safe. And breathe. May we provide this for everyone in our lives but especially these amazing children God gifted us with.  

First French braid!

She doesn’t think it’s very good, but I do!!!

First Youth Group for the Pomegranate

On Wednesday evening, my Pomegranate attended her first youth group event. Summer has begun and she is officially a 6th grader so she is officially allowed to attend summer events. It was the first week that ALL FOUR of my children are gone on Wednesday evenings together. It is so crazy to me that I have four kiddos in youth group. What in the world is happening?

 

During the summer, they meet across the county instead of meeting at the church. This last Wednesday, the event was held at Tusculum Park, and Bapa and Tante Jan were there! They snagged her for a photo. 

 

I love our small town. I love having family nearby. I love our community. I love our church. I have a lot of loves.  

Tuesday Truth

365 Days of Rest #84

 

My farm is truly my happy place. This land makes my heart REST. Some people find peace in vacations. That is no longer the case for me. Having my feet in the grass, petting my dogs, listening to the sounds of only NATURE truly allows my heart to sit in peace. I absolutely love all things about The Bauernhof Kitsteiner. 

I had a crisis in my life recently. Our community got hit with something very hard, and it required all-hands-on-deck. But it socked me dry a bit. It took the stuffing out of me.

Sometimes in life, we can't avoid emptying our tank. This time could not be avoided. God asked me to doing something super hard for people I love super much. But now, it is time to get the tank refilled. 

What does refilling the tank look like? It looks like QUIET. It looks like NAPS. It looks like saying, "I'm sorry but I can't." It may mean putting up a boundary. And that can be hard. But it is necessary! 

365 Days of Rest #83

Back from vacation and taking the time to take care of myself. Some people call it selfish. I’ve realized it’s required!

Some Kiawah Photos