I knew that

Picture it. Me, so excited about my new potato peeling discovery. (See previous post if you have no idea what I am talking about.) JB, waking up from his daytime sleep and wandering to the computer to catch up a week's worth of my blogs. Wendi waiting until JB finishes watching the potato peeling video. JB turning around. Wendi saying, "Isn't that the coolest thing?" JB nodding. Slowly.

And then JB says what we should have known he would say. "Wendi, that's how I always do my potatoes."

Oh.

Sigh.

So much for some exciting new discovery. Not that I even peel potatoes. JB peels potatoes. I should have checked with him before I posted a discovery that has already been quite discovered. Oh well. Good for you though Lisa for giving it a try! At least I helped someone out there.

This daytime sleeping has confused me about more than just potatoes. I'm confused about how to regulate the temperature in our house. JB likes it cool when he sleeps. But this means that we are absolutely FREEZING while he is sleeping. I'm embarrassed to admit this because I truly am a quite an environmentally friendly girl, but I've actually succumbed to opening the windows in the living room area to warm us up while the air is on in the house. (The only people who would dare do this are families who don't pay for their own electric bills!) But what else is a girl to do!? I can't wear mittens in my own house.

JB continues to wander into the house each morning around 8am to a very excited Scrubs and Isaac. He tries to spend some quality time with us while my Mom takes Scrubs for a walk, but usually, within less than an hour, his eyes go glassy and his whole body starts to exude fatigue. He wanders back out of his room around 4:30pm still glassy eyed and groggy. I attempt to fill him on what I've done that day but but inevitably say something like, "It was a beautiful day," which causes JB to say something like, "I wouldn't know."

Today though, he actually got up a bit earlier and all of us except Elijah and my Mom took a walk over to the Bay. While Scrubs and Deuce romped in the grass, we enjoyed some beautiful seventy degree weather, cool breezes, and soft grass while the waves crashed up against the rocks. I think it made JB feel a bit human again, if only for a few moments.

Now if I can just find a moment to get a shower, I think I can get a bit closer to human as well.

Is this for real?!

Has anyone ever tried this?! My Mom sent me this video, and I can't help but think that if peeling a potato were so easy I'd have heard of this before?

More than half way done!

Monday night was JB's sixth of ten nights on call! That means we are now more than halfway through nights!

Isaac decided to celebrate by taking four steps. Even better, he saved the steps for a moment that JB was actually awake and home at the same time. Wendi decided to celebrate by cooking some dinner. Granted it was pizza casserole which requires nothing more than five ingredients and the ability to read a recipe card. However, the fact that nothing burned and it was actually edible is a major accomplishment and worthy of celebration itself.

Mom is such an angel. She agreed to watch both boys and Scrubs while I got a haircut and highlight. I have to admit it was kind of nice to get out of the house in my empty mini-van and spend a couple hours chatting with Tiffany D. from church while she attempted to fix what many months of negligence had created. She did a great job and I feel incredibly happy to finally, after over a year and a half here on Eglin, to have finally found a hair dresser instead of always waiting until I go back to Fort Lauderdale for a visit to get my hair done.

Mom held down the fort flawlessly. Elijah took his second-ever bottle. Mom discovered that the presence of the bottle doesn't sit very well with big brother. Why is there a bottle being given to little brother?! Bottles are what Isaac drinks!

Maybe it is a bit of sleep deprivation, but I found myself drawn back to the post I wrote on unmade beds. Man you guys came through with some incredibly interesting comments! I've decided that making the bed is actually interesting enough to warrant a Part B so I can comment on so many of your comments. I'd write that Part B right now if it wasn't for the fact that it is now 9pm, and I am preparing to feed Elijah and head to that unmade bed. But stay tuned everyone . . .

Oh and is anyone else watching American Idol? Survivor and AI are the only two shows I am currently watching. Danny, Megan, and Lil' are currently my three favorites. Anyone else watching with me?

Monday

Today I:

• Went on a walk with both boys, my mom, and Scrubs. The walk went well other than the fact that JB drove by to leave for work midway through the walk. This was a very happy occurrence until JB drove away. JB driving away greatly upset Isaac. Isaac started crying. Sobbing actually. Elijah decided this meant he should cry too. Unfortunately we had just missed a possible "turn around" point for our walk. We had no choice but to chug onward towards the house. We walked the second half of the walk amongst tears from both sides of the jogger. Only Scrubs appeared unfazed by all the crying. I may need to map out a new route for my walks.


• Let Deuce out two times. Deuce's human is gone for the week so I am letting him out to play two times during the day. Because my Mom is here, I am able to quickly run over, let dogs play for twenty minutes, and quickly return home. It was drizzly all day, but I found two relatively dry periods to allow them to romp a bit.


• Visited with Becky. It is always so wonderful to catch up with her. She is doing really well, and we are going to grab on lunch on Friday as well. They will be moving to Washington D.C. in May so we have to get in all the visiting we can.


• Saw Joia. She stopped by with a balloon for Isaac from Keenan's birthday party since we left the party a little bit early and didn't get a balloon. When Isaac got up from his nap he immediately fell in LOVE with the shiny silver balloon. It is a very popular item in our house as of current. Thanks Joia!


• Slept nearly eight hours over night with feeds at 8:30pm and 5:30am. Go Elijah!


• Took a one hour nap mid morning. Yay for naps (and Moms who watch kids during naps!)


• Banished Scrubs to his kennel for chewing on one kiddie toy. He goes immediately when caught in fear of being sprayed with "bitter yuck" spray -- the usual punishment for chewing on anything not belonging to him. The spray-him-every-time-he-steals-something was the BEST punishment we ever came up with. It curbed the stealing immediately, and he very rarely participates in these activities anymore. Very important when your home now has toys, well, everywhere.


• Made dinner (pizza casserole) for dinner tomorrow night. Hurrah for easy recipes and planning ahead! (More my Mom's idea than mine.) Don't worry everyone. JB is still the chef in our house but a night rotation means I have to help out more. My Mom has been helping too. She made Hawaiin chicken last night. It was awesome. Up until two weeks ago, we were still having meals coming from amazing friends about three times a week. What a great blessing that was.


• Pulled out 0-3 month clothes in preparation for Eiljah's obvious growing. Wish that I hadn't taken everything off of the hangers after Isaac used them!


• Ate brats that JB cooked on the grill. He was able to come home after his half day of clinic and before he started nights and was up for cooking for us on the grill. Way cool!


• Changed and fed some babies.

Okay, I think that's my day. This is my last week having someone here to help me with the boys. One week from today I am on my own. I am feeling more and more upbeat about my ability to handle this -- especially because I have started my antibiotic and am really feeling better. Please keep us all in your prayers as we prepare to transition to a Grandma free house!

Gentle Giant

Seriously, can you ask for a dog to be better with kids than Scrubs is? As frustrated as I get with this dog for his constant follow-me-around-the-house-and-stick-his-nose-into-everything-I-do and his ability to get under foot and get hyper at the most inopportune moments and block me out when I know he can hear me, the pup is a gem with both our boys and especially right now, Isaac. Take a look at this beating he took from Isaac last evening. (Oh, and if you listen carefully, you can hear Isaac's first "hi" and "uh oh". Not clear at all, but definitely a start at mimicking.)

Also, if you are interested in some other videos we took last night, you can visit either of these links:

More Isaac crawling on Scrubs

Daddy bugs Isaac

Half way done

JB is halfway done with his two weeks of nights! Of course last night was one of his roughest nights of all. He is now home and in bed. However, we did have time for a quick family photo before he turned in for the morning. As you can tell, he is quite popular when he gets home. In fact, this morning, Scrubs and Isaac both went crazy when they saw him drive up. Scrubs went so crazy he jumped the ottoman (a big no-no) and then jumped OVER Isaac to get to JB first (a very big no-no!)


We also realized that our little "spider monkey" Elijah not only has some long arms and legs but some pretty good size feet as well. Take a look at this photo below:


Today is also a day to celebrate! Elijah is six weeks old. This means that Mom (aka ... me) is six weeks past her c-section and now able to begin participating in regular activities like going for a walk (which I did yesterday -- it was glorious!) and vacuuming (bummer!) Elijah decided to celebrate as well by going EIGHT hours in between feedings last night. You go little dude!

Overall, I am feeling pretty good. I am definitely not back to the pre-pregnancy Wendi but everyday I feel better and better. We also found a Walgreens that has the antibiotic we need. I ventured out with Isaac while my Mom stayed with Elijah to pick up the antibiotic and visit Target.

One problem with having JB sleep during the day is that he wants it very cool when he sleeps. This isn't a problem when you are sleeping too. But when you are awake and FREEZING it is a bit frustrating! Another reason he needs to hurry up and finish nights up.

Having my Mom here for nights has been WONDERFUL! I honestly could not have done it without her here.

Glimpse into our life

Elijah usually gets up at 4am to eat. After he eats, my wonderful Mom takes him out to the living room for some snuggle time. She keeps Isaac's monitor and also feeds and pees Scrubs. She does all this while I go back to bed until 7am when Elijah needs to eat again. This morning I woke up to find that my Grandma Di had things very under control. All three boys were definitely being adequately loved!

JB comes home from nights around 8am and usually has about one hour before he completely falls into bed exhausted. Here he is during breakfast with Isaac. I've been having Isaac sleep in his scrubs (from Brandon & Kristen) so I thought I needed to get a picture of Daddy and boy in their scrubs.

Here is a video of Isaac at lunch. He lovessss bananas!

And here is a video I talk last night of Elijah. I want to make sure I capture him as often as I can since he is changing so fast! We are now getting some tiny smiles!

Moms of Irish Twins

I know that over the past few weeks and months I have had a number of people visit my blog who, like me, are "Moms of Irish Twins." Basically, this means that your babies are nine months apart or so. I know there are a few of you who had them closer (Jess) or farther (Amy, Lisa) apart than nine months. However, we are just trying to talk about the ballpark here -- somewhere around the nine month mark.

I recognize that the term "Irish Twins" might be a bit offensive as it has to do with the Catholic faith and their ability to have children in quick succession. However, my "little sis" Kelsey is the strongest Catholic I know, even considering becoming a nun, and she has told me that she is not offended by the term. So I've decided to use it.

If you are in the "club" of having Irish twins, would you mind shooting me an email with your email or putting your email in a comment in this blog? I would love to get a list together and put together a little "virtual support group" of some sort so that we could share stories or ideas. I'm really not sure, actually, what I am going to do with the list, but just felt like there have been so many people who have emailed me or left a comment, and I didn't do a good job compiling these individuals.

Even if you think I have your email or know you, would you still send me another email or comment? I don't want to leave anyone off the list.

Also, if you know someone else in this club, would you forward them a link to this blog and encourage them to shoot me an email or post a comment?

Thanks everyone!

P.S. Also, if you get a chance, please pray that a pharmacy somewhere in the area would decide to carry or stock the antibiotic I need to find this C.diff thing. We can't find anyone that has it! Ugh!

Swaddling 101

My husband is a fantastic swaddler. A few of you have asked me to have him demonstrate his technique on video. So, here it is:

Clostridium difficile

Well, I am not happy to report that I have a new infection. However, I am happy to report a reason for the month long bout of GI issues I have been plagued with.

I try to keep "bathroom talk" to a minimum on my blog so I'll spare you all the details. However, I can quickly summarize by telling you that ever since I came home, a week after Elijah was born, I have been plagued by stomach aches and diarrhea. This has gone on, non-stop, for four weeks.

At first, we thought it was due to the antibiotic they gave me to treat the mastitis. So they changed me to a different antibiotic. But when the mastitis went away and the stomach issues continued, we began looking for another cause. I tried eating different, drinking more, anything, and everything to no avail. I just kept feeling sick.

So yesterday, I went for some other testing and it seems I have an infection called Clostridium difficile -- often called C. difficile or "C. diff." According to Mayo Clinic's website: "your intestines contain millions of bacteria, many of which help protect your body from infection. But when you take an antibiotic to treat an infection, the drug can destroy some of the normal, helpful bacteria as well as the bacteria causing the illness. Without enough healthy bacteria, C. difficile can quickly grow out of control."

That's what happened to me. The antibiotic they gave me back in the hospital to help defeat the endometritis and get rid of the ileus, caused this new infection. Geesh! The never ending saga of Elijah's entrance into the world, continues. I was so blessed with a fantastically healthy pregnancy. It was the post-pregnancy that has just caused us to almost laugh at this point! Both JB and I are just so ready for me to be done being sick!

It gets a bit tricky because in order to treat C.diff, I need to take another antibiotic. The two commonly used to treat C.diff can both go through breast milk. One of them is not advised in breastfeeding mothers. The other can be used but can cause Elijah to get a bit of diarrhea himself. We have decided to use this antibiotic as I can't go on like this for months and months and because any issues for Elijah should be quick and fleeting.

Please pray that this antibiotic works for me and doesn't make Elijah sick. We are very blessed that we have finally found the source of this infection! Thanks for those of you who have already been praying for me. Hopefully this will be the last of my post-surgery related complications.

Random, non-bed talk

So yesterday's post generated some great discussion! Who knew we were all so opinionated about a topic as simple as beds. If you haven't had a chance to read and share your own personal feelings, please scroll down to the post below this one and give it a whirl! Since that post is so text-dense, I'll go with mostly photos for today's blog. I can't be a chatterbox every single day or I'd bore everyone to death.

My Mom's friend Marty gave Isaac this shirt. It finally fits. Thanks Marty! (Not sure what JB is doing -- probably hoping Isaac doesn't grab his lip or nose!)

JB captured a few photos from his race last week which were taken by the photography crew on hand. This is proof that JB did actually run the race and didn't just drive down to Seaside for a fun, relaxing afternoon. :) Did I tell everyone how proud I am of JB for running 13.1 miles!? You go John!

I actually brought my camera to the park today when we met with the gals for lunch but just didn't have the opportunity to take it out. What would I do without Joia!? She always comes through with a snapshot or two.


It was a beautiful summer day today! I was actually worried Isaac was going to get burned. I didn't come prepared for that -- didn't bring a hat or sunscreen or anything. I have realized that going to the park with both boys without someone to help me would be a little difficult unless Elijah decides to take a nap -- which he didn't want to do today. I really am reliant on the extra set of hands.

I really like this picture of my Mom with Elijah. When I hold Elijah, he just wants to eat, even if he just did, so snuggling isn't something we get to do much unless there is food involved. But he calms down and falls asleep on my Mom nearly every time without fail. He is still quite a skinny guy -- all arms and legs!

Here is a link to Joia's post on our lunch today: Wifia lunch.

I also wanted to put a link up to a March of Dimes fundraising site. A friend of ours from Mayo is raising money for the March of Dimes and premature infants after the loss of their daughter, Marie, last year. Would you consider supporting Cassie & Nick as they raise money?

End of Mom's first day

9:30 p.m. Elijah fed and down. Isaac fed and down. JB three hours into first night shift. Me and Mom headed to bed.

My mother had a few comments at the end of day one. They included:

"The day felt very long." (It was.)

"I can't believe I brought a suitcase of things to read." (She didn't read anything.)

"I felt like I did nothing. Why am I so tired?" (She did a lot of baby watching, holding, and playing and not the laundry, dishes, and vacuuming she envisioned.)

"I'm glad to know you really do need me here." (Duh!)

And tomorrow, we do it all over again!

Quick look at our new life

With my Mom here to help and another pretty good night of sleep under my belt, I feel like I have the time to sit down to write a bit in regards to our new life with two little babies.

If my blogs have seemed a bit hurried over the last few weeks, there's good reason! They have been hurried. There aren't a lot of moments to sit down and write as of late. I'm often writing in my head, transposing the words I would put on my blog had I the opportunity. But by the time I sit down, I usually only have 5 or 10 minutes and a photo and overview will have to do. The plethora of words is postponed for another day.

Last night Elijah again ate at 9pm, 3:30am, and then 7:30am. This creates a much better night sleep for me, renewed focus come sun-up, and much better determination when I finally get a moment to get on my computer.

So, our new life . . .

Well, first of all, new life is going great. It really is. There have been a lot of adjustments as could be expected, but we are all getting in the groove. I am very hopeful that by the time my Mom returns to Florida on the 21st or 22nd, I will be ready to tackle this two baby + one dog thing completely solo!

Elijah is, truly, a good baby. I have realized over the last few days and weeks that while he appears to be less content then his big brother was, it actually is just that his lungs are so much powerful than big brother's that cause me to think this. When we put Elijah down for the night, he now cries for only a few minutes. But man what a powerful few minutes they are! While we need a monitor to hear big brother crying in the nursery, there is no monitor needed to hear little brother who is perched all the way in the back of the house in our bedroom. His lung power is tremendous. This makes it feel like he is less settled than I am used to. While this is probably partially true, I think it is the lung power that truly makes us feel that way.

He is sleeping very well. During the day, I feed him every three hours. I usually always have to wake him to eat. This may seem like a dumb idea, but if I don't wake him to eat during the day, we won't get enough feeds in, and then he tends to want to go on a feeding frenzy just when Mom is getting really sleep (say, 10pm!) So feeding every three hours during the day, seems to allow for a more rested night. Come evening, we do a feed around 8:30-9:30pm and then we allow him to sleep as long as he can. Right now, this tends to go into the wee hours of the morning. I get up, get him as full as possible, and return him to bed to give him another stretch where he determines the length.

In between feeds, we attempt to have "wake time" after every meal followed by a nap. Naps are usually taken in the swing or in the vibrating chair (on loan from one of the third year residents). Elijah really loves his pacifier and if it pops out before he moves into a deep sleep zone, he definitely lets the whole world know about it.

Just in the last week, Elijah has begun responding to us, looking at us, smiling a bit (albeit random). This, again, seems to be the time that I find my bonding truly kicks into full gear. Each day I fall in love with him more and more and feel like his mom more and more. I am beginning to feel like he truly is here forever. I have really struggled not to worry that somehow, I am going to wake up and find that this little miracle baby is just a dream. Each day that goes by allows me to feel that the miracle is here to stay.

JB, returned to work today after two weeks of a paternity research block. Returning was very difficult for him as he and Isaac have been glued together during the last four weeks and primarily during the last two weeks. Last night as we laid in bed, listening to the last of Elijah's cries, he commented that not being with Isaac during the day was going to be a little difficult. Because I am breastfeeding, we have naturally each been the primary in person in charge of one child. My charge has been Elijah. His, Isaac.

Our little Isaac. Other than a bit of a fever the last few days, he is as great as ever. He has started to try and say a few words. Versions of "Da da" whenever he wants JB and "Ma Ma" whenever he wants me. We are also pretty darn sure he is saying "kisses" when we say it to him. That may be, officially, his first word. I wasn't too sure until my Mom called me into the bathroom during his bath and I listened to him repeat it over and over again. He also loves to clap and wave and is standing and moving his little feet more and more unassisted. My current guess is that he will be walking by his eleventh month. Let's see if that proves true.

Scrubs is adjusting very well to the new baby. He really is not that interested in Elijah yet. He sniffs him a lot and will try to give him a good lick if he thinks he can get away with it. Scrubby and Isaac are, however, the bestest of friends. They are constantly with each other. A lot of times we have to separate them, but honestly, this is usually to give Scrubs a break from Isaac. Scrubby will curl up in a corner only to have a twenty pound pile of Chub climb on his back and begin pulling his ears and eating his neck. A little separation allows Scrubby to take a nap in peace.

Of course, Scrubs is still Scrubs, and definitely not the angel he tries to portray himself as on the blog. He still tries to lick the little Chubba Chubba whenever he can and he has a very hard time not licking stuffed animals. But for the most part, he's amazing with Isaac -- a true gentle giant. This morning they actually played with Isaac's little ball together. Isaac would put it down the chute and then Scrubs would push it over to him. Too cute.

JB is on some pretty tough rotations from now until the third week of April so after my Mom leaves, I will be going at the days completely solo. I am working on a good zone defense that I can maneuver to cover Scrubs, Isaac, and Elijah all by myself. I'm 6'3"! I can handle two little people and a gawky dog!

As for guests, my Mom is the last of the visitors. We don't have anyone slated for residence in the Kit hotel until my Brother and his wife and new baby over the Fourth of July holiday.

Also, it appears that my blog did hit 250,000 hits but no one claimed the winning click!

Ten months old

Isaac turned ten months old, yesterday actually. However, he hasn't been feeling too hot so I didn't have a chance to snag a photo until this morning when he had a boost of feeling pretty good post-Tylenol and Motrin. Here are some ten month old shots. Other than the drool running down his face, I think they turned out pretty good!

Changing of the guests

This morning we said good bye to Shomir and Tara. What a great time we had with them! Truly wonderful people and sooooooooo helpful with the craziness in our house. Here's a picture of the two of them before they hit the road this morning:


Unfortunately the morning brought an increase in a fever Isaac spiked yesterday. This meant no church and a lot of attempts at comforting our little guy. The good news is that Elijah had a fantastic night eating at 8pm, 2:30am, and then again at 8:30am this morning! Yipeee!

I snagged this photo of him. You can see what a squirmer he is from this photo. He has a onesie on but he's practically squirmed out of that too. It's down around his shoulders. If we don't swaddle our little guy he gets quite upset. He likes to stay like this most of the day. Looks horribly uncomfortable doesn't it?

I am headed up to the gate to check my Mom in! So blessed she will be here to help me for the next two weeks while JB does nights.

Also, here is a link to an updated blog on Charleigh's arrival featuring my brother's rendition of the events.

Green grass

When Joan was here, she attempted to take a picture of Isaac sitting in the grass. He thought this was a bad idea. Isaac did not like the grass. JB said that "no son of mine will be afraid of the grass." How can he be a boy scout if he doesn't like grass? :)

So yesterday when we went to Seaside with Shomir and Tara, there was a huge green grassy area. A perfect spot to break Isaac of his fear of his grass!

JB getting ready to inundate Isaac with grass!

Isaac's first moments on the grass. He definitely wanted to be in Mom's lap instead.

Trying to loosen him up while also hoping to encourage some walking!

Isaac getting more comfortable with the grass


And then, Isaac fell in love with the grass, crawling all over the place! Mission Accomplished!

Tara!!!

Tara and her boyfriend Shomir got in around 7pm last night. JB made a fabulous dinner. Filet Mignon wrapped in some sort of bacon with cheese, a mushroom risotta, sweet potato fries, broccoli, and bread. It is so wonderful to see Tara again. Her boyfriend Shomir is a very cool guy! So down-to-earth and funny.

Around 11am today we headed down to Seaside for lunch and dessert. On the way, we planned a stop at the house of a woman who runs a dog kennel out of her home. When we go to Ajit's wedding in May, our normal dog sitter Jodi is out-of-town :( I was pretty stressed trying to figure out who I could leave Scrubs with for a week. Many people I would consider asking are moving around that time so I needed to come up with a new plan. I found this gal online. What a cool place she has! Lots of places for the dogs to play and hang out, they sleep in the house with her at night. It's just great! Not only that but her prices are incredibly reasonable. God is so good to take care of even the little details in my life. I really wanted to avoid putting Scrubs in a traditional kennel and this lady will allow me that chance. It sounds like a little thing, but it was really important to me to make sure Scrubs is in a good place while we are gone.

We had lunch and dessert at some recommended spots in Seaside and then returned to the house. Shomir has headed to Pensacola for the night to reconnect with an old friend. We are just hanging out at the house. Tara is such a great guest. I don't feel any responsibility to entertain her and she has been so helpful with the boys as well. I hope to turn in early tonight before spending one more day with Tara before she heads home with Shomir on Sunday morning.

If you could think of it, please be praying for me. I am doing really good with my post-surgery recovery. However, I am still quite plagued by some GI issues that are affecting my appetite and just general well-being. Thanks everyone!

Charleigh (pronounced like Charlie)

I have the great privilege of announcing the arrival of my brother Keith and his wife AD's little girl. Charleigh (pronounced like Charlie) Elizabeth Huisman joined the world on March 5th weighing in at 9 pounds 5 ounces and 21 inches long. I hope to post some words from Keith later but for now, here are some pictures of my parents first granddaughter. Below, is Keith's rendition of the delivery.

On Thursday, March 5 at 1:33 PM, Adrienne and I (Keith) welcomed our little girl into the family. While her arrival was eagerly anticipated, it wasn't expected to be quite so soon. Here is the story of the days leading up to her birth as well as the main event.

Adrienne was initially listed as due on March 21, but as the ultrasounds and tests took place, Dr. Bernick (best MD in the world...ehh, after John that is) felt she was measuring large from the get-go and bumped her due date up to the 15th. I will take credit for the over-achiever in the size department standing 6'10" and weigh 11 pounds at birth, which was a natural one I might add (when you see my mother give'r a hug and a "bless your heart" she deserves it). As the pregnancy progressed, Charleigh continued to grow off the charts. With four weeks left till her delivery, she was on pace to be between 10 and 11 pounds. Adrienne was looking to try a natural delivery, but with those four weeks left, Dr. Bernick felt it had too much potential for risk. He said it was our decision, but his concern grew with each passing appointment. We had several friends deliver with Bernick, and we found that he was not pushing for c-sections because of their convenience to him (that really is an awful stereotype to think the OB's do). It took a few days to adjust, but our prayers became that even if the baby was under the projected size, there was still a good reason for her to be taken by c-section. We scheduled her delivery for March 9 at 12:30 PM. Since I am writing this prior to the 9th, you are probably aware that Charleigh does what she pleases and when she pleases.

Adrienne became restless early Thursday morning around 1:30 am. By 2:30, she got out of bed and lounged on the chase next to the sofa where I had been relocated to around week 35. She was having some irregular contractions, but wasn't sure if they were the Braxton Hicks (spelling???) or the real deal. She hadn't had any contractions of any kind before. At 3:30, she whispered, "Keith, Keith, I don't know what to do" with her cute, coy little smile. "I think my water broke, but I'm not sure." Needless to say, it took me about twenty seconds to fully comprehend what she was saying. Adie did not have the infamous gush, so she wasn't sure if her water had truly broken or if other things were just getting themselves ready to go. We hung around together, breathing through contractions. I had fun timing them on my iPhone (I told her it would come in handy) using the lap timer to measure her contraction intervals. They were still irregular occurring anywhere from thirty seconds to six minutes apart. They were not building with intensity either, so I wasn't sure if this was something that would settle down or if it was time to grab the suitcase Adrienne packed a week after she found out she was pregnant (not really, but she packed it at least six weeks ago). At 6:00 AM, we decided to call our Doctor's office. The on-call told us to come to the hospital and get checked.

We were in the car for the thirty second drive to the hospital (I mean that literally) by about 7:00 AM. I dropped Adie off at the Maternity doors and drove off to park the car. Adie went upstairs and was in a room before I could get to the doors. As the elevator doors opened to the maternity floor, I was greeted with a scream of labor pains coming from somewhere off down the hall, which started the nervous pit in my stomach that would not leave until...well, I guess it is the indefinite nervous pit, it just changes into different forms. The nurse pointed me to room #2 and I was soon helping my wife into her new uniform and on into bed.

The difficult part of the day came as the nurse who was assigned to us was also a nurse who taught a couple of our birthing classes. During those classes (when we wanted to deliver naturally), she made her feelings known about c-sections, especially scheduled ones. So here comes nurse Helga (ok, so her name is not really Helga, but it sounds so much meaner than Janet). Anyways, in comes Helga to check us in and get Adrienne's information into the monitoring systems. We told her we thought Adrienne's water had broken, but wanted to check. She confirmed that we had a scheduled c-section coming a few days later, and then the verbal battery began. I have italicized the words she emphasized so you can get an idea of her tone. If you can't figure it out, try to say it in the most condescending of tones.

"I see that you had a c-section scheduled, are you STILL going to have one?" she asked.

"Yes," I replied."You aren't going to EVEN TRY to push," Helga said to Adrienne, but I answered.

"Well, there are just some medical issues that make it necessary to do a c-section."

Helga rolled her eyes and said, "You came to that decision REALLY fast."

"We aren't going to be able to do the natural delivery," I responded.

"YOU can change YOUR mind at ANY time."

I didn't answer, but there was so much eye-rolling going on I was ready to go outside and ask for a new nurse. If I weren't so scared of offending anyone, I would have, but she laid low from that point on.

Adrienne had a small glass of juice in the morning, so the anesthesiologist didn't want to go right in until her stomach was cleared. This brought us to snag number 2. Adrienne would have to labor until 1:00 when the surgery would take place. In the long run, it wasn't a terribly big deal, but contractions are not the most fun experience and if you can have a baby without them, you might go for that. Adie's parents and grandma came over along with my mother. Our sister-in-law, Erin, stopped by to offer some encouragement. Adie appreciated the group as they distracted her through many of the contractions, which did escalate throughout the morning and into the afternoon.

At about noon, Michelle, the crazy OR nurse came in to give us the skinny on what was going to happen. I loved her. She talked to Adrienne like it was story-time in the kindergarten classroom and gave us great advice. She covered every facet of the procedure so this new process would be less intimidating for us rookies.

At 1:00, they were just finishing getting the room ready, and we were sitting together as Adrienne was to walk into the OR. They brought us into the sterile wing and I stood outside the window while Adrienne got her spinal, and the doctors and nurses prepped the room and mom's belly. I was drifting off looking around and almost didn't hear them call me into the room, which is the last thing they do before they begin the actual surgery. I came and sat on a little stool by Adrienne's head and hung out with her. I did not look over the sheet once through the whole procedure, nor did the thought ever cross my mind. The surgical team was placing their guesses on what the weight was. Most of them were in the seven pound range because Adrienne was not carrying excess weight anywhere else but her belly, and they didn't think her belly was that big. I was a bit thrown off as the doctors were engaged in small talk while they were operating. They talked about their kids, their weekend plans. You name it, they probably talked about it while their hands were literally inside my wife. I was getting a little annoyed until I realized they probably do this as much as I do a scorebook at a basketball game, so it was kind of second-nature.

Once they were getting into her Uterus, I sensed a change in conversation to a more business-like fashion. Though I didn't understand a lot of what they were saying, I did hear a few phrases.

Michelle, the crazy OR nurse, came around the sheet and said, "You are all baby, she is just crammed up in there."

I heard Dr. Bernick say, "Do you see the cord?"

The anesthesiologist was looking from our side over the sheet and said, "this one's ready for kindergarten."

At 1:33, Adrienne and I heard Charleigh's first cries, and I saw one of the nurses walk over to the corner assuming she had Charleigh. A few seconds later she tentatively asked me if I wanted to cut the cord. I think she was a little concerned that I might pass out, and she would be crushed. I kept my eyes on the incubator so as not to see any of Adrienne's lower half as I walked across the OR. Being a Huisman, I tend to think cutting a cord when it has already been cut is a bit trivial, but I wasn't going to pass up the opportunity if it was given to me.

The nurse took my picture and I tried to get back over to Adrienne pretty quickly as she was left alone while the doctors closed her up. The nurse brought Charleigh over a few minutes later and we took our first family photo together.

Here is where God is awesome. The comment Bernick made about the umbilical cord turned out to be that the cord was wrapped around Charleigh's neck. He later told us that Charleigh was so high up in Adrienne's abdomen, that it didn't look like she would drop, and if she did, the cord wrapping would have put her in such distress, she probably would have needed an emergency c-section. Part of me wanted to track down Helga, but I chose just to praise God and his infinite wisdom.
From the onset of the thought of a c-section, I wanted to stay with Adrienne through the whole thing, and we could eventually meet up with Charleigh later, but the doctors said I should go with the baby. I wasn't a fan, but I wasn't going to even let on that I was annoyed when the doctors are standing above my wife with a scalpel. The nurse rolled Charleigh into the nursery while I took pictures of the grandparents (less my dad) and Great Grandma Betty as they caught their first glimpse of the new addition.

Adrienne was in recovery for about a half-hour before I got out to see her. I went in to check on her and quickly brought in the happy bunch. She was a little loopy early on, but that soon faded. She struggled with nausea for most of that first day. I was the official dish-cleaner. The first eight hours were the toughest for Adrienne, but she came out pretty well. Charleigh is a little over two days old at the time of this writing, and the pain is really starting to kick in, but the OR nurse gave us really good advice about how to stay ahead of the pain (Every shift-change, ask the nurse what pain meds Mom can take and how often, then make sure you ask them for it a few minutes before the time.)
The biggest struggle has been feeding, but the Lord sent us an angel several weeks ago. She did not work until today, so we weren't sure if we would get a chance to see her. The first two days were pretty frustrating for both mom and baby. I could tell Adie was starting to get upset, but she tried to stay with it. Nichole Salisbury is the wife of Scott, who went to FLCS and graduated a few years before my sister. He is a youth pastor nearby. While a few nurses worked with us and a different lactation consultant, Nichole was awesome. I wasn't there for much of it, but when I came in this afternoon, I saw a completely different look on Adrienne's face when it came to feeding. Just a few minutes ago, Charleigh spent fifty minutes with mom, and both ladies looked entirely different. It has been fantastic.

I could go on and on and I think you may understand why. I'm sure Wendi will give you updates as we go.

Quarter of a million

My blog is coming up on it's 250,000th hit. I'm about 2,000 hits away so we should be seeing this roll over in the next couple days. I've moved my counter up to the top of the page just for this week so we can make sure to find out who the lucky "quarter of a millionth" visitor is. If it's you, please post a comment so we know! Good luck! Oh and don't just hit refresh 2,000 times to win. It's not that important. Geesh!

Blog question

I recently had another question written in the comments on my blog. It is important to note that I am in no way an expert on these things. I am answering this question with just the limited amount of knowledge I have. It may not be worth much, but here it is anyhow. :)

I have a question for you. Sorry to bring up the infertility subject again but I don't have anyone else to ask: I've never tried to keep my feelings from my husband, I'm pretty much 'wear my heart on my sleeve' but after trying for over 2 years I feel like he's tainted to the whole baby thing. Let me rephrase that, not tainted like he doesn't want one he does, but a little callous to my emotions of wanting a child. It's super hard to be around pregnant people. I try to explain this to him and he sympathizes but I don't think he knows how to react. I know he's trying but honestly I don't feel the support and sympathy enough. I know that sounds super selfish but its true. No one else knows we're going through this so I need extra support from him b/c I feel like I'm silently suffering sometimes in public. Yes, I've told him this. My question IS: How did you try and express your feelings to your husband without sounding like a broken record or complaining? Thank you!

So first of all, I read your question to my husband. It is important for me to mention that my husband is a much more talkative guy than the average male. He will sit and talk for long periods of time (and will even initiate the topics on many occasions!) That being said, when I read this question to my husband his immediate response was, "I know exactly how that guy is feeling."

It's just the truth of it. I have yet to meet a couple that the husband was taking the infertility journey harder than the wife. I am yet to meet a couple that has the husband leave a baby shower in tears. Or a husband that has to be hit at the right moment with a pregnancy announcement. We women take infertility much harder than men. There's just no way around it.
Early on in our infertility journey, my husband and I had a conversation outside a friends' house. I remember that it was cold and there was a foot of snow on the ground. I was trying, yet again, to get him to understand why infertility hurt me so badly. I remember that this was the night he finally seemed to "get it" (at least more than he had). And I remember how I got him to see it.

I used a word picture. I painted a picture of him being told that he had to drop out of medical school (which was thing that he was, at that time, the most passionate about). I told him that he had to sit and watch his classmates finish school while he just waited to find out if they were going to let him back in to school or not. He could try to pursue other dreams while he waited, but there was no telling when the call would come that he was in or not. I told him that he may even get a call saying he was in only to receive a follow-up call that they had changed their mind. Or they may call and tell him that they were going to think about it for a few weeks before letting him know.

This worked for JB. I remember him saying that while he still didn't think I should take things as hard as I did, it made a bit more sense to him. Of course, as the years and procedures piled on top of us, John joined me more and more in our grieving process. As his desire and frustrations increased, we met more and more in the middle. In the end, he never reached my level of grief over our inability to conceive. But he definitely came closer. If you could find that thing your husband is the most passionate about and try to compare your infertility journey to him losing the ability to participate in that passion, maybe he can see it a bit more. He has to see it as you see it, somehow.

My second piece of advice is to find support aside from your husband. I, personally, suggest that people confide in a few close friends. In my case, I made the decision to "tell everyone" as my heart was so hurt and I just needed people to know.

However, if you choose to not find support "in the real world" than I really recommend you find that support online, where you can remain a bit more anonymous. I truly believe that the support I received through "girlfriends" was a key ingredient of releasing my husband from the burden of being my sole form of support. He is not able to completely relate. He is not a female. And only having one person for support is too much for anyone in any situation. They get burned out!

Here is a link to a past blog I did featuring online resources for infertility. I always especially recommend the following two links.

• Bethany's Newsletter Selections Infertility articles on a wide assortment of topics. You can get a subscription to their newsletter as well.


• Hannah's Prayer Discussion Board Great board to discuss all aspects of infertility, pregnancy loss, and then, hopefully parenting.

Hannah's Prayer, especially, was a HUGE source of encouragement to me during the years we dealt with infertility. Many of the women I am connected to online and who comment on this blog, were gals I met through this site. What I especially like about this Board is that it has "sections" of infertility. For instance, women struggling with infertility who have no children can go to a certain section for support. If you have a child and are struggling with secondary infertility, there is a separate section. And if you have been dealing with primary infertility for over four years (as I was), you could enter a long-term primary infertility section. There are also sections for adoption and pregnancy and multiples and other things that may occur after your journey moves into another direction.

I think you will find that support from other women will be a key ingredient in your husband not feeling overwhelmed or frustrated by how often you want to talk about things. If something hurt me or was hard on me, I would confide in a friend online or a friend in the real world. I then did not need my husband to provide me with the support I had already received. It was amazingly helpful.

Feel free to email me personally if you just need one person to talk to. Sometimes one person is all it takes. I hope this helps a bit.

Happy Birthday Dadio

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!

P.S. I never know whether to say happy birthday to my Dad on March 3 or March 4. Apparently his mother SWEARS (well not really, but I want to write that for emphasis) that my Dad's birthday is March 4th. But his birth certificate says it is March 3rd. Or is that the other way around? Either way, no one is truly sure what day my father was born. So happy birthday Dad -- whenever it is.

Here are some more fun pics of my Dad from way back. What's really scary is that my father is younger than I am now in these photos!

Firsts

Last night JB and I went out for the first time since Elijah was born. Just the two of us. We weren't gone long. Just went to a local sushi place. No, I don't eat sushi. JB does. I eat other food there. Honestly, it didn't matter what we ate. We just sat there for two hours basking in our alone time. In the car on the way over, we rode in complete silence and just smiled at each other. Nice.

One might guess that during our dinner all we did was talk about the boys. But we really didn't. We had a lot of other things to talk about. A wedding we are attending in May. My klutziness. (I spilled like three things during dinner.) JB's work. Guests coming in. (Tara and Shomir are next.) Stuff like that. A few funny baby boy stories were sprinkled in. Like Isaac choosing to play with his cup in the bathtub even after I busted out a big old boat toy I had been waiting to unleash. But for the most part, we kept it very grown-up.

We planned on getting dessert on the way home, but it was freezing out. Stopping at Sonic and getting ice cream wasn't nearly as enticing when you are cold. Okay so it wasn't Minnesota cold. But it was pretty darn Florida cold. Thirties I think.

[Sorry, had to take a break in writing this post. Not that you'd know I took a break anyway, but, I'll still tell you why I took a break. Our neighbor's two little puppies got out of their porch and were wandering through my backyard. Man are they the cutest little things! A black and yellow lab. But man oh man I don't miss those little puppy claws snagging your legs when they jump up to say hi. Mission accomplished. They are back on their porch. I moved a chair in front of the hole they made through the screen to create their exit. I'm sure my neighbors will scratch their heads trying to figure out how their puppies moved that chair all the way across the porch.]

Anyways, back to my posts on firsts. Last night, while we were gone, the boys hung out with Jeff, Bobbie and their four kids around the corner. It is so wonderful to drop your kids off and truly not worry about them one little bit because you know they are being loved on to infinity. Upon pick-up, their family gave us a framed photo they had taken that night with the entire family, our boys, and even their dog, Deuce, smiling for the camera! A celebration of our first date night since having a second son.

Speaking of Bobbie and her family, I'm very sad that they are moving in May. So many people are moving this summer. The Rabens. John and Becky. All right. Quit being a downer Wendi. This is a post of celebration.

Back to the firsts. Today is my first entire day home with all three boys (Scrubs included) by myself. I was worried about it especially after I didn't secure more than four hours of sleep last night. But it truly has gone flawlessly. Sure I have changed ten dirty diapers between the two of them. (Isaac decided to have four of them today! What's with that?) And sure that doesn't count the wet ones. Okay, and yes we ended up with food in Isaac's hair and spit up down my back. And Scrubs decided to try to eat out of Isaac's snack bowl on his exersaucer; he's serving time in his kennel as we speak for this offense. But really the day has gone amazingly well.

The key? There are two of them I think.

The first is that I can't concern myself with the things that have to get "done" around the house. I try to do a little chore here and there in five minute increments. But in the end, it's got to be okay that there are dishes in the sink. Laundry in the basket waiting to be folded. Toys scattered throughout the entire house. I wait for the right moment -- a lull in the action -- and then tackle a small task. Another thing checked off my list. But worrying about how long the list is will be futile. I can tell that after just one day.

The second key is to try to plan ahead. It's time to feed Elijah. What can Isaac do while I am feeding him? Where can Scrubs play while I am feeding him? It's time for Isaac to take a nap. Can I time it with Eiljah's nap so I can get some rest? How can I make sure Scrubs is calm during this time? Flashlight game before Isaac goes down. Things like that. I don't try to plan way ahead. Just about sixty minutes into the future seems to do the trick.

Of course, I am not an idiot. (Although this can be argued.) I know that some days will not go as smoothly as today. But today, I did well. All by myself. Sure Isaac screamed a bit when I left the room to change Elijah. Elijah had to wait longer than I would have liked to secure his fifth feeding. Scrubs didn't get quite as many belly rubs as I would have liked. But in the end, everyone is fed, changed, clean. Well everyone but me. I'll wait until JB gets home to get my own shower. I did brush my teeth though. Point for Wendi!

The last first? Isaac took a step today. It wasn't a big step. But he let go of one of his waist-high toys and then moved one of his feet before deciding to sit down and start crawling. I always thought he'd be a late walker since he was so late rolling over. But now? My guess is that we'll have a walker in just a few short weeks. Yikes!

So that's that. Tomorrow JB is home again. Tomorrow Isaac has his follow-up appointment with the surgeon. I need to take a picture of his ear. You should see that thing! The scar is already nearly invisible. How great is that? But JB is home until Monday when he will return to work. And worse, he'll return to do two weeks of nights! Yuck! I'll navigate Monday, Monday night, and Tuesday during the day by myself until my Mom joins me. She was going to join me this weekend, but my sister-in-law AD is having her own first on Monday: a scheduled c-section of the first Huisman girl: Charleigh Elizabeth.

All right. Let me be the first to say good bye. Peace out all.

New pajamas

I think, if I recall correctly, that these Dalmatian pajamas were a present from Brittney R. when Isaac was born. They are size 12 months. Hard to believe he is already big enough to wear these. When we got them as a gift they seemed to huge! This was the best picture I could get. He was quite squirmy post-bath last night.

Crib play

I caught the crib play on video:

Morning Mom!

One of the best things about being able to pick Isaac up again? Seeing his smiling face when I go into his room in the morning. He is such a happy kid and first thing in the morning is probably his happiest time of the day! He always wakes up chattering away.

When Joan was here, Isaac figured out that she wasn't able to "catch him" if he crawled to the back of his crib. (Joan is just a tad shorter than JB and me :) He thought running away from her in the crib was a great game, and I could hear the two of them just belly laughing from out in the living room! And Isaac has continued these escapades with his parents since Joan's departure.

Yesterday, I decided that instead of picking him and up and moving him to his changing table, I would change him right in his crib. Bad idea. Once I had the diaper off, Isaac decided to roll over and crawl around his crib. I had one heck of a time catching his little naked rear as he sped from one side of the crib to another, standing up, and jumping up and down on his mattress, before body slamming himself and going to the other side.

I think I'll stick with the changing table for awhile. But it sure was cute. I've realized that being "stern" with Isaac is going to be a challenge for me being as he just smiles and laughs about everything. We've been working on saying "no" and he is just starting to understand what it means. Sometimes I have to hide my face behind a pillow when I say it because I can't keep a straight face with his ear to ear grins.

Anyways, here are a few morning pictures Joan snagged while she was here. Love this little guy (and his little brother).

Way to go JB!

JB successfully ran his 13.1 miles in under his goal time! Yay JB! We are all so proud of you. According to JB, the weather was even worse than anticipated. Not only was it close to freezing, but the wind was incredibly bad as well. I guess we made the correct decision by not making the drive to Seaside.

The good news is that despite my lack of attendance, I did make out with a Vera Bradley bag. Each race participant received a bag for free. Apparently this is a very cool thing as a few girls JB knows decided to run just to get the bag. I, on the other hand, must be honest. Prior to the race, I had no clue who Vera Bradley was. Apparently, Vera is a pretty big deal.

Those of you who know me personally know that I am not into carrying a purse at all. In fact, I currently carry a very tiny little wallet size purse that I had made in Nigeria. I have, however, recently had to admit that my tiny wallet purse is a bit small. Perhaps Vera Bradley will be my bridge to the dark side of carrying a "mom purse." I'm still trying to negotiate this in my own mind. I promised myself I would never carry a mom purse. I don't want to carry a mom purse. But I am feeling that I sort of need to be able to have a few more items on me than my wallet purse allows. I'll keep you posted on my decision regarding this matter.

Back to this morning . . .

Unfortunately, I also did not make it to church. By the time Elijah awoke for his 5am feeding, I estimated that I had only slept about 4-5 hours. We had done a feed at 8pm and 1am so I slept from about 9pm until 1am. However after that, sleep became a little harder to come by. Not only was Elijah sleeping fitfully after the 1am feed, but Isaac came through on the monitor with quite a few little coughing spells as well. JB slept in the guest room to make sure he got a good night sleep for his race so both boys (and dog) were my responsibility.

By the time Elijah was done feeding at 6am and swaddled with pacifier in his vibrating chair, Isaac was awake. I gave Isaac a bottle, changed him, and fed him breakfast all in time for Elijah's 8am request for food. By 8:30, Isaac was indicating his desire for a return to his bed for a morning nap. Since we'd have to leave for church by 9:40am, I knew that my lack of sleep and first attempt at navigating both babies by myself were probably enough for one morning, and I opted out of attending church. If I had slept better, I think I would have made an attempt.

But all that said, I did do the mom thing all by myself this morning, and if I can say so myself, I did a pretty good job on not a lot of sleep. After working full-time for the last ten years of my life, it is difficult to understand that my job now sometimes includes sitting on the couch and watching Isaac play or holding Elijah while he falls asleep. What wonderful jobs those are.

Anyways, I really just wrote this post to say congrats to JB so I'll quickly end it by saying that again. I am so proud of my hubby for this run! Great job!

Bitter sweet

This is a very bitter sweet post for me. Bitter because a part of me is sad. Sweet because I know this is the direction the Lord is taking us.

We have decided to withdraw our dossier from China. This means, in short, that we have decided we will not be adopting a daughter from China.

This has been a very emotional decision for JB and myself, and one that neither of us truly saw coming. Over the past few weeks and months, we have briefly brought up the idea of withdrawing. However, about a week ago, the discussion became more than just a passing "what if."

Over the last eighteen months, many people have asked us if we still planned to adopt from China. My reply was always the same. "Of course! Why would we quit?!" I honestly never thought about not finishing this adoption -- no matter how long it took. And then, in the last few days, our hearts were sort of suddenly turned in different direction.

The final "straw" if you will was our home study update packet. Due to be renewed every twelve months while we wait, it tuned out to be a lot more update than we were prepared for. Not only will it cost us $700 everytime we renew, but the packet requires new physicals, police records, banking statements -- hours more work.

However, this was just one small reason. There are many more. Bullets work best for this so I don't get too lengthy. Here, in a nutshell, is why we decided to leave the China adoption behind.

• Originally, our decision to adopt internationally had to do with how hurt are hearts were by all of our infertility disappointment. We did not feel that we had the emotional stability to do a domestic adoption where the birth parents can change their mind at the last minute. We also were not interested in navigating a relationship with birth parents throughout our child's life if this was going to possibly be our only child. (This is very different to us than the relationship we had with Bri and our decision to adopt Isaac. We felt very comfortable with her and Chris being in Isaac's life for his entire life because we already had a relationship with Bri.) In China, the girls are abandoned and birth parents are never an issue. There is also no chance of a mind change. You pay your money and leave with a child. We wanted to make sure that we were not disappointed yet again.


• Needless to say, our lives have completely changed since we decided to adopt from China. We now have two young boys in our home that have given us the family that we always wanted. We don't feel that we need to add to those two boys. If we never had another child, we would perfectly content with the two we have. We actually felt that way with just Isaac. We felt that the Lord had given us a child. Even one was considered an amazing blessing.


• Isaac's adoption cost us more than we were planning on. We didn't see his adoption coming and didn't have funds budgeted for this adoption. God has provided, but it is an extra bit we weren't planning on when we signed on to adopt from China.


• The wait time for China continues to increase everyday. Right now, China is processing 3-5 days worth of applications every month. Our social worker believes that five years of waiting is probably the minimum at this point unless something drastically changes. It is not out of the realm of possibility that the wait could even be more -- even as high as ten.


• As I mentioned above, every year that we wait requires updates to our home study and fingerprinting that will cost us additional money and time that we did not factor in when we first began the adoption. We are estimating that the increased wait time could cost us approximately $1,000 or more a year.


• We are hoping that we may be able to go overseas after we live Eglin AFB. This will mean that we will have to work with a third party adoption agency to get our home study updated while we are overseas. This could prove a difficult (or even impossible) proposition. We had no idea that we would still be waiting when we left Eglin. We thought the adoption would be finalized by the time we left. Now it may not even be finalized by the time we leave our overseas location (2-4 years after we arrive.)


• International adoptions are very expensive. An adoption from China is about $30,000. (Russia is even higher -- into the $50,000 range). At this point, we have spent approximately one-third of our costs. We still have about $20,000 to go. That is a lot of money. We have realized that even though it is painful to lose $10,000, that $20,000 could actually be used to adopt many children in the U.S. (if that is the direction the Lord leads us.) While we initially wanted to do China to protect our own hearts, we no longer feel that our hearts need protecting.


• We still have seven embryos that we need to return for which will cost a good bit of money as well. These are our first priority. Trying to figure out when to go back from the embryos coupled with the two boys we have and the adoption that is "lingering" was a bit stressful.


• There are plenty of families just waiting to adopt daughters from China. There are not plenty of families waiting to adopt children in the U.S. There are children waiting for homes. If we are going to adopt, now that our life has taken a complete turn with two boys at home, we don't feel the need to protect our emotions. We feel that we can handle disappointment, and we know that the money we won't have spent on a daughter from China, can go a lot further in the U.S. if that is where the Lord leads us in the future.

As JB and I discussed every aspect of this, I realized that my reasons for not wanting to withdraw our dossier were mostly selfish and prideful reasons on my part. This is hard to admit, but I realized that my reasons weren't about the child we were hoping to adopt. They were about me. I was not a quitter! I didn't want people to think we were quitters. I am an athlete and we see things to the end! I had put in hours and hours of work. I wanted to see the fruit of that work. I didn't want to lose all the money that we had already invested. In the end though, those were the wrong reasons for not wanting to drop out. My motives were not pure, and they were not the correct motives to have.

Another "issue" for me is spiritual. The same old question pops its head up in all of our big life decisions. Why would God have us spend money on an adoption that we aren't going to see to the end? I asked the same question about infertility treatments. I have asked the same question about many things. Ultimately, I don't know the answer to why God took us in one direction and then had us change directions. But I need to trust Him with the directional change He is now leading us to make.

I hope this adequately explains our decision and answers any questions people may have. We really appreciate every one's love, understanding, and encouragement -- especially Dave & Lesley who talked us through every aspect of this during their recent visit to Eglin AFB. We know this is the right decision for us and that the Lord is moving us in this direction. We look forward to following wherever he takes us next.