*** This post is focused on motherhood. ***
I often try to avoid too much motherhood talk on my blog. I know I have a lot of people reading who are fighting infertility battles. And I know this talk can be hard. However, the truth is, I am a mother now, adopted and biological, and as such, there are times where I feel talk of motherhood could be good for me and for others. And while there are a lot of women reading dealing with infertility, there are also many dealing with motherhood woes.
I continue to feel stuck between two worlds. The infertile world I had an identity in for so many years and the world of mothers which is often painful to the world I left behind. It's a delicate balance.
Sometimes I think that because I am trying so hard to balance these two worlds, that I often avoid talking about the negative/hard/difficult times of being a mom. When I do this, people get the impression, especially people who know me only from my blog, that I have this parenting thing all figured out.
If you think that, you are sorely mistaken.
I do try to avoid complaining. It is hard for women who are "on the other side" of infertility. You are, whether you like it or not, judged differently. You are held to a different standard. People expect you to behave a certain way because you tried so hard for children. Not everyone judges you differently of course but many people do. And you feel their judgments. You are cautious of them.
I do feel that infertility has given me (and JB) different perspective when it comes to parenting. I remember wanting motherhood so badly it nearly suffocated me. And I do feel that I have that perspective in the back of my mind at all times.
But that doesn't change the fact that I have two little two-year-olds who are growing, learning, and exhausting me beyond measure! It's amazing that you can love a little being so very much and yet still feel like they might cause to jump off of a roof with frustration and fatigue. Before I had Elijah in the mix as well, I felt that parenting was still easier than teaching. I am not sure I still feel that way. This is one hard job! And it definitely rivals teaching.
I received an email from a friend this week who is also "on the other side." She said that has been surprised at how little patience she has. How easily frustrated she gets.
I want to encourage her that she is not alone. So I am opening up the doors of communication. You are welcome to post anonymously (albeit kindly) if you would like to protect your reputation. But tell us. Share please!!! You can be someone who is post-infertility or someone who got pregnant very easily. You can have kids in the home or have them all raised. Veterans and newbies alike!
What do you find hard about motherhood whether you be someone who experienced infertility or not? Do you feel that you don't compare to your friends? What do you struggle with the most? Let's share our weaknesses as mothers so that no one feels they are alone in this journey
Let's hear it ladies!