4 kids in 5 years: My Top 12 tips!

I had four children in five years. At one point the ages in our home were 5, 5, 2, and newborn. I have decided that surviving this makes me allowed to share my favorite tips. So here they are. I tried to narrow down my list of the things that really helped me the most during the last seven years.

I have been changing diapers without a break since May 7, 2008. It doesn't matter how you do it. It doesn't even have to be an actual changing table. But having a place in your house (or more than one if you have two stories) where clean-ups take place is so vital. I put everything I could possibly need at this changing station so that I am not finding myself with a baby on the table and the absence of a vital piece of survival.

We had a hand-me-down changing table and I registered for some cute baskets in our first nursery for Isaac and Sidge. This was a one-floor house so I could put everything in the nursery.

With the nursery upstairs in our current house, I wanted a changing area downstairs. My father-in-law made this table and the shelf above it in two hours. We knew we were only going to live here a year so we didn't spend a lot of time on making it look beautiful. We simply got the job done.

If you find yourself with an abundance of baby stuff, having it organized will make your life SO much easier. After ten years of marriage without children, we had more things given to us than I could possibly use. In my case, I hung all of our clothes in size order so I could easily shift to the next size when the next child came. I also used a ton of plastic bins, clearly labeling them with the right size so that I can easily pull them out. And, because I have had multiple children, putting the clothes back in an appropriate bin has also been incredibly helpful. When the next child came, I instantly knew where to find the next season or age of clothing. (And, I've easily loaned tubs to people as well because they are so well organized.)

I'm a huge fan of hanging clothes (if space allows) so that you can see exactly what you have and you don't need to pilfer through drawers to find exactly what you are looking for.

Before we had kids, my husband and I used to go to our friends-with-kids houses and shake our heads in despair. We promised ourselves that we would NOT have toys all over our house. That lasted until our kids got mobile. And then the toys took over. It is truly the one thing we underestimated as pre-children people. 

As the mess took over, we discussed this and brainstormed and finally decided, we want it that way! I want my kids playing. I want them exploring. I want them engaged.

So where is the middle ground between normal clutter and crazy-out-of-control disasters?

I created the 10 minute rule. I decided that as long as everything had a place and could be returned to that spot within 10 minutes, I'd accept the clutter during the day. Our toys are very well organized. The kids know where everything goes, but at any given moment, when you come into our home, there are toys all over the place. If I can say, "Clean up!" and we can do it within ten minutes, then the mess is acceptable. 

I also have attempted, depending on the layout and size of our house, to try to create a toy-free living room. Toys can come in there, but they aren't stored there so I can attempt to wind down at the end of the day without Mickey Mouse and Legos and baby dolls.

Anytime you find yourself shaking your head in despair, wondering how you will get your child toilet trained, sleeping through the night, eating food without throwing it, or allowing you to change their diaper without having to use wrestling moves, my answer is ... "Just wait." It passes. You'll get through it. We still brainstorm and discuss how to handle things at night after the kids go to bed, but we find ourselves more-often-than-not simply saying, "Let's just give this a week and see where it is then." Usually, the problem has dissipated and there is something new to discuss.

Coupled in this piece of advice is a reminder that things seem like big deals like how to put baby sleep, whether or not to breast feed and for how long, wearing baby vs. a stroller, making baby food vs. buying it, and cloth vs. disposable diapers just really doesn't matter. Just love your kid the best way you know how. Love is, after all, the greatest commandment.

Every single day I strive to exhibit PATIENCE and CONSISTENCY. Those are my only two goals and only two routines. Everything else will fit under those two things or pass before you have time to figure it out.

We do not buy ANYTHING new. Period. There are just so many deals on kid stuff and so many used items that unless it was given to me as a gift or I had a gift card for it, we just didn't and don't buy things new. The exception? Good car seats. Otherwise, scour online sites and garage sales and put that money toward something much more important. 

It is important to try to buy ahead. The few times we have gotten "stuck" spending more for something than we would like is when we waited until we had  to have it and didn't have the time to wait for a deal.

When we first moved back to the States, we wanted to get bikes for the boys. While it took a little more time, we saved a ton of money and made some great memories finding used bikes that we fixed up. 

If you ask me what the one most indispensable and important item in my mother life is, I would say, without a moment's hesitation ... my JOGGER. Especially when you need a double one, strollers are just too heavy and hard to maneuver. But a good jogger has simply changed my life. By far the most expensive item we have purchased for our kiddos was our BOB jogger. (Although we did have a ton of gift certificates we applied to its purchase.) We actually attempted to find a used BOB but they are simply very difficult to find since most people who get one never let it go! I have ZERO regret and am still in love with my friend Rachel for introducing me to this amazing piece of technology. 

The boys in my "BOB" stroller when they were both just under and over one.

Sleep is SO important. It is important for the parent. And it is important for the kid. People ask me how I did 4 kids in 5 years and I tell them, "THEY SLEPT AND SO DID I!" You can click here to read how we instituted this in our home. You don't have to agree with this. You don't have to do it. And I know there are exceptions to the rule and babies that don't cooperate like our children did. 

However, my husband is a family medicine doctor. Whenever he got a parent/s in that was struggling with parental exhaustion, he basically taught them what I have included at the above link. When parents followed his instructions, he saw 100% success. And without a doubt, each time, the parents returned telling him how many doubts they had in the beginning but how thankful they were in the end.

And I'm not just talking about night-time sleep either. For the first four years of motherhood, I had a strict two hour period EVERY DAY that I got horizontal and relaxed. I called it my "Wipe-your-own-butt time." It made me the woman I am today.

Moms disagree, and I respect them, but I truly believe that all the running around we do when we have little children is not for the kids but for us. During the first two years of Isaac's life -- when I had two small babies at the same time, I instituted a rule for myself. 

1. Only leave the house two times a work-week via car. (Walks are fine and on the weekends when your spouse is with you, the rule doesn't apply.)

2. When leaving via car by yourself, baby can only be strapped into the car seat two times. (This means ONE stop.)

This rule was designed to stop me from running all over tarnation and making my life harder than it needed to be. Stay home. Have people come to you. Keep the kids in their routine. Go for lots of walks. Run errands when spouse is home. But stop making things harder by needing to be on the go.

I have my kids do nearly anything and everything that they can do themselves as soon as I possibly can. Putting on their own clothes, cleaning up their own toys, putting their dishes in the dishwasher, getting their own food out for breakfast, brushing their own teeth, putting away clothes, washing their own bodies in the tub. If I think they can handle it, I let them do it. I think that this is one way kids in larger families develop faster independence. If I just had one child, I wouldn't have felt this so important. But with so many of them and so few of me, I need their help. Don't underestimate your kids ability to help you and help themselves. 

The first five years of motherhood for me included intensive traveling since we lived overseas. I kept my sanity for deciding that while traveling, there are no rules. I threw the rules out the window. Junk food, lollipops, technology? Bring it on! It's one day and you can get them back in gear as soon as life resumes normally. (Click here to read my post on flying with little kids.) While I obviously try to not go to extremes, I do whatever I can to survive travel. You should too.

I have been pretty outspoken about technology in past posts. (Click here to read a bunch of posts on this topic.) In general we still tightly adhere in our family to not allowing our children on technology in public. We also don't do video games in our home and don't have TV. However, my friend "Stebbs" has a slightly different approach. She says: "It's in my tool bag." In other word, stop relying on technology to save the day all the time, but don't be afraid to put it in your tool bag if you need it. I have really taken this to heart. I try to not make hard and fast rules but instead use things that I'm not that fond of, sparingly.

We just don't keep junk food in our house. Things we don't want our kids to have, we don't buy. You will rarely find chips, soda, cookies, or anything with corn syrup in our house. This doesn't mean my kids don't ever eat this stuff. They do. But it is a treat instead of a regular occurrence. We stock our house with healthy snacks and then, when they ask for a snack, they know what is and isn't there. Junk food snacks are eaten outside of the house. It may cost more money to buy them each a snack at the gas station individually, but I think it is better than buying a huge bag that lasts entirely too long.

In general though, if it is not something we value, we keep "IT" out of our house. Sure they can do it outside of the house, but that is temporary. We strive to only have things within our walls that we adhere to and value.

There you have it! My rules. What about you? Something that is has been vital to your survival? Leave a comment and fill me in!

It really works!

I am infamous for letting water boil over. Mainly because, well, I am a terrible multi-tasker. It makes me cranky and I am just plain bad at it. So when I heard you could put a wooden spoon on top of a boiling pan and your water wouldn't boil over, I decided to try it. It works! This is our gas oven on full blast with no boil over. Hurrah!

Abigail: Follow-Up

Thank you to all of my wonderful real friends and cyber friends who have provided advice for how to handle my fiercly determined little lady. You will see from the picture at left, in which she has picked out one of my shirts and some pink converse tennis shoes I got a yard sale, that she has her own way. Her own wants. Her own desires. We absolutely love this about her. She is spunky and determined and funny and opinionated. Did I really expect to have a daughter that wasn't like me? You don't become a Division I athlete without a work ethic. Without a fight in you. Without knowing what you want. My father, who was my coach, told me that he never had another player who worked as hard as I did. I wasn't the best, but I gave it my all. I hope Abigail is the same. It appears she will be. (And the big cut on her nose is from the two cement stairs she tumbled down two days ago.)

I wanted to follow up by saying that the next morning, the morning after I wrote this post requesting advice from all you smart people out there, Abigail had a fever. She also had diarrhea something awful. And still does. Last night, it was 3am before she finally nodded off. Which meant it was 3am before I did too. She kept waking up, either burning up or pooping out her diaper. For a little lady who sleeps 7pm to 7am every single night, without fail, this was surprising. She was also not taking her naps regularly. Usually, I can count on two naps a day for a total of about 5 hours of rest time. Not so the last few days.

So while the problem still exists, the sickness was obviously a huge factor in why the problem seemed worse.

In response to all the great advice, here is what JB and I have decided to do:

• Continue to require Abigail, who currently has no words (other than Mama and a very warped version of Ball) to use her signs. She has the signs for please, more, all done, night-night down pat. Because she is talking slower than my boys, I need to be pushing these more to help her communicate.
• Remind myself that the boys will not remember me not being able to give quality one-on-one time during this short period. Being there and providing activities, will be enough.
• Attempt to try different activities for Abigail -- especially putting her in her high chair with something fun to do or eat when I need her to be occupied.
• Remind myself that I know best. I am separating to keep her safe or give the boys freedom. That is okay.
• Wait anxiously for Connie to arrive this weekend. She will be here for at least six months. This will give me ample opportunity to spread myself more between the kids.
• Not give in to Abigail's screaming. Simply ignore, walk away, attempt distraction or redirection. Attempt to keep my blood pressure down. Hold her. Hug her. But don't give in to what she wants.
• Bring a pack-n-play downstairs to use, not for discipline but for moments when I need to get something done and she is refusing to allow me to do it. To keep her safe.
• Reading Parenting with Love and Logic. I have had this book recommended to me so many times, that I finally decided I needed to read it.
• Going to borrow The Happiest Baby on the Block from a friend or the library -- whichever has it available first. I have read some excerpts and it appears this is actually what JB and I have done with our kiddos already. I think our "modified Babywise was actually The Happiest Baby on the Block and we didn't know it. I think we are really passed this stage, but I still want to glean some knowledge.
• On the wait list at the library for: The Happiest Toddler on the Block.

An Epiphany Folding Laundry

I didn't write this article (below). I found it online -- on our MOPS.ORG website. But I love it. And I could have written it. Nearly every word. I am organized person. LOVE to be organized. But in the midst of that, some things just have to slide. It has to be okay to take short cuts. What shortcuts do you say are a-okay to take? Here are my favorites: Burp cloths go in a big basket in the laundry room -- unfolded. JB's boxers, my underwear, kids underwear, and all socks do not have to be matched when put away. I do match Abigail's (because I will have to anyways to put them on her) but the boys are now old enough to find their own matches! I have the boys help me with anything and everything now. I put dishes that they use where they can reach them. I place the cereal at their level. Their shoes are in the hallway where they can put them away. They pick out their own clothes and put dirty clothes in the laundry. Anything that is "helpable" I let them help with. I don't iron really ... anything. If it's a tad wrinkled -- oh well. If I have to iron it, I do ... a little. But I have never ironed any of the kids' clothes. A little wrinkled is cute. Don't you think? (Okay, maybe not. But you get the idea.) The kids' clothes are sorted and stored in the laundry room. This saves a trip with all the clothes upstairs and back downstairs again. They stay downstairs. This has been a brilliant move on my part (an idea I stole from the Duggars family) -- but of course you need a laundry room that is big enough to handle this and a house that requires it as well.  A housekeeper (aka "not-just-for-doctor's-wives-anymore) -- stay tuned. I am prepping for a big soap box story on this soon! I keep a toothbrush for me and the kids in all the bathrooms so that we don't have to be in a certain place to get the job done. I also keep extra soap and shampoo in the downstairs shower in case I get a moment to take a shower but don't want to have to do it upstairs. The thing I am most working on that I took from this story below is that this is MY house -- it needs to work for me. Who cares if that jar of pens is in an obnoxious place. It doesn't matter. You need to put stuff where you need them. Period. It's your house. It has to be a lived-in house. By: Wendy Soberg Several years ago I found myself in a familiar spot, sitting on the couch in a sea of clean laundry covering the living room furniture. I was folding my 3- and 4-year-old daughters' tiny underwear and balancing them onto a precarious pile. As the pile grew, thoughtful adjustments were needed in how the panties were placed, lest the pile topple and my hard work come undone. Then all of a sudden it hit me: I do not have to fold the panties. Or anyone else's underwear, for that matter. My mother had always folded our underwear neatly when I was growing up. But, really, why not toss them into the bureau drawer, close it, and be no worse for the wear? I remember this moment because it marks one of my first conscious decisions to make life simpler after my children came along. The 24/7 nature of caring for the demands of a family, home, and part-time career left little time or energy for serious examination of my routines and habits. Sitting there in the laundry pile, tossing panties into my basket, I felt fantastic. I was buying back precious minutes for things that were more important to me than how neat the girls' underwear drawer looked. I was energized. Eager to share this news mom-to-mom, I called an old friend and fellow mother of toddlers. "I've decided to stop folding the girls' panties and do things that are more important to me," I said, to which she replied, "You still fold your laundry?" She and her husband had decided long ago that the family's laundry could go directly from dryer to drawer with no stops in between. While I couldn't commit to her "whole hog" approach to the laundry, I was determined to find other ways I could simplify and make things more manageable. Soon I found an opportunity. I began to notice myself walking around the house delivering items like toys, hair clips, books, laundry, and mail to places that always seemed to be somewhere other than where I was currently standing. While that is one way rack up steps on a pedometer, I found it irritating. About that time, a certified professional organizer came to our local MOPS group. “Don't try to make your home look like something out of a magazine,” she advised. “Store things where you use them, even if it is less stylish, so you locate things quickly and stop wandering around your house wasting time.” This time, I was all in. We bought shelves and stored our children's toys right in our living room rather than carrying them back to the "play room" our kids never used. I tossed washcloths and towels (unfolded, of course) in a kitchen drawer to quickly wipe up milk spills and gooey faces. Our desk moved close to the kitchen where we could drop the mail on it easily and pay bills while the kids played. I bought duplicates of cleaning supplies and toiletries to fully stock each bathroom. And, the ubiquitous barrettes and ponytail holders got homes pretty much everywhere, so they could be tossed in and pulled out at the drop of a hat. To be sure, the rapid transition to family life sometimes catches us by surprise, and our old routines and habits don't always support our new requirements. If the answer to the question "Why am I doing X?" is "that's what my mom did" or "that's what we've always done," it might be time for a change. After all, my grandmother used to iron her sheets. I've just stopped folding the panties.