Lately I've been feeling old. I know I shouldn't. I know many of you will give me a piece of your aging mind. But it's true. I find comfort in looking around and reminding myself that the entire world is aging at the same pace. But it doesn't help much. I feel 23 in my mind. That was a great age for me. Married. No infertility yet. Could still pound a volleyball or shoot a basketball with ease.
But I'm ten years older than that. Ten years! How did I go from 23 to 33 overnight?
I recently read the book Water for Elephants by Sarah Gruen. The book was a great read but had some objectionable content that would prohibit me from wholeheartedly recommending it. That aside, I read a particular passage that really made sense to me and seemed to mimic exactly how I have been feeling about my age.
Here it is:
I am ninety. Or ninety-three. One or the other.
When you are five, you know your age down to the month. Even in your twenties you know how old you are. I'm twenty-three, you say, or maybe twenty-seven. But then in your thirties something strange starts to happen. It's a mere hiccup at first, an instant of hesitation. How old are you? Oh, I'm -- you start confidently but then you stop. You were going to say thirty-three, but you're not. You're thirty-five. And then you're bothered, because you wonder if this is the beginning of the end. It is, of course, but it's decades before you admit it.
JB has a saying. Old is thirty years older than whatever you are.
Now I have a question for you out there. Readers. What is old to you? Do you feel old? When did you start feeling old?
14 comments:
i used to think people in their 40s were "older"... now, not so much! i am 34, but i still feel college-aged in my head. some old sports injuries are telling me otherwise, though... my knee has somehow filled with rice krispies, my shoulder hurts when i move it a certain way. i'm having to take aleve, for pete's sake, and i'm just out of college, right?! =)
on the other hand, while i've been married for several years, i have no children. in that regard, i feel very behind and old to still want to raise children.
ultimately, i think you are as old as your mind indicates, generally speaking. if you think you're old, and that it's the beginning of the end, well... i think you're more likely to actually act old and at the beginning of the end. if you feel young and act accordingly (while being mindful of potential physical limitations, and understanding that acting young is not the same as acting immature!), you may not be able to do everything that the 20 year old does, but you'll be close. and then people will look at you when you are 70 and say - wow! you don't look a day over 55! awesome. =)
I'm 57 and feel maybe 30??? So there are a lot of good years ahead for you. The only thing making me feel old were the deaths of my mom and sister and seeing obits all the time of people my age or younger who died. I remember turning 30 and feeling old, but I dont feel much older than that now!!I run races, kayak, hike in the rockies, pretty much anything I want.
Thelsmom
I will be 40 in April. 40! I don't feel that old. I don't look that old. At least I don't think so. The gray hair is coming, but that's easily solved with a trip to my stylist. My body is much older than almost 40. I'm sure I've inherited my mom's arthritis in my knees and back. I don't always have the energy to run after two 6 yr old boys.
I was always scared of older people when I was a little girl. Anyone with a lot of gray hair could easily make me cry if they smiled at me too much. What's funny is that I should'nt have been scared of older people. My dad was 46 when I was born and he was the second youngest in his family. So most of his sisters and his brother were all gray from as early as I can remember. We didn't do a lot with them, but enough that I shouldn't have been scared of them. However, my parents dragged me with them where ever they went including funerals and nursing homes. That's pretty scary stuff for a little girl who was super shy. I'm still a little timid of the elderly.
Bethany
I feel old because I'm so tired all the time. The demands of work and family wear me out. It makes me feel old that my baby boy is not a baby anymore. He just turned 4 and I know that's still pretty young, but he looks like a kid now, not a toddler or a baby and it makes me feel old. I have been pulling out white hairs for years now, so that makes me feel old too.
Also, I know that in pediatrics all my patients are younger than me, but it seems weird to me when so many of the parents are younger than me too.
I'm happy though, and so it doesn't really matter to me what the number is. Life just keeps getting better and better!
: ) Lisa
I really don't feel old until I look around and realize my children are in their 30's and my husband will be 60 soon. :)
I felt old when I turned 30 this year. That sounds adult-ish, and I still feel like the same person I was when I was 18. Which is not how I expected things to go. Somehow when I was 18, I thought as we age, we change and grow with maturity. Never in my life did I think I'd be having the same thoughts or "be" the same person as I was then, just with a bigger number describing my age. People have begun calling me "ma'am" instead of "Miss" and that makes me feel old. I'm definitely a grown-up but wondering when that happened!
Great post!
I am the same age as you Wendi, and I feel old! My husband and I were just discussing the other day how old we felt - he being 34 just a few weeks ago. We feel that we are so far "into" life with such little accomplished. What goals have we accomplished, risks have we taken, what comes next?? We love our kids and invest into them (I know that's important) but beyond that - what are we doing? What mark will I leave? I do know that we probably have about 50 -60 years left to "do something" but being that the last 12 years have flown by - I must be intentional. The pressure to do so sometimes overwhelms me.
One day at a time, with God's grace and wisdom.
Glad I am not alone in my thoughts about feeling old. Thanks for the post. I pray for you and your family often...it's fun to hear of your adventures!
Roberta
I'm turning 30 pretty soon and I feel old. I have a lot of regrets too. I wish I taken better care of my health so I wouldn't have to suffer now and be able to enjoy life more. I wish I had a better career and could make enough money to live comfortably but don't know how to get there. Perhaps most of all I wish I had more of a support system in my life.
Try not to think about your age..afterall it's just a number. I think it's more about how you feel :). Relish the happiness you get from your family-I hope that helps. All the best to you and yours.
I'm 76 and I am not old yet. I know people who are older then I am and I think they might be old. But I'm not sure when I get to be their age if I will feel old, cause there might be someone who is older then I am. I think being old is a state of mind. You can feel old at 10, you can feel old at 30 and you can feel old at 80, but I'm not there yet, so I will just have to wait and see how I feel when I get to be old.
(this is nrittny, dont feel like switching accounts just to comment... Call me old!) Ugh!!! I definitely hear you on this one! I feel like the new residents are young enough I could have babysat them. I hate having to try to remember how old I am (33 very, very soon), but most of all I hate how my body feels like it shut 1/3 of the way down overnight! Maybe it was b/c I'd had a baby 4 weeks before I turned 30, but everything already looks and feels and reacts slower and lower than before. Ugh.
I think old is mostly about behavior. I know a 33 year old that is very very old, and then I think of you and Stebbins, and you don't seem that old at all! For myself, in my head, 30 feels old. Good thing I have a few years before that ;)
I noticed that Lady Di was freely handing out information on how old George is, but failed to mention her age......suspicious!!!
I'm still turning cartwheels, the landings just aren't as spectacular as they used to be!!!
59 and a half and 8 days!!
Joni
Joni! I AM much younger than George (and YOU!) Just a mere 55 but I feel 30. I never could do cartwheels!
First of all, I definitely think that age is a state of mind and physical activity. That being said, I feel positively ancient at age 35, because I have heart PVCs that drive me NUTS! When your heart doesn't work properly at such a young age, you tend to feel MUCH older than you actually are. If JB wants to give me any advice, I certainly wouldn't turn it away! :-)
Kristina in GA
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