Trying to take care of myself

Wendi post-breakdown has learned a tremendous amount. 

It is imperative that I take care of myself so I can be the best wife and mom I can be. 

And secondarily, I can be there for those in my community who I love immensely. 

I used to not have any idea when I was doing too much or experiencing too much or letting people lean too heavily on me. I had no marker for "too much" in my vocabulary. 

But now I do. 

And yet, how do I determine how to let things go when needs are present. 

It's hard. 

I love fiercely and I love immensely and I want to be there for people. And yet I can't do this without limit. I need to much to protect my emotions. 

I used to be able to go without stopping. But now, I can actually feel it in my body when too much has been required of me. And even if someone doesn't require it of me ... maybe I require it of myself. 

The thing is: once you get stripped to your core, you can never, ever see the world the same way. You can never unsee what you have seen. I can't unsee it. I will always see it. 

So I take care of myself FIRST. I must. It is not selfish. I must care for myself so that I can care for others. 

Always learning ...