Wendi's Covid Musings

 

I cycle through COVID grief stages rapidly. Some days I am all about acceptance. Some days I am thankful for the downtime it has given me. Other hours I am angry. Frustrated. Aghast. 

And sometimes, all I can do is plop down in the middle of my chickens and have a good cry.

John has told me: "Wendi, stop trying to convince people of anything. They won't listen."

And I know he's right.

But after I posted the other day about what my husband was seeing in the ER, I had two people tell me I was lying. One threatened to call the head of our community's hospital to report a wife giving fake numbers.

I am not joking. That really happened.

A few others replied vehemently that they would never wear a mask. That people can't take their freedoms.

One person said: "Masks only work if you HAVE the virus."

If that is true, then aren't they still helpful?

Trust me. My husband is seeing patients knowingly going out when they have the virus. And some unknowingly going out when they have the virus.

It is so hard when you are witnessing something firsthand and people:

A. Don't respect you

B. Don't believe you

C. Don't care

D. Think they know better

Today I am cycling through

M

A

D

!

I'm just MAD! I'm mad because my husband has dedicated his life to medicine. He was in school

F

O

R

E

V

E

R

to help you. When your life is on the line, you go to him. Friends call and text us daily or weekly for advice, suggestions, questions ...

... and yet they think that wearing a mask is too hard.

... they think that doctors are making up numbers.

... or falsifying death certificates.

... or blowing this out of proportion.

Folks, have you MET my husband? He is the calmest, most chill guy ever. We were once told at the title office that we didn't own the house we had lived in. That there was an error. And while I was running in and out of the bathroom, he stood there not sweating a lick. Another time we were in Mozambique and could not get through the border. Some stranger took our passports and was "saying" he was getting them stamped for us, and we had no idea if it was accurate or not, and I am nearly hyperventilating and he is CHILL.

He's a chill guy.

So if he says: "We need to be concerned"? If he says "We need to wear a mask"?

Again: I'm preaching to the choir. Those that want to listen, listen. And those that don't, don't. Most people who leave comments, are people that agree. And so the comments are nice. But when people get a hold of what I write that don't know me personally, they let their venom fly.

But it honestly makes me SO SAD. It is one of the hardest things we have had to face as a couple and a family in our entire married lives. (Harder than infertility? At least equal I will tell you what.)

I cannot tell you how it feels to know my husband is putting himself on the line to save people and I pass people who don't have masks on and who say: "No one can tell me what to do."

I want to say: "Then when you are dying, do NOT go into the Emergency Room and put my husband in jeopardy!!!!!"

He gets patients dying who say: "I didn't think this was real. I didn't wear a mask. I went out when I knew I had this." 

And all he can do is treat them, the same as everyone else.

Today I'm angry.

Angry.

Angry.

People say this is political. It is not. Not for us. There is nothing political about a virus sweeping through your hospital and your husband going in each day to fight it.

I won't be posting on Facebook ANYMORE. Posts will only come on my Blog. And on my own personal Blog, I will share my personal feelings. 

If you don't have something nice to say, PLEASE don't say it. Unless you are personally fighting this war in the emergency room, you DO NOT KNOW. You just don't. Doctor's offices don't see the same thing he is seeing. No one does unless they see people coming in dying.

We have had four friends nearly die from this. Their recovery is STILL ongoing and may be ongoing for their entire life.

My husband is risking his life everyday.

And you want to say you don't have to wear a STUPID LITTLE MASK.

Stop being selfish.

It costs you nothing to be socially distant and TRY to protect yourself or others. Do it for my husband. Trust me. He isn't blowing anything out of proportion. He is calling it exactly like it IS. Like it really IS. Like things really ARE. What he is really seeing.

Not every ER looks like his. That's why this needs to be managed at the local level. Big ER's can often absorb what is happening. Tiny ER's don't get as much volume. But ER's the size of his are in a bad place. Not all. Pay attention to how COVID is going WHERE YOU LIVE.

And please think of me and my children and the husband going to work each day to fight this. If he gets this, he is paid hourly. He won't get paid if he has to be home for weeks recovering. Or if he gets very sick. Or even dies.

That's all I have.

Maybe tomorrow I will cycle through acceptance.

But not today.