Resetting

Home from the wedding and just trying to recover from some sort of sickness that has run through our house. I kept thinking it wasn't that bad, and I'd be better the next day, and I just kept feeling bad. And then badder. And yes, I know that isn't a word.

I've realized that when I am sick, I feel down. And get a bit downer. Not sure if it is PTSD from my very sick year when I was pregnant with Hannah or just how I respond in general. I don't get sick often. But the sky has been awfully gray. And John's job continues to be more stressful than we would like. 

We've spoken about what to DO about his job, and we just don't have clear answers. We don't know. The pace was totally "doable" before Covid. But ever since Covid, we have struggled to maintain. It isn't getting better. And we don't have the answer. Many people have suggestions and none of them are bad: work less shifts (we are doing that), switch to a family practice situation (stress will just shift), hire more docs (that has "issues" as well). We simply don't know. But he's burning out. And we don't want him to burn out. And we don't know how to stop it, slow it down ... prayers are very appreciated.

I am sure it is my sickness that causes me to see the world differently. I want to live forever. And I know I won't. I want my kids to be my kids forever. And I know they won't. I know they will grow up and leave. And I don't want them to leave. Yet I know they are supposed to. Life is so full of emotion. I long for eternal peace. And yet it is scary to think of moving toward that. 

East TN is as perfect a place to live and raise my children as I can ever imagine. The pace of life. The crime rate. The simplicity. The beauty. The weather. 

Just trying to figure out what the future holds ... and comforted I know who holds it.