Friday, December 10, 2010

A few Q & A

So. In regards to my post from two days ago, I think it would be pretty obvious, that the announcement that we are expecting has resulted in a lot of questions from friends, family members, and acquaintances. Rest assured that the questions spinning in your head have already been asked or thought about or wondered about by someone else. And if you are close enough to me, you have dared ask and maybe gotten an answer already.

As briefly as possible, I wanted to address those questions. A big part of this is so that I can answer them “once and for all” and get the truth out there.

Trying?
Firstly to the question as to whether or not we were “trying.” The answer is not completely clear cut. To be honest, we are not really able to “try.” I still have PCOS and therefore do not cycle anywhere close to regularly. I have seen an improvement since Elijah was born in regularity but it is still far from such. With no apparent ovulation schedule, there really is no way to “try.” If a cycle does not come, I do not miss anything because I do not expect anything.

That being said, I had been on the pill after Elijah’s birth while we tried to figure out a game-plan. I was having such unbearable and terrible migraines that we decided to take me off of the pill. At that point we decided that we would just, for lack of a better way to say it, “see if lightning could strike twice.” We truly believed that we were still infertile and that Elijah was a miracle. We did not think that we’d be able to get pregnant deep down.

More kids?
To the question of whether or not we wanted more kids, this too is a difficult question to answer. Yes, if you asked us, we’d say we wanted more children. But we had made the decision not to think about it or talk about it or dwell on it. We felt so amazingly blessed to have two little boys and we did not want to ever go back to the dark place that we were in during our years of infertility. Hoping for a child, in our opinion, could only lead us back to that place, if disappointment was the only result.

Finding out?
Finding out we were pregnant this time was a bit random. JB came home from work and mentioned to me, very casually, that I looked a bit more, ummm, endowed, then I usually do. Since this, coupled with sickness, was what gave us the signs we were expecting Elijah, he gave me a funny look as if questioning whether I thought I could be pregnant. I told him that I was not pregnant and just to prove it, I had an old test in the bathroom that I would take to prove it. I took the test. I went upstairs with JB and the boys and started doing some cleaning up. Eventually, when I went back downstairs, I remembered the test. It was one of those fancy electronic tests that actually says “pregnant” or “not pregnant.” I saw the word “pregnant” and picked it up to find the “not.” But I couldn’t find the “not” anywhere. I grabbed it, ran up the stairs and met JB on his way down. When I told him the test was positive, his response was, “Whatever. Funny joke, Wendi.” I asked him how one was supposed to “make” a fake test. At that, we freaked and sent me to the BX to pick up another test. I ran into Shane and Linda at the store. Linda later emailed me to see if everything was okay since they thought I was acting strange. Yes, acting strange because I was freaked out! The second test was positive as well.

Delivery?
Where to deliver is a huge question for us. Incirlik does not have an OB department or doctor. There is a Turkish doctor who works on Base and helps with OB. Many women have started delivering at the local hospitals in downtown Adana. However, you are delivering at a Turkish hospital with a Turkish doctor. Our other option is to “stork nest” in Germany (or even England.) I would stay on Ramstein Air Force Base in Germany from week 36 until my scheduled c-section day (figuring I don’t attempt a VBAC – still debating this too.) We would ask for your prayers in this decision. Obviously I would prefer to deliver here on Base with my support system and home at hand. However, this is another country. (Ramstein is just like delivering in America being as it is an American Base you deliver on.) The doctors would speak Turkish and practice Turkish medicine. They do things differently. 97% of women, for instance, have c-sections in Turkey. They believe that vaginal births are unnecessary if you can afford to pay for c-section. Language barriers and a different way of doing things could be frustrating. With all the complications I had with Elijah, we are still weighing our options.

In answer to a question, if we stork-nested, JB would get one week with us at a time of his choosing. July is a bad month to have a wife having a baby around here (this when doctors are leaving and new ones are coming.) I would bring the boys with me and have someone else with me too to help me and to help with the boys during this time.

In answer to the a question in regards to whether we can stork nest in the U.S., the answer is yes, we could. The problem is that JB will only get one week off TOTAL. The travel back and forth to the U.S. would be extreme. In addition, where would we go? If I went to Eglin, much of my support system there has left or would be leaving and my family would still be 10 hours away (unlike JB being just a 3.5 hour plane flight away.) My family in South Florida is not by a Base. But yes, Becky, the possibility of going to wherever you were would be a possibility. Although we would most likely have three toddlers in tow. I think that would be instanity!

Due date?
July 24, 2011.

Boy or Girl?
We truly, a gazillion percent, do not feel some need to have a girl despite having two boys. I know some people feel differently, but we are, in fact, incredibly happy with boys and if we had another, would be equally thrilled. Will we find out what we are having ahead of time? We are really not sure. The jury is still out on that one.

Telling friends and family
Being away from those we loved made sharing the news a bit hard. But we still came up with some creative ways. More on that to come in an upcoming post!

VBAC
A VBAC is a vaginal birth after c-section. As far as I know, they would let me try a vbac anywhere. However, I do not think. with Turkey's preferences for section, that I would attempt one here. If I wanted to attempt one, I would definitely go to Germany.

I love the idea of VBAC. C-sections are major surgeries and I had many surgical complications after Elijah's birth. Recovery from a section is also so much harder. The issue is that both the doctor who did my c-section and my OB told me that I was not a candidate for a VBAC after mys ection. They both believe that my pelvis was too small to allow a child of any size to move through. Elijah getting stuck for so long, nearly cost him his life.

Another reason I would love to do a VBAC is that we have 7 embryos to return for. We are concerned that my body will not be able to "handle" another pregnancy at some piont due to the fact that I have c-sections and we'd be forced to choose between surrogate and giving them up for adoption.

Embryos
We do still have 7 embryos waiting for us at Mayo Clinic. Believe it or not, I had an appointment scheduled THAT DAY to call Mayo and discuss our embryos. I planned on doing it that night at Shane and Linda's house (they have a phone we could use to do it.) We definitely plan to return for the embryos without question. We are concerned that we could "run out" of pregnancies if we continue to have c-sections. At that point, we would probably use a surrogate with a back-up option (that we don't like) being giving the embryos up for adoption.

I hope that helps. Is there another question that I haven’t thought of? Please post a comment and I will try to do another post to answer it.

12 comments:

camfox said...

Wow Wendi! So fun! I'm so happy for you. I'll be praying that you can be guided to know whether the vbac is right for you. I don't know about your complications with your last delivery, so I don't know your situation, but I had a vbac with my youngest,and it was an excellent experience. My sister on the other hand had a c-section with her first, and chose to to stick with c-sections for her second and third.

I think I like the idea of the "stork nest" delivery. Do you know if they'll let you have a vbac on Ramstein Air Force Base? Some places are pretty set on what they will and won't do. Lucky for me, vbacs were encouraged where I went.

I loved reading about how you found out. I'm so happy for you! I hope you're not too sick. Love you!

Wendi Kitsteiner said...

Camille, great questions. I answered them in the body of my post! Can you believe that you and I, the m&m catchers, now have so many kisd between us. Insanity!

Joy Z said...

With the "stork nest", how much of that time would JB be able to be with you?

Brittny said...

WHEN ARE YOU DUE?????????????

Jennifer said...

Oh my goodness! I am still so stinkin' excited for you all!

Wendi Kitsteiner said...

Great questions Joy and Brittny. Answered them on the blog page just now.

July 24. And one week.

cbrueggie said...

PRAYING! (and i vote for germany, but only 'cuz i lived there!)

Casey (@ Chaos and Cardboard) said...

Should you stork nest you will actually be at Landstuhl, which is just up the road from Ramstein. Landstuhl is an Army base and consists of mostly the hospital and housing. The BX and Commissary you would use would be Ramsteins. They have a program of volunteers who help stork nesters by taking them to the BX and such. Landstuhl (the town, not the base) is where we lived, so if you decide to go this route let us know!

Casey (@ Chaos and Cardboard) said...

Oh and one of my friends is a nurse midwife there. She's great! I can put you in touch with her if you would like.

Becky said...

I still smile every time I think of you - this is so exciting!

Is coming back to the U.S. like Nick and Kristy did another option? Maybe our next assignment (wherever that is) could be the perfect place :-) Okay, I am semi kidding about that last part, but if it worked out I wouldn't be upset. I will definitely be praying for wisdom in the decisions to be made.

Wendi Kitsteiner said...

Becky, answered in the body of the post!

Anonymous said...

Wow this is alot to think about too....i know JB knows more as a Dr...but just wanted to mention Uncle Ed is one of 9 children born by C-Section to his faithful catholic mom! :) love you Tante Jan